Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.

Beta'd by HollettLA.

Higher

Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Past

September 13th 1994

We slept late on Bella's birthday. We woke up to her pager going off around noon, and Bella quickly left the room to call whomever back, not wanting to disturb me. She said it was her mom, that Renee invited her over for lunch.

I wasn't invited, but I urged Bella to go.

We scrambled to shower and put clothes on, but we dicked around a bit—not leaving until after two p.m., and then I dropped her off at her mom's before I headed to my father's.

He was busy raking the little leaves off his small lawn when I arrived. Dad looked happy to see me, too.

"Hey…" I walked around the van, and I didn't see Esme's car. "No Esme?"

He grinned. "Not…today." They're moving at a snail's pace, it seems—to me anyway.

"How was your date last night?" I lit a cigarette. "You had a date, right?"

He sighed. "It went well."

My eyes widened. "No details? I tell you shit," I laughed, blowing my smoke into the air.

He bit his bottom lip, looking to the ground. "It's good…" He shrugged. "I don't know what you want me to say, Edward."

I laughed again, reaching over to pat his back.

"You can smoke in the house." He turned for it.

I threw my cigarette into the street anyway. "You got any soda?"

He nodded, placing the rake down. "I was going to throw some burgers on the grill before I put it away."

"Sounds good," I said, following him inside. "Bella's at Renee's."

"Oh." He smiled. "How's that going?"

I opened the fridge to grab a can of Coke. "Fine. They don't see each other often, but there's no beef anymore."

"Good. Very good." He sat at the table.

I pulled out a chair to do the same. "I got her a ring…I gave it to her last night."

"If this is about Mom's ring—"

I waved a hand. "No…I don't know." I leaned back. "Last night, we're fuckin', right?"

"Edward!" He threw his hands up.

I chuckled, but I needed to continue. "I…I was rough—some shit happened beforehand. I had this thought, and I was scared." I studied the wood grain in the table.

"What'd you do?" he whispered.

"I…I wasn't wearing a condom, which is no big deal. She lets me play around before…then I put one on or pull out." I shrugged.

"What'd you do?" His voice was stern now. "Did you hurt her? Did you—"

"No! Christ. I fuckin' came inside her!" I shouted. "I'd never hurt her like that. I didn't…I wanted—" A day later, and I still couldn't process my thoughts.

Dad left his chair to sit next to me. "Just talk…like we used to. Just talk and we'll piece it together." He rubbed my back.

Again, I started laughing. My jumbled thoughts would come rambling out, and Dad would make sense of them. It's been a few months since…

"She wanted to go out with her friends. It bothered me. I didn't want her to go. I had to go out—do something. But she was gonna chill with these chicks that are bad news. You know? I didn't want her going, and she…pitched a fit. Then she took some shit that she said back, and then…it all had me thinking, like I was losing her. I was scared. I can't—"

"Bella's young," he said. "It's perfectly normal to…wanna party at that age, have fun. You can't smother her. What used to happen? Hmm? When I'd get on your ass? You'd act out more—go against me. The more you get on her ass—treat her like a child—the more she's gonna wanna go out to be away from you. She'll be aching to get away from you if she feels trapped. That's not what you want. If these people were bad, then you should have explained that. I know I had better results with you—just talking to you. And I know you want to take care of her. But there's a difference. You're Bella's boyfriend. You're not her parent, and she's technically an adult—semi-living on her own."

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "But—"

"Just because she wants to hang out with her friends…it doesn't mean she loves you any less. Look, I can't predict the future. I don't know what's going to happen, but I believe she loves you. I can see it, and that actually makes me love her even more—how happy she makes you. But you need to trust her—that she's not going to cheat, or…I don't know what you're afraid of..." He paused. "I know I need to have more faith in you sometimes. You're constantly surprising me." He palmed my cheek. "You've grown so much—mostly just because you have something to care about."

I didn't know how to reply.

"For years, I'd pray for you—that you'd care about something, that your heart would soften. God finally answered…in Bella," he whispered. "'Cause now…you have a reason to stay on the straight and narrow. You have a reason to wake up in the morning. You care…which was all I'd been trying to teach you."

