GHOSTBUSTERS

Chapter 4

Part 2

oOoOo

Stephanie's POV

The weather was changing but still pleasant when I woke up, a little disorientated. On automatic pilot, I got up and walked barefoot to the kitchen, making the coffee and humming.

I stopped.

Realisation.

I'm at Mary Lou's house. That's right, house sitting.

Still humming, like you do with one of those earworms, I poured the hot liquid into a steaming mug with the Wonder Woman logo, my mug.

I took a long revitalising sip after adulterating it with just the right amount of sugar and creamer. Ahh. So nice. Liquid gold.

Why the hell is this tune in my head?

I started to dance to the fridge. Salsa dance. Brain is still waking up.

More humming.

Crap!

It was the cockroach song!

La cucaracha, la cucaracha, da da da da da da da dumm …

Facepalm! I banged my head a few times against the fridge door.

I froze.

Did I hear that?

Was that a scratchy sound?

I held my breath as I listened, straining my Wonder Woman super enhanced hearing. Suddenly I remembered that I was barefoot and quickly scanned the floor. Whew.

Okay. Nothing. Maybe I was imagining it. I let out a long breath that I had held in. Again, just to be sure, I quickly checked the floor. No. Nothing to worry about. Whew.

Leaving the kitchen quickly, I finished my coffee in the guest room and changed in record time. Exit stage right as they say, with my backpack. Breakfast at Maccas was definitely the order of the day with a breakfast McMuffin, a hash brown, and one of those barista style coffees they have been advertising, choosing a cappuccino with extra froth. Mm. I sprinkled the sugar on top and was pleased with the taste. I also ordered a blueberry muffin and a McDonald's baked apple pie. What?! I was hungry. All that anxiety yesterday. Weird dreams too.

Was I escaping Bug Central? Hells to the yeah!

I arrived early, well, earlier than usual, at Rangeman. I waved to the guys on monitors before I checked on Rex. His RNWM chart had some new moves checked with photographic evidence, time and date stamped. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. So far, his achievements included: Zipline; Vertical ladder up; Vertical ladder down; Horizontal ladder, and The Crawl Pit – thankfully minus the barbed wire.

"Way to go, buddy. Mummy is so proud of you."

I gave him a high five when he came to the edge to greet me. Well, actually, it was a high four, since his front feet only have four toes. His eyes twinkled and he looked like he was pleased to see me. But he was off again, on the new running wheel thingy, which looked more like an angled upside down frisbee. I smiled leaving him to his marathon, as I waved to the guys.

Getting my computers started up, I soon had them running with the searches. I popped back into the breakroom for a bottle of water and another coffee. Yep. Mainlining coffee this morning. Don't ask. You can figure it out.

I was so engrossed in the research in my cubicle that I didn't hear Cal and Lester creep up behind me. Lester scrubbed his nails rapidly on the woven fabric on the back of my chair, startling me. I shrieked. In the same instant, all of my Merry Men had their guns aimed our way ready to take out the threat.

"At ease! Stand down," Cal commanded while Lester was rolling around the floor laughing.

Cal grinned at me, while I was holding my heart, trying to catch my breath. I thumped Lester as he got up on all fours.

"Damn you, Lester Santos!"

"Nice levitation, Beautiful," he snickered. I hit him again, although it hurt my hand more which made him chuckle even more.

As punishment, if you could call it that, Lester was my assigned Rangeman du jour for my two skips. Before lunch I had two body receipts exchanged for cheques at the Bonds Office. I was clean but Lester had some gunk in his hair. Lucky me. The rest of the day went by quickly, doing searches and more background checks for Tank. Before I knew it, I was homeward bound for a quiet Friday evening.

On the way home, I bought some bug surface spray that was specifically for cockroaches and other crawling insects. Maybe they had survived a nuclear explosion somewhere, and that made them so humungous. Yeah, Mutant Cockroaches.

I could feel the chill of the evening descending and shuddered. I was a bit later than I anticipated because there were so many options on the supermarket shelves, too many.

To my surprise, Cal and Hal were waiting for me when I arrived at Mary Lou's house. I was actually quite relieved. Hal was grinning as he held up a paper bag which I recognised immediately as a Pino's bag, and Cal had three family-sized pizza boxes. He also had a salad.

I unlocked the door, letting my guys go in first, you know, to "clear" the rooms. Then I bravely followed. I can be brave.

After they "cleared" the rooms, we decided to set up the coffee table in the loungeroom while watching one of the big games, the finals, the last of four for the season, on Lenny's big screen TV.

