Hi hi,
How's everyone? If you were wondering, the test on the profanity filter has shown that disabling it really does let people swear in your reviews. BRING ON THE PAR-TAY!!! No? Oh well, sorry.
Now I know it works, and you know I know it works, and I know that you that I know, and all that other page filling CRAP, I'll just introduce something from another story.
It's working with one of my Starfox stories, Spirits Arise, so it may just work for this one too. If you don't like it, just tell me it's crap and I'll cut it out. So here we go...
The Story So Far...
(This is four chapters, in several different paragraphs, so just bear with me...)
In chapter one, Ratchet had just finished saving planet Merdegraw from hoards of undead, robot pirates and is eager to find Clank. He has a run in with the mysterious Fenna, who tells both him and Talwyn that Ratchet wasn't the last Lombax left in that dimension and that the Zoni are dangerous.
Back at the ships, they meet Kai and Tessa Swordsmith, old friends of Talwyn's. They sisters (twins) then join the little group, on the understanding that Talwyn helps them out afterwards.
In chapter two, we learn about some of Talwyn's past adventures with the Swordsmith sisters, and Ratchet offers to lend a hand to the twins after they save Clank.
Meanwhile, Clank is having hallucinations about past events, as a side-effect of a reboot, caused by the Zoni. He witnesses first, Ratchet being tasered by his foster mother, then the Lombax's first kiss.
When he wakes up, Clank is introduced to the phyco-bitch herself, Zee. She then electrocutes him, blowing his main fuse and forcing him to reboot again.
In chapter three, Ratchet, Talwyn, Tessa and Kai set down outside the Zoni stronghold. The twins reveal that Clank is in more danger than they thought, and one wrong word to the wrong person would get him torn to pieces.
Clank, in the meantime, had another vision, this time about two young Lombaxes and their small, china doll-like robot. Then he awakens and hears the song that Ratchet and the gang use to get in.
In chapter four (finally! The end is nigh!), Talwyn and Kai are crawling through the ventilation system, while Ratchet and Tessa have abandoned it and are having a little heart to heart.
Clank, still waiting to be rescued, sees that the Zoni may have killed (or at least injured) Ratchet's childhood friend. Talwyn then drops in on him (literally). Kai stabs the glass case, and is left stood there while Talwyn calls the others, alerting them of the change of plans.
Will Ratchet and Clank finally be reunited? Will Nefarious's troops make an appearance? Will all of our heroes make it out of there alive? Find out now, with Mage Tales 1: The Discovery, Chapter five.
OK, I admit, that one was LONG! But it WILL be shorter next time.
The alarms were blaring all around them as they dashed down the corridor. Clank was firmly wrapped in Talwyn arms, while Kai ran beside her.
"I thought you could stay still for longer than that!" Talwyn yelled above the din.
"Usually, yeah," Kai replied. "But you try playing statues when you've got this evil itch on your inner thigh!"
This caused the brunette to burst out laughing. "Sorted it out then?"
"Yeah, ta!"
Then, over the comn. link, Ratchet yelled at them. "Why do they explode when you hit them?!?"
"Oops," Kai called to Talwyn. "I almost forgot about him."
"You WHAT?!?" Talwyn yelled back.
Ignoring her friend, Kai unhooked her radio transmitter from it's place on her left hip, flicking the switch onto 'public' before replying.
"Sorry, forgot to warn you; they turn to blue mush when you kill them!"
"Thanks for the warning," Ratchet replied, obviously not happy.
Kai then flicked the switch to 'private' and called down it, "Tessa, it's Kai. How's it goin' down there?"
"Just under a third of the way done." Tessa said.
"Under a third? What the hell are you doing, Tessa, playing tick-tack-toe with the main-frame?!?"
"I didn't have enough time to make the bombs beforehand, Kai. I can't just stick a bunch of wires and a detonator fuse on a wall and hope it blows up!!!" Tessa was getting annoyed now. They heard her take a deep breath, then carry on in a calmer voice. "So, is the little guy okay?"
