***When the time comes, play the song "I Did It for Love" by BoA feat. Sean Garrett. The second song is "Smile" by Avril Lavigne***
Happy Reading, my fluffy bunnies!
Don't Forget
By Tsuki's Angel
~Chapter 7~
-Pain, Healing, & Forgiveness-
From: Natsume Hyuuga
Friday, Dec. 2 1:34PM
Luca just let me hold his dog. Did you know they leaked from the mouth? It gets everywhere.
Mikan stared wide-eyed at the text message and let out a very small huff of breath that almost sounded like a laugh.
As the week progressed, Mikan received several texts from Natsume. He wouldn't give up on her in any way. God knows why she didn't delete every single one of them. Instead, she read them all, and they intrigued her. Every once in a while she would receive a picture. She found herself smiling to some of them because they brought back so many memories. Good memories.
At the moment, Mikan was in a restaurant waiting for Hotaru. She looked at the menu to see what was the most appetizing. She heard the chair squeak and glanced up from the menu to see Hotaru.
"Hey, Hotaru," Mikan said. "Have you heard anything about the macaroni and cheese at this place?"
Hotaru stopped picking up her menu. "Macaroni and cheese? Since when do you eat comfort food?"
Mikan raised an eyebrow. "I just feel like eating something different is all."
Hotaru couldn't believe her ears. Mikan was actually eating something that wasn't raw and in vegetable form.
"This wouldn't have anything to do with Hyuuga, would it?" Hotaru asked.
At that very exact time, the waiter came to the table. "Are you ready to order?"
"Um, yes," Mikan said, eyeing the menu. "I'll have the macaroni and cheese, a coke, and…some garlic bread on the side?"
He nodded and turned to Hotaru. Hotaru didn't take her eyes off of Mikan when she said, "The usual. Iced tea. Thank you."
Mikan set down her menu and looked at Hotaru. "What's the matter?"
"You're what's the matter."
Mikan scrunched her eyebrows. "I'm the matter?"
"You're eating," Hotaru said. "You haven't eaten anything like this in…what? Years?"
Mikan looked down at her hands, which were neatly folded on the table. "I feel like eating it."
Hotaru didn't say anything else. Her friend's behavior was strange indeed. She knew that she was beginning to warm up to Natsume again. The signs were quite obvious. Hotaru just wondered when did this all happen? She knew Mikan would eventually adjust to Natsume's presence but not this quickly.
Hotaru neatly placed a napkin on her lap. "Let's just eat."
. . .
Saturday came quickly Mikan was once again dressed up for a party. She wasn't dressing up to look like anything special. Her interest in the party actually died down as the week progressed. She dressed in a simple short cream colored dress with matching heels and makeup. Hotaru, in her opinion, looked a thousand times more gorgeous than she did in her strapless forest green gown.
"Did Mochu call you back?" Mikan asked as Hotaru picked up her clutch.
"Yes," Hotaru replied, "and he said he would be there. You're lucky he's willing to perform with you twice."
Mikan smiled. "Perfect."
The limo rounded the corner and Mikan stepped into the back. Hotaru followed her. It would be a good thirty minutes to the area they were heading because of all the traffic. Just enough time for a nice glass of champagne. Mikan poured herself a glass of Bollinger. Her thoughts otherwise became occupied with something else.
"You're not allowed to get drunk tonight," Hotaru warned. "Not like last time."
Mikan mumbled, "Mmhmm."
"Tonight's not a party for you, Mikan." Hotaru said. "It's a job."
"Yes," Mikan sighed. "I know." She smiled a little. "But at least I get to sing."
"You always sing," Hotaru said.
"True," Mikan replied. "And as always, I have a message to put across."
Hotaru sighed. "I hope you don't dig yourself into a hole."
"Oh please," Mikan scoffed. "The hole can't get any deeper."
. . .
"Oh my GOD," Luna squealed. "You look like a cupcake, Mikan!"
Mikan's eyebrow twitched. Did this woman just compare her to a bakery dessert? "Thank you, I guess." Mikan tried her best to force a smile. Her cheeks hurt.
"And you look like a forest goddess!" Luna said to Hotaru. "Oh, I cannot believe you are here!"
