Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.

Beta'd by HollettLA.

Higher

Chapter Seventeen: A New Day

EPOV

The next morning, the both of us were exhausted. I was quick to shut off the alarm, so Bella could sleep some more, but she woke up with me...woke up with her period, too, which blows. She bitched about it with me, but then she said some shit about how she knew it was coming today—forgot she was getting it today. I don't know jack about that female shit.

We were just cranky and grumpy.

In that hindsight way, I was glad she was bleeding. I mean, between Jasper and my pops bringing up that pregnancy garbage…I wasn't worried, but it'd be my luck that they'd jinx me and shit.

We got like maybe three hours of sleep after fucking and eating junk food.

I felt like garbage.

But I pushed through it, did a few reps—worked out like I do every morning, lifting my weights while Bella watched, eating a bowl of cereal—and then I took a shower. Bella's bleeding, so she refused to join me, thought it'd be gross or some ridiculous bullshit.

And Bella wanted to hit the avenue early.

And I suggested she ride with me; I could drop her off in Bay Ridge.

Since it was still really early, I brought her to Alice's house along with Jasper; he's off today. It sucked because he wouldn't get to the van today. That lazy, procrastinating motherfucker.

He was fast to hop out and paw at Alice.

I asked Bella to wait a minute.

"That's a lot. What's that for?" She had an attitude, staring at the money in my hand.

"It's...for whatever. I don't want you walking around with no cash."

"You got me cigarettes; you gave me a one-hitter. I don't need anything else," she said. "I'm good."

"Bella..."

"I don't need—"

"Just fuckin' take it." That proud shit pisses me off because she's broke. "Buy something…eat lunch, and you better fuckin' eat something, and...get dinner for us." I hoped she'd cook again for me. "I don't know. I'll pick you up later." I grabbed that tiny backpack and shoved the money inside. "There." I threw it onto her lap.

She huffed and left the van, only to slam the door closed.

"Oh!" Instantly pissed, I fumbled to get my seat belt off. "Get ova hea! Now!" I hollered.

Bella jumped, but she turned around and walked over.

"Take it easy!" Jazz shouted from Alice's porch.

I ignored him, getting out of the car.

"What?" Bella wouldn't look at me.

"Look at me." I grabbed her chin, and she pulled away, fire in her eyes. It pissed me off even more. "Don't ever, ever walk away from me. Got it? Just cool it with the attitude." I pecked those lips. "I don't get a kiss? What's wrong with you this morning?" I nudged her. "Is it because of that dumb shit last night?" I asked. "You didn't say jack last night, and I was boffin' that bitch before I even met you, and I haven't spoken to her since I met you."

Bella remained silent.

I raised a brow, bending low to be in her line of sight. "Fuckin' talk!"

"Why do you have to yell at me all the time?" she whispered, sounding like a child. "It makes me feel bad, makes me sad." She had tears in her eyes, the lip quivered, and I felt like dog shit.

"I…"

Was I yelling?

"I just talk loud…I'm a passionate fucker, baby." I tried my best to sound lighthearted, and I figured what I said was good as I wiggled her hips, trying to make her smile. "And you turning your back to me…that makes me dumb sad." I gave her an Eskimo kiss, like my mom used to do. "Butterfly kiss, too?" I placed my eye to her cheek and blinked a few times.

She giggled.

"Still love me?" I touched my nose to hers once more.

"Yeah," she sighed, gently kissing my lips.

"Good." I groaned, squeezing that ass. "Our day isn't too bad, actually. I'll call you before I head here."

"Okay."

After one more long-ass, sloppy kiss, I had to go.

And I was late for my father.

He ran out the house shouting at me, and I ate it. I didn't say shit. I took his clipboard to get the address for our first job. After all that hollering, he had nothing to say to me.

But Dad didn't even talk to me until after we were done with the first two stops. We headed toward Greenpoint, and he finally spoke after that one.

