After the absurdity of the last chapter, I really decided to go back to my origins. So, I walked around, kicked a couple of rocks, inserted a montage that included a sunset and Seal's "Kiss By The Rose" as background music, and stayed awake long enough to write this adorable chapter. I do not own Reborn or any of its characters.

I noticed something weird while I was reading the whole Varia conflict. If Tsuna considers the 9th his grandpa, wouldn't that make Xanxus his uncle? That'd be the worst uncle you could have.

Secret Girlfriend

When he heard it from Reborn, G was baffled. It was a surprise (and relief) that his son had an actual interest outside of Tsuna: women. In a way he shone like a proud father, but he was more disturbed that his son hadn't approached him with advice. What was wrong with him? Was he ashamed of the girl? Was he ashamed of him? Was it a front for something else? The worst part of it was Reborn never told him who the girl was. So, G was left guessing with the girls Hayato's group hung out with, and judging from his son's treatment of them, it was not likely any of them.

"Where is that stupid boy?" G yelled as Ugetsu drove him around the neighborhood looking for his son. The red-head held out binoculars as he scanned the area.

"Are you sure you should be doing that? You look like a pedophile," the rain guardian frowned.

G turned around and yelled, "shut up and drive! I'm not letting that boy act like I don't exist. He's a part of the Gokudera family and he shouldn't be ashamed to let some pretty young skank know that."

"How do you know she's a skank?"

"Because she's dating my son; Hayato is the most infuriating little asshole I've had between him and his sister. Any girl that dates him is either one of those slutty fangirls or one of those weird alien life-forms he obsesses about."

Asari couldn't help but roll his eyes as he turned the corner. "You know, this is one of those things you should wait for Hayato to bring up when he's ready, or if this is such a big issue, you bring it up to him."

G gave Ugetsu a blank stare. "Good advice… NOT! That boy's too proud to do such a thing… little asshole."

"Look who's talking," the rain guardian murmured to himself. As they drove up the road, the G caught Gokudera casually walking down the street in a black jacket. Ugetsu let out a goofy smile as he spoke, "oh look, there he is. Now's your chance for a memorable father-son…"

"GET OVER HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!" G jumped out the car hoping to make a sprint as he hit the pavement. Instead he twisted his and tumbled into a dump truck. Ugetsu's ride screeched to a complete halt as Gokudera turned around and saw his father laid next to the garbage truck. As the rain guardian went to help his friend, the younger storm guardian bolted and ran from them. "Damnit…" G rubbed his ankle as Ugetsu helped him up. Looking up at him, G was about to thank him when he realized his son was gone. "Why didn't you go after him?"

"You jumped out the car like a madman! You looked cool doing it but then you went Looney Toons and tumbled into a garbage truck. Lucky you," he let out a cheesy smile as Ugetsu continued, "what would you have me do if I caught him?"

"Uh, I don't know… why not drive the Bentley down his throat!"

"Because I'm not trying to go to jail for hit and run on a child, and unlike you, I'm a good parent. If you need advice…"

G smacked his hand away. "I don't need advice, or your help!" he carried himself up by leaning on the truck, but struggled to stand. "If you're not going to be useful then go elsewhere!"

Ugetsu frowned. "Okay, but you know where to find me." He walked away slowly hoping that G would come to his senses.

G sighed as the pain in his ankle was too much. "Wait… can you at least get me to the hospital?" the musician let out a bright smile as he helped his friend to the car and drove him to the hospital.

Gokudera backed himself on the fence breathing heavily as he poked his head out his hiding spot to his see Ugetsu help his limping father to the car. He withdrew his cell phone and looked at the time. Gritting his teeth he cursed under his breath, "damn old man! Why he's trying to act like Jason Statham? Big fail." The storm guardian sighed as he made a call. "Hey, I'm not going to make it. Why? Because my father's a dumbass."

A few hours later, G was in the hospital hoping to get out as soon as possible so he can strangle his son. This wouldn't have happened if he told him about his secret girlfriend. G sat in silence as he thought to himself, "Who has a secret girlfriend, people who commit adultery, people ashamed of their girlfriend, and uptight assholes. Then again, Alaude's asexual. The fact he had a bastard son and a bitch for a baby mama still baffles me. I wonder if he knew he was doing it when he was doing it. God, Alaude is like the Sheldon Cooper of this family."

