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Beta'd by HollettLA

Higher

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Charcoal

"Lutheran Medical Center," Emmett said.

I felt my knees give out on me, but I reached for the door anyway to pull myself out of the hall.

"Wait up!" Emmett and Jasper chased after me.

Jasper insisted on driving, and my mind was a fucked-up—very fucked-up place—and I was scared out of my wits.

"What happened?" I managed to ask as Jasper peeled out of the driveway. "Fuckin' tell me!" I grabbed onto Emmett's jacket.

"She, uh, a little while ago…she downed some pills, overdosed."

My head shook as I felt my chin wrinkle. "No...she didn't—"

"Ali was upset—couldn't talk. She'd only just found out." Jasper glanced at me.

My head kept shaking. "She's—she's—"

"She's alive," Emmett said.

"Alice was too upset, didn't give us any answers. I dunno, bro." Jasper stepped on the gas.

"Why—" I didn't understand, nothing made sense. "Drive faster!" I shouted.

Emmett reached to hold my hand. "She's alive…She's not dead, but, I mean—relax. Okay?"

I cringed and stiffened, swearing to Christ I was going to explode—and I actually wanted Jasper to pull over so I could run to the hospital.

He was a block away, looking for parking when I jumped out and ran as fast as I could.

Security tried to stop me, but I got past them and into the emergency room. "Bella!" I shouted. "Bella!"

"Sir…" A nurse approached me, her arms widened. "How can I help you?"

"Bella—my, my wife?" My voice broke. "Swan—she's here?" In my head, I said a silent prayer that they were somehow wrong—that Bella wasn't here. "Bella!" I screamed for her once more.

"Sir, what's the name again?"

I palmed my face to cry, and then I shook it off. "They're wrong." I told myself, walking around and looking behind curtains.

That's when security caught up to me. They placed their fucking hands on me, and I shrugged them away. "My wife is here!"

They actually let me go.

"Sir, I can't help you unless you tell me her name."

"I did!" I snapped. "Bella Swan—Isabella Swan!"

That was when Phil popped his head out from around a curtain. He was a ways down the hall, and I ran in his direction. That motherfucker tried to stop me, too, but nothing was stopping me.

Emmett and Jasper fucking clotheslined him for me, but then my steps came to a halt when I finally saw Bella.

She was ghostly pale, lying on a stretcher, looking half asleep with black shit around her mouth.

"Bell—" My face crumpled, and I cried into my hands.

"Get out!" Renee shouted, but I ignored her.

"Edward…?" Bella whispered.

"I'm here," I cried, getting on my knees next to her bed. "You're okay." I palmed her cheek and kissed her blackened lips. "What did you do? Baby, what'd you do?" I pushed her hair away from her face, and I held her hand as I sobbed.

When I finally composed myself, I placed a kiss on her knuckles. "What happened?" I actually looked to Renee.

"You don't want me." Bella started to cry, letting out a whimper as her body trembled.

"No." I shook my head. "No, no fucking way." Still a sobbing mess, I crawled into the bed with her. "I love you…so, so much." My lips lingered on her cheek. "I always want you." I gathered her into my arms. "Always."

Bella scared the fuck out of me, but she wasn't as bad off as I'd first thought. After all, she was speaking, although weak, and yet strong enough to cry. She must have been awake enough to drink the liquid charcoal crap. She had a thick black line around her mouth. I know that's what they do when someone ODs, takes a bunch of shit. It's supposed to render the drug ineffective in the stomach, blocks it from entering the system. Bella was still looking tired, though—a little out of it, but not high or anything. Whatever she took was in her, and…

"What did you do?" I asked again, turning her chin back to me. "Baby, talk to me. What'd you do?"

"Nothing…I-I didn't wanna die. I was just so sad. I didn't wanna be in pain—" Her face crumpled again, but she swallowed her cry. "I didn't overdose. I was waiting for you, hoping—I don't know, but I didn't OD."