So, for three hours, we gave each other the silent treatment.

"Esme called me." Dad let that hang there.

I was paged, and I looked at it. "Did you ask her out?" I asked, seeing that it was my uncle who beeped me. I'll call him back when I get home, but I already knew what he was going to ask. The weekend's coming up and all.

"Saturday." He grinned, a small one, but he did look happy.

"Get yourself some condoms," I said, lighting a cigarette.

"It's a first date."

"It's the 90s…the only people who are like you…are nuns and shit," I laughed.

"I don't even know if we're compatible—"

"You gotta dick, she's gotta pussy—youse are compatible." I continued to laugh my ass off.

"You're…"

"What?" I asked.

"I respect women, and I thought I taught you the same." He sounded mad.

"I'm goofin' around. I respect Bella—"

"Because you love her, but you don't respect other women—and don't deny it. It's all over your face, even if I've never seen you in love before." He shook his head.

"I'm not denying it," I whispered. "She knows. And other women? How do they even matter when I am in love with my girl?" I gave him a fleeting glance. "They could all disappear—the rest of them—for all I care." I was honest.

"You told her?" His tone was surprised. "Good for you. I thought I'd have to spell it out for you." He patted my shoulder.

"You think I'm stupid? Just fuckin' say that." I pulled up to our fourth gig. "Save your breath."

"No." He stopped me from leaving the van. "Edward, you grew up too fast in many ways, and in some others…especially matters of the heart, you're still a little boy. Then you went away, and you won't talk about that…God knows what you learned in there. I worry about you, and I try to teach you. You have all this hostility and anger inside you…You don't even realize what you're doing, how you're acting half the time—and you're also too quick to push others away to save yourself from hurt and ridicule. I'll never stop correcting you or being honest with you, nor will I stop trying to help you. But I do not think you're stupid."

I nodded. "Okay…and I don't talk about being away…because even thinking about it…it brings me back there. And that shit is in the past. I got out, and I haven't stopped moving forward. I won't look back."

"Good, but if you ever want to talk…" He squeezed my shoulder.

"Thanks," I said.

"I lost you twice already. Once when your mother passed, and then when you were arrested. That's not happening again." He left the car.

I took a sip of my Pepsi before following after.

/=/=/=/=/

We stopped for lunch at around one, and we were near Bay Ridge at that point. I called Alice's, paged Jasper, but we'd finished eating, and I still didn't hear from them.

The afternoon kind of dragged, but we were done by four, which was awesome.

Exhausted, I dropped my father off at his house, and then I went to the pager store. I got Bella this cute beeper. It's red, very small, and I got her a silver chain with a charm so she can hook it onto something.

I actually contemplated the cell phone deal. It's much more affordable than it used to be—since they're becoming mainstream.

Either way, I knew Bella was going to love it, and I also picked up a dinky wall phone for the kitchen.

We keep losing that fucking cordless jammy.

Nevertheless, I called Alice's, and there was no answer again.

Aggravated, I drove to her house, and no one was home. I called my crib, and Emmett was home from his long-ass shift. He said no one was there but him.

I rode around Bay Ridge for close to an hour.

No sign of Alice, Jasper, or Bella, and by now I was heated and anxious. I went to Alice's house again, too, and no one was there, so I drove around some more.

While at a red light on Fifth Avenue—I was actually going to check out Carvel—a car that was insanely blasting their music pulled up next to me. The van vibrated with the force of the beats coming from that whip.

Curious, I looked down to the decked out compact BMW with the spinning rims . . .

Bella was in the backseat, laughing her ass off. Jasper was driving while Alice rode shotgun.

"Yo!" I banged on my door.

Jasper turned off the music . . .

"Whose car is that?" I asked.

"Joyriding, baby!" Bella cackled mad loud, excited as fuck.

"Whose car?" I asked again.

"We don't know!" Alice was giddy.

Bella laughed with her, but Jasper was as pale as a ghost.

