Are you the neighborhood pimp? Lampo is. References to chapter 2 will be heard here. Always remember: when Giotto gives you advice, it's best to take it. Seriously, this is advice Lampo should've gotten instead of Tsuna. There is a lot of use of the b-word in this chapter. And a lot of pimps and hoes talk. Somehow this chapter also became a Giotto/Tsuna thing too. Huh, didn't see that coming. I want to iterate that I don't view women like this. I do not own Reborn, Professor Genki, Cherry Coke, in anyway.

Bold – Lampo's narration.

Chapter 4: A Pimp Named Lampo – A Legend Is Born

Lampo laid unconscious on the floor as Lambo continued to pounce on his stomach. He let out constant moans of pain as he twitched on the ground with a red rolling pin mark on his face. His body was decorated in blood and some glass. As he looked around, he couldn't help but think about the events that led to his self-destruction…

The game isn't as difficult as most people may assume it is. You gotta be strong, keep your pimp hand tight, and leave your heart ice cold, like a slurpie with a cherry coke twist. That's what I am: Cherry Coke. Bitches love cherry coke. I didn't learn this rule until after my first catastrophe. I just came back from America when I found that my particular charm and exotic look made women swoon over me. I'm not just some playboy, I've evolved beyond that. Women do as I say, and I profit from that. In return, I allow them to ravish me. He, that's just how awesome I am. You can't see me. I'm beyond celebrity. Who am I? I'm the Zeus of Pimps, or as some members of my family call me, Lampo Bovino…

(4 Hours Earlier)

"Why did I get an invite to a Playa's Ball? What is that? And why is it tonight?" Giotto looked at the flashy letter in his hand as Nana and Tsuna stared at it.

"Maybe it's like a fancy costume party?" Nana cheerfully remarked.

"Aren't balls for girls? They like those things." Tsuna asked.

"Eh, I don't think Lampo would've invited me if it was. This one's a head scratcher. Tsuna got an invite too so maybe it's something for the kids."

Nana tilted her head. "Why don't you call Lampo and find out?"

"I did but his maid said he was preoccupied. It's been like for four hours though I don't know what he's so busy with especially since he never really lifts a finger."

"I-I think we should go, and maybe we didn't just get an invite. I'll call Gokudera and Yamamoto and find out," Tsuna jumped up and went to the phone.

"You do that while I figure out what a Playa's Ball is…" Giotto went to his office and accessed the computer.

Nana stood up from the couch ready to start making dinner when the doorbell furiously rang. She quickly made her way over the door and opened it revealing a wet Lambo holding a pumpkin-headed plushie in his hand. The rain came pouring down outside as a scared Lambo jumped in her arms as lightning came down.

"Oh my! Lambo, why are you out here? H-How do you get here?"

"Lambo's scared!" he curled into Nana's chest as lightning struck again and he winced. "There are weird people at the mansion."

"Weird people? Lampo's in trouble?"

"Papa let them in! They had funny feathers, big coats, fur…"

"…PROSTITUTES! LAMPO IS SMUGGLING PROSTITUTES IN NANIMORI! AND…" the blonde stopped screaming into the room as he saw Nana holding Lambo. "Did Lampo drop him off here? Where is he?"

"Giotto, he just got here. I think Lambo ran all the way over here in this weather."

"WHAT! Tsuna, we're leaving!" the Sawada patriarch grabbed two coats ready to leave the house. He walked up to Lambo as he the young child looked at him. "Your uncle Giotto is going to handle this and get your papa back to his sense."

"Why is he doing this?" Lambo asked.

"Because he's… Lampo." Tsuna ran into the room.

"Nobody else got an invite. Why's Lambo here?"

"Tsuna!" Lambo jumped off of Nana and ran to Tsuna. "Papa is bad. He left Lambo to some funny pig lady."

"Ehhh?"

Giotto lowered his eyes. "Okay, we definitely have to do something about this."

Nana looked over at her husband. "Do you think this has something to do with… you know what?" Giotto nodded as Nana held Lambo's hand. "How would you like to make some cookies with me?"

Lambo gave off a cheezy smile. "Can Lambo have cookie dough."

