Hi guys, thank you so much for all the kind reviews and followers. I was not expecting such positive and friendly feedback. And thank you to idonthaveaname and Kay (I went back and changed the colour of his eyes – thank you for the tip (: )

Immediately, Patrick, who was still hovering over the top of her, had his arms nearly give way and fall on her. The long silence that followed went unnoticed by the pair, too immersed in searching each others expressions. Patrick stared down at Angela and for once, Mr Cocky was at a complete loss for words. He wasn't sure if he heard her correctly. His heart beat was in his ears and her eyes were giving away no secrets.

Patrick ran through her sentence a thousand times in his head, all coming to the same impossible conclusion. She was watching him carefully with curious and expectant eyes. Not very often was the boy wonder startled or caught off guard by anything but this woman was full of constant and unexpected surprises. He would have given anything to be able to read what was going through her head right now. Why did she have to be the exception to his talent?

"That's...I mean...we...that's..." he stumbled over his own words, sounding very un-Patrick like and Angela chuckled at him. "What?" he said confused and dazed.

"I want my first time having sex to be with you," she said very seriously and casually as if she were telling him what she wanted her first car to be.

He didn't understand her request and where this had come from. He had no clue what he had done or said to make her consider this. She had a completely assured look on her face and he could tell that this was something she had considered and decided upon. Whatever it was that put this crazy idea in her head, she clearly was not thinking straight.

"Angela...that's...not a good idea," he said slowly and carefully, not taking his eyes off her. A little frown and crease between her eyebrows appeared.

"Why?" she asked. He rolled over on to his side not believing this conversation – Angela Ruskin, his best friend, wanting to have sex with him – was actually taking place not in his wildest dreams.

"I always thought that was supposed to be a big deal for you," Patrick said. "I thought you wanted to be in love and, you know, all that special, traditional stuff."

"Patrick," she sighed staring at the ceiling of his room. "I'm nearly eighteen and in this day of age, the Pope will be calling me up for tips on celibacy any day now. Being a virgin is just not the done thing."

He felt his chest deflate a little. The motivation behind this crazy idea wasn't love or passion towards him or anything like that. It was her uncanny ability to seek out what she thought was wrong with her.

"Angel," he said propping himself up on his elbow, looking uncharacteristically serious. "Honey, you aren't strange or weird...in that regard," he added with a smirk. "You know there is nothing wrong about...what you are. You're not weird. It's incredible…it's…"

"Exactly," she exclaimed dramatically throwing her arms up. "It's what I am. I don't know why people find it so defining. I don't want it to define me. Sex isn't a big deal. I don't know why people take it so seriously. It isn't a big deal really is it?"

Good one idiot, he thought. She trusted him so much…with everything. She was younger, so inexperienced and sweetly naïve that of course she would have looked to his example of how she could handle things that she did not know of. Sex did mean nothing to him and the partners he engaged with in it felt the same way. It was a way to get off and it took his mind off all the shit of the carnival. But he didn't want that for her.

"It's different with me, Ange. That's not a good enough reason to for you to just..." he started, not being able to believe he was lecturing her on purity and morals let alone having this conversation.

"It's not just that," she sighed sadly. "Nobody wants to be in a relationship with a virgin. They'll think it's weird and He'll be terrible because I haven't the faintest clue what I'm doing.

I don't care about that romantic-y stuff much anymore but of course I don't want to end up doing it with someone who means nothing to me. You've been my best friend for practically my whole life and He'll always care about you and I'm sure our lives will always be connected in one way or another. I've thought about it for a while and then….I was so happy and smiling this morning, because I saw you and I...I knew you won't wind up hurting me," she said matter-of-factly. She was pouting slightly from her predicament and he leant over.

"I've been with a lot of girls though -" he began, brushing his thumb over her lips.

"I know but that means you're experienced, you'll know what to do and how to do it. Plus, I know you don't think sex is a big deal at all and you don't, you know, get attached or feel anything for them so it shouldn't be too uncomfortable afterwards," Angela interrupted him and he started to intercept but Angela cut him off.