"You boosted—" I smiled but swore I was about to have a fucking heart attack. "Pull over!" I pointed to the curb while I tried to keep my anger in check.

Jasper gulped, leaning over to talk to me. "Ed—"

"You know what? I don't give a fuck about youse two." I left the truck. "Get out!" I tore the back door open and pulled Bella out. "Get in the fuckin' van!" I pushed her toward it and looked back to Jasper.

He saw me coming in the rearview and made the tires screech as he peeled away.

It was a smart move, probably the only one he made all day.

Taking my girl joyriding in a stolen car?

Not so smart.

There were beeps behind me, and I was trying to catch my breath.

But when I hopped in, looking to the passenger's side, Bella wasn't there.

"Fuck!" I shouted, livid, as I double-parked, and then I ran down the block to catch her. "What's wrong with you?"

She was crying, walking away from me with her head down, trying to hide under her hair.

"Come're!" I reached for her.

"No! Just go!" she shrieked, lifting her head, and that's when I saw it. I couldn't see it when she was in the car or with her face down.

She had a black eye and a scratch on her cheek.

"Who did that to you?!" I palmed her cheeks. "What the fuck happened today?"

She pushed me with everything she had because I did move; she was able to slip away.

I groaned to the sky. "Bella…" I grasped her bicep and pulled her into a doorway, and I blocked her exit. "What happened to your face…?" I was trying so hard to stay calm, and she wasn't helping. "Are you fucking stupid?" I asked her.

She wouldn't look at me.

"Fine. We'll talk at home. Let's go." I ushered her over to the van.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." She turned. "You're scaring me—"

Tired of this shit, I lifted her and tossed her ass over my shoulder, and she beat at my back. Then I placed her in the van. "Stay…don't make me fuckin' chase you. I am in no mood!"

She left her seat and chose to sit in the back.

I didn't care about that.

As long as she was out of that hot car…safe, with me.

I felt easier as I drove us home, and then easier and easier . . .

"Can you tell me what happened to your eye?" I asked.

She wouldn't answer me.

"Bella…?" I turned to go down our block. "I got you something." I passed the bag with her beeper to her.

I'd gotten a red gift bag to make it pretty…and Bella threw it back at me. "I don't want anything from you!" she cried.

I placed the van in park and took the bag. "Do I have to carry you inside?"

Silence.

"You gonna make a run for it?"

She sniffled, climbing to the front and rushing to get out.

I waited to see what she was going to do, and she ran to the stoop.

Meeting up with her, I shoved the bag into her hands. "It's a beeper. It's red." I opened the door.

"Fuck you!" She threw it at my feet and then stomped up the stairs like a little girl.

"Fuckin' brat!" I shouted up to her, following. "Actin' like a fuckin' baby and shit!"

Bella used her key to get in, but she locked me out.

I chuckled. "This bitch…" I used my own key to enter. "That was real fuckin' cute!"

I heard my bedroom door slam.

"What happened?" Emmett asked.

I laughed without humor, collapsing down on the couch—clueless. I had no idea what to do. I had so much anger in me, I threatened to explode. "I'mma kill Jasper…that's what's gonna happen."

"What'd he do?" Em asked. "You wanna beer?" He left the recliner.

"Nah…" But I needed something…so I'd be able to breathe. "I'm good." My leg bounced as I stared at the floor, but then I shot up to go into my bedroom. "Emmett?"

He looked over at me from the fridge.

"She starts crying, screaming…don't worry about it. She makes it past me and tries to leave, don't let her—get her before I do."

"What the fuck happened?" He shrugged. "Yo...she starts screaming, like horror movie screaming, I'mma come in there."

I laughed again and turned to punch the fucking wall. There was a fist-sized dent, and I didn't even feel it—it did nothing to calm me.

"You're fixin' that shit. But, yo…" He massaged my shoulder. "Relax. Don't talk to her while you're like this."

