"We haven't looked at the readout on the test yet," Ellie whispered up at him. Joel's jaw clenched as she held up the test. "I - I wanted you to be the first to read it."

A tender smile crossed Joel's face, and he took her hand in his rough one, turning her hand palm up and taking the test. It was a strangely familiar sight, as his mind wandered back to Sarah's mom holding out one many years ago to a much younger Joel. The joy of the moment crept back into his heart, and he knew that Ellie needed this. She needed a reaction from him, and however he reacted would set the tone for the entire pregnancy. She was allowing herself to be vulnerable, to be broken, and he was going to make it very clear how he felt.

Slowly, he turned the test over in his hand, trying to keep a neutral expression. For a moment he was silent, letting the feelings and emotions flow through him before he spoke. Wordlessly, he lowered his hand so Ellie could see it, his free hand steady on her shoulder. Ellie took the test from him, her mouth opening and closing, no sound coming out.

"Well," Joel drawled. "Fucking badass grandpa it is."

There was a collective intake of breath from Maria and Tommy, followed with complete silence as they waited for a response from Ellie. She stared at the test in her hand, trying to sort the flood of emotions that were running through her head.

Pregnant

"Fucking fabulous," she muttered, her hand falling limply at her side, dropping the test. Her eyes closed and she leaned into Joel. He wrapped both arms around her tightly, chin resting on the top of her head.

"Baby, it's all going to be okay. You are going to be the best mom ever. You know what fucked up nonsense life is, and you will raise this kid the right way. I'm here for you, and Maria and Tommy are too."

"Absolutely," Tommy and Maria chorused behind Ellie. "Anything you need," Maria added, "You come see the pregnant lady. I got you, kid."

Ellie nodded, but didn't release her grip on Joel. He looked at Tommy, another conversation without words, and Tommy nodded.

"We are gonna go, it's about time to oversee the dinner preparations, and I got to check on the guys at the barn build. Joel, we can have dinner sent over if you want to just kick back and stay in tonight."

"That would be great, Tommy. Thank you. Would you mind letting Hannah know Ellie is okay?"

"Can she come here?" Ellie asked, her voice muffled against Joel. "I'd like to tell her myself."

Tommy looked at Joel who nodded slightly. "I will check, Ellie, let me talk to the nurse and see if they are okay releasing her today. I know she had a bit of a chill, since she -" he nearly swallowed his words, as Joel glared at him. Shit. He shouldn't have said anything, which was evident as Ellie slowly turned her head to look at him.

"Why did she get a chill?"

"She's alright, Ellie, just went outside. She's okay though, I took her back. No harm done."

"She ran after me, didn't she," Ellie asked bluntly. She sighed and turned back to Joel, burying her face into his chest. "Shit."

"Ellie, not your fault, she just was worried about you and wasn't thinking. That was her own bad idea. She's alright though, just want to get the doctor's clearance. I'll bring her over if they approve, alright?"

Ellie nodded in agreement, and Joel raised his eyebrows, looking at his brother. "Tommy, you guys are welcome to stay to dinner."

"No," Maria replied kindly. "We will leave you two to get some rest. It's been a long day for everyone. I will bring dinner over in a little while, and Tommy will bring Hannah if we can, or come update you if she can't leave yet, alright?"

"Alright," Joel replied, swaying slightly from side to side, to calm Ellie who was rigid in his arms. "Catch you later."

The moment Tommy and Maria left, Joel guided Ellie to the couch where he let his own exhausted bones sink into the couch, pulling Ellie against him, where she kept her face pressed to his chest. "It's alright, kiddo, try to relax, okay?"

She nodded, fingers clutching his flannel tightly. "It's okay to fall apart, Ellie," he whispered in her ear. "You don't have to be strong all the time."

"Joel," she whimpered into his chest, and he ran a hand through her hair.

"I know, Ellie. I know. Let it hurt. You've earned that right."

"I can't do this, Joel," she pleaded, turning her head to look up at him. "I can't."