"Of course." She took him to the kitchen as he sniffed and tried to wipe away his tears.

"Why would Uncle Lampo leave him alone like that?"

Giotto sternly stood by the door as Tsuna put his coat on. "I don't know, but I'm going to knock some sense to him. Let's go Tsuna… oh and whatever you do, do not take any drink given to you, and if you have any questions about anything you see there, ask me when we get home and we're alone."

"Why?"

"It's important to find Lampo and tell him about his son; also, I don't want to give your mother a heart attack for telling you these things."

Sacrifices must be made to become the greatest pimp history has ever seen. Unfortunately, one of these sacrifices was my son. That was not intentional. He was my seed, the golden apple off this sixty foot tree (ladies calm down, it comes in peace). It was my intention to bring him into the game as Mufasa did Simba, except without me dying in a stampede of whores. The idea sounds kinky though. Note to self: find a way to survive a stampede of hoes. Anyway, I left him safely in the hands of Eliza, this blonde chick I met in New York who's got this bust that you can sleep on like a cloud in the sky you can screw. Very sexy, like a Mai Valentine if she gave it up for free. To be fair, that'd bitch still would be expensive, and needy, a smart ass, manipulative, and whiny, and… okay after all that I just want to kill that bitch.

It was difficult for Tsuna to describe what he had seen. There were so many lights coming from Lampo's mansion it looked like planes were going to land on the colorful home. Limos and fancy cars parked in the garage and out on the street, but most the vehicles that came in were more broken down and tacky if anything. It only got tackier with men coming out in fur coats, loud suits, and some with large feathered hats he felt were ripped off an ostrich. The women were worse. Most of them showed a lot of skin while wearing cheap material and spandex. There cleavage looked ready to pop at any more; the worst thing was that most of them weren't even attractive.

"Can I stay in the car?" Tsuna panicked.

"No, you're coming inside. This'll be educational for you."

"How?"

Giotto parked the car two blocks away so people won't associate him with Lampo. "Let me put it bluntly: when you become boss of this family and your guardians do stupid things like this, YOU HAVE GOT TO BRING THE WRATH OF GOD AND DROP THE HAMMER ON THEIR BITCH ASS! Also to show you the type of women you NEVER want to be with, but to more importantly DROP THE HAMMER ON LAMPO'S BITCH ASS! I apologize if I got a lil gangsta there."

Tsuna shook and curled up as his father yell. "I-I-it's fine."

Giotto goes into the glove department and hands Tsuna mace. "Now normally I give this to your mother in case she's out with the car for protection, but you need this to fight off the crabs."

"You mean prostitutes."

"Same thing. The Sawada Adorability gene is a hindrance in this kind of environment because prostitutes usually don't get attractive men like ourselves. They'll swarm over you like a juicy steak, so try to go in like a ninja and not like you usually do at school with your face in the dirt. If they happen to grab you and appear to go below the waist, kill the bitch and we'll hide the body later like a father and son team."

Tsuna frowned. "Does it really have to come to this?"

Giotto puts his hand on Tsuna's shoulder, "if Grand Theft Auto and Saint's Row has taught us anything, it's that the world wouldn't miss one prostitute; they'll just respawn later at another location. So, technically you're doing them a favor. They get to see the world this way," the blonde flashed a small that didn't insure his son anything.

As they exited the car, Giotto went to the trunk and popped it open. Inside was a baseball bat, purple cat suit, a scientist lab coat and suit, green pants, and a giant purple cat head smiling and wearing shades. Tsuna was confused as he watched his father put the suit on.

"What's with the suit?"

"It's a playa's ball, Tsuna. I'd look silly going inside in a suit and tie, and Professor Genki is the most pimpin cat I know," he put on the Genki head to complete his ensemble. "Sorry I didn't get anything for you at short notice, but you'll be fine as you don't stare directly at the people. Just look everywhere else unless it's your uncle Lampo. Call me and let me handle it from there," he grabbed the bat and closed the trunk. "Let's do this. We're going in with swag Tsuna." Giotto strutted to Lampo's estate as Tsuna stood horrified at his father.