I wiped some of her tears away. "You can't leave me," I whispered. "You-you can't scare me like this, baby. I'm here. I'm not—" Looking down, my vision was blurry, but I gritted my teeth—needing to be strong, to be here for her.

No matter how upset I was, I couldn't fall apart now.

Bella swallowed and licked her dry lips.

"What did you take?" I asked.

"I stole Phil's Valium, and there were only like twenty-five, and I'd been taking them every day since Wednesday." Her eyes fell away from me. "I took a couple earlier—"

"Don't lie!" Renee scolded. "I saw the empty bottle! That's when I called 911." She looked to me. "It's your fault! My daughter—"

"Let's give 'em a minute." Emmett ushered her outta the room.

"Over my dead body—"

"Please." Emmett pushed her out.

Bella sniffled, meeting my gaze. "I-I wanted to save them…take them all at once. I did think about it." She covered her face.

I grasped both her hands.

"I kept waiting for you—I kept waiting to hear from you, and I kept taking them. It was easier…being like a zombie. Then I only had a few left, so I took those…hoping I'd…I just needed sleep," she cried. "They helped me tough it out, but for days…I wanted to die, I wanted—I wanted you, but—and if I was asleep, I wasn't thinking about dying and I wasn't hurting. I swear; I didn't overdose. She thinks I took them all because she found the empty bottle. She wouldn't listen to me, and since she had a hard time waking me…" She bit her quivering lip. "Next thing I know, Renee's screaming, I pop up awake, but she'd already called an ambulance. She overreacted. I was just sleeping, but she wouldn't-fucking-listen." Bella seemed angry now.

"Shhh." I hugged her tightly.

"I was fine—talking to the ambulance people and everything. My mom flipped on them when they were calm about things—told them I took the whole bottle. When we got here, they made me drink this stuff. No one would listen." She balled her hands into fists. "No one would listen to me."

"I'm here…keep talking."

Bella looked away from me. "You don't listen anymore—"

"Baby—"

"Did you come because you felt bad?" she asked, and the tears stayed at bay, fire in her eyes. "I didn't wanna come here, nor would I do this for your attention." Her brave act faltered when she broke down again.

Speechless, not sure where to start, I placed my lips to hers—hoping and praying she truly didn't believe her words, that she had more faith in me than that. "I love you, Bella. I came as soon as I heard because you scared the shit outta me." I shook my head, a sob getting caught in my throat. "I just needed time." I rasped out, resting my head to her bicep. "My God…baby, I just needed a few days, that's it…I'm sorry. I should have called, answered each and every one of your pages. Baby, I'm sorry. I should have explained better when we spoke…I needed a few days, where I needed you safe and outta the way. You were wit'cha moms, and since you went there…I thought you were fine, understood."

Bella didn't reply.

"I'm done with everything," I said. "I just had to tie up some loose ends, and I had a lot of other work to do. Day and night, I stayed busy—doing this or that. That's it, though. I'm done. I've walked away. I love you so fucking much. You can't do this—you can't fuckin' scare me like this—never." I was weepy again. "Please, Bella…I want you to be my wife. I want—I want so many things." I sniffed her hair. It was greasy and in a messy ponytail. "Please tell me…you didn't wanna die. The truth."

"I just didn't wanna hurt anymore…." She said it so low, I barely heard her. "I knew you were doing all this stuff for me, and I was scared, and you-you didn't care—"

"You're wrong." I squeezed her, and then I gently turned her body to face me. "I got us a house…It was supposed to be a surprise, but—I wanted to get you from Renee's first thing in the morning." I nipped her lips, gazing into her empty eyes.

"I don't wanna house—all I want is you, safe—not in trouble."

"No…our future," I said. "I just needed time. I thought you'd be fine, baby. I love you. I love you. I love you." My lips peppered her face with kisses. "Bella, baby, we're set. You'll see."