Cal, grinning, waved a black can in front of me. Crawling Insect Bomb. I countered with my Crawling Insect Surface Spray. Before we ate, we sprayed the edges of the bathroom, and the toilet, while Hal sealed the gap under the doors with a towel when the door shut. We did the same to the kitchen and the laundry. I did the surface spray until I reached the back door. While Hal locked the back door, I came around to the front door and Cal let me in.

"Bomb is set," Cal chuckled rubbing his hands together, and we washed our hands vigorously in the en suite bathroom.

I grabbed some beers, and water bottles. Cal clicked the remote and Hal handed over my pizza sub with a chuckle. With my first bite I groaned, humming in approval. Cal opened the three beers, grinning. We clinked our bottle necks together and got serious into the eating.

"Thanks guys. You're the best."

It was then that I noticed they were in civvies, jeans and long-sleeve Henley t-shirts.

"Not working tonight?"

"Lester and Bobby had switched the rosters. We were fine with that," Cal smiled.

The game was exciting and close and we were very animated. More beers as we polished off the pizza. I stole one slice. When I went to the beer fridge, I saw something unusual at the back: Helium Infused beer. I chuckled, with the memories of our special celebration preparations recently. I grabbed a six-pack. Their faces lit up when I waggled the beers in front of them, Cal especially, since he missed out on the helium balloons "rehearsal".

"Cheers!" we chorused together, after sniffing the beer. Here goes.

Smelled like beer.

Looked like beer.

Tasted like beer.

"Mm, not bad," I said. Instantly, I clamped my hand over my mouth as Cal and Hal were rolling around laughing, pointing at me. Minion laughter. Hysterical Minion laughter.

Every time one of us spoke we were in absolute hysterics. Our chatter was interspersed with much laughter and giggles. This was so cathartic. We were laughing so much I nearly missed the Batman ring tone.

I looked at my two compatriots, contemplating letting it ring through and then respond with a text reply. Now what's the fun in that? I winked as I put him on speaker.

"Uh oh," I said into the phone, momentarily forgetting my altered voice.

"Babe?"

"Batman," I giggled and snort laughed.

"Are you okay?" There was concern in his voice and I could hear him moving.

"Yup."

"Are you alone?"

"Nope." I popped the P for emphasis. "Cal and Hal are protecting me from those mutant monster steroid bugs!"

I heard a relieved chuckle. My partners in crime were snort laughing by this time.

"Have you eaten?" I heard the Porsche start and racing out of the Rangeman gate.

"Yup. Meatball sub and some pizza. Now we are just having some beers."

"And cookies?" he asked with special emphasis. I took another swig of my beer, downing the last of it.

"Nuh-uh. No cookies here," I replied in my cute Minion voice.

He chuckled. "Only you, Babe."

"Brownies perhaps?"

"No brownies." I was enjoying this.

"Ah. Those special spicy cheese straws?"

"Nope. None of those."

"Right."

He hung up. Batman hung up on me! Tsk. Phone manners, Batman. Cal and Hal chuckled. Oops. I must have said that out loud. Oh well. Cal opened another bottle for me.

"I hope you don't mind, but I read your Sorry card from Mary Lou," Cal remarked. "She really is freaked out but she's really sorry too." I nodded as I re-read the card.

Hal stacked the bottles to the side with the pizza boxes, making room for the next round.

"I'll get some more beers. Regular or the Helium Infused?" I snickered. Silly question. It was just like a light beer, not full strength.

I was humming that song again! La cucaracha … Hang on a minute. Why would Mary Lou have ice in the fridge? Surely, she meant the freezer. But her fridge has one of those automatic ice dispensers. No way was I entering the forbidden zone. Not tonight Josephine. Hm. I grabbed a foil pack of salted peanuts as well. Sure enough, there it was. I.C.E. in a tightly packed box with a securely taped lid. I hummed on my way back and set the beers on the table, just as the front doorbell tinkled. Ah. Batman has arrived. Cal answered the door and he came in grinning as Hal offered him a beer with a smirk. Without uttering a word, they clinked bottles as he sat down next to me, just in time for the second half of the game. He kissed my temple as he put his arm across my shoulders and snuggled me closer. Clink. I smiled at my Batman. I had a nice buzz going.

I.C.E. Hm. I was curious. I opened the peanuts and the guys took a handful each, watching me with my tightly-taped box. Lucky it was a big bag of salted peanuts. Now this box has my curiosity piqued. It didn't feel icy cold, just chilled like you'd expect from the fridge. I rolled the box and gently shook it.

On the sides it said, Adults Only. Keep out of reach of children. Hm.