"Clank? He says he is, but I'm not so sure."
"I hope they didn't let HER get ahold of him." They heard Tessa shudder with fear. "That would be physical AND psychological torture."
"Get on with your bombs. We'll catch up with Ratchet." Kai switched the radio to 'off' and put it back in it's place. "Not far now, just a couple more turns."
Ratchet side-stepped another bolt of lightening. The Zoni were closing in on him, and there was no way for him to tell when they were going to strike him from behind. Several of them had rushed by with their mouths open and taken small chunks out of his arms, legs and back.
"That was close," he muttered, swinging his wrench in a diagonal direction. It connected with several Zoni, who exploded on contact. Blue mush sprayed everywhere, including all over Ratchet. The Lombax, who normally a pleasant golden yellow, was starting to go decisively blue.
A small cry of disgust came from the other side of the wall of little, blue-and-black bugs. Ratchet's long ears twitched. That sort of sound was something he'd expect to hear from Tessa, but that voice belonged to...
Kai sliced through a small block of Zoni in front of the Lombax, charging through the gap to stand next to him. She flashed him a dirty look. "I rather like to actually KILL a Zoni before I get covered with their guts!"
Talwyn shot a separate gap through the wall of enemies. She slipped through and attached Clank to the socket on Ratchet's back. "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."
"That's how Tessa deals with me. A lot," Kai flashed them a grin, then slashed a Zoni that got about an inch from Ratchet's ear.
"Clank?" Ratchet daren't look back, just in case the familiar weight wasn't really there. He didn't listen to the nerves in his back that were telling him that cold metal was pressed to his open wounds, just in case they were lying. He almost couldn't get the nerve up to speak, just in case there was no reply. At this point, with the hope he had, if Clank wasn't there, he would be crushed.
"I am here, Ratchet." The simple joy of being re-attached to Lombax's back made Clank forget the horrible ordeal he'd been in for the past few days. Okay, they had their fights, but Ratchet had been the little robot's first friend.
Their happy little reunion was interrupted by about a million Zoni all shrieking in disgust.
Kai ducked under another lightening bolt. "They ain't happy!"
"Ya think?!?" Ratchet jumped out of the way of a small pack of Zoni as they charged towards him, only to have Clank lift him out of the way of a second swarm. "Woah! Thanks Clank!"
"Tow, get down!" Kai pushed Talwyn to the ground just before the Zoni zapped her.
"This is getting ridiculous," Talwyn yelled above the din of enraged bug things. "Where's Tessa?"
Kai grabbed her transmitter, put it on 'private' and pressed the button. "Tessa, how's it going down there?"
"I've lost the red wire!!!"
Ratchet shot a panicky look at Talwyn, who looked despairingly at Kai, who rolled her eyes. She pressed the button again. "Tes, does the colour REALLY matter?"
There was a long pause. Then Tessa replied, "Sorry, had a moment of frantic idiocy back there. I'll be done in a few minutes. Can you hold out 'til then?"
Kai glanced, first at Ratchet, then at Talwyn. Both nodded at her. "Sure, just be careful."
"Will do, sis!"
Talwyn gasped. "Why are they moving back?!?"
It was true. They were moving back. Worried, Kai looked around her. "Oh shit..." She dived at Ratchet, knocking him down.
The second they hit the ground, a ball of energy flew through the air, right where Ratchet's head had been. Standing up and glancing around, the Lombax saw what the Markazian had seen. Zee, the phyco woman with blue pupils. He turned to Kai.
"You're scared of a blind girl?"
The 'blind girl' promptly aimed, very precisely, at the base of his tail, and shot blue fire at it. Ratchet jumped about two feet in the air, yelping in pain, patting out the flaming fur.
"Now, now, firework boy," Zee giggled insanely. "Don't believe my eyes. I never agree with them."
With that, she unleashed fiery fury on the three of them. Kai ducked a shot aimed at her head, and pressed a button on a little device attached to her arm. The P.A.S. started pouring strains of 'Toxic' by Mark Ronson.
"Baby can't you see,
I'm callin?