"Yes, you can, Ellie," he replied softly. "This is one of those moments where you have to be strong, trust the family around you, and for fucks sake, let yourself be fragile for once. FEDRA made a fucking soldier out of you, Ellie, but the fact is you're a little girl, almost a woman, and you never got to act like one. Well, this is your chance. Let us be there for you, kiddo. Trust me."

"I'm scared."

"I know." He ran a hand up and down her back comfortingly. "I know."

"Joel, sometimes I still feel his hands, and - and when people call me, I think it's him." Joel's grasp tightened slightly, and he struggled to keep his breathing even.
"And sometimes, when they are burning scraps of wood or trash, or someone has a bonfire going, it takes me back there. I was on the floor, and he - he was on top of me - and all I could think of was the fire around us, and there were bits of burning curtains floating in the air, and he didn't seem to notice, and I thought it was all going to fall down around us."

With each sentence, she was becoming more hysterical, more undone, and Joel couldn't stop her. If they didn't work through it now, it would never happen. But he also was becoming more ill and more angry with each confession. "You survived," he said softly. "Ellie, you fought like hell and you lived, and that's all that matters."

She pushed away from him, rolling over to sit up on the couch. He was left with empty arms and a chill where she used to be. He wanted to grab her and pull her back, holding her close until all the fears and memories faded, but he couldn't. She had to work through it herself.

"What matters is I am fucking pregnant and I don't know how the hell I am supposed to do this!" Ellie rested her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. "Joel, it's going to be okay, right?"

"Yeah," he replied, swallowing hard. "It's gonna be okay."

She studied the floor for a moment, then nodded once. "Alright."

"Ellie," Joel said softly. "Those bad things, it hurts that they happened. For you, and for me. But you have to let them sit on a shelf after a while. They are like a wound, that's all stitched up and bandaged. If you keep ripping off the bandage and pulling the stitches out to see if it's healed, it will never get better. You might be left with a scar, or even an amputation. But it will heal. It changes you. But it shouldn't hold you back from life."

She was quiet for a moment, then nodded again. "Thanks."

"Sure, kiddo."

"Pretty wise words coming from a contractor."

He snorted. "Someone told them to me once, when I needed to hear it."

She sniffed again, and looked back at him with damp, shining eyes. "Love you."

"Love you too."

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. Joel stood, going to check out who it was. "Hey Tommy, hi Hannah." His voice softened when he greeted Hannah, and it touched something inside Ellie. It was the same way he spoke to her at times. Let him be a dad.

She had to admit, it would be nice to have someone else nearby who understood where she was at. Maybe Hannah could be the sister she had never had.

"Do you need anything else?" Joel asked, wiping his hands on a towel. He was washing dishes in the kitchen, shirt sleeves rolled up, looking so domestic. Ellie imagined that it was what he had looked like all those years ago when it was just him and Sarah in the kitchen.

"No," she replied, bringing several blankets downstairs. "Hannah, are you sure this will be alright?"

"It's perfectly fine," Hannah replied. "I truly appreciate you letting me stay, Joel. The couch is enough."

"Nothing to it, kiddo," he replied, rolling down his sleeves and buttoning the cuffs. "You're family now. We want you to be comfortable. Tommy and I are going to start on your room, just as soon as the barn building is done."

"You could stay in my room," Ellie said, thoughtfully. She glanced at Joel. "I - I think it would be nice to have a sister."

Joel considered, leaning on the cabinet, crossing his arms. "Alright, but if there's even a chance of you falling down the stairs, you'll start sleeping down here, alright?"

Hannah and Ellie nodded at the same time. "Alright," they chorused. Giggling gleefully, as if they had just put one over on Joel, Ellie and Hannah grabbed the blankets and the backpack of things Maria had sent for Hannah and ran up the stairs. It was so damn normal that it made his heart hurt.

"No running!" Joel hollered after them. "Or it's back down here. I'm not having anyone getting hurt. Give an old man a break, for goodness's sake!"

