Chapter 4

AN: Finally Updated. J Sorry for the LONG wait. :I Also I have a question for you all. Would you like longer chapters? I realize that my chapters are quite short and if you'd guys like I'll try to make them longer.

Oh and I also realized I haven't done a Disclaimer yet. Uh.. I don't own Bleach. Yep.

Well on with the story! :D By the way this is in Rangiku's point of view.

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"I'm useless," Toshiro smiles. Although his smile is not filled with joy as it should but instead it is filled with disgust. Closing my eyes I try and keep my voice calm and steady for my captain's sake.

"That's not true," I reply just managing to keep my voice neutral. Ever since Momo's death I've been forced into the position of staying positive. I've never been the one who smiled and reassured everyone everything was going to be okay. That just wasn't me. But now, it seems, I'm being forced into that position.

"I'm letting the entire squad down with this useless pity party of mine!" Toshiro shouts kicking a rock out of his way. I sigh aggravated at my captain's stubbornness.

"If you'd stop with the 'pity party,' as you call it then we wouldn't have this problem!" I shout letting my arms fly up tiredly. He stays silent for the longest time. I think maybe my words have finally gotten through to him, but more than likely, it has not.

I sit down next to him staring out into the sky. I feel that all of this is my fault. If I had done something sooner maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't be like this. I've always known he was hurting, but for some reason I couldn't help him. Maybe it's because Toshiro acted so strong all the time, I figured he was okay.

Actually, I knew he wasn't. I know Toshiro always kept things bottled up, I just chose not to look. I thought, if I turned the other cheek, he would be okay. But I was stupid, every little thing that happened he'd keep it under a tight lock and key until finally there was no more space, and he exploded. I knew the day would come, I just … I just wasn't expecting it to come so soon.

"Rangiku," he whispers.

"Yes captain," I question.

"Momo, she's not really dead is she?" Toshiro asks looking at me confidently.

"She's dead captain," I whisper looking at him worriedly. "She died under your own hands."

He looks at me pained but nods his head. "You're right, foolish." But when he puts his head back onto his knees I know for a fact he doesn't think she's dead. I sigh; his desperation to get Momo has gotten so far as for him to think she's actually alive.

"Rangiku," he whispers looking at me seriously. "She's not dead. I know it. She can't be."

"Captain!" I shout standing up abruptly. "You cannot think like that! You'll only hurt yourself more if you force yourself to believe she's alive when she so clearly isn't!"

"If she was really dead I would feel something!" He yells standing angrily.

"You are feeling something! You've been feeling something for a couple months now!" I yell aggravated.

"Yes," he nods looking at me icily.

"Look, you're in denial captain. She's been dead for a while now, and you are feeling it. Your pity party? That's you feeling the pain of her being gone." I whisper trying to knock some sense into him.

He stays silent for a couple minutes more. After a while longer I decide he's had enough and I get up to leave. I've just about stood up but Toshiro's small voice stops me.

"She's not dead. I would have felt it. I would have felt her presence disappear. She's my best friend. I would have felt her presence vanishing from the soul society. But I didn't. She's not dead Rangiku, she's not."

I nod my head and leave. I put my hand on my chest feeling tightness there. The desperation in Toshiro's voice was so much, too much. I need to be strong, I have to be, for Toshiro, But the fact is, I was never the strong one. That was never me. I was the one that always leaned on Toshiro when I needed help, but now he's gone, and I'm supposed to be strong.

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"I can't believe I'm doing this," I mutter marching down the barracks of squad 3. If anyone were to know of Momo actually being alive, surely, Kira would be the one.

"Kira!" I shout knocking on his room door. "Open up!"

It seems like forever before he opens the door. He looks tired and worn out. That's what happens when your captains gone.

"What do you need Rangiku?" He asks stepping to the side to let me in.

"I've come here because I need to know," I whisper looking at him pleadingly.

"Need to know what? I can't read minds Rangiku," he laughs quirking an eyebrow at me.

I let out and aggravated sigh. I didn't think this would be so hard! "I'm just going to go and say it."

"That would be nice," he laughs sitting down on the floor. I sit down across from him.

"Is Momo still alive?" I let out in one quick breath.

"No," he laughs giving me a look. "She's been dead for months now, I thought you knew? Obviously your captain knows, how could not!"

"Thank you," I nod turning to leave the room.

His voice said no, but his eyes told a different story. I'm not exactly sure but I know Momo's still alive. How? Well that's beyond me. But there's one thing for certain. I have to find her. I have to. For the sake of Toshiro. For the sake of the squad. And just because Momo was a damn good friend. I'll find her, if it's the last thing I do. Because once I've found her, maybe, just maybe, Toshiro will finally be okay.

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AN: Wheew! This took me forever to write! But I'm glad I finally got it done! :D Anyways tell me what ya think? Review. :3