Who'll Pay For The Funeral?

I'm back, people! You thought Gary was just going to silently crawl into a corner of the fanfiction site and die? Well, he probably will at some point but today won't be the day. Welcome back to this sad excuse of a story. By now I suppose you are familiar with this setting so please go ahead and read.

Enjoy:

Gary Stu had just crossed a new frontier when it came to pioneering in stupid ideas and suicidal wishes, the idiot was so full of himself he had just challenged Ura Moka Akashiya to a fight. Tsukune simply could not have foreseen the depths to which he would stoop in order to get a tiny bit of attention. He was seriously going to regret challenging her if he was still alive after the battle. Battle? More like massacre, it was going to be a beat down worthy of remembrance.

Unfortunately, he might also get pummeled for letting things go on for so long. She had told him time and time again not to disturb her from her slumber for those insolent pieces of trash. She had charged him with getting rid of them whenever they would show up but his saint like behavior which compelled him to believe everyone could be saved had kept him from disposing of him. A shame, he would have to calmly explain why he didn't already beat him into the floor and hope she was willing to hear him out. At best, his training regiment would be kicked up a notch. At worst, well, the resident doctor was about to become his new BFF.

Perhaps he could still have a chance at saving his hide if he dissuaded Gary from going through with this before Inner Moka noticed his presence. However, as Fate would have it, and we all know how much she loves to mess with Tsukune, it was that precise moment that the Rosario started to move around of it's own accord. Outer Moka seemed to be holding an internal conversation with her other self and from the looks he got it wasn't boding well for his health.

As for Gary, he remained stoic in the face of his impending doom. If anything, he looked slightly saddened. Why was he saddened? Oh he couldn't seriously be pitying Inner Moka, could he? He definitely did know how to push the limits of idiocy. Wait, Gary, please listen to what I have to say. Vampires have eyes that resemble those of a snake or reptile. If you play dead, you may be able to survive this. Gary? Gary! LISTEN TO M-

From that point on, Gary made sure to severe his mental link to the writer of the story. It was a shame, he showed so much promise. Alas, it looked as though he too had been contaminated by this odd shift in reality. Once everything was put in it's proper order, he would heal his mind along with the rest of Tsukune's gang. Hell, why not consider dating one of them. It would be an incredible honor for them and he always was willing to donate a little bit of his time.

Wait, why settle for one of them when he could go for all of them? There wouldn't be any jealousy there. But for now, he had to mentally prepare for the death of Inner Moka. It would be tough on the poor kids but it will restore order.

Meanwhile, a very fearful writer scrammed away from his screen and barricaded himself in his bathroom. He knew for certain that Moka would come after him for this, if he acted now, he could get a ticket to South America and have a head start. It wouldn't guarantee his survival in the long run but hopefully it would buy him a few extra days before the inevitable would occur.

During that time, Tsukune was looking at the Rosario which was now jerking around angrily. He didn't a psychic link to her to know exactly what she was expecting him to do. To think that they had fought against Fairy Tale, stood up to Gyokuro Shuzen and vanquished Alucard all just for Tsukune meet his demise protecting someone from one of his best friends.

Best friend? He wasn't blind, there was something that the battle at Fairy Tale HQ had sparked between them. If only stuff like this didn't happen on a daily basis, maybe he would actually have a shot and starting something with her. It sounded corny in his head and the more the Rosario jerked around, the more he realized that he would end up six feet under before he could try that. And the worst part would be that he would be buried next to Gary.

And speak of the devil. Who else but Gary would once again wedge himself into a train of thought or conversation for absolutely no reason? They were doing it again. They were thinking of something other than him. Enough with the autonomous thought process and actions, he had to become the center of attention now!

Outer Moka gave him a pleading look to stop this insanity. He was genuinely touched by her gesture however his mind was set. He hated the idea of depriving Outer Moka of someone so close to her but her begging and pleading would do nothing to deter him from making her learn her place... I hate myself... It just had to be done.

Oh well, he would just have to be there to comfort her after this terrible ordeal. Perhaps the others would also need comforting and why was he so obsessed with that line of thought right now? It was almost as though an unseen force was trying to pair up people who weren't ever meant to be together. He quickly chased that last thought out of his head, he did not like where his mind had wandered this time around. Thinking that he wasn't meant to have a relationship with them was simply preposterous. Yeah, what other stupid idea might cross his mind? He was weaker than Inner Moka? That was worthy being told over at the Laugh Factory.

Enough with sidetracking thoughts, he had to turn his attention back to fighting. As he did, a livid Tsukune approached Outer Moka who was looking at him with eyes full of compassion. With any luck, beating up Gary would be enough to calm her Inner persona and prevent Tsukune from ever having to deal with a morphine addiction born from one too many doses injected to stop the pain from her roundhouse kicks.

Somewhere in another dimension, a rather overweight middle aged man felt a chill crawl up his spin. He could sense that someone had just made a reference to a roundhouse kick and thus forced him to reveal his age old wisdom to the world. He turned his face from the television set where he was watching the Channel 5 news at that moment and spoke in a quite solemn and serious tone while looking into the camera one single word: "Roadhouse." Neither his dog nor his youngest child paid any attention to him, this happened just about every other day now so why bother?

Disclaimer: I do not own Family Guy, Family Guy™, ℗ , ®, © or any affiliated products. They are the sole property of whoever happens to own this at any given moment in time. Sorry, but my legal team advised I do this just in case. And Ⓧ for our friends in Japan. Now back to the story. Hold on, someone's knocking at my door.

A clink could be heard and the seal now rested in Tsukune's grip. The atmosphere became a foreboding one just as Inner Moka emerged from her prison inside her own mind. The usual swarm of bats flew off into the skies and the most graceful example of the vampire kind came forth with a slight smile that revealed her sharp fangs. A distant voice screaming big sister could be heard but that wasn't of any concern to anyone present as of now.

The blood red eyes located their target and the entirety of her aura came crashing down on him. Gary's only response was to sprout two fangs from his mouth and start glowing. Seriously? He was sparkling? Now Moka was really pissed at this insult to all vampires anywhere. This overpowered, egotistical piece of dirt, scumbag was a dead man walking. Man because no one had a clue as to what his monster form was nor did anyone really care. It's not like it would matter much in a few seconds. They would find out at his funeral.