"Sometimes…I think I'm going crazy," I admitted. "Sometimes, I don't think or I can't think, and I just do—she's making me insane." My finger poked my temple. "Maybe…maybe I'm not meant to be with somebody."

Dad laughed. "Edward…that's love. That's not a you thing, okay…? Love makes the sanest of people go a little crazy. It's irrational…it's heavy, and it's also the best fuckin' feeling." He touched his chest.

"You love her," I said. "Esme."

He smirked. "I'll tell you something…It doesn't take place in my bedroom, but…" He quirked a brow at me and then he left the table. "I'll be right back."

I waited, and he ran up the stairs.

While he was gone, I decided better and took the hamburger patties out of the freezer. I put those bitches on a plate, starving, and then I went outside to fire up the grill.

I was just dousing the charcoal with lighter fluid when I heard the screen close behind me.

"Here." He held out his hand.

I saw a gray ring box, and I knew what was in it, but I ignored it to fire up the coals—stuck for words.

"Take it," he said.

When the flame died some, I closed the grill and turned to him. "You—"

Dad placed it in my hand. "I'm trusting you…to make the right decision…whether you wait or…The ring's yours." He patted my bicep. "Mom would have loved Bella. She'd want her to have it, and I think she would have disagreed with me." He chuckled, taking a seat.

I pulled up a chair, hearing some birds chirping in the tree. "Disagree?"

"Your mother was…so optimistic, such a romantic. She'd be planning your wedding already." His tone was somber and yet he was still smiling.

"It still hurts to think…about her?" I asked. "Even though—"

He pushed his hair back. "Your mom was my best friend. She was everything. We were kids…we fell in love. We went through a lot together. We grew up together. But meeting Esme as a man, after knowing all that I do now, it's different." He looked to me. "I think I'll always miss your mother, Edward. I don't think that'll ever go away, and I've spoken to Esme about it. With…falling in love with Es…I no longer feel guilty. I don't—" He shook his head. "You were so right—with what you said. Mom would have wanted me to move on a long time ago."

I grinned, because it's rare that Dad admits I'm right. "I'll wait." I opened the box to look at it, the ring.

Again, it's only special because it was my mother's. It might not mean anything to Bella. It's not crazy big. My parents never had a lot of money, but they had love—a dumb amount of love. My mother wore it every day, but…a couple of days before she died, she took it off and gave it to me—told me to save it, that it was good luck to her. Maybe she felt she had to give me something. I don't know. But she was adamant about me keeping it.

"How'd you propose?" I looked back to Dad.

He hummed, standing to flip the burgers. "It was a different time," he laughed. "There was so much change…my God." He closed the grill to face me again. "I was dating your mother. Don't get me wrong. We grew up on the same block. We had the same friends, and we were friends…ever since we were practically in diapers."

"I know all that." I waved a hand. "How'd you ask?"

"I'll get to it…" He looked happy suddenly. "It was 1970…I was seventeen, had to pick a Selective Service—knowing that on my eighteenth birthday, I'd more than likely enter the draft lottery. They were scary times, too. No one that I knew wanted to go to Vietnam. I was decent in school, but…my father wasn't going to pay for college. I was to go into the business with him." He tilted his head toward the van in the driveway. "But I was a boy…a stupid, lovesick …scared fool when it came to your mother." Carlisle started to crack up, slap his knee.

"What's funny?" I smiled.

He shook his head. "I was young…I wanted to…" He waved a hand.

"Oh!" I laughed. "You wanted to fuck Mom?"

"Edward!" He punched my arm.

"What? Didn't you?" I snorted.

He nodded. "She wouldn't…and I tried everything." He palmed his face. "My last resort was…crying to her about the war, telling her how scared I was. I even asked her to run with me—to Canada." He raised a brow.

"You conned my mother into giving up the goods?"

"Hey…if I didn't, you wouldn't be here," he laughed. "We…did it, and then...we kept…on." Now this was hard for him. "And then she was pregnant. I spent every cent I'd saved…and my father helped me out, to buy that ring." He pointed to it. "The first time I asked…Mom said no. She thought I was only asking her because of you. But…I explained…I mean, I even knew from back then. Edward, we were young, but you weren't some mistake. You were just a surprise."