It was negligent of me to put Lambo in that position, but you have to understand: I'm 21. I had a kid at 16. The moment I turned 21 I could've done a lot of things: purchase alcohol, drink alcohol… that's it. Wow, not much changes after you turn 21. You want to know how spent my birthday: seeing Lambo's play. He wasn't even in the play he just pulled curtains. I know you all wished me happy birthday and all, but it just wasn't the same. None of you even had a party for me. So when I left for America, I spent my down time exploring the city with Lambo, and that's when I met Pristine and his stable of fly bitches. Damn those girls had ass. Taught me and Lambo all about the game, although I think Lambo spent most his time in that coloring book with Jewel and Deshay. I wanted to realize a dream then: to become the greatest pimp in history, and to achieve it all I needed was a time machine! Unfortunately the 10 year bazooka was broken so I had to resort to becoming the greatest pimp of THIS time period. Damn, I really wanted to get with those puritan bitches; I heard they're freaks.

"Zeus, daddy, when are you going to show me your private jet?"

"Nooooo, he was going to show me his private island Olympus."

"Whaaaat! You have an island…"

Six women swarmed around Lampo as walked down the halls of his mansion. He swaggered in the room wearing a white tiger fur coat, round purple shades sliding low on his nose, elevator shoes filled with fish and water, white bellbottom pants, a purple buttoned shirt, and a white fedora. The shelves flowed in the air as the women tried to hold onto the man. He smirked as he passed up several "friends" in the hall.

"Lookie here 'ladies', if you behave and show daddy what you've got, I might just have a private jet to take you to an island I may possibly own, but that is if you've got the talent and the loyalty toward me because I don't have no need for some broken down hoes. Also don't need any of my horses goin toward another man's stable," he flashed his pearly whites as he entered the dance floor.

"What's goin own my brotha pimps and tricks? This here is Zeus descending from Olympus to allow you mortals to gaze upon thee god of pimpin," he waved his hand in the air as the audience cheered, whistled, and called out Lampo (or Zeus). "I can see a lotta fine chicken dinners up in the piece; definitely got some dimes workin the floor. I see some legends up here too. Nice to see ya had the time to come up to Nanimori."

"Ye-Yeah!"

"Holla!"

"What it do!"

"Recognize!"

"Where am I?"

"King is in the building!"

"You're all going to hell!"

Lampo snapped his fingers as security came and threw the priest out of his mansion. "I don't know who let that fool in; I didn't think this was his kind of crowd seeing there ain't any little boys here, except for Toni Tone over there."

"Pfft, you and I both know I got size where it counts. Hehehehe."

"My man," Lampo shot out two fingers to the short pimp. "Enjoy the ambrosia that is my kingdom and ladies be on the lookout; Zeus just might need some company later on his throne," he winked to the crowd as they exploded in cheers and praises.

As the lightning guardian headed up to the DJ both with a train of women following behind, Tsuna and Professor Genki (Giotto) walked up in the building earning themselves several looks from the crowd.

"Who invited the short pint and cat?"

"That kid is a cutie. How old is he?"

"Oh shit, it's Professor Genki! Someone grab my shotgun!"

"Lovin da cat, lovin da cat! If I knew this was a furry fest I would've brought out Snoopy."

"Little Jimmy! Is that you?"

Tsuna stepped closer to his father as they traversed through the crowd. Some of the women try to reach out to him with a "hi" or blowing a kiss, which only scared him further because some of them looked either half dead or dressed in too much make-up. Giotto stood strong holding his bat as the party goers took note of the cat being armed.

"Now remember, Tsuna, no physical contact, do not converse, and above all KEEP YOUR PANTS ON AND YOUR LIPS SHUT TIGHT!"

"If the kid wants to party let him you uptight pu…" Giotto smashed a pimp in the face with the back of the bat.

"My son has a girlfriend!"

Tsuna looked at his father confused. "No I don't."

Giotto tilted his head. "You don't? But I thought Haru…"

"…I'm not sure what's happening with that," Tsuna timidly replied as the pimp got up and took a swing at Giotto. "Dad, look out!"