"Do not compare me to a mythical creature, Ms. Koizumi," Hotaru said. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like to work out the monetary gains that we will acquire tonight. May I speak to your father, or whoever is in charge?"
Mikan rolled her eyes. Hotaru was quick on the money. It was a job, after all.
"Oh yes," Luna said. "I will take you there."
Mikan breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the two left. She was currently back stage. She made her way back into her dressing room and sat down on a love seat, stretching her legs out so that they propped up on the opposite arm rest.
"What I would do for another glass of champagne," Mikan murmured.
Mikan shut her eyes for a quick moment, repeating the lyrics to her song in her head. She had the lyrics down by heart, obviously, but she always like to repeat them to herself to remind her of the reason why she was here.
That was usually the case.
Tonight she was repeating the lyrics in her head for a different reason. She wrote the song thinking of one man and one man only, as she did all of her other songs. But this one was different. Mikan felt like she had been torturing herself all these years, writing songs about the one man that killed her on the inside. But now, all she wanted to do was write songs about him because he healed her. Mikan's ice cold shell that she encased herself in began to melt away the second he came back for her, as much as she hated to admit it.
Mikan was broken out of her reverie when she heard one of the stage crew members knock on her door and say, "Rose, you're on in twenty."
Mikan swung her legs over the seat and gently set her feet on the ground. Her cream colored stilettos made a pretty tap noise when they made contact with the floor. She took one last look at herself in the mirror before turning off the lights and exiting the room to meet up with Mochu to do a quick practice run.
. . .
"Man, Natsume!" a nearly bald man in his twenties exclaimed. "How long has it been?"
"A couple years," Natsume said coolly.
"How'd you know I'd be here tonight?" he said.
He shrugged. "It's not hard to track where you're going to be. You are famous, after all."
The man snickered. "Yeah?"
Luca intercepted. "Yeah, Mochu." Luca rolled his eyes. "Now about that favor…?"
"Oh yeah," Mochu said. "About Mikan…I take it she doesn't like you?"
When Natsume remained brokenly silent, Luca spoke up again. "She hates his guts," Luca clarified. Natsume flinched at his terminology.
Mochu winced. "Ouch. Man, what happened? I heard you two were, you know, addicted to each other?"
"Are you going to do me the favor or not?" Natsume snapped.
Luca nudged Natsume in the ribs and harshly whispered. "Do you want this or not?"
"I can hear you, you know," Mochu snickered. "I was never gonna turn you down, man. You helped get my career started, remember?" Mochu smiled devilishly. "But if it doesn't work out, I might just steal her for myself. She's a doll."
Natsume raised a fist to punch Mochu straight in the jaw, but a voice stopped him.
"Mochu! We got twenty until the show!"
"Shit, that's her, ain't it?" Mochu said, grinning. "Better get your ass off stage."
Natsume made a beeline for the stage exit. He was lucky that the lights were dimmed down; otherwise Mikan would have seen him. Luca quickly followed suit.
Mikan's heels clicked as she made her way to Mochu. Mochu smiled. "You look beautiful, doll."
Mikan managed a smile. "Thank you." She quickly changed the subject. "We got twenty till the show. I was wondering if you wanted to go over the lyrics and stage directions?"
"Sounds great," Mochu said. "But one thing."
"Yeah?"
"We're gonna have a surprise guest."
Mikan cocked her head to the side. "Who is that?"
"No one important, really," Mochu said. "Don't worry about it."
Mikan shrugged. "Just tell me what to do."
Mochu and Mikan went over the songs three or four times. They made it just in time for the party to begin. Luna and Hotaru arrived a few minutes before show time.
"I'm so excited!" Luna said. "I'm going to the dance floor, kay? I'll see you when you perform!"
Luna left and Hotaru sighed in relief. "That woman can talk anyone's ear off."
"So I've heard," Mochu said. "We're just about ready to go on stage."
"Rose, Mochu!" the stage director called. "Positions!"
"Got to go," Mikan said to Hotaru.
Hotaru gave her a quick hug. "Good luck."
"As always," Mikan replied.
Mochu pouted. "No luck for me?"
