Hello! Welcome!
Everyone enjoying skins fire? Yes? No?...course you aren't. I'm shocked, again with all the avenues they could have explored we have this. Naomi has c… I cant even type it. C-c-c….NO!
I need a hug. I hear is handing them out over on her separate story Educating Naomi (which by the way you better be reading!) so I thought we could all use some more so, in the form of a chapter, heres the first official chapter of Never an Absolution!
This was about the time we wanted to start posting the chapters, we haven't discussed a time frame of when we will be posting but I promise you it wont be long until the next chapter is up!
Seriously though, thank you for all the feedback from the prologue! Glad you all enjoyed it! Keep the reviews coming! Hearing and discussing your views is seriously what makes us type faster so drop us a review! Even if its just to sulk about Skins Fire!
Hopefully we'll all survive the night and MM will probably receive another one worded text from me summing up the episode. 'FUCK' was the last one haha
See you soon!
Now sit back, relax and enjoy.
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June 1935 – Naomi
My mind played the scene over and over again. Maybe it was because the night was slightly warmer than it usually was. The air was thick, suffocating almost and the cotton sheets felt heavy and rough against my skin. I felt trapped somehow. The worst part was that I wasn't even sure what was making me feel more trapped the air, those sheets, this camp or those constant thoughts running my head in circles?
I sat up in my bed, the rough mattress squeaking underneath me. Everyone else in this smelly dorm was sleeping apparently not bothered by the warmth. I looked at the old wood that was cracked in many places, trailing my eyes carefully over every nook and cranny before moving my eyes to the numerous posters that feebly attempted to hide the imperfections, counting the numbers of rips in the paper this time and the numbers of smudged areas. I did this often when my brain was clogged, when it felt like it was too much. The process was boring and repetitive, but it had its calming effects, soothing me, slowing me down. That night, I felt like I needed it, I needed this, for my brain to still and my thoughts to stop, but it wasn't working. That night, the red of the posters was only bringing me back to that memory I was trying so hard to avoid.
This was the third time in a row now I had replayed it that day and I had no idea why it had chosen that night of all nights to keep me up.
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Flash back Germany December 1933
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"Ich reise ab" (I'm leaving)
I don't know why but the words hit me like bullets, those were not the words I expected to hear come from Emily's lips. They made my heart stop.
My mind was racing with questions, each fighting to be asked first.
The day that I had presumed was going to be another tense ordinary day soon turned into one that would torment my mind for years to come. I had never been good with goodbyes, that much was obvious, but there was something particularly worse about unplanned ones and this was definitely unplanned. I felt silly for thinking it, but I hadn't thought Emily would leave. I guess I had never thought about it much, but, ridiculously enough, there hadn't been one moment where I hadn't imagined her right there with me in the future.
"Why?!" I choked, my voice momentarily shocked like the rest of my body.
She wouldn't look at me and somehow that made me angrier than her saying she was leaving. She was fidgeting on her spot a little, her brown eyes looking everywhere they could, but never at me. Why wouldn't she just look at me? I wanted to reach for her, take hold of her small shoulders and shake her until she told me what was going on. Of course I didn't. I would have been much too afraid to hurt her. Emily was just so small. I often teased her about it, but today I didn't feel like laughing. I didn't feel like laughing at all. I don't know why it was affecting me so much. How could Emily leave me? We were meant to be best friends. And it was meant to last forever.
"My parents have decided that they want to keep Katie and I close with everything that's happening, so they want us to move schools" she glanced at me before quickly adverting her eyes, I could see the unshed tears demanding to be released at the edge of her eyes.
I didn't understand fully what her parents meant but it certainly wasn't new. Emily and Katie wouldn't be the first kids to go, so many had gone in the past year or so. Things were changing and I had a feeling it wasn't for the best. The laughter that had filled the corridors of the school was gone and in its place, there was this feeling, this anxiousness always floating around.
Only a few years ago, if you'd have asked who Hitler was, people would have shrugged. Now though, Hitler was a name everyone knew, a name that some people said with pride, a name that some people said with joy, but also a name that some people whispered with doubt and fear.
I'd have never told my father, for I felt certain he would have disapproved, but I wasn't sure I liked how the world was becoming. Especially if it was a world in which I'd keep losing everyone I cared about.
"Do you believe it's for the best?" I asked hating how vulnerable I sounded but I was scared.
She didn't answer.