I held my hand out and I grinned. Yay me. My ESP was working, as Ranger handed me a double-bladed flick knife. Carefully I undid the tape, which took some doing. I took a swig of my beer and carefully pried the tape off, with Ranger cutting at the remaining bits still sticking in place. A card with a red Autumn maple leaf. For Mary Lou. So, I read it and smiled.

Mary Lou,

Thank you for saving Moxie and Roxy from certain death. Bradley and Stella were so happy. This is a small thank you gift. Just for you. No kids! It's my mother's secret recipe for creamy Canadian Maple Fudge. It is decadent.

Enjoy xox

Janice.

I lifted the card and sniffed the contents. I think I might have drooled. I sampled a piece and then offered the guys some. Mm-mm. So sweet and creamy and fudgy, with walnuts.

I looked at my Batman and grinned as he popped a piece in his mouth.

"Not a temple day, Batman?" I asked cheekily.

"I love fudge, especially maple syrup fudge," he Minion-spoke. Cal and Hal practically fell over laughing, clinking their bottles in salute. It's not often that Ranger let's his hair down.

I giggled at my big scary, bad ass Ranger. Hey. He's also in civvies, as my hands rubbed his chest and hard ripped abs, through his navy blue Henley, but he stopped my hand from travelling further south. He grinned at me.

"Later, Querida," he whispered. It tickled my ear and I giggled again.

My buzz was really kicking in. I finished my last beer, letting the guys polish off the rest. That fudge was divine! A handful of peanuts and a couple more pieces of creamy fudge and I was feeling good, snuggled into my Bulgari Batman.

"Mm. Did I ever tell you how nice you smell, Batman. I LOVE that Bulgari." He chuckled.

I aside whispered a confession to Cal and Hal. "I sort of stole a bottle for my shower in my apartment. Sh. Don't tell."

The three of them laughed, giggling and chortling at each other in their Minion voices.

Huh. The big game was over and I couldn't tell who won. Didn't really care, 'cos I was feeling happy. Cal and Hal exchanged money. Looks like Hal backed the winner.

I grabbed another piece of that yummy fudge, trying to keep it on my tongue, letting it melt slowly, but that didn't last long. I moaned at the luscious flavours.

"Babe," Ranger said in a kind of strangled warning.

"Did you eat, Ranger?" He shook his head. "Sorry. We ate all the pizza but Hal and Cal brought a salad, just in case."

He said he'd pass and ate some more peanuts and another piece of fudge. They were dainty neatly cut pieces. It looked cute in their big hands as they sampled the fudge so reverently humming in approval. I wasn't the only one humming with delight.

I was chuckling at their Minion banter as they analysed the game like the post game panel was doing. They sounded so cute, big bad ass Rangemen talking quickly with Minionesque voices. I couldn't stop smiling.

"Uh oh." Ranger stopped. He sniffed the fudge and laughed out loud. But he still took another piece.

"Uh oh? What does that mean, Batman?" He shook his head, ruffled my hair and grinned knowingly at Hal and Cal.

"Ice, …" I pondered. "Why did she have ice in the fridge when it wasn't ice. … Yikes!" I suddenly froze. "Omigod. Not ice, ice, like drugs on the street ice?"

"No Bomber. Show me your phone." Hal said reassuringly. "See. I.C.E. like you have in your phone."

"Huh. I didn't know I had I.C.E. in my phone. Who put that there?"

"We all have it in our phones, Babe. I.C.E., In Case of Emergency. But it's not a public line, exclusively for Rangeman personnel."

"Ohh …" Now I was even more confused. I blinked, my brain trying to get a handle on that. Perhaps another bit of fudge will help, as I grabbed two pieces, popping one in Batman's mouth. He smirked, well, it was more like a wolf grin. Uh oh. I know that look.

"What was the emergency?"

"Those big ass mutant steroid bugs!" Cal declared very matter-of-factly, before bursting into giggles and snort laughing with Hal, high fiving each other.

Ranger got on his phone, showing me I.C.E., and sure enough, it connected to Rangeman! Wow! How cool is that?! I.C.E. was a hotline direct to Rangeman. Trying to steady his voice, he asked for Tank. Much to his shock, they hung up! After the third attempt, Tank answered the phone, while we were all giggling in the background.

"Fuck!" he muttered. "Wassup Rangeman?"

I could imagine him scrubbing his big hands over his face and over his bald head. Laughter from Cal and Hal told me I had not internalised that thought. Batman too. Damn.

"Hi Tank. It's my fault, Big Guy," I tried to explain and I heard laughter in the background. Lester and Bobby.