I furrowed my brow, thinking his words sweet, but… "You never went to Vietnam!" I exclaimed.

"My number was called for a physical…when you were a few months old, but no. I never went." He smiled. "You…you can think whatever you want about me. I'm a good, mild-mannered man. I'd like to think I'm a decent father, too—"

"I gave Bella Ecstasy," I said, ducking my head, and I couldn't believe I'd fucking told him.

"What?" he asked. "What's that?"

"You don't watch the news?" I was surprised he didn't know. "It's a new drink." I went on, nodding. "High in alcohol or whatever. She was shy sober…" I didn't know what else to say. "The, uh, the more she'd drink? The more she was all over me." I shrugged. "We had…sex the night we met, and I've been…nuts ever since. I get it."

"You kids move too fast." He shook his head. "I mean, in my day—"

"In your day? You act like you're sixty," I laughed. "And I don't care what you say, people were gettin' busy just as fast, I'd imagine." I had a feeling he was full of shit.

Dad left his chair to take the burgers off the BBQ. "We didn't have this HIV/AIDS, which is scary . . . Sex didn't kill people when I was a kid." He turned back to me. "You've been tested?" He pointed the spatula at me. "In today's world, there's a whole lot more than a baby to be frightened off—having relations without protection."

I nodded. "I've been tested a few times."

"Good." He sighed, closing the grill. "I had to…" Dad walked back into the house.

I followed. "For what?"

He placed the dish down, grabbing a few paper plates and the buns. "Esme didn't believe me—that I'd been single? She suggested it, wanted me to before we…and I still used a condom." He nodded. "Always practice safe sex—"

"I know I made a mistake, but Bella's on the pill, and we're both clean," I drawled, sitting at the table. "You really do treat me like I'm ten years old still." Snatching a bun from the package, I slapped a burger into it. "I know…you had to teach me how to be normal again, but…I know how to fuck. I was doing it before I went away, although I wasn't as good." I chuckled, biting into the burger.

"Yeah…you were sticking that ding-a-ling anywhere when you were what? Fourteen? What'd you know about love or sex or anything back then?" Carlisle's tone was hostile. "You mistook teenage urges for lust, feelings, and when you got out…you still had the same mindset, no respect for women, or for sex, or for anything else—using it as a release, which is disgusting…to me." He placed his hand on his chest. "The biggest mistake I ever made…After Mom died, you wanted me to leave you alone. That was what you wanted, and I wanted to make you happy. I should have never done that, letting you do whatever. Had I known Demetri was sick—"

"He was a drug addict." As far as I know, I think he still uses, but we never talk about it.

"Still…you bonded with him. I thought it was great…No one told me shit. I still don't know—to this day—what my brother was thinking." He banged his fist down.

I placed my hand on his. "It's over." Stuck, because we never talk about it, I actually got nervous. "I was a kid…it was when Mom was sick, and my head was messed up, I guess…I remember I wanted a new pair of sneakers. I knew you were struggling with Mom's hospital bills…I didn't want to ask you for anything, and I was walking up and down Bath Ave…looking for a job." I chuckled. "Jazz was with me. We hit up every pizzeria—thinking we could deliver. D caught up to us, bought us a few slices…talked to us. It was dumb—he said I could make some money, and all I'd have to do is deliver something."

"You had no idea?" he asked, leaning toward me.

"Not the first time. You'd be busy…Mom was in the hospital, and I'd be out on my bike . . . I'd go here, there…wherever they'd send me. The only thing they'd say…which made me wonder…was to drop my school bag and take off. If I saw cops or anyone coming for me. The next time, I looked in the bag. I still had no idea what it was—turned out to be these tiny, dime bags of dope—"

"Marijuana?" he hedged.

"Heroin," I said. "Then…D's friend Felix, who liked me—I don't know—he said he'd give me more money. All I had to do was look out for him—I didn't have to touch anything. Instead of twenty bucks a run, I'd get fifty just for keeping a look out while he hustled—sold the shit."

