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Beta'd by HollettLA.

Higher

Chapter Twenty-Six: Chill

September 12th 1994

Chillin' on a Friday night, I sat on the couch, drinking beers with Emmett and Jasper. It wasn't too late, and I only had about an hour until I had to meet my uncle. But instead of my having to go to Tunnel, I asked him to meet me at a coffee shop in Dyker Heights, where he lives. Bella insists that if I'm going to Tunnel that she should come along. She understands that I don't go there to chill, but she wants to. And I didn't want to have the same argument again.

Tomorrow night is Bella's nineteenth birthday, and since I wouldn't be carrying that shit with me—we could check it out. I'd take her.

Bella's stoked. She bought some miniskirt for eight bucks that she's anxious to wear.

She's even more excited because I put aside a few Ecstasy tabs for us.

Again, with needing to keep an eye on my woman, I don't plan to take one.

But I can't pretend to like the first time, so I planned to just not take one and be straight about it.

Bella started school this past Wednesday. She's only scheduled to attend three days a week. She wanted it that way—her Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays jam-packed with classes.

She seems happier now, doing her own thing and shit. She's yet to find a job, but that's not important. Her tuition came together. Bella wanted to take out a loan. I squashed that idea since I had the money. Why take out some shit with an interest rate? Charlie gave her what he could, and I paid the rest.

I was very, very happy to do it.

She has no idea.

Just doing that for Bella made me the happiest man in the world—providing for her, caring for her.

Anyway, my trip tonight would be quick, but I thought I should get going. I also have to make another stop beforehand, which happens to be next to where I'm meeting my uncle.

Right when I lifted my ass from the couch, I heard, "Bella!" being shouted from downstairs.

Since my baby was taking a shower, I went to the window. "Yo!" It was Irina and Kate.

"Bella home?" Irina asked, looking up to me.

"Nah, she's not. She's out—" Just as I said that, Bella left our bedroom—dressed and ready to go somewhere. I had no idea where she was going, that was news to me.

"That's Irina?" Bella was brushing her hair, and she looked cute—wearing jeans, some loose-legged shits, which were only tight around her ass and hips, and my belt with the loops that go all the way around held them up. She also wore a very fitted top. Her shirt looked skintight, showed off everything.

I placed my hand on her shoulder to keep her from the window. "What?" she asked.

"Yo!" Irina called once more.

"I'll be right down!" Bella hollered.

"Where you goin'?" I asked, my eyes falling to her tits. They were…fuck, they looked even bigger in that shirt.

She turned to smile at me. "Oh, just hanging out. Nowhere special." Bella walked back into our bedroom.

I followed and closed the door.

"With them?" I grimaced, pulling her into my arms to kiss her hair.

"What's wrong with them?"

Honestly, I could make a list as to why Bella chillin' with Irina and them was a bad idea. Irina and Kate are much older—a few years my senior, and they have absolutely nothing going on for themselves. They're mad slutty, will most likely be around dudes at some point, or they'll go 'trolling for them with my girl.

They'd get her into some kind of trouble for sure.

Since Bella's down to chill with them and she never confronted me about it, she obviously had no idea I hit them off once upon a time. And the possibility of Bella finding out…has me on edge.

Why does she have to be reminded of my past all the time?

I hate that shit, and I hate this shit neighborhood.

"What if you ran into Tanya?" I had a feeling that's all I needed to bring to her attention.

Bella leaving actually struck a nerve—it fucking bothered me.

"And you don't tell me?" I shrugged. "Were you gonna wait 'til I left and then chill with your homegirls? You felt you had to be a sneak? What are youse really gonna do? Go chill with a few guys, what?"

"Wow." Bella took a step back. "It…wasn't a big deal, and…when I see Tanya, we ignore each other. I don't know. And—"

I shook my head. "No."

She furrowed her brow. "No, what?"

"You can't go." My eyes zeroed in on her tits again. "And what the fuck are you wearing?"

"These jeans aren't tight!" She held her own hips.

"Your shirt!" I gestured to her. "What's that?"

She plucked the clingy shit, and the fabric bounced right back. "It's a bodysuit," she whispered. "I was-was gonna wear your Yankees jersey over it." Bella looked away from me and to the floor, and I knew that shit was a lie.

"Good save," I said. "Look…since Alice is sick—"

Bella shook her head. "If we go to the movies, she might meet us at the Fortway in Bay Ridge?" She'd brought her voice down. "She just told Jasper that—so she could get some time for herself, so we could maybe have a girls' night. Alice obviously can't come here now, so—"

"Those broke bitches downstairs do not have movie money." I shook my head.

Bella shrugged. "We don't really know what we're doing yet."

