Chapter 3: Shattering Worlds

"At the temple there is a poem called "Loss" carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it."
―Arthur Golden

It's amazing how quickly the years can fly by, I attributed it to the fact that I had very little way of telling time locked in my little world of interconnected rooms. My world only had two people in it, Kenshin and Aiko, my days were spent learning and filling up the boredom with music/reading. It was hard, staying inside this tiny world, and it got harder every year. In this body I had never felt the sun on my face or the grass under my feet. I had never run free like I had in another life, I was trapped, born into a prison that had been made by love but a prison nonetheless.

I was almost five years old now, and I had learned a lot in the last few years. I could write now, and decently enough. I could read easily now, Kenshin had smuggled me more material whenever he had the chance and I now had a rather large collection of stuff. Kenshin was my first true teacher, he taught me all he knew and guided me in a way my sparsely educated mother couldn't have. He taught me the 'academy three' and some basic forms on taijutsu.

While I was an artist of ninjutsu due to my ridiculous chakra control I was absolutely pants at taijutsu. The problem with living in this tiny world was there was very limited space in which I could exercise safely and this left me with almost no stamina as well as very little strength. However, I was ridiculous speedy when it came to forming hand signs now since I practiced every moment I could on them it wasn't so surprising. Kenshin thought I was even as fast as an experienced genin and I took that as very high praise indeed.

Mother had almost enough hidden away that soon she would buy her contract back and we would be free to live our lives outside of this tiny world. We were so close to freedom I could almost touch it. Then one day I found out just how delicate my world was and how easily it could fall apart. My life had been a house of cards, every move had to be gently done or the whole thing would tumble down. All it had taken was ten minutes, ten minutes for me to ruin everything and lose everything all over again.

That day had started out like every other day before it except it was different and we just hadn't known it yet. Kenshin left early that morning to go shopping in a neighboring village for some teaching supplies for me. I was going to be five within the week and he had promised to start teaching me how to throw those cool kunai and shuriken. He was gone and the house opened business that afternoon as usual. My mother had been nervous, she hadn't wanted to go to work without Kenshin there for body guard duty but the house mother pushed her into it.

I was reading upside down on the ceiling waiting for my mom to take her break and smuggle me dinner. I should have known something was wrong when I heard my mother talking to someone outside our rooms but I hadn't been paying attention. I just thought that Kenshin must have come back early and we were going to eat together. Then my mother opened the door without tapping her fingers on the doorjab, I had no warning and sat frozen on the ceiling as she came in with a stranger tailing behind her.

I didn't understand at first, mom never brought clients back into her rooms and my confusion froze me into my place. Then I began noticing things, the glazed look in my mother's eyes, the chakra flaring in the obviously trained stranger as the man followed my mother with the look of concentration on his face. The man was trained, but he was not a shinobi, a drop out from some village maybe. All I knew was that my mother was going to be raped, in her own rooms, in front of me, unless I stopped him.

There was no conscious decision, no calculating of the consequences, I just reacted and I destroyed my life without a second thought. I dropped the rather large book I was reading on the stranger's head and tackled him a millisecond after. I was pulling at his hair, pocking his eyes, tearing at everything I could put my hands on and he struggled for a good minute before he threw me like a rag doll across the room. It had broken the genjutsu though; the noise of my mother screaming traveled through the carelessly left open door and brought down hell on us.

The guy was tackled by security and dragged out. The damage was done though; I was in no condition to move to hide before there was a mob of people coming to see the ruckus. Aiko was frantic hovering over me, afraid to touch me but desperate to see if I was okay. I laid against the wall in shock, what had I done? Over my mother's shoulder I saw the ice cold look in the House mother's eye as she stared down at me with a calculating glint in her eye. I had ruined everything, I destroyed my little world within a few minutes and there was no putting the pieces back together now that it was broken.

My mother didn't have enough to buy her contract yet, she was still the house's property and by extension that meant I was owned by them as well. The House mother made everyone leave and when it was just the three of us in the room her face transformed into a snarling demon. My mother was pale and shaking, holding my hand limply with her face a mask of disbelief as the House mother laid claim over me. I was to be sold to a geisha house in another town to make up for any lost earnings from the damage caused by tonight. We had one night left to say our goodbyes and then we would never see each other again.

Aiko had been too shocked to speak, and when the House mother left she picked me up crushing me in a terrible desperate hug that my body protested. I didn't say a word, this was my fault, and I took the pain as punishment. My mother got very quiet, very still, soon after and sat me down in front of her tracing my every feature with shaking hands. Then she nodded to herself and left me alone. I was too numb to cry; too shocked by her sudden leaving to do anything but sit where she had left me.