"Sorry!" Both girls yelled back down stairs, and he shook his head. He moved to the couch and fell into it, lying across the cushions, propping his head on the couch arm, laying one arm across his forehead wearily. His life had gotten so much more complicated than he had ever imagined it would be. He had been just a simple smuggler, sneaking in and out of the QZ, to now being the sole guardian of two pregnant orphan teenagers. Somewhere in the universe, Sarah must be getting back at him for all those distracted days and working-late nights. How he wished Tess was here. He also noticed Ellie hadn't yet told Hannah she was pregnant too. He wondered if that would be done in private, or with him around. He sort of hoped he could be there.

He had come across her years ago at the incinerator. He had been unloading bodies for several hours from the hospital trucks, and so had she, working with another guy on a different truck. Joel was a loner, grim, quiet, and didn't talk to anyone. They had caught each other's eye a couple times, and he remembered clearly the weariness in her face, along with a determination that he understood. It was a gruesome job, but it was life. Everything about life sucked now, there wasn't much cheer to go around. Fuck those Fireflies and their idea of looking for the light. What fucking light? The light of the flames that burned their fellow humans to ash?

There had been a sudden commotion, and somehow, she was on the ground, being pummeled by a soldier. Joel had stepped in, holding up a hand, and yelling, 'Hey, she's mine, she's mine."

"Well, keep her fucking in line," the soldier had bellowed. "When the truck needs unloaded, she unloads it. No questions, no smart mouth, no backtalk. Got it?!"

"Got it, got it," Joel nodded quickly, appeasing. "I'll make sure next time, you have my word."

"You better," the soldier replied, giving the woman a parting kick with his steel toed boots. Joel reached a hand to help her up, but she didn't take it, choosing to get to her feet herself, spitting blood from a bleeding lip, and holding her side where she was kicked.

"You good?" Joel asked gruffly.

"Yeah," she grunted, watching the soldier pulling another man over to unload the truck with her previous partner. "Guess I just lost my job."

"You're with me now," Joel rumbled, jerking his head toward the truck he was unloading. "Let's go."

Wordlessly, she shuffled over to the truck and worked beside him the rest of the day. They didn't speak to each other again until quitting time.

They went through the line to get their ration cards, and walked away into the milling crowd. "You good?" Joel asked once they were far enough away from the other workers. He paused, looking back, studying her face. "You need to get that cleaned up."

"It's nothing," she grumbled, starting to wander off, her head down.

Joel hesitated, hands on his hips, looking at the dirty street at his feet, and made up his mind. "You got somewhere to go?" He called after her.

She paused, silent for a moment. "I'll be fine."

"Not what I asked."

"I'll be fine. I was staying with Ryan's group, but kinda lost that shit back there when I got kicked off his fucking team. I'll find a place."

"Come on," Joel grunted, walking away, hands in his jacket pockets.

"Where?" She asked, suspiciously.

"My place," Joel replied, not looking back. "You can stay down here if you want and take your chances with the fucking streets and rats that live down here, or you can come to my place and have a decent bed and not have to keep eyes in the back of your head."

"What do you want?" She asked, a slight nervousness in her voice. He winced a little. It wasn't uncommon for the workers to let women stay with them to give them a safe place to keep off the streets where the lowlifes hung out, but it was always at a cost. A cost of something that only they had to give. His stomach turned slightly, and he called back, "I'm not that kind of guy, lady. If you want a safe place to sleep, let's go. Curfew's almost here."

He continued walking, keen ears hearing that after a moment, she had started following him. Down the alleys, through the shortcuts, and up stairs to his apartment in the middle of an abandoned building. It wasn't much, but he would share it. Better than her staying on the streets and getting attacked or killed.

He unlocked the door, and walked in, waiting until she walked in after him, then he shut the door. She looked around for a moment wordlessly, while he went to get the meager first aid box, and a cloth.

"Sit."

