Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended.

Beta'd by HollettLA

WARNING: Um...shit gets a little crazy, and this is the ONLY warning/disclaimer I plan to give :-)

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**The story is only 40 chapters long.

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Higher

Chapter Thirty-Four: Too Much

Edward acted as though he'd asked me to sew a button back onto his shirt; meanwhile, it was his flesh. My hands were too shaky, and I tried my best, as I also tried to keep his wound clean and dry.

Blood was everywhere—on Edward, on me, all over the bathroom.

In a daze, and while my boyfriend continued to wince, I stitched up his arm.

The oozing blood didn't bother me.

The mess didn't faze me, but Edward's nonchalance did.

Months ago, he swore he'd be better, swore he wasn't a banger like the rest of those gang members. He swore he only dealt with his uncle to make extra money.

But he's dealing with more people, making more cash, making more moves. Edward hides it all from me, so I have no proof.

This was proof.

That kid was dead…because he wanted my phone number.

A group of Crips was too fast to have his back, as if he was one of them.

Edward was shot.

The van might have holes in it.

God forbid anyone saw Edward…

All these thoughts and fears ran through my mind, and…

I was the cause of it all.

It was because of me.

Edward's laughter broke me from my reverie. "You wanna go to med school?" He stared at his arm. "Shit don't look too bad."

I blinked and tears fell down my cheeks.

"I'm not even bleeding anymore," he said, smiling up to me. "You fixed me." Edward puckered his lips for a kiss, and I bent down to give him one—feeling numb now.

"It's done," Jasper announced. "It's hidden…I didn't even glance at Fourth Ave., man. I don't know what's up."

"Thanks, bro," Edward replied, and Jasper left the doorway. "Bella…I'm fine." He told me for the tenth time.

I opened my mouth, looking down to my red hands, but nothing spilled from my lips. I had no idea where to start—feeling as though I should say something.

"We should shower—clean up." Edward hummed, standing to fiddle with the knobs, letting the water run. Then he closed and locked the door behind us.

Looking to all the blood on the floor, I grabbed a towel to mop it all up, and I started sobbing again—no matter how hard I tried not to. "Get-Get me the bleach…by-by the wa-washer."

I really tried not to cry; however, I'd managed not to while my hands were busy.

The bathroom needed to be cleaned.

"Baby…" Edward wrapped his arms around my back.

My body shook within the embrace. "It's—it's 'cause of me."

"Shhhh. No, that shit probably would'a happened anyway."

"How can you say that?" I asked, looking at him. "I-I get you into trouble…If it weren't for me—" I pushed out of his arms. "That kid would still be alive—you wouldn't fight…You wouldn't be doing what you're doing. My God!" I covered my face, sitting back on my calves. "You got shot—"

"Baby, listen to me." He held my cheek. "None of it's your fault. All right? Be easy." His nose nuzzled my cheek and then he placed kisses along my neck. "None of it…and I'm doing my best, you know? We're gonna get a house—"

"I don't want one!" I screamed. "Not if it means you have to do what you do! I'll leave school—get a full-time job and then we'll be okay. You can stop—"

He shook his head.

"Yes!" I needed him to hear me. "Just listen to me!"

He made me look at him, his grasp on my chin tight. "You're staying in school. We're getting a house—"

"And what happens when we go to a new neighborhood?" I asked. "You're gonna beat up everyone who glances at me—talks to me? You go crazy, and you're just going to get locked up again—"

My words made him angry. "This bullshit…" He slouched back.

"It's not bullshit! I-I can't be the reason you go back to prison! I can't! It'd kill me if you went away," I cried. "What's wrong with you that you don't learn? You're getting deeper and deeper, and just like you wouldn't watch me do stupid shit…I can't watch you do it either!"

Edward gritted his teeth, his body stiffening while his nostrils flared. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm asking you to stop—"

"You wanna leave me? Is that it?" he screamed, his voice so loud it made me jump.

"No—" My words cut off when his hand came out to grab my neck.

"I do all this shit for you—for you, so we don't live in shit! And you wanna leave?" He increased his hold, his nose touching mine.

I shook my head, gasping for air, and clawing at his forearm. "Edward, no—"

His eyes widened, and he withdrew his hand to gather me into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm sorry, baby." He hugged me too tight, and I coughed—letting out a wail.

And I was too confused to speak, too scared of saying the wrong thing.

Truth was he didn't hurt me, only startled me, but still…

He didn't hear my words, when he'd always listened before.

In my mind, there were too many thoughts, but the conclusion stayed the same.

"Bella, Bella…I'm sorry." He leaned back with tears in his eyes. "Forgive me," he pleaded, placing his lips to mine to cry into my mouth.

"It's okay." My love for this man knows no bounds, and while a smarter woman would have probably run right then and there, I dried his tears.

Besides, there was no guarantee I'd make it to the door anyway.

"I'd never hurt you…never," he whispered, sucking in a breath. "Things are shitty now, but you'll see, baby…soon…You'll see. I have everything planned." He squeezed me again. "Say something."

Inhaling through my nose, I just nodded.

"You're gonna graduate from school, we'll have a house, get married…have babies…Right?" He looked into my eyes.

"Yes." I tried to smile no matter how much I didn't mean it.

My thoughts from earlier were still the same.

If I weren't in Edward's life . . .

"But—" I stopped before I started, my face crumbling again.

"Talk to me, baby. Tell me." He placed his lips to mine, kissing me deeply. And every emotion, feeling—all my love for Edward went into that lip-lock. I kissed him back—our tongues tangling, my fingers weaving into his hair. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said, because I did.

I loved Edward so much, too much.

He kissed down my neck again while lifting my shirt. Once it flew over his shoulder, he went for my bra and then my sweats and panties. Naked and cold on the floor—which had his blood on it—we started making love while the steam from the shower filled the bathroom.

Everything Edward did felt fantastic. Once he'd entered me, I felt whole, and the world started to fade away until his hand grazed my neck—caressed it lovingly—and it reminded me what'd happened minutes prior.

I was more shocked that I was able to forget, and it made my mind wander again.

With mixed emotions flooding me, I let him fuck me.

Afterward, we showered. We had to be fast because the hot water wasn't going to last much longer, and then Edward went to smoke a blunt while I cleaned the bathroom.

I closed the door—embarrassed by the tears I just couldn't stop.

Everyone else seemed fine, although Edward seemed to tiptoe around me.

The stink of bleach was stuck in my nose when I crawled into bed. Edward was still regaling Emmett and Jasper with the full story of what had happened.

Hiding under the covers, I hoped sleep would find me before Edward joined me.

Maybe I'd think of something better tomorrow.

Maybe I'd be calmer in the morning.

Maybe I'd come up with a different solution to our problem—Edward's problem.