Chapter 5- Groundbreaking Truths

"Life is full of screwups. You're supposed to fail sometimes. It's a required part of the human existence."
―Sarah Dessen

~Sakumo~

It took them two days to make it back to Konoha going at top speed with little to no breaks and in that time the child had yet to wake. It made Sakumo nervous because as a father seeing a child hurting like this didn't sit well with him. It was a huge relief to see the walls of their village and they sped up as soon as they saw those gates. Sakumo detoured to the hospital to drop his little cargo off. Luckily there was a long established protocol for these sorts of things and it barely held him up.

He simply dropped the kid off at the front desk, stated that the child was red tagged and left forgetting about the pack in his own. He made it to the Hokage's office just as his teammates did for the debriefing. That was probably the longest two hours of his entire career; the heavy disappointment from the Sandaime was like shouldering the disappointment of his father. The worst of it was that while the man understood his actions and deeply sympathized with his choice he could not condone it.

In the Shinobi way of life Sacrifice was common and often looked upon as a last act of honor. His teammates had been resigned to their fates, had been willing to make that sacrifice for the good of their village and he had acted selfishly on saving them. His actions would rob them of the peace they so desperately needed and now they were facing another war. A war that Konoha's already extended resources was not ready to handle. They were barely beginning to recover from the Second Shinobi War and just didn't have the manpower to begin hitting once more.

It was a bleak outlook, graduation age would have to be advanced to younger children to fill up the ranks and these kids weren't ready to face a war. His little Kakashi, his child prodigy, was going to graduate this year by the looks of things and that meant he would be facing the horrors of war soon. He had failed his village, failed his son, and failed his teammates. All this would happen because he could not stomach the thought of leaving comrades behind and for what? To give them a few more years spent fighting a hellish war between nations once again? Was it all for nothing?

Sakumo didn't know, but he did know that he had made a call. He had decided to save his teammates, he had not the stomach to make the tough choice and now he would have to suffer the consequences. The Sandaime docked his pay and suspended him from active duty until further notice. He was put on probation with a black mark on his record and he was no longer eligible to become a jounin instructor. It had been his dream to have his own cute little genin team and he had some fantasies about persuading the Hokage to allow his son to be on his team.

Dreams that were lost before they had a chance to form leaving only shame and a bitter taste in his mouth. He walked home feeling the weight of his failure weighing him down like a lead blanket, his only thought was to see his little Kakashi and enjoy the little time he had with him before word spread of his disgrace. In Konoha the only thing that traveled faster than the ANBU was the rumors and Sakumo had no doubt that come morning he would be facing a lot of hostility.

It wasn't until Sakumo was making breakfast the next morning for Kakashi that he remembered the pack that had come with the kid he had picked up on the way home. So after he had dropped off Kakashi at the academy he went back home to look through the kid's things for some clues about why a child was out in the middle of nowhere. Sakumo acknowledge that it was mostly because he wanted a distraction as much as that he so freaking curious by nature.

The first things he pulled out were interesting but useless, torn slipper remains, spare clothes, a few storage scrolls, a pretty hair comb, a flute, and some womanly things that were from an older woman (probably her mother). There was a map, a compass, a hairbrush and a hand mirror. Just when Sakumo thought he would have to go through the storage scrolls one by one for anything really interesting he found a hidden pocket along the seam at the bottom of the pack. Inside was a picture that Sakumo stared at dumbly for longer than he would ever admit to anyone.

Why would a random kid have a picture of Jiraiya and what was obviously a whore?

Sakumo almost didn't turn the photo over as a horrible sense of foreboding overtook him. However, curiosity drove him to do it and as he suspected there was a short message on the back written in a very elegant script. It was short, to the point, but it left him with a whole lot of unanswered questions as well as an incoming headache. Eyes wide Sakumo just sat staring at the message incomprehensively as he tried to fathom how horrible/lucky he must have been to have seen the girl on his way back from that mission.

Jiraiya-

You probably don't remember me as I am but one of many. However, we shared a secret that you were unaware of that I have tried to protect but now it falls to you. Protect our daughter, Natsumi.