"Forget about it," I said. "You wanna go to the movies? Fine. I'll be back in an hour and change, two hours the most." My lips lingered on her forehead. "Okay? We'll go to a late show—"

"Edward." She nudged me away. "I already told them I'd—"

I rolled my eyes and walked around her, leaving our bedroom to get to the living room window. "Yo!"

Irina and Kate looked up to me.

"She's not goin'. She can't—"

"As if!" Bella bitched beside me. "Edward!"

"She'll call one of youse." I closed the window to turn to my lady. "What?"

She groaned and stomped away from me, slamming the bedroom door shut.

When I turned to Emmett and Jasper, they were staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

They shook their heads, looking around me to the TV. "Your mom didn't produce glass, yo…" Emmett gestured to me.

Massaging my forehead, I groaned, going back to the bedroom. The door wasn't locked. I let myself in to see Bella sitting on the bed. She wasn't crying but wearing a scowl.

"Listen—"

"No, you listen!" She whipped around to me, standing up. Bella looked like a pissed off kitten, hackles raised and claws out. "In a few hours, I'll be nineteen. I don't live with my parents anymore—not that they ever told me what to do. But, Edward, you're not my fucking father! I'm sick of this! I'll wear what I want and I'll go where I want, with whoever I want!" she ranted.

I chuckled despite myself—angry while my heart broke a bit—and I didn't have much time to think of much else because Bella kept going.

"I'm yours! I live with you—I'm not going anywhere, my God! I love you, but…" She collapsed back to sigh. "What's wrong with me having friends? I'd never lie to you, like Alice did to Jazz. You don't mind when I hang with Alice, but that's only because she's always here, and then you're here—I don't go anywhere. All summer—what did I do?"

I had no reply, my mind flying in all these different directions.

But…there was a time when all Bella wanted was to spend every second with me.

What changed?

It…felt like I was losing her and yet she's a few feet away from me.

"Fuck. That came out all wrong!" She palmed her face.

I sat on the bed, feeling like I had been kicked in the gut. "You want space—space from me, what?"

"No, never." She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"You don't love me no more? I'm not—" I blew out a breath. "I'm trying…I'm trying to be better. I'm doing the right thing." I'm saving money, doing everything I can to provide for her and then some. I'm also hoping to get us out of this neighborhood...by any means necessary.

Although, I haven't taken any drastic measures yet.

But . . .

Has Bella finally wised up?

Has she realized she can do a whole lot better than me?

I'm not blind. I know I have something good—something fantastic, and I've been busting my ass to make her happy, to give her whatever she wants and/or needs.

Also, I wondered why us just being, spending time together wasn't enough.

It's more than enough for me. I'm the happiest I've ever been. When I get out of work, I speed to get to wherever Bella is. She's my world, and I was surprised at myself—how I wasn't angry in this moment but hurt.

Sure, I wanted to remind Bella of all the things I've done for her, throw them in her face and call her ungrateful.

But…everything I've done, all the decisions I've made since I met her…they were about or for Bella.

They were things I wanted to do, felt I had to do.

She never asked for a thing.

All she wanted was me.

What changed?

"I love you so much," she said, nestling into my side. "I figured tonight wasn't a big deal because you had something to do; you wouldn't be here. And…I like hanging out, partying a little. I know you're past that—"

It reminded me of shit my father said, about how Bella might not be ready to settle down—she might love me but she's still a kid.

And he was right; I was losing her.

Bella's either not ready or doesn't want an actual commitment with me.

"I'm more than happy to see you every day, every night, to spend every minute together. I live to be with you, baby." She started to kiss along my neck, and I let her. "What's so wrong with me hanging out with a few friends for a couple of hours, though? Me wanting to hang doesn't mean anything. Especially if you're not going to be here. I should just wait for you?"

Her hands gripped my shoulders, and she straddled my lap. "Hmm?" she asked, touching her nose to mine. "Can you say something?"

Gazing into her eyes, I was filled with so much fear; I couldn't speak.

Never in my life…

With growing to care and love Bella, I had a newfound fear in shit—just anything, any threat, something happening to her, stuff like that.

When I'd never been scared of a fucking thing my whole life . . . and I've been through some shit.

Above all else, though, I was petrified that she'd leave me.

"Edward…?" she whispered, placing her lips to mine.

Consumed with too many emotions, I deepened the kiss.

Our tongues tangled while I hoped she'd feel my love—as if I was silently begging her to stay.

Needing her close, I brought Bella over to my side to hover over her. My hips eased between her thighs, our chests touching, and I hugged her tightly—feeling I needed to be even closer than that.

"Edward…" Bella rubbed my back, panting.

My lips went back to hers, and then they trailed down her neck. "I love you," I whispered.

"I…I love you, too." She moaned when I sucked and bit the soft skin under her ear, her hands running down my abs to my belt. "Do you—have time? Can-can we—"

Knowing what she was asking, because my girl loves to fuck, I leaned away to get rid of her jeans. After pulling them down, I tossed them over my shoulder to stare.