"We love each other...even if it's only a platonic love, we still love one another. That's enough for me." Well so much for the falling out of love with Angela plan. There would be no going back to him if he agreed to this. Being that intimate and close with the only girl he has ever truly loved only to know she's out of his reach would fuck him up. He couldn't even tell her that.

"But of course, that's just what I was thinking. It's really up to you," she said going red again and turning her head away from him. "I understand if you really don't want to. I know I'm your best friend and you don't think I'm beautiful or desirable or anything, but would it really be so difficult?"

No, it wouldn't be difficult. The true difficulty was restraining himself from taking her right now. Luckily his love for her overpowered his lust. That and the horrified feeling he got when he heard she didn't think he found her beautiful or as desirable as his other sexual partners. Of course, she had no physical or psychological similarities to them. If only she realised why this was, it would make things so much easier.

"You think I don't think you're beautiful?" he questioned. He still found it hard to believe that someone as bright and intellectual as her could be so obtuse at times. He could barely forgive her for not being able to see the blindingly obvious love he had for her (even though she could, she never read people's emotions or thoughts) but to think that she couldn't even see her own beauty and perfection was outrageous.

"Well, you just see me as your friend and the girl you grew up with..."

"I still think you're beautiful though," he admitted defensively. He was still a teenage male for goodness sake.

"You don't have to say that just because we're going to sleep together. Possibly."

We're going to sleep together. Patrick's heart started to race. She knew he was going to lose his internal battle. He knew it as well. He knew he had lost when his heart overtook his brain and told him everything she said was making sense, it was completely logical and he would never hurt her. Nobody could possibly love her as much as he could. Besides, this was about Angela. She wanted this, as did he but for different reasons, but he could never deny her what she wanted.

"I've always thought that, Evangeline," he said sternly to her comment. "Do you…do you really want to? Not because of what people think of you or because you think there is something wrong with you. Do you really want this? You can't take something like this back."

"Yes, Patrick. I wouldn't want anyone else to have this part of me. I trust you."

They were gazing at each other now and Patrick was getting lost in her blue depths not caring about the repercussions of what he was going to tell her. It was the perfect time.

He touched her face softly. "Angela, I - "

"What the bloody hell is taking you so goddamn long, Paddy?!" his Dad yelled banging on the door making them both jump, lost in each other's thoughts. "Everyone's waiting on yer. They're pestering me and I wanna go to the poker game."

Angela waits outside for him as he changes his shirt. His mind is spinning, and his hand is shaking so much he can barely do up the buttons.

They walk down to the table, were about twelve or so carnie's are seated. The original ones as most of the drifters tend to keep to themselves. The Jane's used to be like that, never staying in one place for long or making ties with anyone. It was easier and safer that way. Until a pretty young lady stole Patrick's attentions and this carnival became his family and he did the best at his shows then he ever had to keep his Dad from leaving. Sam was fussing around with the food and she places several large dishes in the centre of the table, before taking her own seat next to Pete.

Patrick found a spare plastic chair between Pete and Jack while Angela sat between her brother and her father who was sitting at the head of the table. Jonathan Ruskin, like all Ruskin's before him, was the King of this carnival. And Angela was the Princess.

"Evangeline, Patrick," Jonathan greeted them. Patrick knew Jonathan liked him. He was talented, he brought crowds in and he was a good kid. Patrick was secretly thankful that Jonathan stuck to the heavy metal and not the psychic business as the only reason he let Angela around the boy was because he thought Patrick had only platonic feelings for her.

"I wish you wouldn't call me that…" Patrick heard Angela murmer.

She was better at this pretending-everything's-okay stuff than he was, because all he could think about was Angela and himself rolling around in his sheets naked. Her milky thighs, her soft pink lips...

"You know nothing of the time and arguments that went into choosing both your names so I intend to use them," Jonathan said to his children. Angela and Danny both rolled their eyes.

"How was your day, honey?" Sam asked Patrick. He jumps startled. "F-fine," he said strangled.
"Are you okay?" Sam asked.
"G-great, fine, good," he said and got a dozen strange looks from people.

