Hey guys!
Sorry it's taken me so long to update! I've just got back at school, and I'm writing another story at the same time, and I know these aren't very good excuses, but . . . yeah. On the day I've actually started this, it's already been a while since the last update, and I have no idea what day this will be uploaded! But I promise I'll try and keep it more regular next time!
I still don't know exactly how many chapters this is going to be, but it's still around fifteen if I'm taking a guess. And Merlin will only find out towards the end, so . . . it's gonna be a while, guys!
Anyway, I won't keep you any longer, so enjoy!
Megz
oxox
Three days later, Merlin walked into his Science class, a wide grin on his face. All week, he'd been talking to 'A', and every night they would stay up until about one o'clock in the morning, not wanting the conversation to end. Of course, Merlin was aware that other people could see the conversation, but he didn't care. Besides, he knew that the site had a "private chat" setting, where himself and 'A' could talk freely. He'd been thinking about suggesting that all week, but wondered if it would be "appropriate". Then again, the things that they had shared, were far too personal for them not to at least be friends by now.
Merlin had talked about his father, something he didn't tell many people about, and how he'd left Merlin's mother when Merlin was very young. He'd talked about how neither he, nor his mother knew why he'd left, and still wondered about it to this day. Merlin's greatest fear was that it had been because of him. He wondered if, if he'd never been born, would his father have stayed with his mother? He knew it was stupid, and that it wasn't really his fault, as no one could help being born, but it scared him all the same. Because his mother had been so in love with her husband, it was obvious from the pictures that hung from the walls of his home in Ealdor.
While Merlin had talked about his father, 'A' had also spoken about his. He'd told Merlin of how his father often disapproved of him, and how 'A' often wondered if he even wanted him at all. Merlin told him to never think that, though he knew it must be hard. 'A' said that his father always treated his sister much better than him, as if she were precious. Merlin said it was probably because fathers were often more protective of their daughters, and tended to push their sons a lot more, it couldn't be helped, it was a natural instinct. Still, 'A' insisted that it was more than that. Whatever he did, it was never quite good enough for his father, and Merlin had felt quite sorry for his internet friend.
Whilst they often talked about personal and emotional subjects, they also shared small facts about themselves as well. After almost a week of long conversation, Merlin now knew that 'A''s favourite colour was red, he was particularly good at English, his favourite TV show was Doctor Who (the same as Merlin), and he had actually already read all the books that Merlin had suggested. When he'd said that, Merlin immediately felt embarrassed for assuming that 'A' was some illiterate idiot. He'd apologized immediately, and whilst being slightly arrogant about it at first, 'A' said that it didn't matter. After all, Merlin didn't even know who he was, so it was natural that he'd make at least some assumptions.
Walking into the class, Merlin's smile slipped. This was his first Science class of the year, and the rules pretty much went that wherever you sat on the first day, that was your seat for the rest of the year. He cursed out loud, for not remembering and arriving earlier. And it only took Merlin a couple of seconds to notice that, because he was a few minutes later than everyone else, there was only one seat left. And that one seat happened to be right at the back, with the one and only, Arthur Pendragon.
Merlin's shoulders slumped, as he walked towards his new seat. Prat-dragon had already noticed that Merlin was to be his new partner, and seemed to be enjoying the idea a lot more than he was. Merlin couldn't tell whether the smile on Arthur's face was sarcastic, or if he was actually looking forward to torturing Merlin for the rest of the year. His bets were on the second. Letting his bag fall slowly off his shoulder, and placing it under the table, Merlin slid into the seat cautiously.
He tried not to look at the blonde, as he pulled his books out of his bag. He was going to move as close to the table edge as possible, but thought that might be a little too extreme. Plus, something in him had been given hope from the fact that Arthur hadn't insulted him yet, even if it had only been a few seconds, that was good for him. But, his hopes were dashed, when Arthur turned to him, and a smile that Merlin knew all too well began to form on his smug face. It was his "I'm-going-to-make-the-next-hour-of-your-life-a-living-Hell" smile. Arthur tilted his head to the side, and Merlin could tell the insults were already forming in his mind, and before he could stop himself, Merlin turned towards Prat-dragon, and spat;
"Don't think too hard, you might give yourself an aneurysm."
Arthur's smile fell momentarily, and he looked genuinely shocked. But it was only for a moment, and his usual arrogant smirk was back.