We were stood in the middle of the school playing fields. Classes had finished almost an hour ago now. It was empty and the wind gave me a horrible feeling every time it swept past me. Before, loads of kids stayed after school either playing hopscotch or marbles. They didn't do that anymore those days or at least they didn't do it during school night. It was just sad. Or maybe I was feeling so sad myself that everything seemed to be.
I waited longer, but Emily still didn't answer.
I just watched her; watched the wind swoosh past her hair making it slightly cover her face causing her to blink. It made a lone tear fall down her face.
This all felt so hopeless. I hated it.
"Do you want to leave Emily?!"
My nerves were putting me on edge and her stubbornness not to answer was driving me insane. I was just about to leap forward when she finally looked at me.
Her eyes were broken.
"Nein, I don't Nai" she almost squeaked.
I stepped forward "Then don't" I pleaded.
She looked away, my heart was thumping in my chest, my skin was sweating.
"I have to, it's for the best"
"For who?!"
She kicked the grass beneath her feet with her shoes, she was wearing a plain black dress that hugged her figure perfectly. I always admired how she looked, always wearing nice dresses, always perfectly coiffed, but now I felt betrayed.
We hadn't known each other long, not like normal best friends but since meeting her we'd shared this connection, an understanding. I was comfortable around her not like all the other girls, especially the ones I shared a dorm with at camp. I had tried to convince Emily to come to my camp, because the idea of having her there made the knowledge of going back a lot better, she had never agreed; now I knew she never would.
What she said next was cryptic
"Look Naomi; soon we won't even be able to breathe without explaining our actions. I can't live like that; I shouldn't have to live like that"
It was a massive thing for a thirteen year old to say but we had to grow up quick here. Everything was happening quickly now, taking your time for anything was seen as a waste of time. We were just thirteen, but already we were being told how to be. At school we were taught how to be ideal German citizen and at camp I was being shown how to become the perfect German wife for my one day husband. It never felt right and this was no different.
I knew things were going to change, I was just so confused I didn't know how to understand everything. Last night my papa had hung the Nazi flag out of my bedroom window, I hated the sight of it. The harsh lines felt so final, so strict, I didn't like it. I hated that the red of that flag would remind me of Emily's hair every time I looked at it now. If she was leaving, I didn't want to remember her. Remembering would just cause me more pain in the end, yet, I knew I wouldn't be able to forget her either.
And, really, what would I have left if Emily was gone? It hadn't always been like that, but now, Papa and I barely spoke to each other. We never seemed to find the words. Papa was a man of a few words anyway, always had been. He was tall and proud with powerful shoulders and a firm handshake. Most people liked him, he was a social man, but with me it wasn't the same. There were many nights were we wouldn't utter even a single word to each other. I knew what he expected of me and I did it, no questions asked. It was better not to ask questions with him.
I couldn't control my anger as I said the next thing through clenched teeth "Wann? (When)"
"eins woche (One week)"
7 days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes, 604,800 seconds.
It wasn't enough time.
The uncertainty, the "what happens after" started to worry me. What school would she be going to? How far was it from here? Could I get to it? Could I move? Was this really the end of our friendship or would I be able to see her again? I wanted to ask her all these questions but as soon as I glanced at her again I could see the despair across her face. She really meant it when she said she didn't want to go and knowing that fact only made my heart ache slightly less.
I simply nodded and forced a smile on my face. It was small and strained but I wanted to see her smiling again. When she smiled back, the sight was so heart-breaking that I immediately wished she hadn't.
That week went by so fast; like someone had wanted to make fools of us and had sped up time. There was so much mystery surrounding the reasons for her and Katie leaving; I knew she wanted to tell me but every time she went to she'd stop. I'd see her lips quivering as they fought against her mind, her mind always won.
During the time we had left, I'd find myself watching her; something just told me that I wasn't going to see her again. It was a dreadful feeling, chilling me to the bones. I think I realized the second she had told me she was leaving that I'd miss her every single day.
She would become a figment of my past and I wanted my mind to create a painting of her so if I was forced to remember her then I'd never forget exactly who she was.
The day she left I cried for the first time in a long time. I don't think I had ever felt so lonely, like I was completely alone with no one to understand me, no one left to care.
Just a papa that was a ghost of the man he had been and now just wanted to control me.