"Go on…How did you get into—"

I held up a hand, indicating he wait. "After a few months…it was after Mom died, and I didn't want to be in this house, which is not your fault." I looked to him. "I just…I'd met Felix's boss, Aro. He gave me my own corner, my own supply, and then after only a few hours after school, I was making a hundred dollars a day." I counted off my fingers. "It was easy…too easy, and…I got greedy, I guess. That hundred bucks wasn't enough—even if I wasn't spending all that money. I'd save it, buy all new clothes and hide it all from you. I'd steal whatever I wanted, too…But…when I had a lot of money saved, I went to Aro's boss, Marcus…who was a supplier…with all that cash. I wanted my own, so I could get all profits."

I chuckled. "I can't even tell you what was going through my head back then. I could blame it all on D, but…No, I really can't. Then…Emmett and Jasper, my buddy Riley…who died. Remember him?"

"Overdose," Dad whispered.

I nodded. "I'd never let Jazz or Em touch that shit. Riley would deal, I'd deal…He started using…" I didn't wanna talk about Riley; I never do. "And all this time, I was meeting new people—other dealers, bangers—a lot of shady fuckers. I'd constantly get mixed with this or that, and by then I wasn't in school. Then we fought when you found out…" I couldn't look him in the eye. "Demetri was never home, and when he was…he'd be passed out somewhere. I came and went as I pleased—more so. I had friends all over who'd let me crash with them."

"And you still don't know why you did all that?" he asked, keeping his tone low. "You say it's not my fault—"

"It's not," I said. "I liked money…still do, and it was all easy. That stuff…it made sense to me, and…I'd do other things, too, because I felt like it. Because I liked causing other people pain…I was heartless." I stared out the window. "I'll burn in hell for the shit I've done, but…I won't let you blame yourself. Whether or not you forgive D…" That was something I wanted for so long, but after last night… "That's up to you. Personally, Demetri hasn't been my uncle for a long, long time." I didn't know what else to say, and then my pager went off.

It was actually Alice's number. "Lemme use your phone?"

Dad gestured to it.

I stared at him as I called Bella back. Carlisle was quiet, he wasn't eating, and I felt horrible. But he'd ask me all the time, wanting to hear my story, and I edited a lot. No one needs to hear it all, all that bullshit. I tried to be as honest as possible—

"Hello?" Alice picked up.

"It's Edward," I said.

"Hang on," she giggled.

"Hey!" Bella got on. "I'm at Alice's now. It's no rush…I just wanted to let you know. Lunch was…blah. I don't know. But we're going to hit up 86th Street—get Alice an outfit for tonight."

"Okay…just page me when you're ready." I massaged my forehead. "Have fun."

"Love you."

"I love you, too." I hung up the phone to go back to the table. "You a'ight?" I hit Dad's shoulder.

"Tell me about the cocaine in the trunk—how it got there?" He looked to me.

I shook my head. "No…it's done, over with. You know what happened after…the boosted car and all that. I took money from one person, went to pick it up from another, and then I was bringing it back to the customer…got pulled over. It's not important." I picked up my forgotten hamburger and then I placed it back down.

"When you were a kid, I never even thought to lecture you about drugs—"

"What?" I laughed.

As a kid, all that garbage was circulating like crazy. Shit wasn't as regulated as it is now.

People's grandmothers were getting high and shit.

"Guess…I thought you'd know better." He wore a frown. "I used to hide my reefer, thinking it so horrible, and my son's selling heroin." Carlisle spoke to himself. "Your mother never even drank. You were never around people who—I had no idea about my brother." He sounded angry now. "I knew he was a pervert—"

I barked out a laugh, but I didn't know what he was getting at. "He likes dick…not kids."

"You know what I mean. What a man does in his bedroom…that's his business." He showed me his palm. "When he first became involved with that freak show place—Mom and I'd gone...it was obviously before she got sick, '84?" He furrowed his brow. "That place was nuts. It wasn't like the discotheques or the supper clubs. It was practically filled with men, the funny kind—" he wiggled his hand "—and they were all in costumes, dressed as women."