"Remember how I told you Mary Lou had an issue … with bugs …?"

"Okay. Right. Let me guess. Cookies? Brownies? Or, was it those spicy cheese straws?"

"No. No. Nope."

Ranger gently removed the phone from my hands, with a chaste kiss.

"Send the Hummer …" hysterical laughter in the background, obviously Lester and Bobby, but Tank too, as Minion-voiced Ranger was issuing orders, "for Hal and Cal, and a driver for their vehicle. They're very mellow, so you might need some extra muscle. I'm staying here with Steph overnight. Tomorrow morning I'll send a message for The Cure. Arrange for the Clean Up Team van for the mutant bugs to be on standby after I call. Take photos as evidence. Apparently, Lenny didn't believe Mary Lou. Include the "gardeners" to tidy the yard as a ruse to locate the source of entry, kitchen, laundry and bathroom to seal off any gaps. Maybe Lester can mow the lawn, without a shirt on as a distraction for the neighbours. Then we'll need a dishwasher team. Out."

My efficient and organised Batman, still in control. So sexy in command. I heard more laughter in the background, and here too. I rolled my eyes. Mute button faux pas, again.

While we waited for Tank we kept on drinking, and tidying up a bit. Hal was arranging the beer bottles in neat rows. It looked very neat, very OCD. Cal had lined up all the bottle caps. We played a game of Tic Tac Toe with the caps. Cal won each one!

When he arrived, Tank grinned widely when he spied the Helium Infused beer.

"Helium Infused beer? Seriously?!" he laughed loudly as Woody, Vince, Lester and Bobby entered with Manny. They all grinned, eyebrows raised in surprise and curiosity.

"Oh. By the way. You'd better fast track a special order of this imported Helium Infused beer from Germany to replace Lenny's supply." He held the bottle up to display the label.

Vince and Woody looked at us in surprise hearing their Boss in Minionesque giving orders, but couldn't control the urge to laugh. Manny peeked over their shoulders and snickered. Then all three were laughing and grinning. I could see Lester pouting, sending a glare Bobby's way.

Tank nodded, smiling at us all so mellow. I could barely stand. Bobby checked me out, sniffed the fudge and nodded as he pointed it out to Tank. I snatched the box with the leftovers.

"Mine!" I retorted, snapping the lid shut quickly.

"Fudge, eh?" Tank chuckled. "Helium Infused beer and fudge. Now that's an interesting combo."

He handed a duffle bag to Ranger and grinned. I peeked inside.

"Ooh, munchies!" I approved excitedly, lots of yummies including crackers, chocolate bars, fruit and nuts, more chocolate, savoury snacks and some Ella-made snacks. I was happy.

"For later, Babe," Batman winked at me.

"Cal and Hal are off line for the next two days until cleared by Bobby. Same for us." Tank nodded.

Manny boxed up all our empties and the pizza boxes, putting them in one of the SUVs while Cal laughingly explained how we "bombed" the kitchen. Manny had bagged the can of surface spray as well, separately. Cal and Hal were assisted outside after everything was tidy and the house was ready to be locked up. They were still giggling and snort laughing as they explained to Woody, Manny and Vince about my "humungous steroid mutant big ass cockroaches".

I could hear Lester complaining to Bobby about their shift change as they left, with Tank hustling the retrieval team outside. With a feral smile, Batman closed and locked the door.

"C'mere, Babe," he said with a sexy wolf grin, stalking towards me. "I have some energy to burn, and so do you. Let's get busy." I eagerly dragged him in the direction of the guest room but Ranger had other ideas, which I really didn't mind, as he threw me over his shoulder, laughing wildly, switching the lights off along the way. Yes, I was so horny and he was too. He didn't eat any dinner, just the beers and the fudge, and some salted peanuts, so it hit him quickly. I didn't mind. It was sensational, well, what I do remember. My clothes suddenly disappeared before we closed the guest room door as he pinned me to the wall. We had another round on the bed, and in the en suite shower. Ranger induced orgasms. Ooh yeah. Batman is good in the shower, but I also showed him my talents. After that I was ravenous. We both were, but for food this time. We had a midnight picnic with cherries, strawberries and nuts, cheese and crackers, chocolate and more fruit. The potato crisps were the perfect saltiness. We drank a lot of water to wash it all down. I sighed in absolute contentment, and somewhere there I fell asleep.

"Oh my God. What a night. Did I dream that?" I groaned with a heavy, fuzzy head.

My warm pillow chuckled and moved.

