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Chapter Thirty-Six: Honest Mistake

Those pills knocked me on my ass, and by the time I woke up, it was dark outside again. Looking to the door, I saw the light in the hall was on which meant someone was home. Then I glanced to my alarm clock to see it was eight o'clock.

I slept almost twelve hours, and I fell out of the bed—startled.

No one had tried to wake me up, nothing. Maybe they didn't know I was here?

Slowly, I left my old bedroom when I heard the phone ringing, and I was in the hall when Renee answered.

"Yes, she's here. Stop calling. If she's here, it obviously means she wanted to get away from you! I'm sure she has nothing to say to you!" She slammed the phone down, only for it to start ringing again. Renee groaned, pulling the cord from the wall.

"Mom?" I cleared my throat.

She turned to smile at me. "I didn't want to wake you."

My stomach was in knots again, but I was numb, too, calm—too calm for what my heart truly felt. "Was that Edward?"

Renee lit a cigarette. "He's been calling nonstop, threatening to come over here, asking for you. I kept lying, telling him you weren't here. Now he knows, and now he'll—"

"He's going to come here," I said, and I didn't know how I felt about that.

"I'll call the cops—"

"No!" I shouted. "We're not fighting or anything…I just—"

She folded her arms over her chest. "Then why are you here? You have a bag, so I assume you're staying?"

"I just needed time…a nap." I didn't know what to say, but I knew I was going to leave with Edward so I could plead my case again.

She blew her smoke up into the air, waving it away from me.

I looked to her pack that rested on the kitchen counter. "Can I have one?"

Renee furrowed her brow, and I knew there was loads she wanted to say, but she handed me a cigarette instead.

"Thanks." I lit it and it tasted like garbage since I hardly ever smoke nowadays.

"Level with me…I don't want to fight with you, Bella." She sat at the kitchen table. "Sit."

I walked over to plop into a chair, flicking my ashes into the tray. "Our, um, building has…roaches. It's being fumigated, and I was supposed to—we were supposed to stay at his dad's. I came here instead."

"You're lying."

"I'm not," I whispered as I stood up to put the cigarette out. "I should get my bag. He'll probably be here soon." I knew Edward was going to come get me.

Renee didn't say anything as I went back into my old bedroom for my stuff. Actually, I was surprised at how cool she was being. She reminded me how she used to be—when she didn't give a fuck and didn't hide it. She wasn't nagging me, nothing.

But just in case—in case Edward was going to flip out—I chose to wait downstairs for him.

It was bitterly cold.

I'd been waiting for twenty minutes when I could no longer feel my toes—peeking up and down the avenue, looking toward the subway if he'd taken the train.

After an hour, disappointment filled me when Phil approached, not Edward. My mother's boyfriend was surprised to see me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said.

"Why are you crying?"

"Leave me alone." I gathered my things and walked away from him, going toward Alice's house.

My best friend wasn't home, but her mother let me wait for her. I clutched Alice's phone to my chest, betting she was somewhere with Jasper, while I contemplated calling Edward.

Emmett picked up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"It's me," I said.

"Yo…dude, Edward fuckin'…Why didn't you go to Carlisle's?" he asked.

"Where's Edward?" My heart was in my throat.

"At his dad's house…He went there, flipped the fuck out when you weren't there. Page him."

"All right," I whispered, not even saying goodbye as I hung up, and I'd forgotten to ask if Alice was there.

Hopeful, I called Carlisle's house, and Esme answered. They hadn't been seeing each other, had broken up for a short time, but now they're inseparable. "It's Bella."

Esme sighed. "We were all worried sick."

"I'm sorry. Is Edward there?"

"No…he left when your mom told him you were there. Are you okay?" she asked.

"No." I was honest, feeling my lip quiver.

"Hang on. Carlisle wants to talk to you."

I nodded although she couldn't see.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah…it's me." I wiped my eyes.

