Chapter 9: Forgiveness and Frienship

Dear Princess Cadence

You are right. The mare I was talking about is Twilight. But I don't think I could ever come out and tell her that I don't feel for her the way she feels for me. But maybe you're right. Even if it hurts her a little right now, it would be better in the long run, wouldn't it? But I don't even want to hurt her a little, she's too good a friend. Even if I don't love her the same way she's still very special to me.

As for my other friends this can be tricky. They're all so dear and important. Applejack is strong and courageous and can coax me to do anything even if it goes against my nature, like when she managed to get me up the mountain to face the dragon. Rainbow Dash is very similar, but rather than coaxing the inner me out, her actions end up making that little outgoing bit of me burst out on its own. Pinkie Pie can take even the most dreary and serious situation and laugh it off as a fun game, which endears her to me in a way I don't think I can explain. Rarity I even have a harder time explaining why she is so special, but she is. She was the first pony I met when I moved to ponyville and we've spent so much time together that now I can't imagine a day without her.

Writing my feelings down is just making me even more confused. I love them all, and thats really the only word I can think of to describe how I feel when I think about them. Of course, because of my orientation, I've thought of them all in romantic ways, but only as a fantasy. Maybe because I did that a lot is why I don't think I love Twilight? I mean, when I first met her it was such an amazing sensation that I almost thought it had to be love, but the more I think about it the more I'm pretty sure it started that way with all of my friends

I'm sorry if I'm coming off so whiny and useless, but I'm as confused as this letter.

Your friend,

Fluttershy

There were more things to love than to hate about Cloudsdale, and Rainbow Dash loved to visit the spectacular city in the sky whenever possible. It was often pointed out to her by various ponies that if she loved to visit so much why didn't she just live there. The excuse was that she had a duty to Ponyville and all of her closest friends were there. The hidden reasons were her near debilitating depression if she was away from her friends for too long, and the reputation she had earned during the senior years of flight academy.

Closing her eyes and shaking her head to get rid of those shameful memories, Rainbow Dash slowed herself down from a reactive increase in speed and landed on one of the cloud streets. She looked up and down the rows of houses on either side of her and then looked down at the note she was carrying. She had looked up Derpy Hooves' address some time ago, but she had never been able to bring herself to actually confront her. Sure, she worked with Derpy over the years, but they always had that tension between them. They both had chips on their shoulders and baggage that couldn't just be dropped. Applejack and Rarity's brief talk with her, however, about forgiving the Wonderbolts and giving them a second chance, had inspired her to do this.

Not just her friends, but the reaction she got from the Wonderbolts. After going home and resting for a few hours, Rainbow Dash had answered a knock on her door. It had been Spitfire, coming to apologize for Soarin's repulsive behavior. She informed Rainbow that after she almost broke his knows he was summarily punished according to their contractual obligations and was currently the verbal abuse punching bag of the rest of the team. This cheered Rainbow up a lot and she accepted Spitfire's apology on behalf of all of the Wonderbolts and also the invitation to come back and keep training with them. Spitfire also dropped a hint that there was an open position now that Silver Streak had retired. This had brought Rainbow out of her funk.

If forgiving someone who had wronged her so recently and in so minor a way could feel so good, then Rainbow figured it was high time to forgive and apologize to Derpy. However, now that she was standing just outside her house and about to knock on her door, she felt nervous again. It had been such a long time since the incident on the schoolyard, but Rainbows assault on her had left Derpy permanently cross-eyed. It never seemed to be a negative issue for her, but surely she'd want some sort of physical recompense. Rainbow Dash could only swallow and hope her wings wouldn't end up broken as she knocked on the door.

Derpy's surprise was apparent when she saw Rainbow Dash after opening the door. She blinked a few times and gave her former friend a nervous smile. Rainbow Dash returned the expression and then glanced down at the ground.

"Um...hi...Dash," Derpy said.

"Hiya Derpy," Rainbow Dash replied, rubbing the back of her head with one of her hooves. "Um...can I come in? I...well...we need to talk."

Derpy didn't hesitate when she nodded and stepped aside to let Rainbow in. The cyan mare looked around and walked into the living room while Derpy shut the door and then came in to join her. Rainbow sat on a chair and Derpy took the couch nearby. They looked at each other for an awkward moment before averting their gazes and looking around the room.