A girl like you,
Should wear a warnin.
It's dangerous,
I'm fallin..."
Zee, who was a music hater, screamed in anger and disgust, then threw a fireball at Kai, who rolled out of the way, sliding her katana back into it's scabbard.
"Ooo nigga I'm burnin up!"
Ratchet covered his ears to protect his delicate ear drums from the scream, then had to jump to the side to avoid more blue flames. Clank then engaged his Heli-Pack again and lifted him above another ball of flames.
"There's no escape,
I can't wait!
I need a hit,
Baby give me it!
You're dangerous,
I'm lovin it..."
Talwyn jumped backwards to avoid a blast of energy, activating her Thruster-Pack to gain some altitude. As she travelled forward again, she felt several tiny, stab-like feelings on her tail. She looked around and saw that a Zoni had attached itself to her tail by it's teeth. "Ah!" She flicked her tail in a vain effort to dislodge it. "Get OFF!"
"Enough ta make a nigga go crazy,
Shut down the Grammy's ask mah granny.
Wu-Tang for the kids, but your host can't stand me,
Wu-Tang for the kids, bust them off for family.
Catch me on Disney:
'Ma, who is he?'"
"That doesn't work," Kai called, front flipping over a fireball. "Shoot the bastard! Ouch!" A blast of energy clipped her left shoulder, leaving a small slash that bled freely. "BITCH!!!"
"Down dirty, stinking, grime and grizzly.
Old man McGirt, lookin under your skirt.
Fuck a pussy til it's orange, like Ernie and Bert.
Like, ooo..."
Ratchet, from his elevated position, took out his Lacerator, which he hadn't used since the business with the Technomites, and took aim. He hit the Zoni with a single shot, and it promptly blew up, covering Talwyn in it's guts.
"Too high, can't come down,
It's in my head spinning round and round.
Can you feel me now?"
"Thanks, Ratchet. I almost lost my tail there."
"No problem, Talwyn."
"With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride,
You're toxic, I'm slippin under."
Clank suddenly stopped his rotor blades, causing him and Ratchet several inches to avoid a small energy beam. Danger avoided, he started his rotor spinning again.
"A taste of a poison paradise,
I'm addicted to you,
Don't you know that you're toxic?"
"YOU KILLED ONE!!!" Zee was obviously pissed, and expresses that by firing another energy beam, this time aiming at the Lombax's 'third leg'.
Desperate to save any of his future children, Ratchet pulled out his Shield Charger, activating it just in time. Come on, he thought. I haven't even used that yet!
"Oh, and I love what you do,
But you know that you're toxic!
Yeah, I'm burning up from what you do,
You know that you're toxic!"
Talwyn got a couple of shots in at Zee. But she just drew her hand across her body, then gripped it in a fist, activating some sort of blue barrier around herself. She then gathered the energy from the barrier and fired it at Kai, who back flipped over it.
"Like ooo, nigga, I'm burnin up!
She said, ooo, nigga, I'm burnin up!
Meth got the weed, we can burn it up
I told the DJ, nigga, turn it up!"
Zee giggled hyperly (A.I: I know hyperly isn't really a real word, but it is in my stories). "You won't win. I'm so devoted to my friends, I gave them my old name."
Along with your sanity, Talwyn added in her head as she ducked under another ball of energy.
Every time her tail moved, the muscles would relax and contract around the teeth, causing her more pain. Unable to take it any more, the Markazian took her tail in hand and started pulling the teeth out.
"I want a girl that help me take my medication,
So I don't end up at the police station!
I don't wanna go back to the police station,
They tried to send Dirt on a long vacation..."
Meanwhile, Ratchet was trying to get a shot in with his Predator Launcher, only to have barriers block every single one.
Suddenly, a vent cover fell on Zee, followed a micro-second later by Tessa.
"Oh, it's getting late,
To give you up.
I took a sip,
From my devil cup.
Slowly,
It's takin over me..."
"Oww..." Tessa slowly got to her feet, looked down, saw Zee, muttered, "Oh shit," under her breath, and dashed over to the others.