Angela is light-heartedly arguing with Clinton, the dwarf, about religion and Jack was attempting a conversation with Patrick that was going nowhere as he was distracted.

The conversation continued in this painful manner for the remainder of the evening. Angela pretending to be all sweet and innocent and like she wasn't seducing him subconsciously. Not that he minded being seduced by Angela Ruskin, he just kept thinking about how much it would fuck him up, being so close to Angela. It would mean something entirely different to him than it would to her. But he doesn't have the strength to say no. Even though it is essentially putting himself through unnecessary hell, even though Angela may never feel that way about him, he would get to hold her close and be connected to her in a way no one else has ever been before. She would be able to easily move on with whatever lucky bastard that stole her heart.

He knows for all the things he's thinking about the bad possibilities, he will find some retort because he's selfish and wants to be close to her. He'll give himself some reasoning to convince himself it's the right thing to do. Maybe it would be the right thing to do under different circumstances, say if it really were nothing more than something of friendship. Maybe deep down he wants her to know that he's in love with her.

The sky opens up and it starts to drizzle. They scatter around, clearing the table and putting away the chairs. Angela whispers something in her father's ear. Jonathan looks hesitant but he looks at his daughter and nods. "Not too late, okay?" he says sternly. "I won't be. Thank you Daddy," she says hugging him before she runs off to Patrick.

He smiles down at her and takes her hand. They run together because it's starting to rain harder and they are laughing when they stumble into his trailer. The floor is slippery and her Converses are not holding up well. Not to mention she caused enough havoc on the driest and flattest of surfaces. She shrieks when he picks her up bridal style and carries her to his room. Patrick places her on the end of his bed.

She's quiet and thoughtful as she stared around his room and then finally lies back on his bed. He lay beside her, not touching her and then finally she speaks.

"Please, Patrick?"

"Okay," he said. "Alright."

"Well, so, um..now or..?" she said her fingers curling over the buttons of her blouse.

"You mean...now?" he gulped.

"You don't want to?"

"Not now, Angela. This isn't special," he said. Of course, he wanted it to be completely perfect for her. He wanted candles and clichéd romance and no parents nearby and not just randomly.

"When?" She presses. He thought about it for a while and then the perfect time crossed his mind.

"Um...how about...after your birthday...we can get a hotel room afterward?" he offered.

"I like the sound of that, not as clichéd as after prom," Angela smiles and he can tell she's trying to make a joke, but it doesn't work. She turns around to face him and he knew he couldn't look away so he looked into her swimming blue eyes and she makes no move to look away. The breeze from his open window ruffled her dark, wet hair and to an outsider, he was sure they looked like lovers. "I'm sorry if I've made you feel uncomfortable," Angela whispered as she twisted a few strands of her hair around her finger.

"It's fine," he murmured. "We're still Angela and Patrick and nothing has to change about that."

"Yeah."

"Hey, why'd you and Rory break up?"

"Oh, he was just a loser," she sighed.

There was more of a story to it but he didn't want to push her.

"I should take you home," he said. Her eyes are disappointed but she sits up anyway. He was disappointed to let her go as well. "Are you going to be okay here by yourself?" she asked. He chuckled to himself darkly. "It's better when Dad doesn't come home. Trust me."
She looks sad and concerned as she touches his face but he takes he hand and walks her outside. It's still drizzling with rain and Angela jokes about the leotard Jack had to wear a few weeks ago and they are laughing and chatting all the way to her door.

He pulled her into a hug, the rain falling down around them. She secures her arm around his waist reluctant to leave and he whispered that everything will be okay. Patrick notices a small strip of light as Angela's father peers out the window and so Angela pulls away from him.

"Goodbye, thank you," she whispered. "I'll see you tomorrow morning." And then she's out of his hands and heads inside. He stands in the rain until he sees her appear at her bedroom window, smiling and waving at him before she closes her curtains and her lights go out.

