BK: Oh yeah, we never grow tired of him. No matter how irritating his voice gets. (Kennedy gets on the mic again. While he opens up his big mouth again a fan throws a box of candy at him and it hits his face. The audience cheers.) Kennedy: WHO DID THAT?
Audience: YOU SUCK! (Funaki enters the ring. Kennedy refuses to wrestle because nobody saw who hit Kennedy in the face. While security asked around, Kennedy stormed off.)
Pat Yes Man Patterson: But you must compete, Kennedy.
Kennedy: I go out there and aggravate people with my sucky routine.
I deserve respect. I'm leaving. (Kennedy takes off.) Jerry Suck Up Brisco: We ll need a replacement. Let s send that Tanswell wanker. (Jess was still in the recovery area.)
Jess: Um um I-I thought this stuff was fake. Arn Anderson: Hey Tanswell, we need you in the ring. NOW! Jess: Yes sir. JF: It s getting really difficult to be a puppet around here. When the intelligent posters on IMDb says the WWE sucks,
well tonight I can see there point. BK: Come on JF, WWE has made ECW better. JF: Shut up. (Jess walks to the ring to face Funaki who is supposed to be on Wack Down.) BK: Boy, you re in a bad mood. JF: I should ve stayed in WCW. (Funaki mops the floor with Jess.) BK: Now the dork is 0-4. HA HA! JF: So what? (Backstage we see Mac Daddy,
William Steven Regal, and Blandy RKO Bore-ton talking.) BK: Wow, this is exciting, Floss!
JF: No, it really isn t. Gee, up next we ve got ECW s The Mizz against The Boogey Man. My goodness, back in 1993 what was I thinking?
I should ve kept my job in WCW, perhaps things would be different now.
BK: Whoa! Look at The Mizz.
JF: But no, I had to leave and join Watered-down Wrestling Enterprise.
BK: It s Boogey Man.
JF: A toga, I had to wear a toga on a PPV event.
(The Boogey Man captures the victory.)
BK: This second hour has been impressive so far. JF: Then a year later Mac Daddy fires me.
BK: Um, next we ve got a non-title match. JF: Mac Daddy gets indicted, so he calls me back. BK: It features our WWE Champion John Zena. JF: After Mac Daddy cheats his way to a not guilty verdict, he fires me again. BK: The Chump will take on 5 Raw wrestlers um I mean sports entertainers that no one cares about.
JF: So much crap over the years. BK: And our chump will also face 5 people from Wackdown.
JF: Hog farmers, wrestling plumbers, The Goon, clowns, it s all just too much.
BK: And the Vanilla Ice wannabe will also take on 5 ECW grapplers. JF: We gave Mable a push. BK: That s 15 opponents for the chump. (The stupid Blandy theme music hits.) Bore-ton: Ya know, if John Zena were a real man he d agree to make this an elimination match instead.
Zena: I agree. Also Lucy Lawless accidently thought I was Eminem so as a favor to her I'm changing the spelling of my name. So I am now, John Xena. THUG LIFE! CHAIN GANG!
JF: I could ve been in WCW when Hulk Hogan arrived.
(The crap fest match began.)
BK: The chump gave an FU to a WD competitor. 1-2-3! Elimination. 14 guys to go.
STFU on another one. And a roll up, another one gone.
JF: To think I could ve been with WCW when Macho Man Randy Savage arrived.
BK: Our chump just got rid of all the WD guys. 10 opponents to go.
JF: I could ve been the lead announcer for Monday Nitro.
The Chump, John Xena obviously wins.
BK: Now Xena applies a figure four and eliminates another one, 9 more. Oh boy, he immediately gets an inside cradle on
another one. 8 more.
Clothesline! And another elimination.
7 more.
JF: I could ve been with WCW during the N.W.O. days. BK: Chump Xena just eliminated another one. 6 more to go.
JF: 1997 the biggest year in wrestling thanks to WCW and N.W. O. and I'm stuck with stale garbage over here.
BK: 5 more, wow.
JF: 1998, Bill Goldberg. Bret Hart. But no, I'm stuck here with lame crap. 1999, Mick Foley wins the title BIG DEAL!
BK: Oh my, our chump eliminates another one. 4 more. Make that 3.
JF: Huh! Hour three, and still the show sucks. 1999 we dealt with a Mac Daddy program.
Vince, Linda, Shane, Stephanie. I should ve been with WCW.
BK: 2 more to go. FU elemination.
JF: 2000 I could ve worked along side Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo, and Ed Ferrara. BK: The Chump wins! JF: And I quit.