I swallowed, nodding as I faced him. "Get off work. I go to get that spoiled bitch a pager, and then…we planned for me to pick her up from this chick's house. No one's home. No one's pickin' up phones and calling me back, answering my pages—nothin'. I drove around Bay Ridge for an hour…over a fucking hour." I gritted my teeth together. "Then I'm at a light, and who's next to me? Jazz, his girl, and Bella…in a boosted car."

"That dumb motherfucker," he said. "You're serious?"

I nodded. "Then…my boo-boo's got a black eye, and she's mad at me for getting her outta that car."

"Who hit her?" he asked.

"She wouldn't tell me."

"Want me to talk to her?" He raised a brow.

"Nah, son. I got it." I kicked my door to let her know I was entering.

"Ed…be calm. Talk to her; don't scream." He patted my back and walked past me.

Bella was in the room, sitting on the bed, smoking my blunt—the one I roll every morning for when I get home.

I didn't comment.

I sat on the bed, steepling my fingers together. "Talk to me."

She shook her head.

"Then I'm gonna talk," I said. "And, yo...you might not like what I hafta say."

She didn't give a shit either way.

"First off, tell me who hit you. Just…whisper a name, since you suddenly can't speak." I stared at her.

She took another pull from the blunt and then she dumped it in an old glass of soda on the nightstand.

It was a whole fucking L.

And now it's garbage.

I laughed. "What'd I do, Bella?" I didn't think I did anything wrong. She was wrong. I was not.

"You're an asshole," she whispered.

I nodded, waiting. "And…?"

She turned to smile at me. "That's it."

"Who'd you fight?" I asked.

"Rose knew we were at Alice's. She came to confront me."

"Who threw the first punch? Was it you again?" I raised a brow, having figured that one out myself.

"Maybe…fuck her. I'm not sorry. She got a hit or two in, so fuckin' what?" She shrugged. "Her fuck father was at Carvel—"

"Whoa…I thought Rose came to confront you?"

"I lied. I went to Carvel. Asked her to step outside." She smiled.

"You're fuckin' serious?" I stood up. "And it's funny?" I balled my hands into fists, stiffening. "What goes through your head? At Carvel? The cops could'a been called!"

She didn't answer that. "The car…stealing, it was my idea." She stood up to face me, which was bold on her part. "We were bored…They couldn't fuck if I was hangin' around."

"What happened to lookin' for a job?" I asked.

Bella found the floor interesting.

"Hmm?" I cupped my ear to hear her better, but she had no answer. "You—"

"Jazz hot-wired a car, so fucking what?" She was a tough guy again. "We rode around for a little bit, and it was exhilarating! I was having such a good time, and then you had to shit on it—screaming at me in the street, pulling and grabbing at me, embarrassing me, scaring me! I remembered you told me Jazz was a great carjacker . . . I'm stuck in this apartment all the time, and for a few minutes—"

"Oh, I'm supposed to feel bad for you? You puff all day long, watch TV and play video games, and then I'm makin' you come left and right...Poor you." I played my violin for her. "My heart breaks for you."

She groaned, stomping her foot. "You don't understand what I mean—"

"Jazz was great at what he did, but did you forget the end of that fuckin' story?! The last time Jazz boosted a car?" I screamed over her words. "I can't believe you'd do something that fuckin' dumb!"

Honestly, I wanted to grab her biceps and shake the stupid out of her.

I backed up to get away from her.

She rolled her eyes. "You're overreacting—"

"And if you got caught?"

"You said he was the best at—"

"Youse boosted a BMW, not some bullshit Civic—that's grand theft auto. You're an adult, and it don't matter if Jazz was driving. Minimum—you would'a gotten like three years. Can you do a three-year bid, Bella?" I asked, and I'd gotten in her face, so I backed up again. "You think you're tough shit…" I chuckled, nothing was funny. "You think you're so brave? Throwing a few punches at some ho? Why? Because she dissed you? Gimme a fuckin' break. Bella, you don't know a lot. You ain't seen or done shit—you wanna roll like some thug?"