I covered my mouth as I chuckled. Carlisle sounded so old. "Clubs ain't like that anymore," I explained. "It was…I mean, some places were like that when I'd…be around, when I was younger. But the place he's in now…it's nothing like that. It's actually decent—different kinds of music playing, all kinds of people, bars everywhere. He made a good investment."

Demetri used to be a promoter for Limelight—the spot Dad was talking about—and he'd do whatever-the-fuck on the side. He saved his money, and he bought into Tunnel, along with many others. My uncle was never a skeeve-junkie, really, but he still chooses to handle the shadier side of club management, I guess. Fuck if I know or care.

"Things were just changing again when I'd gone away." I continued. "Heroin…people were still doin' it; they're doin' it now, but…coke was hot in '85, '86…" I pursed my lips. "Fuckin' crack, the poor man's coke. Now…things are different and still the same."

Carlisle hummed. "Just…stay away from it. Don't—I mean, you need money, you come to me. We'll figure something out—"

"I know. Relax." I wanted to stop him from repeating himself for the millionth time. "I live simple…I'm fine money-wise, and Bella's looking for a job. We're very comfortable." I nodded. "I was too young, never fucked with my credit or anything." I didn't know what else to say that'd ease his fears. "Tell me something." I turned in my chair. "You're so quick to pick my brain, and you'll talk about Mom, but…trust me with some info."

Dad grinned. "I do trust you, but there's not much to tell." He sounded like Bella. "Uh, I was at Esme's house for dinner last night…Her ex-husband was coming to pick up the baby, and…meeting him was a trip. I instantly hated him," he chuckled, pushing his hair back. "Instantly. This…irrational…ridiculous dislike; meanwhile, he was polite. I'm not Bianca's father, nor do I want to replace him. But I didn't…like it." His words were slow. "With your mother, I was the only man in her life…Esme has a past, obviously, since we all do. I guess I felt threatened. Here I am, all hopeful, and she has all this history with her ex. She could always go back to him. They have a baby together…" He trailed off.

"Eh, well…" I smiled and landed a hand on his forearm. "You need me to do something—"

"Edward!" He had that tone. "Honestly."

I scoffed. "You never used to bat an eyelash—if I needed a beatin' growin' up." I pointed to myself.

"That's how your grandfather disciplined me. You act like I abused you. One time, I lost my temper." He held up a finger. "Okay, twice. But, come on, Edward. All the shit you'd get into, and then the police coming to ransack my home…"

"I'm sorry," I said.

He waved a hand. "The fighting? You, Jasper, and Emmett—you guys were always getting into that kind of trouble. You had a temper. That? You got that from Lizzie—Mom. She'd…throw shit at me all the time. But the other stuff? I guess, as a parent, you hope for the best. You…hope and/or assume your child knows right from wrong. It is my fault," he admitted that last bit in a whisper. "I should have looked out for you. I should have taught you right from wrong…instead of…slapping you around, calling it a day, and then looking the other way." His eyes started tearing. "During that time…things were such a mess." He gulped, had stopped talking.

"Go on," I encouraged, highly curious, although I honestly don't blame my father for a damn thing. He knows that. He also knows it's truly not his fault, but I can't take his guilt away.

"A week…after your mother passed, I bought a gun." He wouldn't look at me. "I missed her…I-I'd lost my reason, my will to live. I had the gun…and after work that day, I parked the van in the driveway, and then I sat there…I just sat there, wanting to pull the trigger, and I couldn't do it. You…probably would have been better off. After you got into trouble, Em and Anita wouldn't take you in—didn't want you around Emmett—but they would have raised you," he cried. "They would have done better—"

I shook my head. "By that time, I was knee-deep in shit already—riding my bike to Gravesend to sell dope on a corner, skipping school. I was doing that already—before Mom died!" I shouted, having gotten excited. "I told you. I was approached at thirteen, the money came easy, and I kept at it. I was good at it, when I'd never been great at a thing. I was a baby G, hustling, and if I didn't do that stupid shit…" I blew out a breath.