She was gorgeous, that shit she was wearing so tight, like lingerie or something. All of her curves were more pronounced, and my hands explored them while her body shook from my touch.

Bella's hips rose from the bed, her chest heaving, and then she sat up to undo my pants—all frantic-like.

I let her do it, tossing her hair away from her shoulder, and I noticed I'd marked her—gave her a hickey.

Bella sucked me deep into her mouth, and I let out a loud grunt. It felt fantastic, but it wasn't enough—not right now.

I pushed her off, my hands running down her sides again, going toward her pussy—where I undid three snaps. She wore panties underneath, and I peeled them off.

Bella smiled, spreading her legs wide, reaching for me with a lustful gleam in her eyes.

But I couldn't meet her stare, and it wasn't because I was too busy staring at her body.

While I was turned on, I was still scared shitless, thinking this was the beginning of the end.

And I didn't want to let her go…

And I couldn't force her to stay with me…

Bella either loves me as much as I love her, or she doesn't.

She sat up to palm my cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Turn around." I twirled my finger.

"Oh…" She let out a giggle, getting on all fours and backing up to me. "We never do this."

My hands spanned her ass, and I wanted to pepper it with kisses, worship it the way it deserves. But I quickly lined us up instead; her pussy soaked already.

I pushed forward, making Bella squeak a scream. My shoulders relaxed, and my abs tightened, she felt incredible—she always does.

Able to go balls-deep at this angle, I kept pulling all the way out and digging in as far as I could—keeping a slower pace and staring at my cock as it fucked her. Bella fucking loved it—started shouting, moaning, and screaming.

And all of that…it drove me nuts, like it always does.

I make her do that.

"Faster…" She started to hop off my dick, picking up speed.

I let her do it, my hand coming back to come down hard on her ass.

Too excited—my passion, my lust for her taking up every inch of space in my heart, my mind, and my body—I left her to kneel onto the bed.

Bella collapsed onto the mattress, but I yoked her up into my arms, keeping her back to me—had her kneeling with her back to me. "Edward—"

I hugged her tightly, biting down onto her neck as my cock found her fast.

We rocked together, my hips thrusting with force, as my hands squeezed her tits—going up to her neck, and then to her hair—just to have a better grasp of her.

"My God…" She moaned, trying to hit me back, push down onto me harder, faster.

Out of breath, not sure how long I'd last, my hand snuck down to her pussy—twirling my fingers around her clit.

Bella barely moved; she just took it—my cock, my fingers, her body quaking with each stroke.

With my free hand, I pulled her hair to expose her neck. "I love you," I whispered, biting down.

Her breath caught, her body stiffened, and she cried out, tightening and coming on my cock.

I growled, tossing her away from me, only to grab her ankle and bring her closer—turning her onto her back.

Bella spread her legs, trying to reach for me, pull me down to her.

She didn't need to. I was on her fast—pumping in and out of her roughly, as rapidly as I could, needing to…just needing to.

Bella groaned. "I love you—so much, Edward. My God." Her nails scratched down my back, and I lost it.

I went as deep as possible, letting go—my eyes rolling, my fucking toes curling.

Coming inside of her without a rubber was probably the dumbest move, and yet it felt too fucking good for me to care.

Bella is mine.

I love the fuck out of her.

I wanna spend the rest of my life with her.

Whatever happens…happens.

But I didn't know what my intention was.

Did I hope she'd get knocked up?

So, she'd stay with me? So, she'd always have a tie to me, no matter what?

"Um…" She swallowed loudly. "Wow."

My lips went back to hers, and I explored her mouth, my heart singing and swelling in the moment. "Christ, baby." I nuzzled my nose to her cheek.

We were still connected, and I pushed forward again, making Bella moan. "We'll—we'll go to the movies when I come back." I left her, leaving the bed to pick up my jeans.

Bella sat up, her brow furrowed. "Okay." She knew what I did, and she had no comment. Bella didn't run to the bathroom either, and then she wore a hint of a smirk.

"What?" I asked, hoping my heart would slow.

She looked down and now she wore a frown. "Are we okay? I-I'm confused."

I nodded. "I love you…I—" I didn't know what else to say, my gaze lingering on her neck. She had what looked like a bruise there. "It bothered me," I admitted. "I'm chill with it just being us, and…it's like I'm not enough." It killed me to get that sentence out, but I had to be straight with her. "I'm doing the best I can, and you'll see—how happy we'll be once things come together—we get outta this shit neighborhood." Hopeful, I got back in bed with her.

"You're more than enough," she said. "I love you more than anything, and I'm so fucking happy, Edward." She hugged me tight. "You're wonderful…I'm sorry. I'll…I don't know. Hanging out with them didn't seem like a big deal to me, but it's not worth us fighting or you being angry. I'm sorry."