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June 1935 – Naomi
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I decided to get up because there was no way I would fall asleep now. Not when I had just replayed the whole thing for the fourth time in a row. I slipped out of my bunk bed easily, soundlessly. To be honest, this wasn't the first time I found myself unable to sleep, not the first time by far. And when it wasn't because I couldn't sleep, I would slip out because I wanted to avoid my dorm mates and their constant giggling and talking about a few of the boys we had met from the Youth. It was irritating, aggravating and personally, I couldn't seem to be interested in it at all. Whenever I had one of those nights, I just went for a walk around the camp and tried to clear my mind.
There was only one thing positive about the Bund Deutscher Mädel and it was the location. The camp was in the country side a fair bit away from Berlin and it was a little heaven of nature. The trees were plentiful and the camp had been set up right next to a lake so there was a beach about a mile away. The camp leaders always made us do all sorts of sports and activity like swimming and trekking so I guess it figured. Still, it was nice to be able to escape the noise of the city.
Berlin had changed so much in the past years it was incredible. Now that Hitler was our Führer everything was moving so fast. The country was reorganizing, as they said. Der Führer wanted to "take Deustchland back to its former glory". I wasn't even sure what that meant, but I could see that most people were inspired and eager for that to happen. More men were signing up to the military forces every day and the SS forces had replaced the SA as our police force. I knew my papa was a proud supporter of the Nazi movement which was why I was spending my third summer in the BDM. What I was being taught here was all approved by the party and there was no room for any other views. It upset me, intrigued me. It made me doubtful as well. There had been a time when I had been told to keep an open mind on things, but that time was gone.
Usually, it would be all those churning thoughts that kept me awake or made me feel apart from the rest of the girls. But not tonight. Tonight there was only one thing on my mind.
Emily.
I was right; thirteen year old me was right. I hadn't seen or heard from her since she had left, but I had missed her every single day. Forgetting hadn't been an option apparently.
It hurt more than I could ever admit. I had lost my best friend. No actually, I had lost the only real friend I had ever had. I didn't play well with others, because, mainly I didn't like to. I didn't meddle; I kept to my own things. Emily had always been my one exception of this. It had amazed me then and it still amazed me now, how easily Emily had carved a place into my life, how easily Emily had made herself fit. It had never been hard with her, I hadn't even needed to try.
"Stop this" I told myself sternly.
There was no use thinking about Emily now, she had been gone for 2 years and thinking about her wouldn't bring her back. I hated this feeling in the bottom of my heart, this feeling that somehow I needed her around. I didn't need anyone, never needed anyone. Sure I had liked Emily's company and missed our friendship, but that was as far as it went.
I walked on, passing silent dormitories as I went. I was careful, accounting for each step before taking it. I couldn't make noise, I couldn't be found out. I wasn't allowed to wander at night and punishments for disobedience were harsh here. I'd never been seen so far and I intended on keeping it that way. Besides, there was something pleasant about carefulness, something pleasant about this focused walk. It did ease my mind a bit, took my body to a place of rest as all my actions were centred on this one goal of being silent.
I hesitated a second between the forest and the beach not sure where I'd go tonight. I chose the beach because the moon was small in the sky and didn't shine enough to light up a path between the trees. The forest would be too dark and I could easily get lost even if I knew my way really well.
My toes touched the sand and an instant relaxation took over my body. I had made it without being caught, again. I smiled as my eyes focused on the sea. It was calm this evening, the water barely moving while the moon, high in the sky, casted a beautiful if albeit small glow to alight the beach. The wave's crashed slowly against the shore, I could smell the distinct sea salt smell that I'd learned to love. The feel of the sea breeze against your skin at night didn't have the same effect it did during the day when you were surrounded by cloned girls all skipping and obeying rules they didn't fully understand.
My mind was still tormented by my earlier thoughts though. Every time I closed my eyes a flash of red would cause me to open them quickly. I shook my head trying to rid my mind of all its thoughts and images. Why was I thinking of her? Why did it trouble me so much that she had left? It's not like I had known her that long. I was deep in thoughts when a voice startled me.
"You know it's against the rules to be out this late?"
The sand was uneven beneath my feet and, as I thrashed around to see the intruder, I stumbled. I let out a squeal as my ankle twisted awkwardly and I went down with a flop.
When I raised my eyes to glare at whoever had made me trip, they fell upon a girl my age, dressed in the same plan navy blue skirt and white blouse, smirking at me.
"Do you know it's rude to sneak up on people?" I retorted, rolling my eyes at the pathetic come back.
She scoffed slightly, her legs folding "Actually I was here first"
"Ha! Well then maybe I need to tell you the rules about leaving the camp at night" I replied in a pitiful attempt to get the upper ground.
