Day 28 – Prompt: "You're safe now"

Direct sequel to Chapter 27 (Survivor's guilt).

It's not going to work. Dean scribbled the words onto a piece of paper that he then pushed into Sam's face forcefully.

The taller man shot Dean an exaggerated look. "How can you know that before we've even tried? Would you prefer we do nothing?"

Dean just shrugged and watched with empty eyes as his brother set up the ingredients. He tried not to let himself feel anything. Especially something as foolish as hope.

When Sam had returned to Dean's room around lunch the next day, looking like he hadn't slept at all and acting way too caffeinated, he'd excitedly explained that he might have found a way to bring Cas back. He'd read something about a spell that could pull an angel to a specific place from anywhere and somehow convinced himself that that also applied to death.

Dean didn't believe in it. He couldn't let himself believe it. If he got his hopes up only for their plan to fail, it would destroy whatever was left of him.

So now he was standing next to his brother in the library with his arms crossed and a grim, closed-off expression as he watched him put together the spell.

"This is going to work," Sam started to speak despite Dean's repudiate stance. "Because we have something the spell doesn't." Sam grinned. He was much more lively and energetic than he'd been since that fateful failed hunt.

When Sam didn't elaborate and just looked at Dean expectantly, he rolled his eyes and gestured for his brother to continue. "Cas' grace!"

Dean's brain took a second to catch up to that. What? Since when did they have any of that?

Sam continued his explanation, knowing that Dean wouldn't be able to ask. "A piece of an angel's grace is always compelled to reunite with its entirety. Combined with the spell, I'm pretty sure it will suck Cas right back here."

That sounded way too logical. And way too good to be true. Dean drew in a slow breath and tried to swat down the hope that was starting to build inside his chest. There was no reason to get excited yet. He didn't even know where they were supposed to have that grace.

He gave his brother a questioningly raised eyebrow and it took Sam only a second to understand what he was asking. He let out a short laugh. "Dude, you! Cas rebuilt you with his own grace after hell and the two of you have this whole Profound Bond thing going on. There has to be some of his grace inside you."

Dean blinked. He'd never really thought about that. But he supposed it made sense. For some reason, knowing that he'd had a part of his angel inside of him this entire time only made the pain of losing him hurt worse.

Sam continued to set up the spell. Dean watched him until he'd added some of pretty much everything strewn around the table. "Okay," Sam said as he cleaned his hands on an old dish rag. "Now the only things missing are the grace and some blood."

Dean gave a clipped nod to indicate that he'd heard. Sam turned away and rummaged through one of the many boxes that he'd brought up from the storage rooms. He pulled something out and Dean's eyes widened when his eyes landed on a fucking huge syringe.

"Yeah, sorry. This is going to hurt." Sam winced slightly in sympathy. "But I don't know of any other way to extract grace. You wanna do this?"

Dean swallowed hard, but nodded without hesitation. Like he was going to let anything keep him from a chance at getting Cas back. Hell, he deserved whatever pain was coming for him and more.

The older Winchester settled on one of the library chairs and Sam took a stance at his side. He thoroughly disinfected a large area on Dean's neck and then he slowly let the needle sink in.

Dean ground his teeth and gripped the sides of the chair hard. Fuck, it hurt. But it was nothing he couldn't handle. Sam seemed to be taking a while to find the right angle and Dean bore his way through it. Then, finally, the searching circle motions inside his neck stopped and Sam started to pull the syringe up.

The most uncomfortable suction sensation that Dean had ever felt erupted in his neck and he couldn't hold back a cry of pain.

"Sorry, sorry," Sam apologized even as he continued to fill the syringe with what Dean could now see out of the corner of his eye was a swirling white liquid. "I'm not gonna take all of it, don't worry."

That hadn't really been Dean's main concern at the moment. The treatment hurt and seemed to last forever. But he thought of Cas and even now that loss was still greater than the physical discomfort.

Finally, Sammy pulled the syringe from his neck with a satisfied sound and pressed a bandage to the puncture wound. He clapped Dean on the shoulder as the older hunter slumped back in his seat.