"My father could get you expelled with a click of his finger, you know," Arthur shot back, but Merlin didn't even flinch. There was something about that that just annoyed him even more. Because, had he said that to anyone else, they would have done one of three things; shut up immediately ran away, or begged for his forgiveness. Merlin was doing any of these things, it just didn't make any sense.
"Getting your father to fight your battles for you, how honourable of you." Merlin replied, and Arthur had to agree with him. It had been a mediocre comeback, at best, and he knew really that his father would never listen to him anyway. He didn't care for Arthurs "petty problems", as he called them, and Arthur knew it.
"When are you going to learn? You can't talk to me like that." Arthur gave a dark laugh, and Merlin glared at him.
"When you learn to stop being a prat,"
Arthur's laugh faltered, and he reached for Merlin's books, about to throw them on the floor, but Merlin got there at the same time. They fought for the books, pulling them between them. Arthur may have been stronger, but Merlin wasn't letting go. It must have been quite a hilarious display, had anyone actually seen it, though the two bickering boys didn't notice Morgana giggling at the back of the classroom. Suddenly, Arthur had an idea, and let go of the books, causing them to fall on Merlin's lap, and for some of them to spring back and hit the raven-haired boy in the face. Arthur roared with laughter, as Merlin tried to pick up his books.
Merlin leaned backwards in his chair to pick up some of the books that had fallen behind him, and Arthur had another idea. He kicked the front of Merlin's chair, lightly, but with enough strength to send the chair, and the clumsy boy sat on it, flying backwards. As Merlin fell, his head his the empty table behind with a bang, and he fell to the floor, the books he had actually managed to gather falling all over him.
When Merlin didn't get up, Arthur cursed to himself, and leaned back in his chair to check on the other boy. Merlin's eyes were closed, and his lips were slightly parted in a groan.
"Shit," Arthur cursed, and leaned further back to look at Merlin. And in a blur, Merlin's eyes shot open, and he looped his hand around the back of Arthur's chair, pulling him backwards to join him. Arthur's arms flailed comically, but he only ended up falling anyway. Luckily, his head missed the table, but he still ended up lying on his back, Merlin beside him, and before they could stop themselves, they both burst out laughing.
Merlin's shoulders shook with laughter, and tears formed in his eyes. He picked up one of the books lying on his stomach, and threw it at the blonde gently. It hit Arthur's arm, but not hard, and he laughed, throwing it back.
Picking themselves up off the floor, and gathering Merlin's books, they sat back in their chairs, and continued to laugh at their own stupidity. The rest of the class had obviously missed the moment they'd shared, as they were all talking and writing in their exercise books. Arthur sighed, and hit Merlin on the arm playfully. Merlin knew it was weird, and that it wasn't something that normally happened with the two of them, but he couldn't keep the smile off his face.
"Idiot," Arthur muttered.
"Prat," Merlin replied, almost automatically.
That night, Arthur dumped his bags on the floor of his bedroom, and flopped onto the bed. His laptop sat there already, just waiting for him. He'd gotten back from school about two hours ago, but had only just managed to escape his father and Morgana. His father always insisted that they eat dinner together, sat around the dining room table. Although his father was very particular about it, most of the meals were spent in silence, the only other alternative being Arthur getting the third degree about, well, anything, really. His father never approved of him. This dinner had consisted of the latter.
He just wanted to talk to Merlin. Somehow, that always made him feel better, as Merlin was the only person that never judged him. He let Arthur be himself, and didn't question him or his actions like his father did. He didn't expect anything of him, and never pushed him. Of course, the only downside being that Merlin didn't know who he was, but that didn't matter to Arthur so much. He'd gotten to know Merlin more in the past few weeks than he had for the first few years that he'd known him. But whilst he didn't want Merlin to know who he was, the thought of telling him eventually, scared him more than it should have.
He feared that Merlin would be mad, and would never speak to him again, or that he would just be disgusted. In a way, it almost felt as if he was sneaking into enemy lines, unearthing his secrets and innermost thoughts. It felt like he was lying to Merlin about who he was, even though he had never actually lied to him when he was 'A'. He was living a lie, and he knew it, though he'd have to tell Merlin eventually, whether he liked it or not, he couldn't hide in the shadows forever. But he was still scared.