Kai embraced her sister for a brief moment, then pushed her back slightly and asked, "And the verdict is?"
"Too high, can't come down,
It's in the air and it's all around,
Can you feel me now?"
Tessa put both thumbs up. "Ding-ding-ding!"
Ratchet touched down and, new to the way of the Swordsmith twins, looked to Talwyn for an explanation.
"With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride,
You're toxic, I'm slippin under."
Talwyn dashed over to the others, most of the teeth now removed from her tail. "We're ready. Let's go!"
"A taste of a poison paradise,
I'm addicted to you,
Don't you know that you're toxic?"
The main door was now blocked by hoards of Zoni; the only way through was to make one. Ratchet took out his OmniWrench, while Kai re-drew her katana.
"Ooo, nigga, I'm burnin up!"
They looked at each other, and Kai flashed him a grin. As one, they rushed forward and started to slash a hole on their road block.
"She said, ooo, nigga, I'm burnin up!"
Tessa tugged Talwyn after her, fumbling in one of her many trouser pockets for something. As a small gap opened, she threw a small bomb, covered in a green substance, at the door. It stuck, started to beep, then exploded, taking the doors with it.
"Sticky bombs," she yelled. "The best thing the Lombaxes came up with!".
"With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride,
You're toxic, I'm slippin under."
The four of them ran, full tilt, through the empty doorway, and kept going. They didn't stop until they were back at the landing site.
"You ready, Tes?"
"A taste of a poison paradise,
I'm addicted to you,
Don't you know that you're toxic?"
"Ready Kai!"
Tessa took a small cuboid made of a clear plastic lid encasing a remote detonator. With a bright red button. She flipped the lid, and hovered her thumb over the button, waiting.
"Oh, and I love what you do,
But you know that you're toxic!
Yeah, I'm burning up from what you do,
You know that you're toxic!"
Click!
BOOM!!!
The whole building exploded, from the base up, the upper levels falling to the flames as the lower levels collapsed. Out of the flaming wreckage, three fireworks flew into the night sky (A.I: Yes, it is night now.), blowing up in a triangular pattern: the highest one green, the the lower left one white, and the lower right one red.
Clank had detached himself from Ratchet's back, and was now watching the display with everyone else. His reaction was like those of Ratchet and Talwyn: awe, with a hint of relief. Tessa's was one of pride: she hadn't expected the fireworks to work so well, if at all. Kai's was one of dark satisfaction.
Cronk and Zephr started whooping for joy.
"That was the best explosion I've seen since... uh..." Zephr had to stop to think. "Since we fought the Venomous Space Moths of the Cerullean Sector!"
"How did you manage the sparkly lights?" Cronk asked.
Tessa closed her eyes, scratched the base of her neck and fought the urge to blush. "You mean the fireworks? I just put the launchers on the same circuit as the explosives. I was almost worried that the heat would make them go off too soon!" She chuckled lightly.
"As fun as this is," Kai interrupted, "we should leave, just in case anything dangerous survived."
And just like that, everyone went their separate ways. Talwyn flashed Ratchet a sad smile,then headed to her own ship. Kai dashed over to her.
"You'll at least catch a movie with us before you go disappearing on us again."
The brunette said, "Of course! Anyway, we need to catch up."
Ratchet turned to Aphelion, hopping in, then helping Clank up after him. As soon as the cockpit closed, the Lombax sighed.
"Ratchet, do you wish to continue to travel with Miss Apogee?" Clank asked.
"Yeah, but," Ratchet sighed again, "I can't just invite myself along. And we need to get your circuits checked out, see if any real damage has been done."
Aphelion had just started the launch sequence when there was a knock on the cockpit, making Ratchet jump. He turned to see Tessa, smiling sheepishly. Aphelion opened up so they could talk.
"I just thought I'd say goodbye properly," Tessa explained. "I liked working with you. And I think that Clank's rather cute."
"Why, thank you Miss," Clank interjected.
