Chapter Sixteen
Anbu – Part Three
Hanabi – 23-24
Konohamaru – 25
It was a cold winter day when she found herself with nothing to do, choosing to check in on Moriko.
"He didn't tell you? He turned in his resignation a few weeks ago."
"No, he did not."
Hanabi sat back in disbelief. Why wouldn't he tell her?
Not that she deserved to know, she supposed. Not after leaving him confused and alone after his profession of love. But to be fair, she had essentially declared her love to him, too. In a roundabout way.
No, it wasn't fair. It was impossible for her to be impartial.
"I'm sure he'd appreciate a visit," she offered as she sat across from her. Hanabi tilted her head.
"Hmm…I'm not so sure."
"You shouldn't doubt yourself so much." The older woman reached across to pat her hand. "That boy…oh, he reminds me of his father, sometimes."
"Really?" Hanabi asked, gently moving into the topic. "He's talked about him before…doesn't sound a whole lot like him, honestly."
"Oh, no, not very much at all, on the surface," she chuckled, lowering her head as she reminisced, "but sometimes, I see it. His devotion to those he loves. If there was one thing about Hitoshi, it was that he was a devoted man. To his village, to his Hokage. To me."
Hanabi stayed silent as the woman spoke, swirling those thoughts in her head. Devotion to her.
"Did he say why he retired?"
"Aah. I'm not sure it's my place to reveal that bit of information, as much as I'd like to."
"Of course, I'd never—" she stumbled over her words, feeling guilty, "never try to make you tell me."
"S'alright, dear." She waved her away. "I'm sure he'll tell you if you ask, though." Hanabi nodded, hooking a finger into the teacup. "How are things with your father, Hanabi?"
She paused, staring at the tea. "Alright. He's relaxed a lot with grandkids around."
"Oh, that's nice." She hummed, smiling. "Grandchildren are a bright light under all the darkness, I'm sure. I should be so lucky."
Hanabi stopped herself from spitting out the tea, glancing up as Moriko eyed her. She swallowed. "Yes, I'm sure…uhm…I'm sure you'll be blessed, one day."
"Preparing to lead the clan as well, I assume?"
That wasn't something she tended to think about, so she answered honestly, "not really. Father still keeps me out of the loop on a lot of things."
"Oh?" she questioned curiously. "I had figured you'd be taking up the mantle soon. If I recall, it was around this time your father took on the helm."
She blinked up at her. "I mean, I guess I'll just pick it up naturally? I know pretty much everything about our clan anyway."
"Ah, of course." Moriko nodded, though doubt shadowed her tone. "Well, I'm sure you'll be ready, whenever that happens. Your father was so like you."
She stiffened at this, cup frozen in her hand. "Oh…?"
"Yes, yes. Always training, always reaching for the next thing." She laughed, peering to her side. "It was actually somewhat amusing to inform him I was entering Anbu."
She couldn't contain her curiosity, the corner of her lips tugging upward. "You outdid him."
"Oh!" Moriko bellowed out a laugh, setting her tea down. "Guilty, I suppose. Perhaps that's why he so readily accepted you joining Anbu, hm?"
"You think?" Hanabi questioned, honestly. It was interesting to think that Moriko may have had some impact on her father's decision to freely give in to her becoming Anbu. Almost funny, if Hanabi was honest, as if he was competing with her in some way. She squinted, thinking back to her comment about them being alike. It wasn't really a kind sentiment in Hanabi's eyes, but she could pull back and see how Moriko would think it was a compliment. "You say he was like me…" Hanabi started, pulling the tea closer to her chest, "what was he like when you were our age?"
"Oh, so, so serious," she said as she smirked, looking back at Hanabi, "but I remember a mission we completed alongside one another where I got to see the part of him that is so like you." Hanabi leaned in, keen to hear more.
"You completed a mission…together? Isn't that a little…risky for the daughter of the Hokage? And the heir of the Hyūga?"
"Funny, I'm sure many would think the same of you and Konohamaru, no?" Moriko questioned innocently, eyes squinted with her smile. "We were walking directly into a trap. We knew it was a trap, but there was no way around it. I was the leader of the team, so I took the initiative and went ahead of the rest. When I was attacked, it was your father who charged in first and I've simply never seen someone so effortlessly incapacitate such a large group. The vacuum palm, if I remember correctly?"