"Look," Rainbow started, not comfortable trying to beat around the bush, "I'm here to apologize."

"Apologize?" Derpy asked, rather surprised. She had guessed that Rainbow's unexpected visit involved their confrontation so many years ago, but an apology was the last thing she expected.

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash answered, "I mean, I was mad at you and all-"

"And you had every right to be," Derpy said, reaching out and touching her hoof to Rainbow's. Rainbow looked from their hooves up to Derpy's golden eyes and saw the apology written in them. "I was a terrible friend back then. I did the worst possible thing I could have done, and I know it doesn't mean much but I've regretted it ever since everyone started calling you names, before you even hit me. I was too much a coward to apologize then, and I didn't think you'd ever accept it. I really don't expect you to accept it now."

"Derpy," Rainbow said, "I accept it. And it does mean a lot to know how you felt." The two smiled at each other, tears welling up in both of their eyes. They stood up and stepped into each other's arms, hugging like old friends after an interminably long separation. Rainbow squeezed her friend tight and Derpy returned the pressure. Tears ran freely down both of their faces.

"Can you please forgive me?" Rainbow asked.

"There's nothing to forgive," Derpy said.

"I never should have hit you like I did," Rainbow said, "Just, please, for me, forgive me for it? I'm so sorry."

"I forgive you," Derpy said, kissing Rainbow Dash's cheek. Dash smiled, sobbing a little as so much weight was lifted from her shoulders. Derpy kissed her again and Rainbow turned her head to give her friend a warm smile, but then Derpy kissed her on the lips. This surprised Rainbow Dash in more ways than one. She stepped back from Derpy, eyes still wet with freshly shed tears.

"Um, Derpy?" she asked.

"Its okay Dash," Derpy said, half closing her eyes and smiling in what could only be described as seductive. "I...figured it out a few years ago. I'm...I'm gay too." She stepped closer to Rainbow Dash, "We can...i-if you want...be together now...like you wanted before...like we should have been."

Rainbow Dash stepped back, her ears lowering a bit as she looked away from Derpy. This was not how she had expected things to go. "U-uhm, I'm s-sorry Derpy, but...really...I'm not a lesbian." This caught the gray mare off-guard, and she gave Dash a surprised look equal to the one the blue mare had worn when Derpy kissed her.

"W-what?" Derpy asked. Rainbow gave her a guilty frown but nodded her head.

"I'm...I'm not. I mean...that time back in school? That was just a silly filly crush. I'm straight. Don't get me wrong, you're a real catch Derpy, and I still want to be your friend. I'd love to be friends like we used to be. But...not like that. A-and besides, even if I [i]were[/i] a lesbian, there's someone else who'd be ahead of you in that line."

"Ah," Derpy said, nodding and giving an understanding smile, "Fluttershy, right?" Rainbow Dash didn't nod or shake her head. Instead she just looked at Derpy in slight surprise. Fluttershy had been the first face to pop into her head when she babbled on about 'someone else', but not the last. Five faces were dancing around in her head at the moment, and Dash couldn't honestly say which of them was the one she had meant when she said that.

Derpy put a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder and patted it a few times. "Well, just let me do this," she said, and before Rainbow could ask what Derpy leaned in and gave Rainbow Dash a kiss that sent bolts of energy quivering through every inch of her body. From the bottoms of her hooves to the tips of her mane hair she tingled with excitement. When Derpy finally released Dash's lips, the latter found herself shell-shocked from the experience. "That's the kiss I should'a given you years ago." Derpy said with a smile.

"Erm...thanks," Dash said, her cheeks turning bright red. She took a deep breath and tried to clear her head without shaking it like she wanted to.

"I know," Derpy said, "Too little too late. But really Dash, I'm glad I finally got the chance to apologize. It feels good."

"It does," Sash said. They shared another smile and then Dash excused herself. "Well do some catching up another time," she said. Derpy couldn't wait and showed Rainbow Dash to the door. They gave each other another hug before Dash flew off. For the first time she could remember, she felt lighter than the air.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders had grown over the past couple of years since their formation. From Applebloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo, they also took in other foals such as Pipsqueek, Air Horn, Toddleoff and Zippity Zip. In recent months, one of the founders- Sweetie Bell- finally succeeded in discovering her special talent; music and song composition. Her cutie mark was three different musical notes, and Applebloom and Scootaloo couldn't have been more excited for her. Unfortunately, as time passed, they started to get a little on the jealous side.