She sat down at the table, and he slid into a chair across from her, setting to work cleaning her bruised face, wiping away the dried blood. "You don't have to do this," she muttered, wincing as he wiped at her lip.

"Would you have rather I let that soldier beat your face in?" Joel's face was tense, his eyes reflecting a burning protectiveness that made Tess feel both safe and uncomfortable. He had morals, this strange man. He had immediately stepped in to help, even if there was no reason to. He didn't know her and she made it a practice to not get to know other people. Ryan had tried to extract favors from her when she had first joined the team and she broke his nose, prompting the guys in his alliance to treat her like one of them. She could hold her own, on most days, but today, she had been vulnerable, weak, and she had paid for it with her blood.

"Earth to you," Joel rumbled, waving a hand in front of her face. "Hey."

"Sorry, was thinking," she muttered, looking away from those deep eyes.

"What should I call you," Joel asked, dripping some antiseptic onto the cloth and wiping at the raw skin. She hissed and pulled away, and he reached out a hand, cupping it behind her head to keep her still. "Sorry, I know it hurts, it will just be a minute."

"Tess," she grunted through the stinging pain. "Name is Tess."

"Joel," he replied, nodding once. "Nice to meet you, Tess."

"Likewise," she replied. He dropped the cloth and snapped the first aid kit shut, glancing over her face again. "Is it that bad?"

His eyebrows flickered upward. "It'll heal. Your ribs alight?"

"They're fine," she replied, instinctively wrapping an arm around her side. "Bruised, nothing's broken."

He nodded, accepting her word. "Want some soup? Campbells chicken and noodle, nothing fancy, but you won't be hungry."

"I - I really shouldn't."

"Eat first, then decide if you want to go." Joel stood and laid a hand on her shoulder in passing. She flinched violently, and he half turned to face her, jerking his hand away. She looked at his concerned face, then the floor.

"Somebody make you feel like you got to be like that?" he asked flatly.

She couldn't meet his gaze. picking at a thread on her jacket. "Oh, you know how it is. Times are hard, some men act like they've never seen a woman before."

Joel's chin lifted but he didn't say anything else, simply moved to the kitchen where he was busy opening cans and heating the contents in a small pan. Tess walked around the small space, looking over everything, deducing what she could tell from the small space. Joel was a loner, without many hobbies, or Knick knacks, indicating he was gone most of the time. "You work a lot?" she called from the living room.

Joel grunted in the kitchen, a non committal answer.

She sighed. He was a strange man.

Joel brought two steaming bowls to the table, and sat down, dropping two spoons onto the table with a clank. "Your dinner, madam."

Tess smirked at his sense of humor and sat down across from him, taking down the soup eagerly. It had been some time since she had eaten something this nice, and Joel watched her for a moment, his eyes soft. "Slow down. There's plenty."

"This is slow," she muttered, examining a bit of chicken before conveying it to her mouth. "This is fucking good."

"I take it you don't get Campbell's very often."

"Nope," she replied, between bites. "Ryan's group was more into drinking and spending cards on drugs. Didn't think about me very much. So I had to take matters into my own hands if I wanted to eat."

"You're a smuggler?" Joel asked quietly, fixing her with an intense stare.

She gulped, cursing herself internally at how comfortable she had gotten with this man so quickly. Why the hell would she tell him she was a smuggler! That was a crime punishable by death. Her face paled considerably, and Joel had compassion on her.

"I am too," he admitted. "Mostly in drugs and supplies. If you want to stay, we could be a team."

"How do I know I can trust you?" she asked suspiciously.

Joel leaned back, resting a chin on his palm. "Ryan gets his drugs every two Friday's, usually oxys, sometimes hydros, depending on what can be found. Usually whacks out on them the first night, then paces himself the rest of the time until he gets the next bunch. You never see the transactions because he always leaves the group during the offender hangings, or when the supply truck is being unloaded in the square. I know, because I am the guy delivering them. Deliver to some soldiers too, although they pay more and better cards. Those nights you are left to go hungry because he's passed out in oblivion, so you had to start going out on your own if you wanted to eat. You've managed to keep from getting caught, so you must be fucking good at it."