"Querida, it was all real, especially the extra special loving. That was very real. You even promised to move in with me. But I think you need to have a clear head to consider the pros and cons."

I nodded, but thought that was a rather good idea. I could go with that.

"Ooh. My head." I shouldn't have nodded. Ranger handed me a pair of painkillers and a water bottle before waving the delectable smell of salty fries under my nose. Ah. My hero. Well. Quelle surprise! Batman had his own fries and coke! He shrugged his shoulders and grinned.

After a refreshing shower, together, to save water, he handed me a hot coffee from a thermos.

"You are so organised. I feel so much better now. That was so much fun last night. Even better during the night. Did we really have a midnight picnic?"

He nodded with a smug grin. I fanned myself as I felt the flush warm my face, making him smile at me indulgently.

With a chaste kiss, he said, "I agree. Totally. Now, it's showtime, Babe. Let's get dressed."

We opened the front door to Tank and Hector, grinning. Zip, Zero and Junior brought up the rear.

"I want to see Stephanie's "humungous steroid mutant big ass cockroaches". Cal said they were huge, and that he "bombed" the kitchen," Zip grinned in eager anticipation. Stephanie rolled her eyes at that. "Bombed" was said with the relish only a military man would.

"You're excited?" she asked, completely horrified as Zero nodded in agreement.

"Er … let's check the bathroom first. I want photos, well … I need photos. Lenny didn't believe Mary Lou. We're gonna show him! Hal already removed five yesterday from the bath tub."

Hector nodded. Camera ready, Tank removed the rolled towel blocking under the door gaps, tossing it in the bag held open by Junior. He moved aside allowing Hector to enter the danger zone. Part of me was curious but also anxious as I clutched tightly onto Ranger's hand. Hector whistled in surprise as he went in.

"Clear."

I peeked around the corner tentatively, not letting go of Ranger.

"Oh my God! How many is that?! Ten in the tub and three more on the floor! Ick!" I quickly stepped back into the hallway, my back safely against Ranger's warm, hard chest. He was silent laughing. Zero, Zip and Junior looked in and grinned. "Mutants on steroids. Yep." They laughed ruffling my hair. However, Junior was not as excited.

Tank was on his comms unit reporting the find to the crew outside. "Check for any cracks or crevices near the bathroom. Five bugs yesterday, now thirteen more. Check it out. Collect any specimens or escapees. Lester and Bobby, get your shirts off and mow the verge and the front lawn to distract the neighbours. Manny and Binkie, you're on gardening aka weeding, for appearances, near said bathroom. You know what I mean."

I glanced towards the kitchen with that gut churning sense of trepidation. It was making me nervous and wary. I couldn't stop the involuntary shudder. I never actually saw any in there but I damn well heard the fuckers! I hope the bomb and the surface spray worked.

I must have muttered that out loud as Ranger ruffled my hair and grinned, Tank throwing his head back laughing. Hector winked at me with a playful nudge. Ranger rubbed my shoulders and up and down my arms. He knew I needed that reassurance.

Once again Tank removed the rolled towel for the kitchen doorway. Hector went in first and immediately stopped in his tracks.

"Santa mierda!" (Holy shit!)

While Hector videoed the scene, and took photos, Tank looked over his shoulder.

"Holy fuck! You're not going to believe this," he muttered, shaking his head. He moved aside so we could witness the startling scene.

Every one of the Merry Men peeked inside and each one muttered, "Fu-uck!" shaking their heads in astonishment. Hector sent some photos to Cal and Hal, to prove the bomb worked. Nervously, I looked in, with a death grip on Ranger's hand now.

My jaw dropped, my shoulders dropped. I was speechless. Ranger closed my mouth for me and glanced into the kitchen. He nodded and grinned at Tank.

The entire kitchen floor was covered with those humungous mutant steroid bugs. They were dead. Upside down dead, legs in the air. I was aghast. Poor Mary Lou. Luckily, she didn't see them while they were alive. Or even dead, like this. Holy crap! I counted around fifty but then lost count. It appeared that they were only on the floor. I pointed to the ones near the back door in the laundry.

"Er … some of those are not fully dead! Their legs are still moving." Hector zoomed in on those. "That's where I used the last of the surface spray."

Tank nodded. "That figures. It's also furthest from where the bomb was detonated. Right, call the clean up crew in. Let's get this started."