BK: Come on, nobody ever really quits the WWE or gets fired. JF: (on a cell phone) Hi, is this TNA Wrestling Management? BK: Wow, WWE Chump John Xena is going to have a concert right now. JF: Is Dixie Carter in?
BK: Here comes the back up band. Shane O. Mac Daddy, Stephanie, Mrs. Linda Mac Daddy, Outback Jack!
JF: I'd like to set up an appointment. BK: Jeff Hardy is part of the band also. Matt and MVP are there as well.
Even Lita is here for the concert.
JF: I ll be there. Thanks a lot.
(The lame concert begins.) John the Chump Xena: (singing) YO YO! THUG LIFE! WORD LIFE! YOU CAN T SEE ME! CHAIN GANG! I CAME FROM THE STREETS AND THE HOOD!
(Fans boo and throw stuff at him.)
JF: I'm done. I ve had it.
(Jim Floss throws off his head set and walks away.)
(WWE Chump John Xena continues singing like a buffoon.)
(Jim Floss goes outside and sees Paul Burchill and Katie Lea Burchill playing on the swings together.)
Mac Daddy: Jim, what are you doing?
JF: The program started at 6 and now it s 9:00 already.
That stupid concert took up so much time.
Blandy Bore-ton talking took up too much space.
Mac Daddy: Um does that mean you don t like the show?
JF: I QUIT!
Mac Daddy: If you want your release you ll have to wrestle my newcomer, Jess J.T. Tanswell.
If you win, you ll get your full release.
(Now Michael Cole joins Burger King.)
Cole: Burger King, it s a pleasure to join you here on this special edition of Monday Night Flaw!
BK: Wow, Jim Floss quit and now he s wrestling Jess Tanswell in only his fifth match.
(The bell rung.)
Fans: CRAP! THIS SUCKS!
WWE IS GARBAGE! TNA RULES!
VINCE IS AN IDIOT! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA!
Cole: Uh, Jim Floss has just easily defeated Jess the Jobber Tanswell.
BK: Ha ha! 0-5! Loser!
Cole: Now Cole is gone from WWE. Bye, JF!
(All of a sudden Santino Marella hits the ring and cuts another useless promo and trash-talks Burger King again.
BK enters the ring and punches him in the mouth again.
GM Regal books a match between the two.)
Cole: Oh wow, another clash between these two great athletes.
(We now look at Roid-tista arriving in a limousine.)
Cole: Wow, it s Wack Down s Animal! What an athlete.
(Fans pop in TNA DVDs in place of watching Flaw.)
Cole: After this action packed match between Carlito and Jess JT Tanswell YAWN!
We ll see Burger King and Santino Marella.
Everybody loves it when these two wrestle each other. Oh my, now Jess is 0-6. Man he sucks.
Cole: Roid-Tista is on his way out for a promo.
Roid: I'm the best, I'm the ANIMAL!
(More fans at home tune out.)
(After the promo we see backstage sketches featuring Cripple H, Blandy Bore-ton, John Xena, Vinnie Mac Daddy,
Shane O. Mac Daddy, and Steve Austin was backstage for no reason.)
(Later on Santino defeats Burger King. Coach had joined Cole.
Having been forced to job to Santino angered BK. So BK quit.)
BK: Floss was right. So much wasted time. I ll look for work with TNA.
Mac Daddy: I ll give you your release only if you can
defeat my number one sheep, Jess J.T. Tanswell.
BK: I accept.
(Paul and Katie continue to play on the swings. Jim Floss walks out with his bags packed.)
JF: Aren t you two ashamed?
Paul: NO, I feel better just being myself.
Katie: Do you want to see what Paul gave to me for Valentine s Day?
JF: No, I don t. When did this thing start?
Paul: Well Floss, we were always really close as kids.
(BK easily defeats Jess. Now Jess is 0-7.)
JF: So you were always more like best friends?
Katie: Exactly. As a teen I noticed Paul looked at me differently.
JF: OK here s my cab. Don t want to hear anymore.
(Cripple H realizes that he s lost
to Roid-Tista a few times in the past so he challenges him in the main event of Flaw.)
Cole: Up next is a match between two wrestlers who certainly aren t being held back,
Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho.
Yep, they ve already wrestled a million times, but here they go again.
Coach: What a match these two are having. Too bad they
can t get any closer to main event World Title status.
Cole: Oh and look, the match ends in a double disqualification. What a surprise.
(Instead of more wrestling, Flaw features a Fozzy concert in the ring instead.)
(After that we have a Ric Flair promo.)
(BK walks out with his bags packed and finds Paul...)