She smiled brushing off some of the sand I had catapulted on her when I fell "No need, I already know them"
It was my turn to scoff then "Do they not apply to you then oh great being?" I said sarcastically.
"Of course they do, I just choose to ignore them"
I took a moment to really see her for the first time then. She was beautiful, her hair long and wavy from being left to dry.
Her eyes were a brilliant shade of blue, darker and deeper than mine. They had the soft colour of the Morpho butterfly, with a hint of frailness, but yet they still seemed sharp and precarious. She had the kind of eyes that attracted people, boys. I could already imagine how they could get lost in them, as if enchanted, struggling to find words to describe them and never quite managing to forget the particular brilliance they held.
Her skirt was tight, hugging her waist almost too perfectly, her feet bare. There was also something about her that seemed to ooze with confidence, with grandeur. Like she wasn't quite at the same level others were, like she was of purer blood and she knew it.
Despite all that, she looked lonely. I wasn't sure, but I think it was when I noticed this wave of loneliness engulfing her so snuggly that I felt all the fight leave me.
I stood up brushing the sand off my skirt.
There was a silence surrounding us now that I had stopped trying to get a verbal upper hand with her. It wasn't uncomfortable per se, but it wasn't pleasant either.
The girl just stared off into the sea and I wondered for a moment whether I should just leave. We weren't friends although, now that I had taken the time to properly look at her, I knew I had seen her around the camp a couple of times and had even spoken a few polite words to her once or twice. I had seen her cause a few moment of trouble during my time here, asking questions she shouldn't have such as 'why?'. Women here, or anywhere really, were never supposed to ask why, we were meant to do as our husbands would eventually ask when the time came.
I had always really admired this stranger for asking though.
"Mind if I join you in the ignoring?" I asked really hoping she would let me have this moment of no longer being on my own.
Maybe it was because she really was lonely, I'm not sure, but she nodded and I took a place on the sand beside her while trying to contain the smile that erupted on my face and trying not to stumble in the process.
We didn't really talk, just allowed the sound of the waves crashing and the wide life roaming to engulf us. If it hadn't been for the girl's quiet breathing I would have still thought I was on my own. I found myself thinking about this strange girl then, trying to figure her out. I was mostly doing anything to keep my mind from going back to Emily and the day she had left, if I was honest.
It was trickier than I thought, figuring her out. She wasn't like anyone I'd ever met. Yes, she was beautiful, but it looked almost tragic when paired with the lost expression I could see in her eyes. I had never seen anyone look so casual yet so pained.
I picked up a handful of sand and watched as it slowly crumbled and fell from my hand allowing the calm wind to carry it. I tried to stop my mind from comparing my life with the crumbling sand, I tried not to associate the large clump that had just fallen with Emily leaving.
"How often do you come out here?" the quiet mysterious brunette asked.
I lied "I don't, this is my first time" I didn't want to get into trouble. I didn't know if I could trust her. You could never assume nowadays.
"I would have believed you had we of met somewhere closer"
"Ich kann nicht verstehenI (I don't understand)"
The girl laughed "It's almost a twenty five minute walk to get to this point and only someone who knows where they are going would make it here"
"It's not particularly hard to get here" I teased suddenly beginning to feel at ease with the stranger.
She laughed again "have you seen some of the girls we live with?"
I laughed because she was right. On a few of the orienteering trips the camp had organised I'd been grouped with a few girls that could not read a map to save their lives, nor could they understand the concept of north, south, east and west. Their excuses were 'it was their future husband's job to know' and that annoyed me. Was it really that bad to know things regardless of the fact that it wasn't expected of you to know them?
I liked to learn things, to know them and know I could count on myself only and not on a future husband. Women weren't supposed to allow themselves independence or the chance to really express their own opinions. Thoughts would only really come from the men we would marry. I didn't agree with that, obviously, but most girls did.
"How often do you really come here?"
"Mindestens einmal die woche (At least once a week)"
"Dangerous, I like it. I'm Effy" the girl offered.
I smiled, the aroma from this mysterious girl now whom I knew to be Effy rubbing off on me.
"Naomi"
She smiled "It's nice to meet another roamer Naomi"
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June 1936- Naomi
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It was from that moment on that we formed a delicate yet strong friendship, my first friendship since Emily. That summer, Effy and I would meet every Wednesday after our agriculture lessons at the beach, we would walk the length of it repetitively laughing and joking about our week before our limbs would become fatigued and we would retreat back to our dorms. It was easy with Effy. We had a lot in common, it turned out and it was nice to finally have an ally at camp. Besides, it always took my mind off Emily.