Giotto barely dodged as he was swarmed around by a punch of pimps. He began to fight them off and looked like he was about to win until the stable of hoes began to latch onto his legs and bite him like zombie. "AAAHHH! I HAVE HERPES! TSUNA, STAY AWAY FROM DADDY!"

Giotto turned and saw that Tsuna was already gone. "MY SON'S ABONDANDED ME!" he was eventually punched by a prostitute as Professor Genki was curled up in a ball getting stomped on. "Genki needs assistance!"

Tsuna ran around and saw Lampo in the DJ booth making out with three women. He ran up to the booth as he looked down the stairway and watched his father remove his mask and fight off the prostitutes by swinging it at them.

"Back, back I say! I'm broke! I don't want any and I ain't got nothing to give!" Giotto screamed as some of them scratched his face with their long nails. "DEAR GOD I HAVE SLUT RABIES! I can feel myself changing into one of them… oh Tsuna, Nana. I pray you never see me on the streets turning tricks!"

Tsuna knocked on the booth screaming, "UNCLE LAMPO! LAMBO NEEDS YOU! UNCLE LAMPO!"

The self-proclaimed 'greatest pimp in history' saw a spikey bush of brown hair and realized it was his nephew. "Excuse me ladies, family business." He walked over and let in Tsuna. "Girls, this is my nephew Tsunayoshi. Say hi girls."

"Hi Tsuna."

"Hey Tsuna."

"Tsuna! Awww he's so cute! I just wanna…"

"He's too young for that Michelle," Lampo remarked as he noticed Tsuna's panicked face. "What's wrong young gun?"

"Dad… slut rabies… Lambo… with mom…" he tried to catch his breath.

"Lambo's with your mom? That's not right I left him with Yukio… Right? Where's Yukio?" he looked around the crowd for one of his 'girls' but couldn't find her. "I-I'm sure he's in his room or something…"

"NO! He's at my house with mom! He was wet and crying and scared! And why would you invite me to this!" he spread his arm out as the crowd was getting out of control.

Giotto found himself swinging on a chandelier waving his broken bat down the audience. "BACK OFF YOU ANIMALS! YOU SHALL NOT HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME!"

"See, he was cute until he started freaking out. You sure he ain't homeless?"

"Homeless or not I still want him!"

"Geez, are these hoes or fangirls!" Giotto thought out loud.

Lampo lazily looked over at Giotto. "They're usually one in the same."

Giotto popped a vain as he glared at Lampo. "YOU! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR KID! You'd put him in front of all this and forget to get a babysitter or something?"

"Now now, I did get him a babysitter. Yukio has a lot of explaining to do…"

"Yukio has been in your bedroom doing some dudes for about two hours now," one of Lampo's women replied.

"What? Then where's Lambo… WHY ARE THEY IN MY BEDROOM!"

Tsuna smacked Lampo upside his head. "Forget your bedroom! GO SEE LAMBO!"

"A…a… but what about my mansion. I can't leave all these people here. And my girls…" he stroked one of his girls' cheeks, "it'd be wrong to leave them alone."

"That's okay, I had that dealt with. I called the Hibaris," Giotto proudly replied with a smile. Lampo shockingly looked at Giotto, grabbed Tsuna and jumped on the chandelier.

"The fuck I'm staying here when they arrive!" the chandlier began to break as the three crashed to the ground as the crowd dispersed. Lampo jumped in the air holding his behind, "I have glass on my ass."

"Good for you. Let's go," Giotto grabbed Lampo as he and Tsuna ran. Giotto took one last swipe at a pimp knocked him to the ground. "Ha! Take that mini-me!"

"TONI-TONE!"

Toni rubbed his face as he was helped up by his girls. "I won't forget this you blonde bitch! I'm coming for you!"

"Oh yeah! Well you and the lollipop guild better be strapped cause I ain't no easy kill," Giotto gave him the finger before exiting the mansion.

The Sawadas and a captured Lampo was running straight to the car as an army of pimps and hoes pursued. Giotto threw Lampo through the backseat window as he jumped through the front winshield. Tsuna was horrified.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!"

"No time for doors! Jump by daddy, Tsuna," the blood loss was getting to Giotto as Tsuna chose to unlock the door and casually sit down instead. The blonde hit the accelerator as he drifted to the right and got away from the mob.