Patrick puts his hands in his pockets and whistles to himself as he walks off, on a massive high.
"Oi!" Jack shouted at Patrick running out from his trailer. "What the bloody hell has gotten into you, Pat? You were a right blibbering mess at dinner."

"It's fine. Hey, is Sam home?"

"Yes she's in -" Patrick doesn't stay to hear the rest but claps Jack on the arm and bounds up to Sam and Pete's trailer and bang impatiently on the door.

"Sam!"

Sam opens her door, wearing her colourful afghan across her shoulders, looking thoroughly confused. "Whatcha doing here at this hour, boy? Get yourself out of this rain, willya?" He happily strolls in and plonks himself down at one of the chairs in their tiny dining room/kitchenette.

"Sam, I need your help," he said.

"What is it?"

"Angela," he said and to his surprise, Sam sighs like that explains it all and takes a seat beside him.

Sam knew about Patrick's internal battle with Angela – ever since she called him out on it at the start of the year. Apparently, despite his best efforts, sometimes he didn't look at Angela in the way a best friend would. Patrick always feared other people would pick up on it but Sam assured him they wouldn't. It was just another one of her womanly tricks. How Angela felt about him was unfortunately as much a mystery to Sam as it is to Patrick. "Angela is guarded with her emotions, very hard to read," Sam always said.

"What's going on?" Sam asked. "Have you finally given up your promiscuous ways?"

He rolled his eyes at her. "Well you know how I've been trying to just, forget her...as more than a friend?"

"Stupid idea, but yes?"

"Well... today she asked me to...god, I can't tell you this," he complained.

"I've heard it all kiddo. And I've known Angie since she was a little bump in her momma's tummy," she reminds him. "I promise not to be grossed out."

"She wants to lose her virginity...to me," he choked out and then explained what happened that day and how this could possibly end painlessly hoping that Sam could shed some light on Angela's thoughts as a woman. She and Angela were very close, like a favourite Aunt and niece but she knew how touchy he was about Angela. Sam sat and took in everything he told her. Patrick could see her face contort into different expressions, as if she was calculating the answer in her head.

"Well you're certainly in a dilemma aren't you, boy," Sam teased him. "What to do...hmm?"

"Come Sam," he whinged. "I'm frustrated enough without you having a go too."

"Fine. It's quite simple, really."

"How is anything about this simple?" he questioned wildly wishing he had just kept his mouth shut instead of venting. Okay maybe that wasn't true, Sam usually did have good ideas and advice. "Women," he muttered and Sam chuckled at the teenager.

"You get Angie to fall in love with you beforehand. Simple."

"If it were that simple, don't you think I would've done that already?"

"Well, you haven't exactly tried. You're too busy whoring yourself out and Angela is usually always being chased by someone else but seeing as she's not with Rory anymore...it won't be long before it's another one…"

"Sam, I can't make her fall in love with me," he interrupted. It sounded ridiculous as he could charm anyone. His made his father's living by charming people out of ridiculous amounts of money. Not to mention the affect it had on all females. With one exception.

"Sure you can. Besides, maybe I can get her to just admit she already loves you," Sam said slyly.

"But she doesn't already love me. You said you couldn't tell and I quite doubt she does anyway. She's always going on about how we're best friends and how she cares about me and loves me platonically and all that crap," he complained. "Why would she ever want me in that way?"

Sam got up, smiling to herself and made them both tea.

"She is probably just trying to cling to you in a way she knows is safe. If she does feel something else for you, she's probably scared of ruining your friendship, just like you are. Remember, Angie has been through nightmares and lost a lot in her life. I think maybe you should just take a risk with her, otherwise you're going to spend your whole life wondering what could've been. Angie's not as forward as you are. If one of you is going to admit to your feelings, you're the one who is more likely to do that. Angie's got a whole world of walls around that heart of hers."

He processed this as she placed a steaming mug in front of him.

"What if she doesn't feel the same way?" he asked quietly fiddling with the handle of his cup of tea.

"She asked you to have sex with her, Patrick. I'm sure she feels something, whether she realises it or not," Sam pointed out. "If she...umm...enjoys your sexual relations, then that will add a physical component to your relationship so it can't keep being platonic."