"If I never went away, I could be King of New York by now. It wasn't your fault, and Emmett—his parents are still together; they seem normal. He's a decent man, has his shit together, but he's no saint. I come as I am. Emmett—a lot of people—they put their best representative out first, have so many fuckin' problems. Maybe I'm not the best person, maybe I've done some bad shit, but…and I know it sounds corny…You always stressed honesty, being myself. Maybe I wasn't always honest to my customers, doing shady street business, but everyone else…Bella says I'm too honest sometimes. If you…" I paused to get my words right. "If you can't see a lot of good in me, then…focus on the decent shit—be proud of the little things."

"Son…" He kept his mouth open, but he didn't say anything.

"What?" I asked, trying not to look at his tears, needing to keep myself shut off, unaffected.

"You made mistakes that you've paid for—you're still paying for them, but you're a commendable person. And that's something huge, to me. I'm proud of you every day. Maybe I never sat at a graduation, but the person you used to be and the person you are now? Son, you're not the same person—not at all. When I'd visit you…Edward, you'd stopped being my son." His voice broke. "I'd drive upstate, and I'd visit a criminal—from the way you spoke, your attitude, the heartlessness as you say, you were cold and mean. There was nothing left of you—nothing. There's nothing scarier than seeing someone you love and not being able to recognize them. When you came home…I'd lock my door at night before going to sleep. You were scary…but little by little you were coming back to me. When you met Bella…I still don't know how you managed to pull that off. I'm sorry. I meant…like how you'd appeal to her? But whatever you did, it worked, and then…my Edward was home. You came back. You changed so fast, and every day, every week, you're getting better and better." He smiled.

I didn't say anything, and I kept telling myself not to get offended. Sure, I knew I was a mean bastard. I knew I was a fucking animal, but…I guess it bothered me that my own father couldn't see past that.

"Um…" I cleared my throat. "I was honest…I got her fucked up, but I told her about myself. It wasn't something I put deep thought into. I don't know. I knew she was young…and it's never hard to turn on the charm for chicks—to mack it. When I met Bella, I only wanted to fuck her. I didn't think past getting my cock wet, and she was down for the ride. She kissed me…and I'd never been kissed like that. I got lucky; she was all over me, wanted me just as badly as I wanted her. Feeling like a bitch and shit, I was…Dad, I have no idea. She…awakened something inside me?"

I had no idea what I was saying. "And I was so used to—like you said, using women for a release—that it all shocked me. And…every woman who I'd been with…all they'd know was my first name. Some were my age or older, all…loose. Then…here's Bella, and…she was partying with us, doing all these things, but I saw through it? She could have had any dude she wanted that night—any of them." I nodded. "She wanted me…I-I told her a lot, but…telling chicks about your rap sheet really isn't the best pillow talk," I laughed.

"I bet some women like that," he commented.

I nodded. "Believe it or not, hey…But…with Bella, we hadn't even fucked yet. We were in the cab, on the way home, and…I couldn't stop kissing her. I wanted to make her feel good…I wanted…No, when we got back to my place, by the time we got there, I wasn't even all that eager to fuck. I just wanted more time with her, but she…she had other plans, and she was so cute—fuckin' clueless."

"Clueless?" he asked, smirking.

"She was like…half-a-virgin, and I'll leave it at that. But after…once the sun came up, yo…I had no idea what I was doin'. I knew Em, Jazz—someone was goin' to warn her, and I don't blame them for wanting to or doing so. I told her…I was a dick. She didn't judge me, and I was so used to it…being judged and shunned, I tried to push her away, thinking that'd be coming soon, regardless. The shit she'd said, too. Basically, all she wanted was sex or something. I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt her. But I felt like dog shit after. I felt bad when I'd usually forget—not give a fuck. The whole ride to drop her off kept playing on a constant loop in my head. I went to her job…and she was so happy to see me." I smiled.

"She turned it all upside down, and I cared—I was thinking about her all the time. And . . . she just brightens my world…simple as that. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. There's nothing I won't do to keep her happy." I missed Bella so much right now; meanwhile, I knew I'd be seeing her in an hour or something. "I won't lie…The first couple of times we chilled, all we'd do was fuck…that's it. She'd never ask me questions either. She'd never talk about herself, which…In hindsight, once we met, did what we did, we started spending every minute I wasn't working, together. I'd started to open up. I just started telling her everything, and it actually felt good to confide in someone…" I sighed.

