Well, guys, sorry for my absence, but I've been on vacation. Here's a little something to make up for it.
(Dedicated to Fanatic97)
0o0
And now it's time for Bum [Fic] Reviews, with Chester A. Bum.
Tonight's Review:
Calvin and Hobbes: The Imagination War
Chester stands in front of the camera, waving his arms excitedly. "OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE GREATEST STORY I'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE!"
"And that's saying something since I don't read."
"It's a magical world, Hobbes, lets go SPOILERS!"
"There's this kid, named Calvin, and he's really mad because it's the last day of school and they had to take a test." Chester became furious. "WHO THE HECK DOES THAT?!"
He then did a scribbling motion with his hands. "So he just wrote down a bunch of random answers just to get it over with and get out of school- That's how I always took my tests!" he hung his head low. "I ended up staying in kindergarten for the fifth time that year."
"And his teacher was SUPER MAD! She was all," he then did an old-lady impression. "You've drive me insane for the last time! CALL HIS PARENTS!"
"And his parents are like," he then did an impression of Dad. "Well, lets send him to Summer Camp."
"And Calvin is like," he then did a high-pitched kid's voice. "NOOO- wait, can Hobbes come?"
"No."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"And so Calvin, and his stuffed tiger- who looks like a real tiger to him but a stuffed animal to other people- say goodbye one last time before he has to leave," He wiped a tear. "I had to go through the same thing with my wooden duck."
"And at the camp, it's TOTALLY FREAKY! All the counselors looked like they had botox implants and were smiling like a bunch of pedofilasians, yet PARENTS STILL SEND THEIR KIDS TO THE CAMP!"
"I was sent to camp, once!" His smile faded. "…Except it was an all-girl camp… BUT I WAS THE HOTTEST GUY THERE!"
"So then the Parents and Hobbes come to visit Calvin, and Calvin is all," he did his kid-voice again. "Lets run away into those mountains even though we have few supplies and barely know the area."
"And Hobbes is all-" he then did an impression of Hobbes. "Okay."
"So they go to the woods, where Calvin falls through this hole and finds this REALLY FREAKY lab hidden underground, and find out this evil-dude is stealing the imagination of all children and making them into bland zombies! That's right- he's turning them all into Bella Cullen! AAAAUUUGH!"
"So Calvin tries to run and warn the others, meeting up with this girl Sally, and she's all," he then did a girl-voice. "I know a place where we can be safe!"
"Okay, this isn't a trick, is it?"
"No."
"Okay well- BANG!" he then did an impression of Calvin falling to the ground.
"Oh, by the way, I'm a robot!"
"And so Calvin gets dragged away…"
"And Hobbes is still looking for him when he meets a wolf named Lobo-" he became thoughtful. "Which I think is Spaniard for 'Wolf' but I don't know, I flunked Spanglish."
"And Lobo is like-" he then did a deep gruff voice. "There's an evil guy kidnapping kids and he's got robots all over the place- the only safe point is that mountain over there,"
"And Hobbes is like-" he then ran and yelled, "SANCTUARY!"
"Meanwhile, Calvin's parents go home with Calvin- who's actually a robot because the REAL Calvin has been put in a giant container of jello and his imagination is being sucked out!"
"And then ALL THE IMAGINATION IN THE WORLD COMES TO LIFE because the machine has enough power!" He strained a smile, clenching his fists. "WHICH… I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS, BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF STUFF FLYING OUT AT ME SO I DON'T CARE!"
"And these other kids, Susie- a smart alecky girl, Moe- a bully, Beth- a creepy girl, Derek- an emo kid, Burned Out Star- another emo, and a pretty stuffed girl tiger named Althea all go to find out what's going on, only to end up running into a SWARM of robots and other freaky stuff!"
"And they're all like- AAAAUUUGH!"
"And the parents are all like- AAAAUUUGH!"
"And the readers are like- whaaaaat?"
"And Hobbes comes back to the parents, and they all go to the house where he brings out a bunch of toys and stuff- which turn into THE COOLEST WEAPONS EVER because of imagination! And then they go back to the camp…"
"AND AFTER AN EPIC FIGHT- they get captured."
"And Hobbes is taken to the bad guy, William, and he's all," he then did a dark-mocking voice. "I'm the brother of your last owner who died because you and him did crazy stuff you and Calvin always do- how he died and Calvin hasn't I don't know, but I'm going to kill you all!"
He then did an impression of Hobbes. "Oh, crap."
"So then he brings out all these Calvin clones to help take over the world- but all they do instead is mess around the lab and break things, eventually setting Hobbes and all the trapped kids free and giving them back their personalities!"
"Hooray!"
"So Calvin, and the REAL Sally, and some kid named Lou try to escape with Hobbes, but keep running into more robots, until Calvin is like…" he then did his kid-voice again. "Wait a minute, my imagination can come to life!"
"And he gets real big and is all-"
"YAAAAAARGGHHH! DIE ROBOTS DIE!"
"And the others got freed because of that crazy girl, who they thought died in a truck explosion, but she was saved by her ghost-dog,"
"But then it turns out she's the daughter of the bad guy and wants to help kill them."
He rolled his eyes, throwing his arms up into the air. "Well THAT was obvious! I mean she was already psycho! All psycho people are bad guys-" he then thumbed at himself. "Except me, but that's because I'm not psycho, I'm just crazy… and high."
"So then she's all," he then did a girl's voice again. "I'm going to have my imaginary ghost-dog eat you,"
"But then Lobo, who died too, comes back as a ghost, and scares the dog away!"
"SNARL!"
"YIPE!"
"Suddenly, the bad guy appears with a GIANT MECH SUIT and tries to DESTROY THEM ALL!"
"Until the angel of his dead brother comes along and causes an explosion that makes all the bad stuff go away."
He paused. "O-kay, that's kind of a quick way to settle things, but oh well."
"So the angel-brother tells Hobbes goodbye, and says that now that imagination is alive he's a real tiger!" he paused again. "Okay, did this guy double as the Blue Fairy or something?!"
"And then a statue falls on the bad guy and kills him,"
"SQUISH!"
"And his daughter is trapped inside a sound-sealed cockpit and no one lets her out,"
He then waves his arms and makes a silent-yelling motion with his mouth.
"And then everyone goes back home, Calvin and Hobbes continue to torment Susie, life goes back to normal…"
"Oh, and then Beth gets free and we end up with plans for a sequel."
He then leaned in close to the camera. "I know, because I was there. Yeah, didn't I mention I got a cameo?"
"So this was a really awesome story, namely because it's all insane and crazy and full of stuff that's flying at me, and it was like the inside of a six-year-old psychotic imagination!"
He rubbed his chin. "Maybe that's where they came up with the idea- they met a six-year-old with a taste for destruction. BUT, who knows!"
"I'm Chester A. Bum, and I'd like to say-" he then held up his Styrofoam cup, waving it about. "CHANGE! YA GOT CHANGE! HELP A GUY OUT! C'MON, CHANGE!"
"Well could you at LEAST see if I could get a bigger cameo in the sequel?!"
The End
"The Imagination War" written by Fanatic97
'Bum Reviews' belongs to Channel Awesome and 'That Guy With The Glasses dot com'.