"Stick it where the sun don't shine," Hotaru snapped. She wasn't in a good mood from Luna.
Mochu flinched as Hotaru walked away briskly to make her way to the side stage to watch Mikan perform. "Is she always like that?"
"Not always—well, not to me," Mikan shrugged.
Mochu managed a laugh. "She's one helluva girl."
Mikan smiled. "She is."
"Rose! Mochu!" the director yelled. "Places!"
"Yes," Mikan said, picking up an earpiece from a nearby table. She wasn't using a microphone since she was dancing tonight as well as singing.
Mikan heard the lights shut off and she ran onto the stage. The room was pitch black. She didn't hear Mochu's shoes behind her. She shrugged it off and assumed his shoes were quieter than hers. The crowd's murmurs settled down. Mikan stood center stage. A voice—Mochu's—blared through the speakers, and the audience screamed. Mikan took a deep breath as the music came on—her cue to sing.
I…did it for love.
A spotlight snapped on, focusing only on her feet, keeping the audience in anticipation to see their beloved Rose.
I…did it for love.
Another spotlight blared on, focusing on her dress, making it sparkle like the stars on a dark night.
I…did it for love.
This time two spotlights flicked on, focusing on the stage area on either side of her, still not revealing her face.
I…did it for love.
Finally, the spotlight hit that pretty little face of hers, and she was awarded with a deafening approval from the audience. Mikan prepared herself to sing with all she had in her. Mochu's voice resounded in the speakers once again before she began to sing, but she didn't sense him on stage.
No signs for me
I saw your game
But yet and still you got me
You touched the deepest part of me
You got my heart, it's jumping
Mikan's heart pounded in her chest. Who knew when you poured your soul out that you'd be so nervous?
I told you all of my secrets
Didn't see betrayal
One year, two months
And now it's over
Didn't think it would fail
Mikan knew Natsume was out there, watching her. She hoped that she reached out to him. Couldn't he see that she was terrified? She didn't know a person could hurt her so much. Couldn't he see that he was the only person in the world to date that could and did do that to her? Is he blind? Could he not see? Could he not hear?
Loving you is causing me to change
And it hurts so bad
It don't feel the same
And now my friends are asking me
What did I do?
I don't hurt myself
Over loving you
Mikan forced herself to keep singing. She began to shake. She tried to console herself. She could do this! She could do this! She tried to stop thinking about how much it hurt her, but for some reason, she couldn't stop looking for him in the audience. She scanned the entire place three times, but she couldn't find him. Where was he?
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
Mikan knew Mochu's voice was going to come on next. She took the time to take a deep breath and calm down.
I know that I did you wrong
What happened next, though, was what Mikan had not been expecting. Mochu only said that line. The next line was said by the guest speaker. He wasn't singing, just speaking with that all too familiar voice.
Natsume's voice resounded through the speakers as he appeared on stage. He said:
Please forgive me
Baby girl, I'm sorry
Mikan didn't have time to be shocked out of her wits. She quickly recovered to say the next line:
You know that you did me wrong
Natsume made his way across the stage, slowly, to her, saying:
Why you crying?
Baby girl, I'm sorry
Mikan nearly gasped. She didn't write that part. Was she crying? Now of all times? Mochu saved her a quick second when he sang:
I know that I did you wrong
But then Natsume spoke in once again, saying:
Heaven knows I didn't mean to hurt nobody
Mikan gathered her composure and sang strongly:
You know that you did me wrong
Natsume tried to reach out to her. He sincerely said:
Let me take the time to say I'm sorry
Mikan ignored the last line. She continued to dance and sing like she had been doing before he messed with her emotions. Damn it, he wasn't supposed to do that! She was supposed to mess with him!
Loving you is causing me to change
And it hurts so bad
It don't feel the same
And all my friends are asking me
What did I do?
I done hurt myself
Over loving you
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
The collaboration part repeated itself once again. This time it went by more smoothly since Mikan knew what to expect. The lyrics remained the same, as did her emotions, but this time she didn't make it so obvious that he was having an effect on her.
I know that I did you wrong
Please forgive me
Baby girl, I'm sorry
You know that you did me wrong
Why you crying?