"Oh," Ratchet picked Clank up. "Clank, this is Tessa Swordsmith. The girl that looks almost exactly like her is her twin, Kai."
"Nice to meet you, Miss Swordsmith."
"Enough of that," snapped Tessa. "It's Tessa. Or you'll get me and Kai in a right muddle." She chuckled good naturedly. Clank found himself joining in. Then she sobered up. "Just a warning though, Ratchet. The Zoni may be deadly, but those who follow them, blind or not, knowing or not, can be just as dangerous."
"Tessa! Will you hurry up?!?"
"I'd better go," Tessa said. "She doesn't waist time if she can avoid it. I hope we see you two again soon."
She embraced, first with Clank, who she picked up for a moment, then with Ratchet, who leaned out to get his arms around her waist.
"TESSA!!!"
The Markazian turned to her ship. "I'm comin', I'm comin'!"
Then she jogged over, Clank hopped back in, and Aphelion closed the cockpit and continued the launch sequence. Ratchet glanced down at Clank.
"You want to go with them too, don't you?" When the little robot nodded sadly, he sighed and rested his head on one of hand. "I should've asked..."
No-one spoke for a good few minutes as the ship climbed. Then, as they were leaving the atmosphere, Ratchet picked Clank up again, and just held him. The small robot looked up as tears hit his head.
"Are you alright, Ratchet?"
The Lombax continued to hold his robotic companion to his chest. "I'm just... so glad you're back... in one piece."
Unfortunately, their embrace didn't last as long as they'd have liked it to have. A sudden, large shake from Aphelion had Clank back in his seat and Ratchet concentrating on the controls.
"Aphelion, the controls aren't responding! What's going on?"
"I am afraid that it is not simply the engines. A large Electro-Shock Canon just fired a direct hit on my main engines, as well as my auxiliary thrusters, rendering then useless."
"Which means...?"
"Which means," Clank explained, "that with our current position, just above the planet's atmosphere, and incorporating in the fact that we are still, very much, affected by the planet's gravity, there is approximately an eighty-four-point-six percent chance that we are about to fall to our deaths."
"Eh-heh... uh... Clank? What's the other fifteen-point-four percent?" Ratchet asked nervously.
"I calculate that there is a fourteen-point-eight percent chance that we will be blown to pieces by enemy fire, a nought-point-five percent chance of being rescued from the fall, and a nought-point-one percent chance of surviving the crash." Clank looked up at Ratchet with terrified eyes. "Ratchet, I am scared. I do not wish to die here."
Ratchet clutched Clank to his chest as they began to fall back to the planet, far below them.
AUTHOR'S INPUT: Hi hi,
Bum, bum BUUM!!! Cliff-hanger! 24.6Kb.
Sorry this took so long. My grandfather died two weeks ago yesterday, so I was a bit distracted. But the funeral was on Wednesday just gone, so I should be OK from here on in.
I didn't describe Kai's transmitter, did I? Well, remember those CB radios that Bandit and Snowman had in "Smokey and the Bandit"? Well, her radio looks like the bit you press the button and speak into, only with a small, three-way switch on the other side to the button. Complete with curly cable. Tessa has one just like it.
ONTO THE REVIEWS!!!
Snake of the Rose (SOTR)
Hey there, Timid! Long time no...review.
I saw the update in my mail and just couldn't pass up another T.V. story. AND it's on Ratchet and Clank. That's awesome!
I have to say, I am extremely delighted on how much your story structure and writing skills have improved. Nay, MULTIPLIED. Very descriptive, short and sweet, and thus very enjoyable. It's been awhile since I've seen anything from you (likewise to me), but this new story is something to definitely look forward to.
-SOTR
The Snake man is BACK! It's good to hear from you again. I didn't know you were an R&C fan!
All I have to say about this review is thank you. It's nice to get some praise for my writing skill every now and again. I know it's been a while since I've updated my Star Fox stuff, but I'm glad you're enjoying this one.
Shakespeare's Entourage (Shaky)
Quite good but I was tempted to stop reading at one point. Still, was the whole thing about the glasses that let you see Zoni made up or is it in the next game.