He hummed. "I'm glad you're okay…We were worried for a while there, but I had a feeling you were with your mom. Edward just left here a little while ago, uh…I calmed him down."

"Oh…where is he? I thought—" Embarrassed, I didn't want to admit that I thought Edward would pick me up.

"I told him to give you some space before he lost you for good. I hope I wasn't wrong in saying that. He wouldn't tell me what you guys fought over." He sounded contemplative, pausing for a beat too long. "He loves you so much. I hope you know that."

"We-we didn't fight," I cried. "I just needed—I don't know what I needed, but I need Edward." I tried breathing deeply to calm down. "I should probably page him." It wasn't as though I could talk about what happened with anyone else.

"Okay," he agreed. "Bella, if you need a place to stay, my door's always open."

"Thanks…bye." Just as I'd said that, Alice entered her bedroom.

She stared at me wide-eyed before tackling me with a hug. "I was just at Renee's." She kissed my cheek. "What the hell happened? No one would tell me."

I hugged her tightly, feeling like I was about to break down again, but I kept my cool. "Did you see Edward?"

"No…I was at the movies with Jazz. We went to dinner after he got outta work, and then Emmett said you left Edward—"

"I didn't." As time's worn on, I have no idea what I've done. "You didn't see Edward?"

She shook her head. "Are you staying over?"

"I…don't know." I didn't know anything. "I should page Edward."

After beeping him with Alice's number and my code—143—a few times, I relaxed back against her pillows.

"What happened?" She lay next to me.

I shook my head, because I didn't even know how to explain it.

"Did you guys fight? Or…?" She poked my side.

"The neighborhood is bad—"

"Fuck, yeah, it is. Some kid was killed there last night." She huffed. "I hate going over there, but…it's not like I walk around there. I'm safe in the apartment."

"Yeah." I stared at the phone, willing it to ring. "Because of that, Edward wanted us to stay at his dad's…I felt weird, so I went to Renee's, and I fell asleep. I'm so stupid."

She rolled her eyes. "So, what? You fell asleep. Big deal. Why would he be mad?"

Alice changed into pajamas, and I never answered her.

My best friend tried to take my mind off my waiting for Edward's call by filling the air with inane chatter. I was grateful, and then she tried to get me to goof around in an AOL chat room with her. The thought alone—because of how Edward and I had met—brought tears to my eyes.

When it was close to midnight, we fell asleep, and I was still holding Alice's phone.

At three a.m., I woke up needing to pee, only to be startled when I saw that Edward wasn't sleeping next to me. I managed not to disturb Alice or her family as I used the bathroom and grabbed something to drink.

I took another Valium, hoping that would dull the pain again, and I fell back to sleep in no time.

In the morning, Alice had a hard time waking me, although I felt her hand every time it pushed me.

Groggy, I went through a half-assed morning routine before Mr. Brandon drove us to campus. I'd already missed my first class, and I was about to miss my second one—waiting for Edward to call me back on a pay phone while I froze my ass off.

Since I couldn't deal, I hopped on the bus with nowhere to go.

I ended up at Renee's again where I paged Edward five times in quick succession.

When the phone finally rang, I picked it up on the first ring. "Edward?"

"What?" He had an attitude.

"Come get me. Please." I begged.

He was quiet on the other end for a few minutes.

"I love you," I cried. "And it'll kill me if…something happened because of me. I-I love you too much, and I'm selfish…I can't—I can't be without you, but you have to stop, Edward. It needs to end. I don't know what you're doing, but the other night was too much. You got hurt, and if…" I just shut up, hoping he'd say something—anything.

"I can't live without you, and I won't be able to live with myself if something happened to you," I explained, letting out a large breath. "I'd rather we lived in some shit hole until we had more—rather than you risking everything."

Edward sighed. "I know what I'm doing."

"Just listen to me—"

"Gimme some time, all right? You're cool at'cha mom's? Stay there where you're safe. Just gimme some time."

"Edward?" I asked, but he hung up on me.