Tess's face lifted proudly. "You're fucking right."

Joel nodded, returning to eating his soup. Tess had already finished hers, and he wordlessly pushed the kettle toward her. "Some left, eat it, no fridge, so can't keep it."

"But you-"

"Eat it," Joel replied, his tone leaving no room for argument. "If you're going to stick around, then let's get one thing straight. If I offer you something, take it. I offered cause I mean it. Non-negotiable."

Meekly, Tess nodded, turning her attention to the remaining soup. Joel's face softened again as he watched her. "You're welcome to take the bed. I can take the couch. And you're welcome to stay as long as you want."

Tess was eating slower now, as the edge had been taken off her hunger, and she considered. "I'll stay. Do you want me to work with you out there, and with the smuggling runs?"

"Works for me."

"Deal."

He nodded. "Deal." He was silent for a moment as they finished eating. "You want to talk about what happened to get your face pummeled in today?"

She was silent for a moment, then turned her face away from him. "There was - there was a kid in the truck. About seven or eight."

Joel winced slightly. He hated those too, but they were just bodies. He wasn't throwing a living child into the incinerator. There was nothing he could do for them except keep the infection from spreading.

"First time?" he asked almost kindly. She shook her head, face averted.

"No. It - it was just a little boy, and for a moment..." her voice trailed off. Joel nodded once.

"You've lost someone then."

"Yeah." She turned to face him, taking a deep, steadying breath. "My- when the infection started, my husband and son became ill. We had tried to prevent infection if possible, but somehow, something went wrong. I - I had to shoot my husband." For a moment, her face crumpled slightly with emotion, and Joel swallowed hard, looking down at the table. It did something to him to see a woman cry, and he took a breath through his nose to calm his nerves.

"I had to shoot him," she continued, a little stronger. "My son, he was sick too. I had been out helping the neighbors board up their houses. I came in and he came at me. Joel, I -" She squeezed her eyes shut. "I couldn't kill my child, Joel. I - I locked him in the basement and fled. Started hiking, and ended up here in Boston. I - I just couldn't kill my son."

Joel nodded silently. He understood. More than she knew.

"Well, I'm going to get some rest," Joel rumbled, standing. "Bedroom's through there, just kind of in the back corner there, there's no door, I'm sorry."

Tess laughed, a slightly hysterical sound. Joel was a good man, worrying about a door for privacy for her, in the middle of a fucking apocalypse. "Joel," she murmured. "Come to bed. It's better than sleeping on the fucking couch and I'm not fucking scared of you."

Joel's eyebrows raised at that statement and he shrugged. "Whatever the lady wants."

She rolled her eyes at him, and he realized he had missed this. Human interaction, banter. Maybe there were some damn bright spots in the world still.

Pure, childlike laughter from the girls upstairs pulled Joel back to reality, the world around him dark as the sun had set a long time ago. He sat up wearily, grunting at the ache in his bones. His cheek was cold, and as he swiped a hand across his face, he realized the weathered skin was damp with tears.

"Damn you, Tess," he whispered. "I fucking need you. We were a fucking team." He made his way to the front door, opening it and stepping outside, gazing up into the cold winter sky. The stars blurred a moment as the long repressed tears welled up again. He had loved and lost so many fucking times.

Save who you can save, Joel.

"Trying to do right by you, Tess," he said into the night air. "It's been fucking hard, but we are making it. You'd like Hannah. She reminds me of you, a lot. Feisty, proud, independent. And Ellie, she's everything that you knew she would be. You'd be damn proud of her."

High in the night sky, a shooting star streaked across the darkness, and he nodded.

"Goodnight, Tess."

Tess's backstory is based on a scene for the Last of Us game that never got put in the game or the show. I thought I would bring it to life here. I own nothing!