She turned away.

"Fuckin' look at me!" I threw the glass ashtray to the ground by her feet.

She jumped, but I got her attention. "Just leave me alone."

"Mature answer. There are consequences for every-fucking-thing you do, little girl. Wise-the-fuck-up!" I shouted. "But you know what?" I backed away to the door.

"Maybe the thrill of me is gone for you…" I laughed. "Yeah, you're bored, right? And you thought…I don't know what you thought. Being with me is cool because of my edge, or whatever the fuck you said. I'm not a sideshow act, here to fucking amuse you and get you into trouble." The reality of it all hit me like a ton of bricks. "We fuck, I give you free drugs and a place to crash. I'm not—"

I tapped on my thigh, ready to explode. "I did my time…I'm not out there bangin' like I used to, but if those are the cats you go for—you wanna legit gang-banger who's gonna share you with his friends, fucking use you to do his dirty work, too. If I'm not enough, and you truly wanna throw your life away, go…go find whoever…I'm finished—I am fuckin' done trying to save you. I've been there for you, I've tried to help you every step of the way—every-fucking-day since I met you—trying to care for you, love you the way you deserve." I shrugged, counting off my fingers. "But fuck that. If you're hell-bent to pursue that life, I will not watch you do that to yourself. I'll have to walk away."

Bella had no reply; she didn't give a flying fuck, and that...it hurt. She didn't even try to deny my words. Nothing.

I swallowed my tears, refusing to cry, since I'd thought she was my girl all this time. And last night, she said she loved me—me, which had nothing to do with anything else, not my past, nothing. I thought I found a needle in a haystack—a drop dead gorgeous chick with a huge heart, someone to love me for me, and not for the things I do or don't do. "Think before you do stupid shit like that." My voice broke, and I cleared my throat. "Be gone by the time I get back—your shit, too." I walked to the door.

Bella wouldn't get my tears…

It all became so clear, why she was with me and shit.

My shock, and joy, when Bella didn't judge me was for nothing.

Because a cat like me is what she'd been looking for—sow her wild oats, take care of her, whatever.

"Edward, don't. I'm sorry—" She grabbed at me. "Don't go. Please. Please. Please."

I pushed her back. "Get the fuck off me!"

She didn't listen. "You're wrong. Baby, please—"

"Just stop." I shook my head, not wanting to see her with the tears and her snot-nosed face. She can turn that shit on and off like a light switch. "Go clean up—start packin' your shit." I dug into my pocket for some money, and I threw fifty bucks at her. "Take a cab to your father's." I counted out another fifty. "There...that's for lettin' me hit it last night. Thanks."

"No!" She hugged onto me. "You said you loved me! You can't! You love me!"

I kissed her forehead, my heart breaking, and I didn't know what to do. No, I knew what to do, but her embrace confused me, made me sick to my stomach, and it calmed me in the weirdest of ways.

Yet, I couldn't look at her.

And she wouldn't play me.

Fuck that.

"Be gone before I get back." I pushed her away.

My cousin caught her before she fell, but she was fast to come at me again. "No! I'm not leaving!" She clawed at me. "Edward, no—"

"Stop!" I shouted. "Stop fuckin' touching me!" When my grip on her arms made her whimper, I loosened my hold.

"Ed, let go." Emmett pulled her. "Calm down, bro."

I showed him my palms. "Keep her."

"Edward, no!" Bella shouted.

I managed to leave and close the door before she could touch me again.

"Edward!" Bella shouted out the window. "Please!"

I didn't answer as I hopped into the van.

She continued to shout while I pulled out of the driveway, but I didn't give a fuck.

Thanks for reading.

Dun. Dun. Dun. SexyLexi is such a bitch, my God! Another cliffy!

You'll get over it.

Oh, have faith in me :-)

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