-Aiko

Slowly, as if in a daze he carefully placed all the things he had pulled out back into the pack and set it in the corner. He still had the photo clasped firmly in his hand as he walked towards the door before he shook himself and put it in his kunai pouch. He had to see the Sandaime, they needed to get a message to Jiraiya and they needed to see the girl. This probably wasn't so big in the scheme of things with war on the horizon but somehow it seemed very important still.

Jiraiya was his friend, they had gone to the academy together, and they had fought in the first and second war together. Jiraiya had been there beside him to bury his first wife, when he had married his second, when his son had been born and now Sakumo had some earth shattering news for his dear friend. The Sandaime was Jiraiya's sensei he would understand why he this was important enough to call Jiraiya in because the Sandaime was also a father.

He waited for three hours before the Sandaime called him into his office and then somehow he couldn't find the words to tell him the news. So Sakumo settled with, "Do you remember that child I found on the return trip, the one red tagged in the hospital?" he asked uselessly. Hiruzen nodded his head slowly, "Yes, I do remember that from the debriefing. Why? Has new information been obtained in regards to the child?" he asked. Sakumo nodded and finding himself speechless once more simply handed Hiruzen the photograph and said, "I found this in her pack."

Hiruzen looked at it curiously and just as he had turned it over to read the message on the back of it. Then he got pale and silent. His shoulders tensed and Sakumo wondered what was going through his mind. Then Hiruzen looked up with a very suspicious glint in his eye and Sakumo almost felt bad for Jiraiya.

That look did not bode well.

~Natsumi~

"Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things."

― Arthur Schopenhauer

I was dreaming; I knew I was because I was me again. I mean I was the me was before all this craziness happened and I got shoved into a life that I never thought was possible. I was walking through our house, and looking for him. I called out and only my voice echoing back at me answered. It was empty, I knew it was, but I kept looking. I wanted to see him again, touch him, hold him, kiss him, tell him how much he meant to me before it was too late.

When I found him I was surprised and I wasn't so sure why. There he was curled up in our bed but he was different than when I had seen him last. I sat on the bed, trying to talk to him, to ask him what was wrong but he couldn't hear me. When I tried to touch him my hand fell through him like I was trying to catch smoke. He looked so…sad. He obviously hadn't shaved or cut his hair in a while. He was thinner than I remembered and there was this sort of broken sadness in his eyes.

It broke my heart.

This wasn't the smiling, joking, cocky, charismatic man I had left behind and it scared me to death. I shouted at him, telling him to stop moping about, to smile, to shave, to get dressed and get out into the sunshine. He loved being outside, the man had been a terror to my sleeping habits always pulling me out of bed at god awful early hours of the morning. He hated lazing about it gave him heart burn. So why wasn't he moving?

When I couldn't stand to look at him anymore I looked around our room hoping for something to distract me from me futile attempts to talk to him. That's when I noticed that all our pictures of us together were upside down, that my side of the closet was in disarray half packed away in boxes but done erratically. My shoe collection was stuffed in a massive pile in the corner and my jewelry box was peeking out from the bottom of one of the boxes.

For the first time I wondered if I was really dreaming and I crawled into our bed and laid down facing him. I studied his face as he blankly stared through me and wondered was this what I had left behind? The guilt was crushing, I didn't want to see him this way and I wanted him to be happy not in this very obvious pain. For a long time I laid there staring at him, wondering for not the first time how I had died. Then as if he sensed me there he reached out his hand and it passed through me as if I were a ghost falling heavily onto the bed.

I crawled closer, I looked at his face and for the first time in a long while I broke down crying as I tried futilely to touch him. There was no worse a torture in this world then to be right in front of the one you loved most, watching them in pain, hurting, and being able to do absolutely nothing about it.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry," I sobbed, "I'm sorry I left you alone."

I cried until I had no more tears to cry and laid there exhausted. It didn't make sense, what horrible nightmare was this? If I was dreaming I wish I would wake up so I didn't have to face this, as cowardly as that was. Then I saw one of his friends walk softly into the room and sit on the bed. For a while the man said nothing just sitting there and then, "I know you're hurting man but you can't keep doing this to yourself. She wouldn't have wanted you to do this either."