When the summer had ended, we'd kept in touch. We didn't go to the same school because Effy lived in a different part of Berlin than I did, but it was still easy to meet on weekends and such. When the new summer had rolled around, the brunette and I had resumed our night time escapades as if no time at all had passed.
What was amazing was that we were never caught, both too careful to let that happen. It was dangerous yet exciting at the same time and if there was one thing Effy and I both enjoyed, it was the thrill of doing something different, the thrill of being different. We weren't being moulded like the other girls, we were our own individuals and every night at the beach felt like a concrete way of affirming just that.
"I've met a boy" Effy told me one night.
I picked up the sand, watching the particles pour from between my fingers and onto my foot, a habit I had taken to. My blue skirt was blowing in the wind and I felt the bow in my hair flutter against my head.
"Oh?" I asked intrigued.
Despite this camp being very focussed on making us the model women citizen, Effy had never once mentioned anything about the type of husband she would like.
"Ja (Yes)" she simply answered.
I smiled picking up another handful of sand "Will you tell me anymore?"
"He's brunette, rather handsome"
"Sounds pleasant" I offered never really knowing how to answer these types of offerings of information.
For the first time since I had met Effy she was showing signs of becoming one of the typical girls in this camp and it scared me. The one thing I liked most about her was her individuality and she always seemed to pride herself in that. Somehow, the thought of her becoming just one of the others was horrible.
Effy rolled around in the sand, her excitement flowing off her in waves. Her skirt was becoming covered in sand and I couldn't stand the look on her face. It annoyed me, she reminded me of all the other girls in my dorm, Amber, Lilly, Abigail and so on, swooning over idiotic boys that would grow to treat them as objects.
Effy was supposed to be my friend. She was supposed to understand the bigger picture. She was supposed to stay herself, we were supposed to stay ourselves… together.
"Tell me more" I insisted standing up, barely managing to hide my frown from Effy.
She smiled standing up as well, brushing off her clothes.
"I met him the other day when I took a walk. Mary in my dorm was talking endlessly about this boy she favoured in the Youth and I couldn't stand the boring details she was going into so I decided to sneak out the back door. I'm not sure how long I had been walking for before I bumped into him" she looked at me then, mischief in her eyes "I mean literally bumped into him"
I giggled and grabbed her arm, suddenly allowing myself to become one of the norm just for a moment "Tell me, what did he say to that?"
"Well after I picked him up off the floor he simply brushed himself down and offered his hand to me. He looked just a bit older and he introduced himself as Diederich"
"Ohhh what a fine German name" I teased.
"Ja and his surname is Braur so a strong German background"
I think it's when I saw the seriousness in Effy's eyes that I realized we weren't mocking the camp anymore, but we meant it. I could see the Bund Deutscher Mädel reflecting off us, like a virus that had seeped through our veins and was coming out with our words, changing them, tainting them. It was scary.
Despite our best efforts to try and retain ourselves as individuals we were subconsciously becoming the robots Hitler wanted us to be, the perfect wives, and although I didn't object to that completely I still hated the way we were almost slaves to our husbands. I didn't even know why I was fighting it so much, why I felt like I had to resist the change. Wasn't it what everyone wanted, for us to change? Wasn't it supposed to be a good thing? Yet, I couldn't let it go, I couldn't let myself go. And I surely wouldn't let Effy go either.
Maybe it was because of her... Maybe that was why I had adopted this opposed kind of thinking and behaviour, or maybe it was Hitler's slow gaining over power that made me question the bigger picture but deep down I was struggling with the concept, more than anything it scared me.
Before I could fight it, I started thinking of her then, my mother. I tried to ignore the resentment I felt towards her because she was gone. I wondered what she would have thought of me now, my body wrapped up in the BDM uniform, my grades showing I would be the perfect wife, that I wasn't resisting all that much. All I did was obey despite my mind telling me all the reasons why I shouldn't. I obeyed because I knew my father would show me some form of affection if I did. I knew he missed her, even if he never talked about it. I could see it in his eyes every time he visited me. I could see that I reminded him of her.
She had left so abruptly and she had wounded us both in the process. I don't think either of us had expected it.