By the time Dean had regained his breath, Sam had already added the swirling grace to the bowl. Once Dean was standing next to him, he cut his palm and let a few drops of blood fall into the mixture. He started chanting in what sounded like a mixture of Enochian and Latin syllables.

A low orange glow erupted from the bowl that grew in intensity until it seemed to fill out the entire room.

Dean held his breath and for the first time in years prayed to heaven that this would work. His hope had overwhelmed him and was lighting his inside up as brightly as the bowl. He wouldn't survive things crashing down around them now.

Sam finished the spell and thunder cracked.

Then nothing happened.

They waited for multiple minutes and Dean could feel his hope crumbling with each second that Cas wasn't appearing until it felt like his heart was breaking all over again.

Sam turned towards his brother with a desperate and deeply concerned look, but before he could say anything a blinding white light flashed through the room.

Dean hurried to blink the spots out of his eyes, his heart thundering in his chest.

And there he was. In a heap of limps and pale naked skin, the angel was lying on the ground in the bunker library. Dean recognized the unruly mob of black hair and the familiar shape of his body before Cas had even moved and lifted his head.

Dean let out a soundless cry and stumbled forward. He had crossed the space before Cas had even fully sat up and enclosed him in his arms. He pushed his face into the crook of his lover's neck and sobbed.

He wanted to cry out Cas' name, but his voice still wasn't cooperating. All he could produce were little sounds of heartbreak and unbearable relief. His heart was still aching, like it hadn't caught up with the fact that Cas was alive and in his arms.

For the first minute or so Cas didn't react to what was happening around him at all. He was just staring silently at nothing, like he couldn't comprehend his surroundings.

When Sam stepped next to them and put a blanket around Cas, effectively covering his exposed lap, the angel blinked. He looked up at Sam in surprise, who gave him a small but relieved smile. Then Cas' focus snapped to Dean, who was still clinging to him and sobbing. His eyes widened and like a switch had been flicked, he threw his arms around Dean in return and pulled him even closer. Cas was quietly chanting his human's name.

For a few minutes they just stayed like this, until Dean's sobs had quieted to occasional hiccups. "Dean, look at me," Cas whispered.

How could the hunter do anything but obey his angel? His red-rimmed desperate eyes met Cas' blue ones. There was so much love shining in them.

Cas moved forward and gave Dean a gentle kiss. It wasn't much, barely more than a fleeting touch of lips, but it broke Dean out of the pain he'd been stuck in for the past week.

Suddenly, he felt his tongue loosen in his mouth and all the things he'd kept inside started to tumble out as one uncoordinated mass. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I can't…I didn't… Cas, I am so fucking sorry. I-it should have been me. You were g-gone and… I should have died instead. You didn't deserve… You already forgave me, but I don't deserve it- I am so so sorry!"

"Shh," Cas pressed a gentle finger to his mouth, effectively shutting Dean up. "My love, it's alright. I've got you. I already told you, it wasn't your fault."

Dean let out another broken sob and pulled Cas into a desperate kiss. They clung to each other until Dean's lungs were burning for breath and Cas pulled back. He pushed a hand through Dean's messy hair and the hunter drew in a shuddering breath.

"Fuck, Cas. I'm so sorry. I made the wrong choice. I should have chosen you."

Cas frowned at him and shook his head. "Don't say that, Dean," he said quietly. "You could have never given Sam up, he is your brother. I understand that."

"No!" Dean frantically shook his head and clasped Cas' hand. "You don't understand. I could have found a way to live without Sammy. It would have been painful and difficult, but I could have made it. But I can't live without you, Cas. I need you. I love you!"

The angel was staring at him with wide eyes, like he couldn't believe what Dean was saying. But the hunter meant every word. He had realized this simple truth over the past week.

"You don't mean that," Cas mumbled and tried to pull his hand back, "You could never put me above your brother."

"I do!" Dean gripped the hand in his harder. "You can read my mind if you don't believe me. It's the truth."

Cas was staring at him in wonder. "I believe you, Dean," he whispered. Then he went in for another, much gentler kiss that was filled with so much love that Dean almost didn't know how to handle it.