He reared up and snarled frightening his friend and me. "What would you know?! Huh? I knew her best, we told each other everything, she was the love of my life, how could you possibly know what she wanted?" he snarled.

His friend blinked before holding his hands up in surrender, "You're right, how could I know? What I do know is that he you don't do something soon man; you'll drop off the deep end and go somewhere there is no getting back from. You need to grieve and then you need to let her go." His friend said.

I nodded along with him, reaching out to touch him only to realize it was of no use and dropped my hand. My love looked so broken in that moment, "You don't get it do you? I woke up with her cold and dead in my arms? I never got the chance to say good bye, one day she was here and the next she was gone. What the fuck?! How does that happen? HUH? I should have noticed something was wrong! I should have been able to save her!" He shouted gripping his hair.

His friend looked sad as he gently placed a hand on my love's shoulder, "Dude, she had a blood clot that traveled sneakily up to her brain and she died peacefully in her sleep. You are not a god, how could you have known? She showed no symptoms, she didn't know, you couldn't have known, there was nothing you could have done differently," he said sadly.

I nodded in agreement and pressed my head lightly into my love's back in between his shoulder blades like I used to I nearly jumped back when I felt him tense. He had felt that. So I kept my face in between his shoulder blades and willed him to feel me. I ran a hand down his back getting the barest resistance and then I kissed the back of his neck. I couldn't say goodbye in words, he probably wouldn't here me anyways but I whispered into his ear, "I love you."

Then I was falling, into a deep dark well of unconsciousness and my love faded from my arms like I had never been there. I didn't know if it was some dream conjured up from desperate need to know how he was or brought on from my hallucination of him when I needed him to encourage me. I didn't know. The only thing I had was a small little flutter of hope that somehow, someway, I had reached across the divide and found him if only for a moment.

I wished him a long full life, I wanted him to let me go and I wanted him to meet someone who could heal his heart. I wanted him to have a bunch of babies, I wanted him to grow old and after a long peaceful life full of adventures I wanted him to slip away in the night. I wanted to meet him again one day. If this experience had taught me anything was that anything was possible. Maybe one day we would see each other again and I would be able to tell him all the amazing things I had seen of this world.

~Jiraiya~

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it's pretty damn good."
―Woody Allen

The woman giggled as his hands ghosted over her thighs and he leaned in expertly brushing against her chest as he did. "So what do you have for me Nana-chan?" Jiraiya asked voice husky. The woman blushed and then smirked hand sliding seductively down his front, "Ah-ah lover, you know the rules." She said lips grazing his ear. He smirked lewdly and she felt a heavy pouch slide indecently into her bra hands grazing flesh intentionally.

She smiled slyly and pressed her body even more indecently against Jiraiya. "I heard from a very, ah, aggressive Iwa nin that the village is on the move. They're increasing their ranks with children, the orphanages from the neighboring villages are being raided, and it looks like they are getting ready for something big." She whispered it against his mouth, lips and tongue just barely brushing against his lips.

Jiraiya's eyes were steely for a moment before the expression was gone and he grinned cheekily at her holding out an additionally pouch. Nana giggled, "Gonna keep me company tonight then sweetheart?" she said grabbing the pouch. Everyone that had been discretely watching them, ill intently or otherwise lost interest in spying on them. Jiraiya was a pervert, this was a whorehouse, and Nana was a very popular pick. Nothing suspicious there. They completely overlooked that the whorehouse bordered Iwa and the fire country thus having a 'diverse' clientele.

As Nana brought him up to the rooms they would be using very vigorously tonight Jiraiya silently contemplated what he had learned. Another war between nations was brewing, Iwa was on the move, as well as Kiri, and his contacts in Kumo were being suspiciously silent. This did not bode well, the nations were primed, and all it would take is one incident then it would all go to hell. He was so tired of war. Jiraiya pushed it from his mind as Nana began stripping in front of him making him smirk.

He might not have ever gotten the girl of his dreams or found love, but this was enough for him for now. Jiraiya was content was his life, meaningless sex was always nice, traveling was awesome, he was freer than he had ever been in his life and had nothing beside his village depending on him. His life was simple, and he was content with it.