Sometimes at night, if I took too long to fall asleep, I could hear her voice in my head, I could hear her laughter. There had been nights in the past where I had laid awake for hours, just trying to remember how soft her hands had been when she'd caress my skin to sleep. But all of this was in the past… her as much as the memories I had of her.
"Everything okay Nai?" Effy asked me, slowly bringing me back to the present day.
"Ja sorry, just thinking about my Mama" Effy stopped walking causing me to swing round and look at her.
I knew this was a sudden big change in conversation from her talking about Diederich but her expression confused me "Was (what)?"
Effy shook her head quickly trying to regain her composure "Nothing, it's just that I don't think you've ever mentioned her before"
"I don't like to" I answered honestly. I hated talking about my mother but I knew the next question Effy would ask was inevitable.
"Why?"
"es verletzt" (It hurts) I admitted with a shrug barely managing to get my mind back from my memories.
Effy nodded slowly, I think she understood, even if she didn't, not really. We stayed silent for a moment, just enjoying the quietness of the beach and the feel of the sand on our feet.
"Do you really like him?" I asked my friend shyly after a moment turning my head to look at her answer.
She shrugged the moment my question was out, but seemed to pause to think afterwards. I studied her face carefully, noting the crease in her eyebrows as she contemplated my question properly.
"Nien" she replied shaking her head.
"Nein?" I pushed a bit.
"I… at least he's not from the Youth" She explained.
I nodded because it made sense, more sense than Effy suddenly becoming a German housewife at least. Still, something wasn't sitting right with me. I knew there had to be more to this.
"Did something happen?" I asked Effy.
Her brow furrowed and she pursed her lips.
"Effy…" I whispered reaching my hand to grab her wrist. "können Sie mir sagen" (You can tell me)
My friend stopped walking and I saw her take a big breath before speaking.
"My dad came to visit…" she said not looking at me.
I felt my blood freeze in my veins. Effy's dad was a SS soldier and from what Effy had told me, he was an influential man. He was also very strict and supported the Nazi party's beliefs completely. Eff rarely spoke of him, but when she did, her eyes always seemed to get just a tad darker and more distant. I knew she didn't get along too well with her father and perhaps it was one of the main reason why we were such good friends. After all, I could relate to that particular feeling.
"es dir gut?" (Are you okay?) I asked.
Effy nodded, but her eyes were still stubbornly fixed on the water and I could tell by the tension in her shoulders that she wasn't being completely honest. I didn't push her for information, because I knew she'd hate me for it. We sat on the sand and just listened to the waves.
"He wants me to find a husband" Effy whispered several minutes later.
"Oh?"
"Yeah…"
I frowned to myself, thinking about what Effy had just said. We could try and fight the norm, we could try to keep ourselves from changing, but the fact was there were things that were expected of us. And finding a suitable husband was one of them.
"If I don't find myself a man to date, my father will make me date soldiers in the SS. At least Dietrich isn't in the Youth and he's not as old as the soldiers my father was talking about" Effy continued, her voice levelled, controlled as always. I knew thought that the calmness of her tone was hiding the storm brewing in her soul.
I caught myself thinking about my own father. Would he ask that of me as well? After all, I had never dated any boys either and neither had I ever shown any interest to. It's not that I didn't like boys, but the Youth ones were all the same. All praising Hitler and his speeches of grandeur. They all wanted to join the military and they all wanted to "serve in the name of Deutschland". It was boring, it was ludicrous. I didn't want one of those boys. I could understand Effy then for considering a boy form town. Also, if he hadn't reported her for being out of camp, maybe he wasn't completely sold to the Nazi's policy like the Youths were.
"Are you going to see him again?" I asked her.
"Ja"
"Wann?" (when)
"Friday night"
I nodded before chancing a look in my friend's direction. She looked so far away in that moment even though she was right next to me. I grabbed her hand with mine and laced our fingers together.
"mir leid" (I'm sorry) I said softly.
A small smile crept slowly on the brunette's lips. "It's not your fault"
I nodded because she was right, but I still felt guilty. Guilty because I couldn't help my friend. Guilty because she was trapped and I wasn't and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
I didn't reply anything, I didn't need to. Effy knew just like I did that it was only a matter of time before my Papa would give me a similar speech. Perhaps it wouldn't be this year, but it would come. In the end, we were all stuck in the same situation and there was no escaping.
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So that is that. MM here now. Let's just treat ourselves to another hug, yeah? We can use another hug :D Anyway, hit us up with your thoughts :) Cheers!
MM (and Emz too, Emz loves you all too)