"You fell in love. Whether it took five days or five months—"

"But I didn't know…It took…very close to a month before I even realized it." I chuckled. "And we don't even fight a lot. Seriously. I can be such an asshole sometimes." My pager went off. "It's Bella…again."

"Go 'head." He gestured to the phone, wearing a bright smile now. "I just want to let you know…I ask about things I already know the answer to because…now that you're different. You might have a different outlook. You could never even give me answers before. Now…? So, I apologize for picking your brain." He squeezed my shoulder.

"It's cool." I stood up to call Bella back.

She answered on the first ring this time. "Hey!" Bella sounded giddy.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Sorry I took so long."

I glanced at the clock, and I couldn't believe it was almost five p.m. "Where'd the time go?" I asked no one in particular.

"Oh, I'm sorry—"

"Baby, relax…I'm just running my mouth wit' Dad. I didn't even realize. Besides, it's your birthday, Bella. Are you havin' fun?" I asked.

"Yeah," she giggled. "I'm…I can't wait to see you. I have something to show you. I think you're going to love it!" She squealed into the phone, which made Alice giggle alongside her.

"You…" I thought Bella sounded way too happy. She's upbeat and silly a lot of the time, but she sounded off, rushing her words, too. "What'd you do?"

"You'll see—"

"That's not what I mean." I tried to keep my tone light while my stomach knotted up. My father was in the kitchen, so I stretched the cord—walking a few steps away. "What'd you take?" I whispered.

"Nothing!" she shouted. "I swear!"

I nodded. "You can tell me…" I faked a laugh. "It's no big deal."

"You're lying, but no. I didn't—I didn't take anything. I can't wait 'til later," she laughed.

"You ready or what? We still gotta eat dinner." I looked back to my father. "You meeting Esme?"

He shook his head. "You guys have fun. I have burgers."

"Carlisle has to come!" Bella shouted.

I pulled the phone away from my ear, she was so loud. "Why?" I was curious as to why Dad had to be there, wondering what Bella was up to.

"It's Saturday, and he's alone. I don't want him hanging out alone. I don't know," she explained.

"Oh…" I looked back to Dad. "Birthday girl says you hafta come."

Dad chuckled, putting his hands up. "I won't argue." He left the table. "Where are we going?"

"Just wear jeans or something." No matter where we go, that's what I'm wearing. "Where do you wanna go?" I asked Bella while Dad ran upstairs to change.

"I dunno…I borrowed sweats from Alice so I'd be comfortable—" She stopped talking.

Thinking back, I knew she was wearing jeans when I'd dropped her off. "You a'ight?"

"I'm perfect—oh, I can wear those." She must have told Alice. "I'm good, don't hafta stop at home. We can go straight to wherever. We just have to figure out where so I can call Jazz and Emmett," she giggled. "Alice suggested Sammy's. They have great Italian—pizza even, and they have those big tables in the back, and it's very casual."

"Isn't that just a pizzeria?" I laughed. "Look…I'll pick you up, we both put nice clothes on. We'll have everyone meet us. We can head to a nice spot in the city. You want Italian? It's your birthday; we go to Little Italy." I smiled wide.

"No…Sammy's has great calzones."

"All right," I sighed, hearing my father come back down. All he did was change his pants. "Sammy's it is. It's still early…You call Jazz and Em, and I'll be by soon to scoop you."

"Six-thirty?" she asked.

"Perfect." I shrugged.

"Love you."

"Love you." I hung up the phone. "I wish…she'd make up her damn mind sometimes," I told my father. "It's her birthday, you know?"

Dad didn't reply, too busy cleaning off the table. "Where are we going?"

"Sammy's on Third. It's in Bay Ridge." I sat back down. "They serve booze, and they'll serve anyone wearing shoes and a shirt. We'll be fine." I plucked at my t-shirt, knowing I still had to change before we actually went out later. "Yo, did you wanna check out D's spot? I'm not saying talk to him, but…and why aren't you seeing Esme tonight if homeboy's got the baby?" I spluttered.

