Disclaimer: I forgot to do this in the first chapter so here it is. I don't own the characters of BTVS or Twilight, just the psychological torture that I will put them through in this story.

-Forks, Washington 2:00 pm-

The real estate agent lied. Must remember to send a thank you card to that lady. Preferably an exploding one. Is it daytime or is the clock wrong.

"Excuse me sir, but does the sun ever shine here? I've been in Washington for an hour and the rain just seems to be getting worse the farther we go."

"Welcome to Forks." grinned the cab driver.

We pulled up to what must have been the most beautiful house in the world... that is when it was first built. Now it looks like it will probably collapse on me if I stare at it too hard.

Crack.

Shatter.

Screech.

"What the sunnyhell was that?"

And where did the cab driver go? At least he took the time to throw my luggage on the ground.

Quit complaining and find out what just attacked our new home.

Upon entering the house it seemed that for the most part the inside was in good condition aside from a little mold, dust, and probably rusty pipes. As I made my way to the second floor I found a perfect little circle of light on the landing. I soon realized it was comeing from the hole in the bedroom door.

Oh my god, I bought a house that some psycho lived in. I bet he lured small children in with the promise of puppies and candy only to later shoot them through the hole when they came up the stairs. Then he would slice them apart and marinate them in A1 steak sauce to be cooked later...

Xander looks to the left in horror of his mounting thoughts only to spot...

Or a baseball could have been hit through the old rotten door but please continue with your other thoughts. Was reminding me of when we ate that pig but I bet children would be more tender.

This could also explain the sounds we heard when we got here but who would be playing baseball in a lightning storm? Also on a side note I thought we discussed you not referrencing the pig incident. God why couldn't I have a primal rabit as a roomate in my head instead of the hyena?

Then you would have carpal tunnel in your wrists instead of just craveing raw meat.

Bitch.

Pervert.

Luckily a knock interrupted the MENSA convention going on in my head or else I know I would have won. As I approached the door I decided to pick up the baseball so that I wouldn't trip over it later. I know me plus object on floor equals a broken Xander which is of the bad. Upon opening the door I was struck with the curious thought.

How did word spread fast enough for people to know someone lives here.

Blink. Blink.

Xan brain losing power, attempting reboot.

"Um, excuse me but I was wondering if I could retrieve my baseball? It seems my brother knocked it through your window by accident."

Blink. Blink.

Quick you idiot make words. Stop staring at the bronze god and say something.

You do realize that your the idiot right?

"Your... ball... hole... bedroom."

"Pardon?"

IDIOT must remember to strangle myself later.

Yip. Let me do it and I promise I won't make you have those naked dreams for at least a week.

Shut it Cujo. Oh god he's staring at us funny.

"Sorry, was a little surprised that anyone knew someone lived here already. Here's your ball, luckily it only made a hole through the window and bedroom door. I'm Xander Harris by the way."

"Nice to meet you Xander, I'm Edward Cullen. My brother Emmett would be happy to pay for the damage that the ball caused. Here's our home number, feel free to call we're also your closest neighbors. Also just to let you know news travels fast in a small town like Forks."

"Thanks, I'll call him when I get settled. Maybe I can guilt him into helping me fix this place up some instead of paying money."

"I'm sure he'd enjoy that, see around Xander."

"Later." replies Xander as he shuts the door and turns to make his way back upstairs.

OMG he was such a major hottie... I've been hanging around girls too much. I'm begining to question my sexuality.

Please you should have started that questioning that when you had that leather s and m dream about Andrew.

I don't know what your talking about that never happened, besides you can't say he doesn't scream massochist. He looks like a little puppy you just want to take a riding crop to and make him fall to his knees to worship your...

Shut it now meatbag or so help me I will make you have dreams about Angel.

Xander slipped on the steps and came crashing down.

Author's Note: Thanks for your patience everyone sorry for the shortness of the chapter. Had power loss for the past couple of days due to snow. Will try to make next chapter longer. Huggles.