"Mr. Gokudera?" G snapped out of his thoughts as the doctor came in the room. "Your son is here."

G lowered his eyes as he replied, "don't let him in."

"The hell he isn't!" Hayato pushed the doctor aside as he stood in front of his father. "You see what you did! You almost killed yourself!"

"I did it because of your stupid little secret; I deserve to know when I have to prepare to give whatever illegitimate child you have a paternity test."

"WHAT! I'm not sleeping with anyone! I'm not even dating!"

"Bullshit! Reborn saw you and some girl playing grab ass outside of the Juice Bar of all places. I didn't realize juice made people horny, but what doesn't now a days. God knows what would happen if you went to Jamba Juice. Go in virgins; come out with more children than a guest on Maury."

Hayato was speechless for a couple of seconds. She was right; Reborn caught them. He could deny all he wants, but if he didn't want his father to have a heart attack trying to get the truth out of him he would have to be open with him.

"Fine, I was… seeing someone… it was nothing though…"

"You two were kissing."

"My lips were chapped; she was helping out… unchap them," the silver haired Gokudera blushed as he turned away from his father.

"Really, that's your excuse?" G raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up!" Hayato barked.

G smirked. He crossed his arms as he examined the awkward silence coming from his son. This really was embarrassing for him. He knew Hayato wasn't the best at expressing his feelings (outside of rage), but he was determined to reach his son. If not, the worst that could happen was Hayato taking advice from Lampo. G gritted at the idea. "The hell that's happening!"

"Listen, I don't care who the girl is; I want you to talk to me about this kind of thing because I doubt you'll survive your first girlfriend without my help."

Hayato's eye twitched at the idea. Advice couldn't hurt… but that's it! "Fine, but just so you know, if I see a condom I'm never doing this again!"

"Alright," G casually remarked. "Start talking! Why can't I meet this girl? Is she that hideous?"

"NO! Why would that be your first thought?" G shrugged to his defensive son. Gokudera placed his hands in his pockets uncomfortably as he continued. "Look, I'm new to this alright. It's bad enough people talk about it. Imagine if they watched!"

"Okay, I get it. You're embarrassed because it's not natural for you, but you need to get over that because we're eventually going to meet her and try to convince her you have nothing to offer her or her family, and then we'll push her in the arms Yamamoto as the killing blow."

"Okay I'm done," before Hayato could walk out, G grabbed his arm.

"Alright, I'm sorry. Look, stop being so vain and get over yourself. It's not like the end of the world. Bad enough with have to deal with that at the end of every month, but don't make some as awkward as your first girlfriend something like that."

Hayato sighed as he continued. "Okay. Anyway, we've been dating for five months…"

"FIVE MONTHS!" G jumped from the medical bed he sprang up and stood on his injured ankle. He fell immediately to the ground slamming his head against the table. Clutching his head he screamed, "DAMNIT! Look what you made me do!"

"STOP OVERREACTING TO EVERYTHING AND MAYBE YOU'LL NOT TRY TO KILL YOURSELF EVERY TIME!"

"How can I when you're dating a girl for five months without anyone knowing? How'd you pull that off?"

"Go on a lot of picnics… I'm sick of picnics," Gokudera grimaced.

"And you cook food for this girl on your picnics?"

"Uh…" Gokudera scratched the back of his head trying to answer the question, "a couple of times I did bring food I said I made…"

G sighed. "Who made it?"

"Kyoko," he lowered his head.

"Is she the girl you've been…"

"NO!" Gokudera defensively waved his arms. "I would never betray the 2nd like that! That's his girl!"

"No it's not."

"Well, she doesn't know that," he snapped back. "Woman should be grateful the second gives her any attention at all!"

G sighed. They were getting off track. "Okay, can you at least tell me who this woman before the chapter ends?"

"What?"

"Who's the girl?"

"Ummm…"

G didn't understand why his son was having such a hard time answering the question, but alarms went off in his head as he made a harsh realization. "No… Hayato you stupid boy, are seeing Chrome!"

Gokudera scoffed at that and said nothing as G panicked. "That's all I needed to know. Here," the red head reached into his blazer, withdrew a .45 and handed it to an unwilling Gokudera. "You'll need this when they come for you!"

"Who? UMA?"

"NO! The Hibaris and the Spades! Why would you steal a woman from Kyoya! Granted you got balls kid, but this is the stupidest thing you have ever done."