Hanabi sucked in her teeth, her heart beating a little faster.
"At the time, I barely realized what was happening," she continued, "the power there…it was almost frightening—" she added, "—but necessary."
"That…" Hanabi breathed, willing her grip to relax on the teacup so as to not shatter it, "that sounds familiar…"
"I would think so." A brief silence draped over them as Moriko picked her tea back up for another sip. Then she chuckled, "and then he scolded me."
"What?" Hanabi nearly gasped.
"Yes!" Moriko laughed now, clearly unbothered. "Scolded me for being reckless, me!" Her voice went deeper as she imitated him, "'the daughter of the Hokage should not be so careless with her life.' Oh, you could just tell he was shaking out of his own skin! I'd never once seen him lose that trademark Hyūga poise before then."
Hanabi gritted her teeth, feeling embarrassed on his behalf. "Really, father…" Daughter of the Hokage?
"He was probably right." She waved a hand. "I was always the first to jump into action before thinking things through."
Hanabi paused, thinking of her mother briefly. She rubbed her thumb against the handle of the teacup, bit her lip. "Sorry to ask so many questions, Moriko, but…I'm just curious, did you know my mother?"
Moriko looked up at her, a little sad smile on her lips. "Not well, but we did see each other occasionally. I attended your birth celebration."
"You did?" Hanabi eyes grew a few millimeters, her finger stiffening around the teacup handle. She almost smiled, faintly. "You saw me as a baby?"
Moriko laughed quietly, nodding. "Forgive me if I do not remember it completely, but yes. Funny to think you and Kono technically met each other when you were just a few weeks old, hm?" At this, Hanabi quieted. Moriko tilted her head. "He had just turned one so we had to bring him, you see," she further explained, "you two would never remember it, of course."
"Right…" Hanabi frowned, looking away.
Now she really wished she could speak more openly with her father. All of this was incredibly interesting to her, and to have to learn it from Konohamaru's mother seemed so silly. Normal families would have these conversations openly. Normal families would have photographs of events like these. Normal families would reminisce on these things fondly. Of course, that had never been the case for Hyūga. Perhaps she'd approach Natsu about it.
"I do remember how fondly your father looked at you," Moriko offered, folding her hands in her lap, "just as he looks at his grandchildren. It is nice to see the softness in him return."
Hanabi bit her lips together, nodding. It was hard to imagine her father looking at her like he looked at Boruto or Himawari.
"How are that nephew and niece of yours?"
The conversation moved to its most natural course, conversating about the children in their lives, a topic Hanabi felt much more at ease with.
After she bid the older woman goodbye, she activated her byakugan and scanned the neighborhood, hoping to locate Konohamaru in his unit. When she found no such network, she sighed and continued into the village, realizing now wasn't the time. Now she was left with her thoughts, trying to pull on those images Moriko painted in her head. How she wished she could know more.
When Hanabi was summoned to Kakashi's office, the last person she expected to find in the space was her father. Her father and Kakashi, sitting across from one another, looking towards her expectantly, despite being concealed. She darted her eyes from side to side as she cautiously dropped her camo, as did two other Anbu. Anbu she recognized as two from her clan.
"Are we having a family gathering?" Hanabi asked, lightly, though the mood was clearly somber.
"Why don't you sit." Kakashi gestured to one of the chairs across from his desk. Hesitantly, she nodded and sat down along with her two clansmen. He leaned back, turning his attention to her father. "Let's get right to it, Lord Hiashi."
"Very well." Her father's eyes were directly on hers, not her clansmen or Kakashi's. They were low and serious and she felt like a small girl under them once more. "The threat against you has been located. You three will travel to the outskirts of the Land of Lightning and infiltrate their hideout."
"We approximate a small group of four," Kakashi added, leaning in, "three of my Anbu should be more than enough."
"Is there a reason it's…us?" Hanabi risked speaking up, something she knew the other two would most certainly not dare.
"They're Hyūga."
Hanabi opened her mouth and then shut it. Opened once more, then gritted her teeth. "Hyūga are hunting me?"
"Mmm." Kakashi hummed in agreement, tapping his fingers together.
"Why?"
"Anbu are not supposed to ask so many questions, isn't that correct, Lord Hokage?"