Baby girl, I'm sorry
I know that I did you wrong
Heaven knows I didn't mean to hurt nobody
You know that you did me wrong
Let me take the time to say I'm sorry
Mikan couldn't believe that she was thinking this after all that she had been through to shun him from her life, but she couldn't help but wish that he would just read her mind to see what she was thinking. How terrified she was. Then maybe he would see that she couldn't progress into a relationship with him again without being afraid that every time he looked away he wouldn't look back.
Loving you is causing me to change
And it hurts so bad
It don't feel the same
And all my friends are asking me
What did I do?
I done hurt myself
Over loving you
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
I, I, I, I did it, did it, did it for love
Hotaru ordered the immediate shutdown of the spotlights so that Mikan had time to run. When the lights came back on, Mikan was nowhere to be found on stage. Instead, she was backstage somewhere. Secluded. Natsume tried to follow her as soon as she left. He followed the sound of her heels and the quiet sniffles that she omitted.
Natsume finally found her, hunched over and sitting on a large crate, with her head in her hands. There wasn't very much light back there, but her dress sparkled with the little light there was.
"You do realize that you have another song, right?" Natsume said.
"Go away," Mikan said. "I'm trying to hide from you."
"How's that working out for you, Polka Dots?" he scoffed.
"Shut up," Mikan said. She wished she had a tissue.
"Your nose is probably running like crazy," Natsume said, mockingly disgusted. He tossed a handkerchief at her.
"I said shut up," Mikan snapped, picking up the cloth from where it landed. She held it in her hand. "I don't want to hear anything from you."
Natsume took a deep breath. "I'm not usually one for this shit, but I want to talk to you."
"Like I haven't noticed?"
"I'm serious," Natsume said, deadpan.
"So am I," Mikan said, still not lifting her head. "You almost ruined my performance tonight."
"But I didn't," Natsume replied.
Mikan looked up at him. Her eyes were red, and her nose was running. She used the handkerchief and put it aside. "You think this is funny? Messing with me?"
"I wouldn't be messing with you if you'd just listen!" Natsume said.
"Why should I?" Mikan yelled. "I don't have to do anything you say! In fact, I don't want to listen to anything you have to say!"
Natsume snapped. "If you want me as badly as I want you, then you're sure as hell going to listen to what I have to say!"
"And what if I don't want you at all?" Mikan asked, crossing her arms.
Natsume threw his hands up in the air. "Goddamn it! What will it take it to make you see that I'm sincere? That I mean it? That I really am sorry?"
"Nothing," Mikan said.
"Why are you being so impossible?" Natsume asked. "It's damn annoying to get around."
"I'm annoying now?" Mikan asked.
Natsume scoffed. "You've always been annoying, Polka."
"Then leave," Mikan said.
"There you again!" Natsume yelled. "I'm not leaving!"
"I don't want to be in a relationship with you," Mikan said, deadpan.
Natsume grimaced. "Thanks for sugar coating it." Mikan didn't reply. "What's stopping you?"
Mikan said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"Completely," Natsume said, sarcastically.
"It should be."
"Is it Luna? I'm not engaged to her. She's lying."
"That's not entirely it."
"Then it's when I left?"
"No."
Natsume suddenly grew exasperated and yelled, "Then tell me what the hell is going through your mind, Mikan!"
"I'm scared!" Mikan screamed. Natsume shut up immediately. He was frozen. "I'm scared, okay? Damn, I'm scared." Mikan's hands shook. She crossed her arms closer to her body so that it wasn't visible. "I don't want to worry, okay? I don't want to think about what will happen if you do it all over again."
And quite suddenly, Mikan threw her arms up in the air. "I don't want to worry about you anymore. I'm getting sick of it. I'm sick of everyone telling me that you and I belong together. I'm sick of you tailing after me. I'm just sick." Mikan walked up to Natsume. Just looking at him made her anger spike. Why did she feel like he was breaking down her walls already?
Natsume's throat was dry. "So…what? Are you over everything suddenly? Or did I imagine you crying on stage?"