P.S. It's the 7th generation of consoles at the moment.
P.P.S. My TV was not crappy!
P.P.P.S. You add "P" because P.S. stands for Post Script. And I have a feeling that your going to make a comment about it.
I'd love to know the point you were tempted to stop reading, as an author. And, yes, I made up the bit about the glasses. As far as I know, and as far as Insomniac Games has hinted, the Zoni are misguided good guys in the next game.
P.S. I realised it was 7th generation once I'd posted it, and changing it afterwards would delay this update even more.
P.P.S. I'm not saying your's is/was, but the one I played the Xbox 360 on (or, more precisely, WATCHED someone else play the Xbox 360 on) was rather old, and had started to go crappy.
P.P.P.S. I know that! I do not CARE!!! And I wouldn't have made a comment if you have made a comment if you hadn't put the P.P.P.S.!!!
Shadow Shinobi57 (Shadow-kun)
Okay...I finally got around to reading this. Why I took so long? Because I'm a fucking incompetent asshole lately...There's your profanity filter test! :3 Did it work?
Anyway, like Shaky, I'm not much of a Ratchet and Clank fan. Have only played one game in the series, and I don't even remember which one it was. (Quickly switches his play list on Windows Media Player) I thought it would be fitting to listen to Panic at the Disco while I write this.
Anyway, I make an exception for this story, since I wouldn't normally read a Ratchet and Clank fic. Plus, this makes me nostalgic to my days of first reading stuff on here. I don't wanna fill this up review with unneeded drabble.
I do like how this is going so a good point. It's mysterious on Clank's end, and we get to see what most of us don't see in your average fic: The hero's emotion. Plus, the tension of the mission. All this is mixing into a stew of excellence for my madula oblangata (Did I spell that right?).
I did, however see some grammar errors, I think maybe some spelling and missing words. I won't say it's BAD grammar, (-_- Shaky can maybe tone down the harshness) but a little work could be done. It's nothing that made me sit at my computer and wonder, "What the hell is this entire story?!" No, it was just sentences at a time, and not even major enough for me to not understand it. I got the gist a second or two after reading, if not immediately.
I'm also curious to see if, possibly, this'll be like the others you wrote, with bits of romance thrown in. Again, I'm a Ratchet and Clank noob, so if I'm missing a major pairing here, I apologize.
Great work so far, Timid! Looking forward to more!
Don't stop being prodigious!
"Whether it's the genre or the substance, The Metal will never be killed!" -Shadow
YAY SHADOW-KUN!!! (Swoons over him) I don't think you've EVER been a fucking incompetent asshole. But yes, the filter test worked. It should work for The Timid Interviews too.
YAY Panic! At The Disco! (^_^) You don't have to know everything about the games to understand this. And you can get a ton of info about then from .com/wiki.
I'm honoured that you'd read my story, even if it's not the sort of thing. And for that, I award you many hugs.
I'm glad you're enjoying this, but do you really mean Medulla Oblongata? It's just that that's the part of your brain that controls respiration, swallowing, vomiting, urination, and things like that. I'm just checking here.
I'm sorry about the grammar. I might go through and correct some of it once I've finished the story. But, if you can still understand it, then it's not too urgent. I try to use the right version of a word (such as there, their, and they're), and the right species names.
There will be some romance, but don't worry about pre-set pairings. Some people favour the Sasha+Ratchet pairing, and I think it's quite cute too. But that's not the pairing here, and that is all I'm saying on that point..
I like the little bit under your catchphrase, about metal, and it's true. I LOVE YOU, SHADOW-KUN!!! (For those of you who have no clue what I did that for, Shadow-kun and I are going out, boyfriend-girlfriend, an item, whatever you like to call it.)
And that's it for now. Thank you for reading this, but be prepared for a long gap, as school starts again in a couple of weeks. But the good news is, the first week will only consist of two days, as we go back on the Thursday, so that's good.
I need to stop blabbering now.
Bye byes,
Timid Vulpine.