"Well…"
Hanabi bunched her fingers into fists as she watched the tense interaction. She never thought Kakashi such a coward until now. How can the Hokage let her father walk all over him? She briefly thought of that conversation she had with him so many years ago now, about not interfering in Hyūga affairs. Perhaps she shouldn't be so surprised.
"It is a threat to her life. Perhaps some explanation is due, Lord Hiashi."
She bounced her eyes back and forth as the men engaged in entirely different games of chicken. Hiashi, cold and stoic as ever, sat tall and straight with an unwavering gaze. Kakashi, leaned on his elbows over his desk with his chin resting in his palm, eyes lazily open.
I deserve answers.
"I think our Hokage is right," Hanabi piped up, staring at her father through her mask. "I have a right to an explanation."
Her father wavered. Perhaps she had mastered his cold demeanor of indifference after all of these years. "We may discuss at the compound. As clan heads."
As clan heads.
Meaning the other two will not be kept in the loop.
"I think that's acceptable," Kakashi chimed in, seemingly tired of the tension. "Anyhow, we'll have Shinjū lead this team—"
"Wait," Hanabi cut in, looking offended, "as future clan head, shouldn't I—"
"Precisely why you will not be team leader," he cut her right back off. She looked up to find the Anbu, Shinjū, to her right approaching the desk, accepting the scroll. "Team leaders are the first in the line of fire. Too risky to put you in that situation."
"I think that's unacceptable," Hanabi snapped, "I am Anbu. My status means nothing in Anbu."
"So why would being the next clan head make you team leader?"
"Ah—" She stopped.
Damn him.
Holding back a frustrated sigh, she kept quiet.
"We believe they are attempting to frame the Land of Lightning for an attack on the life of the leaders of the Hyūga, and as such, the Raikage and his council have been informed of our operation. Their instructions are to remain clear, so expect no assistance. It is the responsibility of you three to eliminate the threat, quickly and discreetly. You'll find exact details in the scroll."
"And we leave when?"
"Tomorrow as soon as the sun rises."
"Very well," Shinjū spoke for the first time as he bowed. He turned to her and the other Hyūga Anbu. "We'll meet in the Anbu training rooms an hour before sunrise to prep and debrief." Hanabi raised her eyebrows, feeling mild amusement at the authoritative tone of another Hyūga towards her that wasn't her father. It was quickly swept away when he bowed towards her and whispered a quiet, respectful, "Lady Hanabi."
She sighed as she stood with her other clansmen. The three bowed and gave thanks to their Hokage and her father before taking off to the lockers.
She wasn't going to let them sneak away from her so easily.
"Shinjū."
He froze in place in the middle of trying to trek away. Slowly, he turned to her, nodding. "Lady Hanabi."
"What do you make of all this?"
"It's not really my place…"
"You're a Hyūga," she pressed, stepping towards him to become nose to nose. "Why do you think Hyūga are hunting me?"
"It's really not a good idea to discuss this so openly, Lady Hanabi—"
"We're comrades, Shinjū," she snapped, "call me Hanabi or Pagoda, but drop the title for gods sake."
"A-ah—" He stepped backward from her, shaking his head. "Pagoda, we are Anbu. We don't freely discuss our missions. We just complete them."
"Huh." She tilted her head at him, folding her arms. "I guess you're right."
"I'll see you in the morning." He nodded to her, turning before she could question him further. She sighed, tucking her hands under her armpits as she stepped out into the cold breeze of night.
"Hey, Hanabi."
She whirled around to meet Konohamaru's eyes and couldn't keep back a little smile that quickly turned to a frown. "You retired."
"Sure did." He chuckled, stepping towards her with his hands in his pockets. "You must be either coming back from or about to start a mission?"
"You're not Anbu, so I guess that's none of your business, is it?" she asked, curtly, furrowing her eyebrows. He tilted his head, perking a brow at her before nodding. "So what is it? Why'd you retire? Hit five years and decide that was enough?"
"Not quite five years, but yeah. Something like that."
"Vague."
He raised his eyebrows at her, echoing her sentiment, "not really your business, is it?"
To this, she stuck out her lower lip in a pout. "Guess not."
"Walk you home?"
She snickered, shaking her head. "How about I walk you home? Your place is on the way, and you look like you could use an Anbu escort."
His smile turned into a toothy grin and she didn't miss the way his tongue swiped over his upper teeth. "Oh, yes, please. I need someone to protect me."