Because, telling Merlin that he was 'A', would mean he had to explain why he'd never told him in the first place, and why he'd carried on teasing him despite their growing friendship that only Arthur knew about. And Arthur was afraid to admit those things, even to himself. Because he really didn't know why he was so drawn to Merlin, so fascinated. Really, to the human eye, he wasn't really anything special, but . . . he was. There was just something about him, something that couldn't be seen, or heard, or imagined. He was just . . . different, and Arthur liked that.
Opening up the laptop, Arthur signed in quickly, his hands actually shaking in anticipation. Thinking of talking to Merlin, it was the only thing that got him through the day, and it was all he thought of. He noticed that AskMe was already open from the night before, and almost laughed at how stupid he was being, over a guy. It was absurd. But still, he didn't seem to be able to stop himself.
~ Thursday, 18:05 ~
You there? - A
Where else would I be? - Merlin
You have a point there. I bet you just sit, don't you, waiting for me, for hours and hours and hours . . . - A
You wish.
So, I was thinking, would it be too forward of me, if I asked to move this conversation to 'Private'? It's just, some of this is getting a little personal, and I don't mind discussing it with you, it's just other people seeing it that bothers me. - Merlin
Of course, I don't mind in the slightest. - A
- The conversation settings have been changed to 'Private'.
That's better. - Merlin
Much. So how was your day? - A
It was good, surprisingly. What about yours? - Merlin
It was alright, I guess. - A
Okay, what's wrong? - Merlin
Are you sure you want to know? I don't want to bore you with my problems. - A
Are you kidding me? That's what friends are for. - Merlin
We're friends? - A
Well . . . . I guess I just assumed. You don't have to be, not if you don't want to. - Merlin
And why on Earth wouldn't I want to? Friends it is. - A
Friends it is. So, back to where we left off, what's wrong? - Merlin
You really want to know? I just don't want to waste your time . . . - A
Any amount of time spent talking to you could never be a waste. - Merlin ;)
Thank you.
It's just . . . my father. He never approves of anything I do, and nothing's ever quite good enough for him. He wants me to be rich, and successful like him, possibly even famous, but that's not what I want. I want to do something that's going to actually make a difference, you know? But he doesn't approve, I know he doesn't. I only ever told him about that once, and after that, I never mentioned it again, because it wasn't what he wanted. I even dropped my old friends for him, because he wanted me to be popular, and a leader, like him. He wanted me to make friends for power, and status, not for real friendship. He wants me to share the same beliefs as him, but to be honest, I think his ways are corrupt, and wrong.
If he even knew the real me, if anybody did, for that matter, I doubt they would like what they saw. Because I'm really not the person that they think I am, I swear. All my life, all I've wanted is to make him proud of me, but I'm never good enough. - A
I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to understand how hard that must be for you. But have you tried talking to your father about how you feel? Maybe he'd understand, if you explained it to him like you just did to me? What did you mean though, about them not knowing the real you? - Merlin
I just . . . I don't know. It always feel like I have to become a completely different person, in order to fit in with my "friends". In order to be accepted. It doesn't feel real. Not to mention the fact that I'm quite insecure about myself as it is. - A
Why? - Merlin
Merlin, I . . . I think I might be gay. - A
Oh. So you're not 100% sure, or . . . ? Has there been any guys before? - Merlin
Not guys, just . . . guy. I think I might like him, but . . . I can't be sure. I don't know what it is, but I'm just kind of . . . drawn to him, you know? I don't know what it is about him, but I just can't pull myself away. I don't know whether the reason I'm not sure is just because I'm scared, or what, but my father would never approve. - A
I think you need someone to talk to, to be honest, and I'll be that person for you, if you want. But I also think you need to stand up to your father. You can't keep worrying about what he thinks, it's not healthy. You need to do what's best for you, and if he doesn't support that, then he's not worth your time, frankly. A father should love his son no matter what, and if he can't accept your decisions, then he's really not worth it. And everyone else, you don't need to worry about what they think, either, because if they're really your friends, then they'll stick by you. If not, then they were never really worth having in the first place. - Merlin
Thanks, Merlin. But I've tried to talk to him before, he just doesn't understand, and I always end up agreeing with him anyway, even if I don't, really. And I promise you, I will tell my friends eventually, I just need a little time. - A
I understand. If your father won't listen, though, then you should stand up to him. Tell him that you're not going to listen to him anymore, and it's time you made your own decisions. You're old enough to know what you want, and you don't need him to tell you otherwise. - Merlin
Thank you, really. - A
You're more than welcome. - Merlin
Well? I know it was kind of short, but I hope you liked it anyway. Review please! ;)