The silver-haired Gokudera stared at the gun before throwing it back to his father. "I'm not dating that scarecrow looking bitch! My woman is normal, she's tough, and she stands her ground. Very exotic too…"

"It's not that spaced-out chick from the Shimon is it?"

Hayato looked at the reader with a shocked expression. "… This chapter is over."

"No, it's not. Chapter not over!" G waved his hands. "That's good for you she's… she's a… cute… girl," the storm guardian struggled to let out the words in a strained town. The girl was strange; no, that girl was bizarre, and the fact that Gokudera associated with her time for time because of his dumb obsession with UMAs and anything supernatural didn't help. Maybe it would be better if he kept her hidden.

"You know son, why don't you keep doing what you're doing and I'll pretend this never happened; you to make this moment and future moments like this less awkward. Even better, if you want to bring her over you can, but just warn me before you do, okay?"

Hayato lowered his eyes and stared at his father. "Is this a trick?"

"Any boy who gets the permission to possibly be left alone with a girl from their father usually says sure and leave it be. So, if you want to bring your 'girl'friend over, don't mind me if I drive out the garage at 180 MPH."

"Sure… thanks dad." The two shared an intimate father-son moment as the doctor re-entered the room ready to give the older storm guardian his cast.

(Sawada Estate)

"… And that's how you be a parent!" G smirked and crossed his arms as he laid back confidently on his chair. Ugetsu and Giotto looked at each other with worried expressions.

"That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship if he's hiding her from everyone. Even Tsuna didn't know they were dating, and Gokudera usually tells him EVERYTHING," the blonde remarked.

"You sure it's okay to leave them alone in the house? Aren't you afraid they'll have sex?" the rain guardian reasoned.

"We've all met that girl. She isn't from on this planet, that's for sure. At least that outfit isn't, anyway," as the three of them continued to talk, G's cell phone rang. It was Bianchi. "Bianchi, what's wrong?"

"Where should I begin? Well, I think it'll be easy if you just turn on the news."

G withdrew the cell phone. "Giotto, turn the TV on and turn to channel 5."

The blonde did as he was told as the three were shocked at the scene they were watching. "… The fire has been put out after ten minutes of the blaze spreading on the first floor to the second. According to nearby witnesses, an 'alien' was seen stealing valuables earlier from the household as they were being carried out on balloons like a scene from the award winning picture, 'Up.' Although the tied up teen was freed, it appeared as though he was preparing for intercourse as he was found only in his boxers. The police have been trying to get in touch with the boy's father but to no avail. Let this be a lesson to parents who allow their young, teenage children to court unusual and suspicious girls without getting to know them. Whoever this child's father is should be ashamed of them, and they deserve to be robbed for allowing such a thing to happen. This just goes to show you that rich people are the worst people in the world. Here with us now is the boy's sister. Tell us miss, what was going on in your head when you discovered the fire at the mansion."

Bianchi took the microphone from the reporter as she spoke, "distraught, Trisha. Concerned that my idiot brother would associate herself with someone so… off. I was frightened that I had almost lost poor Hayato to such a dastardly human being. I've heard of this girl before. Ridiculous name by the way, and I want to leave her a message in case she decides to ever come back to Nanimori. Shitopi, Shitt P, whatever slurred name you want to call yourself, if you ever come near my family again you are a dead bitch! If I catch you in my eye, I will cut you. Now, I have to attend to my brother because our father was too irresponsible to do his job as a parent. Luckily, he has an older sister to be the mother-figure he never had. For shame, papa. For shame."

Trisha took back the microphone from Bianchi as she left to look after her brother. "Yes, papa Gokudera, shame on you. SHAME!"

Ugetsu turned off the TV as the two guardians looked at G. G was speechless as Ugetsu withdrew his car keys. "I'll start the car."

As he left the room, G looked at Giotto as his boss shook his head at his poor decision making. "This time Ugetsu better drive that Bentley down Hayato's throat."

That was the chapter. I had to turn the crack down by a smidge, just a smidge. G and Hayato's ability to break the fourth wall was more or less a spur of a moment decision I just felt would work for them specifically. This chapter was way easier to write than the Ryohei one; only two more guardians left until I get the whole family. Wow. Making progress. Anyway, there's also going to be Cozart/Enma chapter on the way, and after the whole Xanxus is my uncle thing, a Xanxus/Tsuna family chapter. May god help us all when that is released.