She wanted to glare at him. She wanted to roll her eyes. But she couldn't. She could only approach his side and gesture them forward. And she smiled. She wondered how he so easily drew out that side of her. The one she was taught to repress from a young age. The one she wanted to be, but never felt allowed to. Except when she was with him.
"Sorry, I didn't tell you."
She paused, puffing out her cheeks. She looked up at him. "You have no responsibility to tell me."
"But I do." He chuckled, turning his face from hers.
"Why?"
"I dunno. Because I want you to know."
"But you don't know?"
"Makes sense, doesn't it?" he said, sarcastically but softly. She felt her heart beat a little faster. "I completed a mission that…I can't ever do, again." She waited because she knew there was nothing she could say to that, and he had more to tell her. "I had to do something…I never wanted to do. And I can't do it again."
"Oh?" She questioned, holding back a stutter. She was having a hard time pinning down his tone. The words were serious, he almost sounded like he should be sad, but instead, he sounded calm and even.
"I thought…I thought if my parents could do it, I could, too." Suddenly, she felt like the floodgates were open as his words became rougher. "But I'm not them. I can't be."
They stopped in an open area of town, one that was surrounded by quiet houses with their lights off. It was as good a place as any because the tremble in his voice told her she needed to stop to look at him. To hear him.
"I'm tired of taking lives."
She gulped.
"Not just any people…but people I've known…"
Her heart jumped at the confession.
"Coming home with blood on my hands that isn't mine, it's…gods," he sighed, his head dipping as he held his hands in front of his chest, fists clenching, "I just can't do it anymore."
"I'm…I'm sorry, Konohamaru."
He fixed his gaze back on her, serious. "Be careful, okay, Hanabi?"
She leaned away from him as he stepped closer to her. She knew he was sincere with the warning.
"It changes a person…and I know you're like me, even if you don't like to admit it."
She chose not to respond, letting him get out whatever it was he needed to tell her. Even she could step back and realize the weight of his words.
"Being shinobi is one thing, we see death and destruction sometimes, but in Anbu, it feels like that's all there is," he sighed again, dropping his hands to his sides. "I'm just…tired. And, I don't want you to become all messed up in the head like me."
Her eyes went a little bigger. "Konohamaru, you're not—"
He shook his head, hand held up to signal silence. "That's all I wanted to tell you. Sorry if I…"
"No." She shook her head, opening her arms to offer embrace, which he took hesitantly, cautious hands making sure to keep it less than intimate. She gave a gentle sigh and wrapped her arms around him tightly, encouraging his body weight on hers, and he gave in. "You're not a bad person..."
"I know…" he whispered, and she held back a gasp at the wetness behind his voice, his nose burying into her neck. "And neither are you. So…like I said, just be careful, okay? If not for yourself…for me."
She swallowed, heart feeling painfully heavy with his words.
She was leaving tomorrow to kill four people.
Four of her people.
She hugged him tighter, wishing she could stay like this, instead.
At that moment, he grasped her tighter than she'd ever been held. His arms wrapped around her not in that loving way he had before but in a harsh way, a way that claimed her. A way that pulled her into his clutches, a way that wrapped his entire being around her…a way she wanted to be with him. A way she wanted him to be comfortable with her, as horrible as it might be for herself. She wanted him more than a feeling—more than words. Gods she wanted him, but this-this was something so much different. Begrudgingly, he peeled her off of him, placing her arms next to her sides. She looked up at him, really looked at him, for the first time since her vision cleared months ago, and felt a stabbing pain in her chest at his damp eyes. Not crying, but definitely not dry. He gave her a gentle touch on the shoulder before stepping backward. "Be safe, Hanabi."
"…You, too."
Her feet felt like lead as she trekked under the setting moon, knowing her Hyūga comrades were likely already in the training rooms.
Could she take lives?
I have to.
Her father and her Hokage were telling her to.
Hyūga violence.
Gods, she wanted it to end. How were they still at this point?
She'd spoken to her father the prior night. The Hyūga they were to take out were a combination of branch members who had been cast out or defected from the Leaf. Missing nin. Their motive was never explicitly stated, but to anyone looking in on the situation, it was clear.
"Hello, Lady Hanabi." It was Maki, the other Hyūga Anbu who greeted her.
"Alright," she sighed, shaking her head. "I already told Shinjū to drop the title. Out here, I'm Pagoda. Are we clear? Sawara? Sakaki?" She looked from Shinjū, to Maki as she spoke their Anbu names.