"Zip, Zero and Junior, check around outside the laundry and kitchen, near the back door. Check for cracks and crevices, drain outlets, whatever. You're the second gardening aka weeding team. Take photos before you seal up. Manny and Vince, get the silicone sealant ready for each team. Bring the gardening tools and the wheelbarrow. We are doing a surprise garden makeover for the Stankovik's if any of the neighbours ask. Manny and Vince, drive to the nearest garden nursery and buy some Autumn flowering plants to complete the look as part of our cover."

"Chrysanthemums will be good, whites, pinks and purples. Even a couple of yellow ones for on her front porch," I quickly suggested. "Mary Lou was thinking about getting some to spruce up her Autumn garden. And she loves crocuses."

Tank relayed that information to Manny and Vince. Manny nodded knowingly. His cousin owned a garden nursery. Everyone was busy. The Rangeman team was in action. It was a nice sunny morning, after the initial chill, which we kinda missed.

"Organise some flowers in a vase for Mary Lou for welcome home after the clean up." Tank nodded.

"C'mon, Babe. Let's go. Since we can't go for a drive, yet, let's sit on the back porch in the sun. There's still some coffee in the thermos. And we can munch on the left over snacks from Ella."

"Good thinking Batman."

I was glad to get away from that scene. I shuddered. It was gross. So gross. So many of the fuckers!

Ranger laughed.

The clean up crew reported over sixty cockroaches! Eeuw! All collected, every single one. They'd moved all the large appliances, checking and cleaning thoroughly. Outside the laundry they discovered a nest, evidenced by lots of faecal matter, with heaps of brown egg capsules, all of which was removed with all evidence sprayed and destroyed. Floors and bench tops were cleaned and sanitised in the kitchen and the laundry. All the crockery, cutlery, pots and pans were run through the dishwasher. None of the cockroaches was found in any of the cupboards. The gaps and escape/entry routes were sealed and mapped on the iPad. The bathroom was spotless and sanitised. Everything was documented like in true military manoeuvres.

The garden looked absolutely amazing. The lawns were trimmed to perfection. The garden beds had been watered. The chrysanthemums looked beautiful spread out neatly. The early fallen Autumn leaves were raked up. The soil in the colourful garden beds was turned over ready for the crocuses to emerge in late Autumn, early winter. Two large pots of chrysanthemums on the front porch with yellow and purple looked very impressive and inviting. The neighbours were sworn to secrecy with splendid smiles and winks. They admired the physiques of my Merry Men. Drooling was evident too. It didn't hurt for them to see Rangeman Security in community spirit mode.

When everything was done, Tank drove us back to Rangeman, since we were still under restrictions after last night, taking the bed linen and bath towels with us to wash. We made a large order from Shorty's to be collected, while giving the Merry Men time to have showers and clean up. In the meantime, I took the bed linen upstairs to wash. No beers, just pizzas and salad, a platter of fruit, water bottles and some of Ella's muffins. They all had hearty appetites.

I went upstairs to the sixth floor, to check the laundry, but Ella had already put them in the dryers. Hugging her in appreciation, I also thanked her for the delicious snacks. She kissed my cheeks and smiled as she went back to her cooking. Back on five I dared to look at the photos. Hideous. Un-fucking-believable! Poor Mary Lou is going to freak out.

I sensed him before he was close enough to do that scratchy-scratchy thing on my chair.

"Don't even think about it, Lester Santos!"

Tank hit him upside to press the point. He surrendered, with his hands up in the air and walked away, slightly disappointed.

Ranger came back to Mary Lou's place that night so I wasn't alone. We just enjoyed each other's company, discussing the many pros, and the few cons of me moving in with him. Surprisingly, I easily admitted that I was happy to vacate that crappy apartment and move in with Ranger. Rex could stay while we made the arrangements. We celebrated that decision before we had dinner, and again in the shower.

Ranger wasn't messing about. Sunday came and here I am, standing in my empty apartment as I looked around for the last time. The Merry Men had made quick work of moving my things. Most of the mismatched furniture went to a Pay It Forward place who were happy to have it. The rest went into the dumpster. Really, it was just a matter of packing my clothes, shoes and toiletries. The kitchen utensils also went to the PIF place along with my towels and linen. One last check to make sure it was clean and it was done. No regrets. Some interesting memories but quite a few forgettable ones as I locked the door behind me. I dropped my key off to the building supervisor, Dillon, and thanked him.

As I hopped into Ranger's Porsche, my phone rang. It was Mary Lou, absolutely beside herself with joy. I promised to stop by tomorrow after school. I assured her everything went well. Not surprisingly, she loved the garden makeover. I decided that she did not need to see the evidence tonight after a great camping weekend and Lenny's father being discharged from hospital early. Ranger nodded at my wise choice in not mentioning the cockroach invasion.