It was some hours later before she returned with a plump looking man with oily hair and a sneaky attitude. She didn't say a word as she directed the man to her side room and then began gathering things up. I watched as she put my meager collection of clothes, sealed my reading collection in a very expensive sealing scroll some shinobi had given her and packed a strange assortment of other things in a little pack as well. I lost track of all the items she sealed in the scroll or carefully placed into the little back pack. Then she kissed me on the cheek and went to join the man in her bedroom.

I sat there unable to block the sound of him taking something precious from my mom and then an hour or so later they came out again. My mother slipped a few last things into the pack and then took me aside. The oily fat man waited by the door, twitching nervously and looking around with shifty eyes. I didn't know what was going on, it was like my mind had shut down and nothing made sense to me anymore. Aiko held out the pack and made sure my hands were firmly around the strap before she let go.

Then she looked me straight in the eyes, looking more serious than I had ever seen her before and said, "Natsumi, I need you to listen to me very carefully right now, okay?" She waited for me to nod before she continued on, "The man behind me is going to smuggle you out of town and you need to travel with him for exactly three days got it? As soon as you can, you need to get away from him and head to Konoha. He is not to be trusted, so try to slip away without letting anyone see. I put a map in your pack, along with a compass, you'll have to get there on your own."

Aiko gripped my shoulders, "I know this is a lot Natsumi, but I know you're my clever girl. I know you can do this. I can't go with you now because the house would hire ninja to bring me back, I'm too valuable. You need to be go first, I'll meet up when I can," her voice hitched, "but if I can't make it to you Natsumi, I want you to know I love you and won't ever forget you." She cupped my face, "I packed that picture of your father, if you tell the Konoha ninja who your father is they will take care of you and protect you from this life."

She kissed my face, and whispered in my ear, "I put half of my savings in a scroll at the bottom of your pack, just in case, use it wisely and don't let anyone know you have it!" Then she pulled back cupping my cheeks again and looked me in the eye with a look that shot right through me, "Live well Natsumi, let love in, don't lose your honor and always know that I love you with all my heart. Be strong, make friends, and know that I am so very proud of you. No matter what happens, or what you do, I am proud of you Natsumi. Be safe, be smart, practice your music and have a big family when you grow up."

Her arms circled around me and pulled me tightly to her chest hugging me fiercely. I felt a burning in my eyes, my throat tightened stealing my voice and my heart squeezed painfully, the overwhelming feeling of loss left me shaking. "I left a few things in your pack, surprises that I don't want you to look at until you're safe in Konoha. I love you Natsumi, do your best, and never give up." She whispered into my ear before pulling back and leading me over to the awaiting smuggler. I was numb, I followed the man slowly and softly closed the door behind me as we left. Before it was all the way closed, just a sliver was left, I heard my strong beautiful mother choke back a sob and somehow that made it all worse.

I was so shocked by the suddenness of my change of circumstance that I barely noted leaving the whore house for the first time in my life. I couldn't take in the feel of the fresh air or see the twinkling night sky with any comprehension. I sat huddled in the back of the man's carriage folded into the smallest ball I could and was hidden under some silk cloth. My pack was a heavy weight on my back and I held onto the straps with a white knuckled grip.

Absently I took in the clothes I was wearing, my black shorts, my forest green t-shirt, my little black slippers that reminded me of ballerina slippers and shivered in the night air. The silk cloth did little to warm me, I wasn't dressed for this harsh outside world and I wondered how I would survive here without my mother. I had never been outside those rooms in all the years I had been alive in this life, I had never see the outside and I felt like a stranger in a foreign world for the first time since waking here.

Somehow I must have fallen asleep because I woke to the harsh light of day. My eyes watered, I could barely see because my eyes were so unused to the brightness of the sun. It took me an hour to see normally and by then I could feel the bite of the sun against my skin. I was pale from a life inside, I was burning already and I didn't have anything to protect my skin with. In my old life I would have put on sunblock but I didn't even know if that existed here. Desperation drove me to push my chakra to coat my skin, hoping that it would help some and it did.

However, while I had a decent amount of chakra I could not keep that coating all day without fainting from exhaustion and by the end of the day I was pink with sun burns. The man had given me a canteen that morning and an small rice ball that night after he filled it with water again. We traveled, I sipped sparingly from my canteen, and at night I ate. This went on for three days and on the third night I waited in anxiety for him to fall to sleep. He was snoring loudly for a good hour before I dared to move.

I filled up my canteen, grabbed a full spare and some wrapped rice balls before I checked his map. He marked his progress every night so I got my baring easily enough using the light of his campfire and then I snuck away. The moon was reasonably full and gave me just enough light that I could walk without falling, well mostly. The slippers I was wearing did little to protect my feet from the sticks, rocks, ground as they were made for inside and not trekking through a forest.