"Yes, of course." Maki bowed, arms crossed tightly behind him.
"We're ready to embark as soon as you are, La…Pagoda." Shinjū turned to her, gesturing. She nodded.
They left as a unit.
Hanabi had no idea she'd return alone.
After several days of horribly quiet travel, they stopped close to where the hideout was supposed to be. Shinjū laid out a map and directed how they would proceed.
He would infiltrate, then radio when they were in the clear.
It would be nearly impossible to do this in any manner of sneaky way. At least some of them had to still have their eyes, which meant they had byakugans.
They'd be able to see them kilometers out before they got there.
Shinjū looked at her for a moment as they held off in the distance, unmasked as comrades—as clansmen. They looked at each other with identical milky eyes, though they had headbands around their foreheads to conceal their curse marks. She had no such need, but she forced that thought out. His unrelenting gaze forced her to do a double take. "What?"
"If…things become dire…I believe you should activate the seal."
Her stomach dropped.
"No. Absolutely not."
A sigh came from the man. "I understand it's not ideal—"
"It's fucking inhumane, Shinjū."
Both Hyūga reeled away from her. Such harsh words from Lady Hanabi.
"I have to ask, Lady Hanabi," Maki piped up, clearly trying not to shrink from her glare, "if our lives, mine and Shinjū's, are put on the line, would you still not use it?"
She always knew the people of her clan were cunning. They were intelligent. They knew exactly what to say to make her reconsider. They knew she wasn't as hardened as her father, so much more willing to do what it took to protect them. No matter what. Her family.
"Is that not the reason Lord Hiashi put you on this assignment?"
"I…"
"It's a suggestion." Shinjū put her to rest, despite himself, and she knew it. "It is up to you whether you use it or not."
Damn them. Damn them. Damn this clan.
She glanced up at Shinjū's forehead, the headband. She was completing a mission to assassinate branch members with branch members.
How sick.
Shinjū pulled on his Anbu mask. "Let's proceed."
It did not go according to plan, but nothing ever did. The moment they were close enough for a byakugan to detect them, they found the earth around them exploding.
Hanabi used the jutsu she had invented to become a jōnin to extinguish all the fire that was cropping up around them, as well as to hopefully strike any enemies.
But it was useless because soon, electrified kunai and water bullets were hurling toward them. She performed the rotation technique to shield her and her team from the attacks. She screamed at Shinjū as he left the dome to bolt towards the line of fire.
The rest of the battle was mostly a blur for Hanabi. She found herself in that awful position of taking lives like they were nothing.
She found herself in the even worse position of watching Shinjū fall from a gentle fist to the heart, blood spurting from his mouth out of the sides of his mask and coating her arm as she reached out for him.
Frantically, she dove a hand into her satchel and slammed that summoning scroll down. The one her sister had given her all those years ago that she'd counted herself lucky enough not to have to bring out.
"Pagoda!"
She shot her eyes up just in time to watch one of them grab Maki, a kunai pointed at his neck, his mask being ripped off.
"They sent branch for us," the man spat. She stared at him, panic in her own eyes. "Disgusting."
"Use it."
She darted her eyes to Shinjū, who was hanging on by a thread to say those words—then a foot was rammed into his back.
There were only two left. But they had managed to already kill one of them. And the one that snuffed out Shinjū's light shoved a palm into Maki's gut, and he howled painfully. He was closing his chakra points.
"No, no, no," Hanabi whispered as she lifted her hands, shaking violently. She brought a hand in front of her face and she felt like she was losing her mind as she stared at her index and middle fingers. Then she heard another horrible sound from Maki, more blood.
She tilted her head forward, eyes tightening painfully as she focused chakra into the awful jutsu.
The man closing chakra points fell to his knees and grabbed his head.
Her stomach turned.
"They sent the fucking leader?!" The one holding Maki up shoved him to the ground, stepping away as a hand instinctively reached up to his forehead. Hanabi's eyes were still focused on her fingers, trying her best to block out the man's pained screaming. Like someone was driving a knife through his temple.
She resisted the urge to release it, knowing this was the only way right now.
She only relented when the other Hyūga attempted to run away. The man who she had used the seal on had gone quiet and she bolted after the last one, knowing she had to eliminate him before she could check on Maki.