Back to work next morning early, after a wonderful workout on seven, before we hit the gym. The Monday morning meeting went smoothly and I thanked everyone for their assistance, explaining Mary Lou's delight with their work. I also thanked them for making my move here to Rangeman so quick and easy. They were humbled and some even blushed, saying, "De nada."

When we visited with Mary Lou and Lenny, we showed them the evidence, the still shots as well as the videos, including a before and after of the garden. Mare squeaked as she went to leave the room but then she passed out. That was after seeing the kitchen floor with all the dead cockroaches upside down. The three boys were in morbid raptures. Lenny shook his head as he cradled Mary Lou in his lap, apologising. Ranger and Tank explained where the entry points were and how they sealed those places. He was very grateful. The photos showed him where the work was done.

"But … why the garden makeover?" he asked, confused, as Mary Lou came to.

Tank smiled. "Your neighbours did not need to know about the cockroach infestation so we made it look like a Rangeman community service project. Besides, you have both been such loyal friends to Stephanie, it was our way of showing our appreciation."

Hugging Mary Lou, I apologised for eating the I.C.E. creamy maple fudge. We laughed about that. It really was an emergency. Tank handed over two cartons of the Helium Infused beer brought in by Hal and Cal to replace the ones we drank. Lenny was pleased.

It was another quiet day on Tuesday. Even Rodriguez had very few files for me to investigate. I was in my cubby when I heard a lot of excitement in the conference room. There were only a few files from the Bonds Office so I put them in search mode and went to investigate.

Hal greeted me at the door with a welcome hug and a huge grin.

"I have a confession to make, Bomber. You know those first five in the tub," he paused to see if I understood the implications, and when I nodded he continued. "I couldn't just kill them. So, Luis, Hector and I constructed a race structure worthy of your steroid mutant bugs. You know, for The Inaugural Smokey Brown Cockroach races."

He stepped aside, and, with a flourish Hal did the Sale of the Century showgirl pose with his arms, as did the other Merry Men.

"Oh. My. Goodness." I stood there, my mouth agape.

He smiled broadly as he tipped my bottom jaw closed. All the guys were beaming at the yard-long clear tubes with clearly marked name labels on top. There were five racing tubes. That's a relief, with no escape. I couldn't believe it. I had to laugh. Only men! My hand went over my mouth and I shook my head in disbelief.

Ranger and Tank walked in grinning as well. They knew. Very soon the rest of the crew from the control room joined us, only leaving the two on monitors, Lester and Junior.

Proudly they showed me the names of the famous five:

CCC: Choc Chip Cookies

CB: Chocolate Brownies

SCS: Spicy Cheese Straws

CMF: Creamy Maple Fudge

HIB: Helium Infused Beer.

I chewed my thumb and then chuckled at the names before I was full on laughing. "I get it. Very funny."

Hal grabbed my hand and said, "You can be the honorary starter."

Hal, Cal, Zip, Vince and Woody had their respective cockroaches in a clear cube. Hector was recording the event with a live feed going out to all the branches. Zero was recording the bets as money quickly changed hands, into the pot. Apparently, each branch had already confirmed that all bets had been placed.

"Starting places ready."

I watched in a mixture of horror and awe as they tipped their cockroaches into the starting chambers. I might have cringed, a bit, until Ranger's warm hand rested in the nape of my neck.

"Set."

"Go!"

Binkie lifted the starting gate and the cockroaches scrambled out, some going along the sides and one returned to the starting box. Bobby came rushing in with Gene and they laughed. Ram was the race caller, talking into the remote like it was a microphone.

"And they're off! It's a slow start people. Choc Chip Cookies and Chocolate Brownies have stopped for a social chat along the way. Helium Infused Beer has emerged but he's heading back to the starting box. Creamy Maple Fudge has stopped for a crap on the way, while Spicy Cheese Straws is slowly moving forward before coming to a complete stop at the halfway mark. But here comes Helium Infused Beer. He's in a hurry. He's now fourth, now third, and … he's stopped in the middle. Spicy Cheese Straws is making a sprint, back to the starting box! Creamy Maple Fudge is climbing the side slopes sliding precariously and … OH NO! He's upside down! He's flat on his back! But here comes Helium Infused Beer! We have a winner! Helium Infused Beer by two body lengths from Choc Chip Cookies and now Spicy Cheese Straws has crossed the finish line with a rapid sprint just a body length from … OH NO! He stopped short. Chocolate Brownies has frozen just a body length before the finish line. Hang on a minute. Creamy Maple Fudge has flipped back on all sixes and is racing to the finish line! Oh NO! He's stopped for a chat with Chocolate Brownies. He's doing a one eighty people! Chocolate Brownies is heading back the other way. Creamy Maple Fudge has changed his mind and taken fourth place. And here comes Chocolate Brownies, for the fastest sprint of the day. Alas, he is last but what a spectacular finish!"

