Disclaimer: I still don't own the characters of Twilight and BTVS.
Small author's note: First of all I have to apologize… life has been doing massive suckage of the bad kind which distracted me from the pretties. Hoping to get back into it by giving Edward's perspective for the day Xander arrived. Also keeping in mind how I organized Xander's thoughts I'm going continue on the route of Human Thoughts and Non-human Thoughts for when Edward's focused on listening to someone's thoughts or having his own.
-Cullen Home in Forks, 8:00 am-
"Edward, I swear on my wardrobe if you ask me about the vision one more time I will start thinking of different songs meant to get stuck in your head."
"Come on Alice, you know that I'm just worried about the family after what we went through with Bella. If you would just explain to me what your vision was about I can help us avoid it."
I warned you, you can't say I didn't. This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn't end….
"Oh god, I give up. Please stop it Alice, I'm begging you."
"Fine but next time I'm going to picture you dressed in a catholic school girl uniform singing "Oops I did it again". I know how to break your mind if I have to."
Emmett and Rosalie returns from hunting "Remembering your crossdressing days Edward?" Emmett said with a smirk.
Growl.
"That was at least 80 years ago and only happened because Rosalie here got a stick up her ass that she wasn't my mate. How she thought crossdressing would make me want her I have no idea."
"It helped you realize you were gay." stated Rosalie.
Growl.
"I'm not gay. I'm bi-sexual or was Bella secretly a man?"
"Sorry Edward but the only emotions I got from you were intense hunger when you were with Bella not lust. Reminded me of Woodstock, I honestly thought you were high and getting a case of the munchies until Carlisle explained blood singers to us. The sex was just a thought you had to try and get around the hunger."
Growl.
"I loathe you all." replied Edward as he left the living room to go to his bedroom.
As a group they yelled "We love you too, Edward."
-1:00 PM –
A short blur ran up the stairs and tapped on Edward's door.
"Edward come on, stop pouting in there and come out. We're all getting ready to go play some baseball." said Alice.
"I don't wanna go. You all are mean and evil and fuck like rabbits after a baseball game." said Edward with a pout on his lips.
"If you go I promise I'll convince everyone to go somewhere else to have sex after the game so you can relax here at home."
The door opened then to reveal Edward dressed in some old jeans and a plain white t-shirt with a baseball cap on.
-2:00 PM-
I can't believe Emmett hit the ball that hard… and why did Alice have to insist that I go get the damn thing.
Edward reaches the oldest house in Forks that sits down the road from them only to notice a hole in one of the bedroom windows.
Great just great, now I have to climb in there to get the ball and hope that I don't fall through the floor. Wait a minute I hear a heart beat.
Edward approaches the front door of the home upon realizing that somebody must be in there and freezes in place at the thoughts he hears from them.
Oh my god, I bought a house that some psycho lived in. I bet he lured small children in with the promise of puppies and candy only to later shoot them through the hole when they came up the stairs. Then he would slice them apart and marinate them in A1 steak sauce to be cooked later...
Okay that was creative. I wonder if Alice's vision involved a pedophile/cannibal eating the small children in town.
Or a baseball could have been hit through the old rotten door but please continue with your other thoughts. Was reminding me of when we ate that pig but I bet children would be more tender.
Okay, that was creepy. Is this guy honestly conversing with himself in his head?
This could also explain the sounds we heard when we got here but who would be playing baseball in a lightning storm? Also on a side note I thought we discussed you not referencing the pig incident. God why couldn't I have a primal rabbit as a roommate in my head instead of the hyena?
This guy really is nuts. He thinks he has a hyena in his head? At least he's unique I guess. Wonder if I still have that old encyclopedia of mental disorders. Going to have to check when I get home.
Then you would have carpal tunnel in your wrists instead of just craving raw meat.
Twitch.
Edward stares down.
I hate forever being stuck in the body of a teenager…. stupid hormones. Go down you stupid thing.
Bitch.
Pervert.
I think I should interrupt this before I start hearing this person smack himself.
Edward knocks on the door.
How did word spread fast enough for people to know someone lives here.
Edward stares at the dark haired human that opened the door and catches a wonderful scent.
Oh god. He reminds me of the scent of strawberries dipped in chocolate. I wonder if he would taste that way too.
"Um, excuse me but I was wondering if I could retrieve my baseball? It seems my brother knocked it through your window by accident."
I wonder if his disorder is preventing social interaction with me. He has a beautiful chocolate eye… wait a minute "eye" singular? What happened to him? Did somebody attack him? I'll crush the skull of the freak that did that.
Growl.
"Your... ball... hole... bedroom."
Is he still recovering from some head surgery because of the eye? I should consult with Carlisle when I get back to him to see if he can get this wondrous man's health records.
"Pardon?"
IDIOT must remember to strangle myself later.
Yip. Let me do it and I promise I won't make you have those naked dreams for at least a week.
He believes this other personality can affect his dreams? Maybe the other personality is his own personification of his ID.
Shut it Cujo. Oh god he's staring at us funny.
"Sorry, was a little surprised that anyone knew someone lived here already. Here's your ball, luckily it only made a hole through the window and bedroom door. I'm Xander Harris by the way."
"Nice to meet you Xander, I'm Edward Cullen. My brother Emmett would be happy to pay for the damage that the ball caused. Here's our home number, feel free to call we're also your closest neighbors. Also just to let you know news travels fast in a small town like Forks."
That'll teach Emmett to attack Xander's house like that. I'll even set fire to the game consoles and delete all his recorded sports games from the Tivo… whoah… that was a little much. I think I could have won an over protectiveness competition with Rosalie for those thoughts.
"Thanks, I'll call him when I get settled. Maybe I can guilt him into helping me fix this place up some instead of paying money."
Oh Emmett will definitely help unless he wants me to show Rosalie his huge porn collection. He knows she'll torch them all if she thinks he's been getting off from the pornos instead of her.
"I'm sure he'd enjoy that, see you around Xander."
"Later."
I'm so coming back here later to check on him. Wait I have the perfect idea. I'll tell Esme about Xander, she'll make him some food to welcome him to Forks, and I'll deliver it. I wonder if Alice would help me by telling me when he's taking a shower so I can get him to answer the door dripping wet. Maybe even with a small towel clinging to his hips that I can whip off of him just before I press his back against the front door, hike his legs up onto my hips, and grind against him until he's a panting mess ready to explode.
Twitch.
Twitch.
Edward stares down.
"DAMN STUPID FUCKING HORMONES!"
Author's Note: Once again I'm sorry for the delay. Life is just being difficult but I didn't want ya'll to think that I gave up on this story. I hope that ya'll enjoyed the glimpse into my Edward's mind. I'll probably make more references to his past throughout the story since he is over 100 years old I figure he did plenty of things in his time.
Also let me know please in a review if you found it hard to keep track of Edward's thoughts and others such as the hyena. If need be I figure I can start people's thoughts with a first initial such as E- if that makes it easier since he is gonna be the hardest person thought wise to keep from getting lost when reading his POV. Huggles all.