What was I doing? I forced myself to walk; I needed to get distance between me and that man. My mother hadn't trusted him and so I certainly wouldn't. I didn't want to be found so easily and so I kept walking. Every so often I had to stop, checking my crude map and my compass. My muscles burned, screamed at me to stop, to rest, but I refuse to stop. My body wasn't used to this much activity, I hadn't been able to exercise much in my small world and now I was beginning to realize how unfit I was from that. I stumbled on, exhausted, my feet screamed, my body ached, and all I wanted was to drop where I was…I forced myself to keep going.

I didn't stop until the sun blushed over the horizon and then I climbed up a tree. Walking on the side of a tree was different and more difficult than walking up a smooth wall, somehow I managed. I tucked myself high up in the thickest branches and the darkest spot I could find falling sleep as soon as I secured myself to the trunk with a bit of rope I had taken from the man.

Hunger and thirst woke me up that afternoon. I opened my pack getting a rice ball and took small sips from one of the canteens. I took out my map, Yorokobi was on the border of the border between the River country and Ame just barely within the Fire Country. It took three weeks to travel to Konoha using horse and carriage. I had only ridden with the man for three days, so I estimated that it would take me well over a month to reach there if I walked as long as I could every chance I got.

There should be a small river that I would cross within two days but I couldn't count on it since I wasn't sure how far I walked. I would have to be very careful with my rations and try to find things to eat in the mean time. My body screamed at me as I stood up and walked down the tree. All I wanted was to rest, but I knew if I did that there was a good chance I would die before I go to Konoha. I had to go on, I had to get there, and hope that my mom would meet me there soon after.

By the time the sun started to set my flimsy slippers had given up the ghost and were utterly useless as the soles had been shorn off from the harsh ground. I took off the remaining tatters and put them in my pack just in case. I used to watch survival shows all the time in my old life with my hubby and I knew even seeming useless things could come in handy somehow. My feet were raw, every step felt like I was stepping on shatter glass and I marveled at their fragility. When I was this age the last go around I had run around bare foot for days without a care in a world and now it was like I was skinning my feet with every step.

Logically I knew it was because I had no calluses in this new body but that didn't make it any easier walking. It was eerie walking at night, every noise sounded like some predator stalking me in the dark waiting for me to stop to pounce. I shivered from a combination of cold and fright. All the clothes I had were unsuited for the cold and only the activity of walking kept me warm. Somehow I managed to make it to dawn again and I found another tree to sleep in soon after.

This one wasn't as densely grown as the last one and I woke up blistered red from sun burns with cracked bleeding lips. I checked my map, ate a rice ball and took some sips from my canteen. Then somehow I managed to force myself to get down from this tree even though my feet left little bloody foot prints as I made my way down. The bottom of my feet had scabbed over sometime while I was sleeping and I had managed to rip open them on the way down.

I sat heavily on the base of the tree and opened my pack looking for something to wrap them with to stop the bleeding. I might not have been out in this world at all but I knew enough to know leaving a blood trail wasn't a smart move. I managed to mutilate one of my spare shirts into strips to bandage my feet and nearly hit myself from my stupidity. Why hadn't I done this sooner? Answer, too freaking exhausted to think straight and I was moving on pure bull headed stupid stubbornness by this point so thinking wasn't coming easy for me right now.

The walk that afternoon was perhaps the longest one I had in both my lives and I didn't even make it very far it seemed. I found a stick sturdy enough that I could lean into it and while it helped me walk it also bit into my hands thanks to its rough bark. This journey was unpleasant; I was thirsty, hungry, exhausted beyond anything I had ever experienced and in a lot of pain. Every moment I expected to drop like a stone onto the ground and have my body give out.

It was a little surprising that somehow I managed to keep walking and found another tree to sleep in as dawn began to creep up. I settled into a routine, wake up, take stock, eat, drink, force myself to walk and then find a tree to sleep in at dawn. This routine lasted for five days after leaving that man behind and on the sixth day I ran out of rice balls. That was a problem since I had no clue on what I could eat out here in the world without poisoning myself and I very much doubted I would be able to force myself to kill something to eat. It was not like I could even catch anything to kill anyways.

My water was running low too. I had finished one canteen already and that was only from taking small sips whenever I absolutely needed a drink. I hadn't found that small river that was shown on the map, I had no idea where I was since I was pretty sure I had managed to get myself lost even with a map and I was miles from anyone. Needless to say my situation was a little bleak and for the first time I began to wonder if I would be able to make it to Konoha at all. Would I die again? Out here all alone?