The newer crusaders had a worse case of jealousy and even expressed feelings of betrayal, arguing that they had all been in it together. While they wanted Sweetie Belle to be kicked out of the club, Applebloom and Scootaloo defended their friend despite their own envy. She was one of the original crusaders, after all, and in the end she was still their friend. Sweetie eventually chose to leave the organization of cutie mark hunters out of the fact that she had gotten her cutie mark, but she still swore to be best friends with Applebloom and Scootaloo forever. True to form, they still hung out together whenever the other two weren't working hard to find their cutie marks.

Today, however, Applebloom and Scootaloo found themselves with the other crusaders. They were all in Applebloom's clubhouse, recently renamed to the Cutie Mark Crusader Head Quarters, sitting around a badly dilapidated table that had been the end result of a Cutie Mark Crusader Carpenters attempt by the new ones. The first few months of the new Crusaders' experience was re-doing what the original three did when they were trying everything they could think of. Now that they were all caught up, so to speak, the group as a whole were brainstorming ideas.

"Hairdressers!"

"Bakers!"

"Bankers!"

"Sheep farmers!"

"Herders!"

Applebloom was less enthusiastic than the rest and just sat there silently, staring out the window at the forest and sky around them. She was starting to lose the vigor she once had for questing for her cutie mark. It just seemed that everyone who they ever asked about cutie marks got theirs when they least expected it. That's what happened to Sweetie Bell. They were preparing for the school talent show and she was writing a song for the seven of them, and partway through writing the lyrics her flank flashed and the musical notes were there. Why couldn't that just happen to Applebloom? She was actually getting kind of tired of all of this trying that they were doing.

Flawless white coat, perfectly styled purple mane, the grace that all ponies envied, these were features that Rarity boasted about herself, and indeed they were all true. She considered herself many things, but among them was certainly not adventurous. She left such things to Applejack and Rainbow Dash, and to a lesser extent Twilight. Rarity enjoyed things being in order and in their proper place. Rarity's proper place was in Ponyville with her friends. For a temporary length of time, her proper place was the guest. sweet of Fancy Pants's mansion. Her proper place at the moment certainly was [i]not[/i] standing at what passed for a train station at the southernmost junction of Equestria's rail line.

She was sitting with her luggage under a shoddy pavilion, which was a very generous description for a five long by five wide square of plywood held up with a few six foot high two-by-fours. There wasn't even a bench for her to sit on, she was just sitting on dusty concrete.

She sighed and berated herself for her faux pas. She had been a complete idiot the other day. Boarding the wrong train! How silly of her! How utterly ridiculous! It was such a plebeian mistake and Rarity was unsure if she was more embarrassed or infuriated at it all.

The train had taken her south, of all directions. The complete opposite direction than the one she had wanted to go. She had gone much farther than she had thought she would as well. Instead of a pleasant day ride up to Canterlot she was now three days farther from home than she ever recalled being. Down in the Macintosh Hills, or so the conductor said. "Go any further and you'll be in Dragon country."

Rarity closed her eyes and shook her head mournfully. This was simply awful. This end-of-the-line station had no place for her to stay. The only place to sleep was the bunkhouse used by the sweaty workers who were digging their way through the hills to continue to lay more tracks. Besides simply being uncouth, it would be less than dignifying and more than mortifying to be sleeping in a public bunkhouse with dozens of day laborers.

Though I'm certain that someone like Rainbow Dash would enjoy it Rarity bitterly thought moments before chastising herself. Her mood sank further, having thought such an awful thing about her friend. She knew the rumors of Rainbow's past but so far as she was aware, that part of her life had ended before she graduated from the flight academy.

"I suppose I deserve this." She thought bleakly, "If for no other reason than even insinuating such an awful thing about one of my dear friends." A dear friend who saved your life she reminded herself.

"Rarity?" A highly refined voice sounded from not too far away. Rarity's ears perked up and she got up to stand very quickly, almost fast enough to mess up her mane.

"Upper Crust?" Rarity said, shocked to see the wealthy mare standing a few yards away. "What are you doing here?"