"I wasn't expecting you up there," Mikan snapped. "I was overwhelmed. Give me some credit." Natsume sneered. Mikan glared at him and poked his chest. "I want you to know Natsume that no matter how hard I try, I can't get over it." She smacked him this time, her anger spiking. She couldn't look at his face. "Why can't you just leave me? Huh?"
Natsume just had about enough with this girl. Why did it have to be her? He grabbed her hands, which were pounding his chest, and stepped closer to her. When she backed up, he just stepped forward again and again until she was backed up against a wall.
He leaned into her ear and said, "Why can't you just forgive me?"
"Give me one good reason that I should," Mikan spat.
"Because you obviously love me," Natsume said, as if it were obvious.
Mikan tried to fight the color from her cheeks. "That's an overstatement."
"No, it's an understatement, actually," Natsume jeered. "How about you give me one good reason as to why we can't try?" Natsume paused. "Our lives are both obviously hell without each other." He carried his trademark arrogant smirk.
Mikan wanted to end this. Her emotions were going haywire, and she needed to get back on stage soon. She was debating on whether or not to lie to him, but she decided to go with the truth.
"You might leave me again," Mikan said finally. She was beginning to feel weak at the knees. "You go on business meetings all over the world. What if you leave and never come back?" She paused. "I…I can't take that toll on myself." Mikan barely whispered, "I don't want you to leave me again."
Natsume looked at her directly. His face was a mere inch away from hers. His breath smelled like expensive champagne, and he himself smelled like cologne. Natsume blew his breath in her face when he said, "I'll take you with me."
Mikan whispered. "What if I don't want to go?"
Natsume punched the wall right behind her head. Mikan flinched. "I'll take you around the entire Goddamn world and back! The point is that you belong with me. You're mine. And I belong with you. And God knows you're the only person on earth that holds my damn soul, so I'm yours too." Mikan was about to interject, but he stopped her. "I'm not letting you go a second time. I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life twice."
They were both breathing deeply—Mikan from being jolted with Natsume's sudden outburst, and Natsume from just giving the outburst. Mikan took her hand and gently placed it over her beating heart. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was obviously going to take her somewhere. She didn't know if she wanted to take a leap of faith into his arms and trust him enough to hold her without letting go.
Could she trust him?
She didn't know. The only thing she did know was that she could take the leap and try. So she did.
Mikan cocked her head to one side. "Anyone ever tell you that you swear too much?"
"Damn it, I'm just gonna kiss you now," Natsume said.
And Mikan didn't even try to resist when Natsume slanted his lips over hers. In fact, she couldn't pull herself closer to him. Natsume kissed her gently at first, but as soon as Mikan wrapped her arms and legs around his body, he decided that he needed to pick things up. Mikan felt her dress ride up, and her heartbeat began to go up as well. Natsume felt his fingers run through Mikan's hair, and just when he was about to take it to another level, they were interrupted.
"Mother of God, what is going on here?" Luca gasped.
Hotaru shook her head and threw her hands up into the air. "I've been looking for you for the past ten minutes. You're on in five, and this is what you've been doing? Exchanging saliva with Hyuuga?"
Mikan blushed as Natsume set her down. "I was…we were…"
Natsume finished for her. "We were just on our way to the stage."
"Yeah because that's what it looked like," Hotaru snapped. "Look, I don't care what you two are up to, but if you do anything funny, I will cut your balls off and sell them on eBay for a pretty amount of cash. Okay?"
Luca blanched. "That's disgusting."
"Same goes for you," Hotaru said. She turned on her heels and left.
Luca glanced at Mikan, than at Natsume. He awkwardly said, "I'm going with her," and left.
Natsume took Mikan by the waist and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry."
Mikan took in a shaky breath, "I know."
She didn't know where this path would take her, but she took the leap.
. . .
Mikan was truly nervous for her next song. It was a song she wrote that wasn't exactly her usual style. It was happier than most songs. She didn't know things would play out this way, but she was glad they did. When she wrote the song, she thought of happier times. She needed to write a happier song for the party, anyway. Mikan quickly fixed up her hair and put her earpiece back in place.