When I left Lambo in Yukio's care, I assume she'd actually look after him and not take six guys to my room and make nasty with them. I should've known better considering she was Nanimori's most famous whore. It's killing me that I'd put Lambo in that position and I asked myself if he'd ever forgive me. My selfishness was not worth making my son sad. Actually, it was more about me forgiving myself for being that irresponsible. It also didn't help that Giotto threw me through glass that I regretted what I had done. Lately he's been losing his marbles. The windshield jumping proved that.

Lampo soon woke up on the couch bandaged up and dressed in pajamas. "Wha… where are my clothes?"

"In the garbage can where they belong."

Tsuna stood outside the house with the garbage can pouring lighter fluid over Lampo's clothes. Withdrawing a lit match, he threw it in and watched it incinerated the suit instantly. As he turned around to walk back inside, the can to spark strong embers as it exploded and threw Tsuna into the door. The brunette bounced off and landed on his back.

"W-why… was it so flammable…"

Nana and Lampo obliviously shrugged at the explosion as they continued their conversation. "Lampo, you're a parent; you can't do things like this whenever you want, especially so spontaneously. Lambo was crying, he was scared, and for some reason he kept asking for me to give him a Cleveland Steamer. I don't know what that is but I don't think it's something a child should ask. What was going through your head when decided to do this?"

Lampo was silent as he explained his thought process to Nana. The brunette merely nodded and listened as her frown deepened with every paragraph. The lightning guardian didn't like Nana's expression as she went to the kitchen and returned with a rolling pin.

"Please don't tell me you're going to… UMPF!" in seconds Lampo was smacked across the face with a rolling pin and spent three minutes doing so over and over again.

"IF YOU EVER DO THAT TO THAT POOR BOY AGAIN BECAUSE YOU CAN'T KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS AND CRYING ABOUT HOW LONELY YOU ARE I SWEAR I'LL *** ******* *** ******** ******* AFTER I ***** ***** ******* **** ****! DO YOU HEAR ME!"

"Yes, stop beating me!" Nana stopped as Lampo began to cry.

Nana exhaled for a moment. "Pimps don't cry, Lampo. Clearly you know nothing about pimpin. Now, when Lambo gets up from his nap, I want you to apologize to him and act be a father…"

"Okay."

Nana sighed as she put her smile back on. "Would you like a cookie?"

"Actually I'd like to go to the hospital…"

"No, you'd like a cookie. I'll go get you a cookie. Lambo and I made them, so it's best for you to have one."

"But my teeth… you knocked two of them out…" Nana ignored Lampo as she walked off to the kitchen to get her homemade cookies. Lambo had left Tsuna's room as he noticed his father on the floor.

"Papa!" he ran over to his father as Lampo graciously smiled.

"Thank god he's okay. Still, I need to make this up to… UMPFH!"

Lampo laid there took his punishment as his son continued to pounce on his stomach for whatever reason he could think of. As he laid their he discovered that being history's greatest pimp wasn't as glamorous as he'd thought it'd be. He put his son in danger, his friend and his nephew fought through a myriad of pimps and hoes, and he was pretty sure the Hibaris were going to burn his mansion down before the day was over; after all, someone needed to cleanse Nanimori of Lampo's future prostitution ring, and he was sure they were going to bite him to death when it was over. If he learned anything from this moment it was that neglecting his son for his own selfish needs was the worst thing any parent can do, and that he should find a babysitter that wouldn't stop what she was doing to bang the first guy that waved a dollar at her.

Giotto laid in bed groaning in pain holding his side. As he was numb from the painkillers, he tried to sleep off the pain. The rain continued to poor outside with lightning striking close to the Sawada property. Toni Tone's appearance was seen beyond Giotto's window as he began to break open the window.

Toni Tone, bruised face in all, revealed a bat and jumped at the unconscious blonde screaming, "REVENGE!"

I think after writing this chapter I've seen how far into insanity I've fallen at this point. I've gone through three different rewrites I couldn't finish before completing number four. I hope you liked it and as to what's coming for next chapter. I don't know. All I know is that another chapter is coming. AMERICA!