I palmed her cheek. "We're gonna party tomorrow night. It's your day, and we'll have a great time."

She nodded, smiling widely. "I can't wait."

"Irina and Kate…baby, they'll only get you into trouble. You wanna chill on the stoop with them or whatever…? I don't care. But I don't feel comfortable with you going wherever-the-fuck with them, and then I don't know where you are." It felt great to get that off my chest, too. "This neighborhood…Look, we move someplace else, someplace better…" Hopefully we'll be married by then. "I'll ease up. I don't know. God forbid something happened, baby." I turned her chin, making her look at me. "It'd kill me."

Facing facts, Sunset Park is mostly Hispanic, and a ghetto at that. We have Crips and Bloods who are always fighting each other, the fucking Latin Kings, and there's a new gang on the rise now. They weren't a large group before I'd gone away, but they've grown. At the moment—word around the way is that they have beef with the Latin Kings—call themselves Ñetas.

Bloods are allies with the Latin Kings, and Crips side with Ñetas . . .

Then we also have a handful of Zulu Nation motherfuckers, but they chill more toward Park Slope, and they honestly don't bang like the rest of them.

You can tell who's who by what color they're representing—whether it's blue, red, yellow, or white.

No matter their affiliation, those bangers are hustlin' on every corner. There's shootouts sometimes, people getting robbed all the time—and Bella's just this cute little white girl, who's too naïve, doesn't even feel the need to look over her shoulder. She smiles at everyone who waves, is always polite while still shy.

I feel uncomfortable even if she's just walking down our block from the subway.

Although, I've taken many random walks with her, to show everyone whose girl she is. That one time, when Em and I beat those two assholes…they were nobodies, and…to be honest, no one bothers Bella.

I know a lot of people around here, and they're on point when it comes to showing respect—for the most part.

You never know, though, which is why I'd rather be safe than sorry...paranoid and act like an asshole rather than something happening to her.

When it was just us guys…all we saw was a spacious, three-bedroom apartment with reasonable rent. Jasper was already working at that garage, so he was familiar with the 'hood, but Emmett was surprised as fuck—at what Sunset had turned into. Sunset has been predominately Hispanic since the '60s—so I've heard—but it wasn't always ghetto—gangs and ethnicities didn't always separate it.

We actually happen to live on the Puerto Rican side of our block—flags everywhere to represent. And the Dominicans live across the street, and both groups don't fuck with each other.

Others might find that ridiculous, but it's nothing to me.

Honestly, the way this 'hood is set up . . . all divided, it's almost like a prison, something I'm used to—knowing the way shit is, respecting it, and minding my own fucking business.

That's all you gotta do.

You mind your neck and watch your ass, and then you beat some ass, you show no mercy if someone doesn't show you that same respect—no matter who you fucking roll with.

That's how you survive—respect and fear coincide—and I'm chill with everybody.

They do for me, and I do for them, and I usually don't have any problems.

"Okay." She rasped, clearing her throat. "I get it, but..."

"What?" I asked.

Bella waved a hand. "Nothing."

I nodded, placing a soft kiss on her lips, and then I left the bed. "I'll be back."

"I'll…be here." She didn't sound happy.

I slumped my shoulders, pausing by the door. "You're going to be here when I get back, right?" I was shouting, anger flaring up inside me. She gets mad, decides to do something cute and bounce. I'll go nuts, having that shit on my mind.

"Of course," she said. "I'm not going anywhere. I swear. I love you! Why can't you believe that? I couldn't leave you…I can't live without you!" She says this now…

When I turned, I saw she'd gotten cozy with the blanket, but tears stained her cheeks.

And I didn't know what to say.

While her words were exactly what I wanted to hear, and they made me happy—

"Believe me!" she shouted. "Edward—"

"I do," I whispered, but I still wasn't sure. "I love you, too. Relax. I'll be back before ten."

But what happens when she meets some college kid? A good kid her own age with a clean slate, and the novelty of being with me is over? Her tolerating me has run its course?

She realizes he's a better fit; he's smarter—can do better and goes for Joe College?

When I left the bedroom, I was stuck—leaning back against the closed door.

Inside, I felt nuts again, my stomach in a knot.

It felt as though my love for her…

That all my feelings for Bella…

They were driving me crazy, like I couldn't deal—so fucking afraid, willing to do anything to make her stay, make her love me back.

"You all right?" Jazz passed me to get into the bathroom.

I nodded. "Beep me if she goes to leave, but don't let her go." I jerked my thumb to my bedroom.

He chuckled. "She's not a prisoner—"

"Just do it!" I spat.

Jazz showed me his palms, not saying any more, and then I left.

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