He paused by the sink. "We…had a small argument."

"Call her up." I couldn't imagine what they'd fight over. "Invite her."

"I'm giving her space." He faced me. "When she wants to talk, she'll call."

"Huh?" I stared at the man like he had five heads. "Who did the wrong? If you fucked up, you should'a called her and shit. You're only digging yourself a deeper grave. I'm just sayin'." I showed him my palms.

"I didn't do anything." He pointed to himself. "Last night, after her ex came by, I…stayed the night."

"A'ight." I nodded, proud. "That's what's up."

He ignored me and continued. "We went to breakfast this morning, and we were just talking…With us getting closer, she wanted to talk about the future. She asked me if…I wanted more kids." He stared down. "I don't want any more children…I feel I'm too young to be a grandfather—" he gave me the stink-eye "—and I'm too old to have an infant?" Dad grimaced, shaking his head. "I also don't know if I'd ever get married again…I couldn't answer that one, but I was straightforward about the child issue."

I held back my eye-roll. "Dad, you're not old, so chill-the-fuck out about that shit. Women can still have babies at your age. You're not old—forty is nothing."

"I'm forty-one. Nevertheless, she accused us of being back to square one." He shrugged. "She ranted and raved—pretty much jealous of a dead woman." Carlisle groaned, shaking his head. "I didn't mean—"

I wasn't upset at all. "It's cool."

"She told me…I could never love her the way I loved your mother. But it's not about more or less or my reluctance to move on anymore . . . It's different: what I had with Mom vs. what I have with Esme. Plus, she's still young. She's only thirty-four, and even though she's divorced, she…would like to get married again, have more kids. And I do care for her. I told her…that I did in fact love her, that I'd fallen in love with her…over breakfast. But then…I bowed out." He gritted his teeth, angry, but he let it go very fast. "I told her…if she could make it work with Bianca's father, or someone else…she deserves what she wants, and since I feel the way I feel, she shouldn't waste her time."

"You guys broke up?" I shouted, sitting up.

"I've been trying not to think about it," he whispered.

"You could have told me before—talked my ear off." I didn't know what to say.

He placed his hand on his chest. "I know I did the right thing, and I asked we be friends…So, she'll call when she's ready." Carlisle was very calm for someone who has a broken heart. Or, was it really broken?

"Look, we'll get dinner…then you come back to the crib, we'll smoke. One of us'll lend ya a shirt." I stared at the flannel he rocked. "Wear your work boots—and you come out with us," I laughed. "Drink a few…I'll…Bella won't mind if we go someplace else. Maybe a bar?"

"I don't want to ruin her plans."

"You won't. I know my girl. She loves you, Pop…She'd rather have you come out for her birthday than…settling on some stupid club. As long as there's music, she can shake her ass with Alice…She'll be happy. We'll go to a bar." I nodded, standing up. "You could pass for like…" I stared at him. "You could so go for thirty-two, thirty-three?"

"I don't have a problem with my age—"

"No." I walked over to him, placed my arm over his shoulders. "Me and you…we're total opposites in a couple ways. You're correct most of the time, and while you disagree with me, I'm also correct on some matters, and we should find a compromise—a happy medium." My grin was so toothy, I surprised myself. "Jasper, Emmett, me…hell, Bella might get in on it, too. We're gonna get you laid tonight—"

He pushed me away from him. "Edward—"

"You're upset. Now you're single. You were hurting for dumb long, then you got some pussy…It's gonna be real hard turning back into a monk." I wiggled my brows. "Also—" now I was being serious "—if you keep living like an old man, you're going to turn into one. Yo, you never partied before—be easy, relax, and have a good time."

"You…When did you get so smart? Because…your half-assed idea came across as tempting." He rolled his eyes. "I'd love to spend time with you kids, but…don't worry about getting me laid. Okay? That's my business."

"But you'll come out?"

"I'm not going to ruin Bella's birthday—"

"It'll be great." I was actually very excited to have Dad come with us. "Let's go, so we can eat and then chill at the crib…" I grabbed my keys from the table, going out the side door since we hardly use the front.