When they both pulled back, there was an awkward chuckle from where Sam was still standing and watching their reunion unfold. "Nice to know where I stand in this family..."

But when Dean's eyes quickly flickered up to meet his brother's, his face was filled with nothing but relief and happiness.

"Shut up, bitch," Dean mumbled as he buried deeper into Cas. He couldn't believe the angel was safe in his arms.

"Jerk," Sam returned with a grin.

That night, when Dean was lying in his – no, their - bed with Cas close by his side, his mind was plagued by nightmares. In his dreams he saw Cas dying over and over again. All the different ways Eve could have killed him. Those dreams were nothing new, but now they were intercepted by images of Cas returning but being unable to forgive Dean. Of Cas leaving him.

He awoke with a distressed sound to Cas hovering above him with a worried face.

"It's alright, I've got you. You are safe," the angel whispered, running a gentle hand down his cheek.

Despite the reassuring words, Dean instinctively flinched back at the close proximity, his mind not quite caught up with reality yet and Cas retreated a few inches. "Apologies, Dean. But it seemed like you were having a nightmare."

Dean nodded and sat up, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Already the pictures of his dream were being chased away by the warm line of Cas' body next to his. Still, he couldn't resist pulling the angel closer and up against his chest.

At moments like this he hated that Cas slept - meditated, whatever - in his dress shirt. He wanted to feel the angel against his naked skin.

He breathed in Cas' clean scent and waited until his heartbeat had calmed down again as the angel rubbed small circles onto his back.

"Sorry," Dean mumbled with an edge of bitterness in his voice. "You're the one who died and I'm still the one who's getting nightmares and needs to be comforted."

"Dean, it's alright." Cas kissed his forehead and brushed away the wrinkles with his thumb. "It hurt you more than anyone. It was Eve's intention to hurt you. You take guilt upon yourself so easily. Even when it isn't your fault."

Dean had to swallow the urge to protest that it was. The angel was so sure of what he was saying. Dean was trying to accept Cas' words.

Cas frowned when his eyes roamed over Dean' body and the hunter suddenly became very aware of how skinny he'd become over the past week. The color of his skin was far from healthy after the amounts of alcohol he'd consumed. He wanted to tug into himself self-consciously, but Cas held him in place.

The message was clear: Don't hide.

"You need to take better care of yourself," Cas whispered and let his hand trail over a rib that was starting to poke out a little too much.

Dean wanted to apologize again, but Cas pressed a finger to his lips before he could. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna make you the biggest breakfast you can eat," he promised.

Dean snorted and let the familiar, easy smirk take onto his face. "You can't even cook."

Cas frowned thoughtfully for a moment before he announced, "Then I'll learn it for you.", and Dean could barely contain the immense rush of love that surged through him at the sight of his angel at that moment. He pressed a kiss to Cas' wrist.

They sat in silence for some time. Dean was debating whether he'd be able to fall back asleep when he noticed that Cas was watching him with a serious expression. "What?"

Cas crooked his head and seemed to consider his answer for a moment. "Sam told me that while I was dead, you tried to…kill yourself."

Dean sat up straighter, not leaning as heavily into the angel anymore as a defensive feeling was starting to well up in him. "I didn't."

Cas gave him a look that showed he could read the lie on his face – or heck, maybe in his fricking soul - and raised an eyebrow.

"Okay," Dean relented, "Maybe I thought about it. But I wouldn't have… I mean… Urgh," Dean let himself flop back onto his back with a groan. "I don't know."

Cas was watching him quietly for a few moments, before he asked in a serious tone, "Do you still feel like that, Dean?"

The hunter shook his head. "You're back. And I want to live every day of the rest of my life out with you." He hesitated for a moment before he asked a question that had been burning at the back of his mind for a while. "How do you feel about retiring with me?"

Cas smiled. "I'd like that."

A/N: I can't believe I finished it! It took pretty long, but I made it and I'm so excited. I've never written so much in such a short time.

Thank you so much for reading so far. If you liked it, I'd be very happy about reviews, constructive criticism, or really any kind of feedback on how you liked it.

Thanks again and have a lovely day!