Mikan made her way onto the stage with the lights on this time. She had her guitar with her, ready to play the song as soon as her hands stopped shaking. Mikan looked at the anticipating faces of the crowd. She caught Hotaru's face among them. Her best friend. Mikan was suddenly eternally grateful to have her.
Mikan raised her hand and said, "This is for a couple of people that I know. A few actually. I can be a handful sometimes, I guess, and thank you for being there, and for not giving up on me."
Mikan meant it when she strummed her guitar and began her song.
You know that I'm a crazy bitch
I do what I want when I feel like it
All I wanna do is lose control
But you don't really give a shit
You go it, go with it, go with it
Cause you're fucking crazy rock'n'roll
You said, "Hey, what's your name?"
It took one look and now I'm not the same
Yeah you said, "Hey", and since that day
You stole my heart and you're the one to blame
(Yeah)
And that's why I smile, it's been a while
Since every day and everything has felt this right
And now you turn it all around
And suddenly you're all I need
The reason why I-I-I, I smile
Last night I blacked out I think
What did you, what did you put in my drink
I remember making out and then (oh, oh)
I woke up with a new tattoo
Your name was on me and my name was on you
I would do it all over again
You said, (Hey) "Hey, what's your name?" (what's your name)
It took one look and now I'm not the same
Yeah you said, "Hey", (Hey) and since that day (since that day)
You stole my heart and you're the one to blame
And that's why I smile, it's been a while
Since every day and everything has felt this right
And now you turn it all around
And suddenly you're all I need
The reason why I-I-I, I smile.
You know that I'm a crazy bitch
I do what I want when I feel like it
All I wanna do is lose control
You know that I'm a crazy bitch
I do what I want when I feel like it
All I wanna do is lose control
And that's why I smile, (I smile) it's been a while
Since every day and everything has felt this right
And now you turn it all around
And suddenly you're all I need
The reason why I-I-I, I smile
The reason, the reason why-y-y-y, I smile
The reason why-y-y-y, I smile
Mikan had the crowd dancing. The DJ took over as soon as her song ended, and Mikan made a point to avoid Luna Koizumi at all costs. That woman sent the chills down her spine. Mikan maneuvered her way through the packed crowd and found herself being pulled out by none other than Hotaru.
"You did well, Mikan," Hotaru said.
Mikan tried to catch her breath from being caught in the throng of people. "Thank you." Mikan swallowed. "Can we leave now?"
Hotaru raised an eyebrow. "Don't give me that crap. You started this. You have to finish it."
Mikan frowned. "I was hoping you wouldn't say that."
"Well I did."
"I'll give you a chance to take it back, so that you can say something else."
"Hyuuga's not going to stop," Hotaru sighed. "You're…livelier when he's around." Hotaru crossed her arms. "And I'm sure he's waiting for you somewhere."
"How are you so easy on him now? Just an hour ago, you would have bit his head off."
"Mikan, you don't get it, do you?" Hotaru said. "He. Won't. Stop."
Mikan swallowed. She couldn't say anything else because Hotaru turned on her Bluetooth to accept a call.
"Imai speaking," she said, walking off towards an exit.
"Polka."
Mikan saw Natsume standing next to her. "How long have you been there?"
"I was waiting for Imai to go away."
"Well she's away," Mikan mumbled.
"I can tell."
Things became awkwardly silent between them. Mikan knew that she had to say something.
"This is pretty damn awkward," Natsume grumbled. "So let's just leave this joint and grab drinks."
Mikan blinked. "I'm here on a job."
"So?" Natsume said. "You already sang. Let's just leave."
Mikan took a deep breath. You're taking the leap, Mikan, she thought to herself. The leap! "So…drinks, you said?"
Natsume rubbed the back of his neck. "And pie, if you want."
Mikan almost smiled at the memory. She took his hand and tiptoed to kiss him. If she wasn't mistaken, she could have sworn that she saw the remnants of a blush. So unlike Natsume. Mikan would have to rebuild her trust in him. Rebuild what they had torn down.
"I think pie sounds wonderful."
I'm just about to wrap this one up. It's been a long ride. I know I kind of sped up the plot here, but I need to start finishing what I started. So tell me if you love it, hate it, or if you're not sure.
Two updates in one day? Oh my lord, what's wrong with me?