"What about the whole...virginity thing? What do I do?" he said nervously. Patrick had never 'been' with a virgin before.

"Well, I think you should tell her how you feel before you do it. That's just my opinion," Sam advised. "And as for the technical part…you need to listen to her and be gentle. She will tell you if something's wrong. Angela's always been the first one to call you out if you've done something wrong," she smirked and he smiled to himself.

"Get to bed you," she said clearing up his cup. "You've got your performances tomorrow, remember? What's the use of those dreamy eyes on the crowd if you're falling asleep on stage?"
He thanks her and leaves for his 'home' as such. He collapses onto his bed so he could think by himself. His dad was not home yet; he hadn't heard the drunken stumbling and smell of booze and gambling debt on him. Patrick made sure to shut his door hoping it would deter his father from trying to have a go at him when he came home. He was too mentally exhausted for a fight tonight. He pulls his shirt off and his pillows smell like Angela – the natural cocoa butter soapy smell of her skin, a hint of cotton candy and kettle corn and her shampoo. It puts him to ease and rest within moments, taking him to his happy place. He was way in over his head.

Patrick dreamt of Angela for most of the night, but none of it made any sense. She just floated in and out of his mind and his aimless dreams, like she was untouchable and he could never catch her.

The next day, he woke up with his heart jumping and butterflies in his stomach. Patrick was confused for the first few seconds wondering what excited him or worried him enough until he remembered he was seeing Angela this morning and the memories of the previous evening came flooding back.

He picked up Angela as usual and she was positively beaming when she got into his car. If he didn't know her better, he would say it was some kind of post-coital glow. She wound the window down and smiled into the sun and the breeze then turned to smile at him, the sun setting off her skin and glinting off her sunglasses. How could he ever make someone as beautiful as her, fall in love with him?

Angela was clearly selling tokens for one of the rides today as she was in the Ruskin customary uniform of a stupid (in her opinion) pink and white vertical striped shirt and white bowtie. She looked like a candy-themed swing dancer but this hadn't dampened her mood…yet.

"Angela?" he murmured, breaking her out of her daze. It was as if she didn't remember her request last night. She was acting so normal!

"Mhm?"

"I was thinking about last night...and just if you're sure then I wanted to know where you want to stay for the night?" he asked.

"It doesn't bother me," she said, turning towards the sun again. "What about my surprise party?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"The 'surprise party' everyone's been planning for me since I was eleven?"

He smiled as he turned the steering wheel. She may be in the heavy metal industry, but she was damn perceptive. Well….about the wrong things.

"Do you still want to go with me? It's only a few weeks away and I guess I could ask Jack to take me but it's obvious he doesn't 'swing my way' but he'd do it to be nice and I don't want you to feel inclined to take me just because you've agreed to sle-"

"Of course I want to go with you still," he intercepted.

"Good. Just checking."

"And you still want the post-birthday...erm...festivities?" he asked nervously trying to make sure their conversation hadn't been some cruel dream.

"Yes."

"Good. Just checking," he said using her previous words.

"I guess we've got a lot to look forward to, then," Angela teased as she hopped out of his car before he could get her door and ran towards her stint at the merry-go-round, not bothering to wait for him.

Patrick smiled after her and slammed his door.
"What're you all happy about?" Young Danny Ruskin asked him.
"Nothing, kiddo," Patrick said ruffling the young teen's hair. Danny would have poured bleach in his ears if Patrick told him the truth.

"Hey, are you busy tonight?" Danny asked enthusiastically. "Dad's gon' take me out proper camping tonight he said. Real man camping. You could come."

"Oh, is your sister going?" Patrick asked.

Danny looked at his exasperatedly. "Is Angie a man?"

"Certainly not."

"There's your answer, boy wonder. I think she was going to see if Eleanor could sleep over….or she might stay with Pete and Sam."

"Oh, really?" he said thoughtfully making a mental note to visit all three of these people.

"Well…?"

"Sorry, Dan. I'm afraid I do have plans for tonight."