Hope Rekindled

Ignacio sat watching her sleep as the day slowly became night. She was sleeping deeper than she had been. He held her hand gently in his, and turned to watch the stars come out in the darkening sky.

He had gone up the stairs so quickly he had rested at the doorway of her room, needing to catch his breath. Opening the door, he wondered if she had died while he was away. If she had he would never forgive himself for leaving in such a temper. She stirred at his entrance, rolling onto her side, as if wanting to see out the window. He approached the bed, but she was asleep. He tucked stray limp strands of dark hair out of her face, and watched her chest rise and fall, before easing the blankets up a little higher.

He remembered how she had sat by his bed for a week before he had opened his eyes to stare at her sweet face. Did he even have a week? He sighed, and placed his head in his hands for a moment. He was tired. He felt exhausted. She had been there, stroking his head, and chatting non-stop as he lay there. He smiled at the memory. He had never heard her talk so much.

"Well, my love," he murmured. "You talked to me. I suppose, if I follow your example, I should do the same."

He walked to the window. "It's getting darker now, and the stars are coming out. People are packing up their wares in Monterey and going home to wherever it is that they live. I can't see them, or hear them, but all the same they are there. My parents started that way. Market holders who got lucky, and then unlucky in the markets of the city of Cadiz. They were happy once…"

He turned towards her.

"I am not a paragon, I am not perfect. I am a beast. A wicked, horrible man. You don't know me as well as you need to. I have threatened children to catch a great hero. I have flogged people, completely innocent people to lure out Zorro. I have stolen, and cheated and tried my damn hardest to rise to the top of the pile. I am swayed by the powerful and the corrupt. I stand by and let widows and children suffer, when I knew what they needed. Everything has been in vain, every time I strived for greatness, I fell down. I frightened the right Alcalde out of the job. I have jailed poor people for criticising me in public. I have jailed the editor of the pueblo's newspaper to try and prevent the truth from coming to light."

He took a deep breath.

"I do not deserve you. When I offered marriage I was consumed with lust. Love was like a rosebud in my heart, and not in full bloom. I didn't know how love felt until now. I am not too good for you. My sweet love, you are too good for me."

He sat back on the chair.

"I'm raving," he murmured. "Raving mad. You can't hear me, and this is madness. I am going mad with this pain." He grasped her hand, and lifted it gently to his lips. "All I know is that I love you. I would do whatever it takes to make you live. I will force that stuff down your throat if I have to… No, no I wouldn't. I can't hurt you. Gushing Stream, I am here and I love you. I will stay right here until you breathe your last, and I will beg and plead and pray that you will eat and grow strong again. Despite the odds, you and I are going to beat this – together."

He watched her face until the night made the room dark, and the air cold. He didn't care about the growing ache of hunger in his own stomach. It seemed trivial to him now.

The door opened slowly, letting a shaft of candlelight enter the room. Ignacio turned and saw his sister standing in the doorway.

"Ignacio," she said. "I was visiting the baby in the nursery, and wanted to know if you would like something to eat." She came into the room.

"I'm sorry about lunch," Ignacio said softly.

"Armand is stubborn. He is worried about you. He does speak his mind normally."

"Yes, I know Armand."

Marcela shivered in the dark room. She folded her arms and rubbed her upper arms to try to warm herself.

"Ignacio, you will both freeze to death in here. Close that window. I'll get a maid to deal with the fire. How do you survive every day life?"

He tolerated her fussing, and smiled thinly. That was why he had a sergeant, wasn't it?

He rose and closed the window, suddenly realising that Gushing Stream would be feeling cold, even if he wasn't. Why was he not focusing on his beloved properly? He yawned a little, and realised that his tiredness was getting the better of him. He drew the curtains, to try to contain some of the warmth from the growing fire in the hearth. The maid had already dealt with the fire.

Marcela was sitting at the bedside. There was candlelight in the room. How had he missed that happening?

"Ignacio?" Marcela was watching him, as he stumbled to the fire and warmed his hands thoughtfully.

"I asked her to marry me," he murmured half to himself. "I seduced her and then asked her to marry me." Maybe it was the other way around. He couldn't remember anymore. Nothing was making much sense. His mind was cloudy.

"You seduced her? She is pregnant," Marcela whispered. Ignacio woke up a little, and glanced at her. Perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned it. "Poor lady," she soothed, moving hair from Gushing Stream's face. "There's my girl. Sleep. Get strong."

Ignacio had lost his chair, he realised. He sighed and leaned against the mantle.

"Get out of here, Ignacio." Marcela's voice was hard. "Go and find a room, and stay away from her. Get some sleep, and get ready to pack your bags."

"Marcela," he said, a little shocked. "Why?"

"You can't treat her so badly and get away with it," Marcela said. "I have heard things about you, things I never wanted to believe. They are all true."

"Please…Ignacio," a soft voice said. Ignacio moved quickly towards the bed, and knelt beside it. He took her hand and kissed it. "Ignacio…"

Marcela placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Ignacio. I don't know why I lost my temper. She needs you. Even if I don't like it."

Ignacio ignored her. It had been the first murmur he had gotten since before he had left in such a temper at lunch time. There was water on the night stand, and he filled a tumbler.

She was awake, he realised. She was staring at him with soft brown eyes, and she knew him.

"Please, forgive me. I had to find you," he mumbled. "Please, drink some water. Please, for my sake."

She sipped some from the tilted cup and rested again. Then she sat forward a little, and took the cup from him. She slowly sipped the water until it was all gone. Ignacio felt a glow of hope begin in his heart again, and he saw the love in her eyes.

"Thank you, Gushing Stream. I love you," he murmured, taking the cup from her. She took his hand, and held it to her heart, and he could feel it beating.

"Ignacio. I should be angry with you," she murmured sleepily, as she settled back down on the pillows. "I need you here. I love you. I should never have run away. I have so much to tell you. I have to tell you…"

"I already know about the baby," he said, watching her face. "Why didn't you come back?"

"I was taking no nourishment, and I was too weak to move. I just lay there and wished to die."

"Where?"

"In a mission half way to Monterey."

"You didn't die."

"No, I got better," she said with a sleepy smile. Her hand reached for his hair, and she touched it gently. "You are real. I was starting to think I imagined you."

Marcela realised she wasn't needed any more and left the room quietly. Ignacio was lost in his beloved's warm eyes, and only just realised his sister had left. He made no move towards the chair, he felt closer to her at this level.

She was still so weak, but there was a spark in her eyes that hadn't been there before, and he knew it was hope.