The cheering was amazing. I relieved Lester, and Hector relieved Junior so they could see the apparatus and watch the replay on the big screen with everyone else. I was laughing and shaking my head, until Lester did that scratchy thing again. I glared at him as he scuttled away. "I'll get you Santos," I muttered to myself.

I looked at Hector who was grinning at me, encouraging me. "Si, Chica. Payback is good."

When my laugh changed to a snigger, Hector looked at me and grinned wickedly. "I will help you. You have good ideas."

We watched the monitors until they returned. Hector followed me closely into the conference room. Finding Hal and Cal, I whispered my plan. The three of them had shit-eating grins on their faces. Ranger was watching me and nudged Tank. They were smiling. Can they lip read? Or is it their ESP again? Maybe he's a mind reader. Mm.

In my hand I clutched the clear little cube with the winner inside, Helium Infused Beer. Hal made me practise the release with an empty cube until I could do it smoothly. Cal signalled for everyone to disperse, back into the main control room, but make like normal as we exited the conference room. Hector had his camera poised. Like many of the men, I looked over their shoulder, checking the monitors. Junior watched me and saw the evil glint in my eye. His eyes widened as I nodded to Lester, signalling to zip his lips. His mouth tightened and he gulped. I winked. Quietly I released Helium Infused Beer. He sat on the edge of Lester's chair. Someone snorted and then coughed to cover it. With bated breath we stepped back and watched. The long antennae were moving but Lester was focused on a factory as he pointed it to Junior who nodded. Suddenly, as if I had trained him to do this trick, Helium Infused Beer leapt onto Lester's spiky hair and crawled around. He brushed his hand over his hair just missing the cockroach. My fist was in my mouth stifling a chuckle. Everybody was moving about as is the usual in the control room, just not too far from the pending action. Lester twitched and swept his hand over his hair again. He shrieked as he saw the mutant steroid cockroach on his hand crawling swiftly up his arm back to the safety of his hair. Lester screamed. Yes. He screamed, a real girlie scream!

"Fucking Motherfucking mutant cockroach!"

I burst out laughing as did everyone else. Hal smoothly captured Helium Infused Beer before he was crushed. Manny quickly slipped into Lester's monitor position while he was freaking out. He was shuddering and kept rubbing his hand and his arm as if he could still feel it crawling up his arm.

While everyone was laughing, he turned and looked around until his eyes zeroed in on mine. My hands were on my hips in that don't mess with me pose that he knows so well. Then he saw Hector grinning with the camera, Hal holding Helium Infused Beer safely inside his starting cube. Lester was in shock that Stephanie would do that and then realised of course she would. He just pushed her too far. It was just a joke. And so was this.

He grinned at her, bowed and laughed. "Milady. I beg of your pardon. I most humbly apologise. Your clever payback was most impressive. Forgive me, please?"

She nodded with a grin getting high fives from all her Merry Men.

"Remind me not to piss off Stephanie Plum!"

oOoOo

THE END

A/N 1: This is based on a true experience, sadly minus the gorgeous Merry Men and Ranger.My friend Janicewas freaking out, called me for help and we did the surface spray and then the crawling insect bomb thing. Nor did we have the luscious creamy maple fudge, but the red wine was really good, for courage. I was the one who scratched on the couch behind her, I confess. Wish we had the clean up team.

A/N2: I just couldn't resist including the Helium Infused Beer in the mix. The beer was videoed as part of a German beer tasting competition. I had it saved to my page and it popped up in my memories as I was writing this chapter. It received an enormous worldwide response with order requests coming in. You can still view it as German Helium Infused beer tasting. It is hilarious. As it turns out, it was an April Fools' Day joke. One of the best ever!

A/N 3 Cockroach racing is a popular summer event, famously in Brisbane since 1982, on Australia Day. But not exclusively in Brisbane. Many places around the world have cockroach races, including a world championship event!

A/N 4 Cockroaches obviously created an amazing response. I loved the reviews and shared experiences. So much fun, even if it was a bit cringeworthy.

A/N 3 One of theseSmoky BrownCockroaches landed in my long hair. Not a nice experience. My cat used to catch them in flight! It sounded like a crunchy crispy meal! ICK! Sorry. Not sorry.