She swept his leg with hers, forcing him to the ground. She put her foot on his chest, hands clasped in front of her face.
"Going to use it on me, too?"
She paused.
"Do it."
She wasn't sure when the tears started, only realizing when they started dusting the man's robes.
"Pathetic," the man scoffed, "what would Hiashi think if he saw his precious daughter crying over a disgusting branch member?"
She inhaled sharply.
"Just fucking do it." His voice dropped. "It's all the main family knows how to do. Inflict pain. So go on, Lady Hanabi. Maybe you'll have a grain of kindness and do it quickly, but either way, you'll do it. It's your destiny."
She stumbled off of him when she watched a kunai sink into his head. His eyes suddenly disintegrated.
"Maki?" she breathed, looking over at her broken teammate. Her voice broke into an awful screech, "Maki!"
She bolted to where she left the scroll, frantically whispering the summoning jutsu. The small slug appeared.
"Lady Hanabi," the soft voice cooed, and she roughly grabbed the little slug.
"Lady Katsuyu, please," she sobbed, running to Maki, "heal him, please! Please!"
"Yes, of course."
Hanabi hands shook as she watched the slug slither over him. When nothing happened, she darted her eyes over him. "What?! Why isn't—why isn't anything happening?!" Then his eyes…burnt away.
"He's…passed."
"NO!"
She didn't know what took over her. She collapsed over the man who used his last seconds of life to relieve her of the pain of killing another.
"I am currently with Lady Tsunade. She's contacting Lord Kakashi now."
She sobbed without replying. She felt the slime of the slug slither over her arm, the warmth of healing chakra soaking into her.
"Lord Kakashi says that you should go to the Cloud village, Lady Hanabi."
"And just leave?" Her voice broke as she pressed her forehead against Maki's chest plate. "Leave them here?!"
"They can be collected." Her soft voice would have been soothing in any other scenario, but it did little to help her at the moment. "Lord Kakashi says they'll make sure of it. But for now, you need to get to safety, my Lady."
"Oh my gods…" she whimpered, clutching onto her clansmen that she hadn't known in any intimate capacity, but her heart broke for anyway in a terrible way…a way that cut her deep. A way she'd never known. Her shuddered call, "I can't do this. I c—can't."
Katsuyu remained silent as she worked to heal her cuts and bruises.
Here she was, receiving healing for her minimal wounds, while six Hyūga lay dead around her.
Six branch Hyūga.
I deserve their hate. I should have let them kill me.
She wasn't sure how much time passed, but at some point, Katsuyu had stopped traveling over her body once she deemed her healed well enough, then settled next to Maki's lifeless form.
"A team will be at the Cloud in two days to meet you," Katsuyu whispered finally, "you should get rest while you wait."
"No." She shook her head."I'm not leaving them."
"I understand."
She cried the entire night. She knew their bodies should have been destroyed. She didn't blame them for not using their last moments on this world not doing so—they used them to defend her. Helping her, protecting her, even if she never deserved it. They laid, lifeless shells that she could only sob over. She felt terrible that Katsuyu sat through it all. Hanabi readily agreed when she expressed she could no longer stay, her chakra dissipating. Before she left, she told her to resummon her in twelve hours. Hanabi agreed outwardly but knew she would be doing no such thing.
No one deserved to witness this. Not even Lady Tsunade's slug summon.
Once a full twenty-four hours passed, she ended up in the middle of the gruesome scene. She wondered bitterly what would happen if someone stumbled on them.
She had summoned several blankets and covered up each body. Even the ones that had been moving to end her life. She whispered a prayer for each of them, prayers she didn't believe in but still said aloud.
Twenty-four more hours, and she still hadn't eaten. She finally relented and used her water jutsu to summon water in a cup, too much of a coward to let herself fade and die like she thought she deserved. At some point, she moved Maki and Shinjū's bodies to lie next to each other. She had taken their Anbu masks off and resecured their headbands to cover the curse seal. She wrapped cloth around their eyes so it wasn't so evident their eyes had burned out of their skulls. She took in their features.
Shinjū looked much like Neji. Long, dark brown hair, like hers. Sharp features. Hardened eyebrows, and wrinkle lines forming around his lips, which she knew were from frowning. She never saw him smile.
Maki looked more like Natsu. Short, deep green hair, swept to the side. His features were softer, more round, like her sisters. His demeanor had always been kinder, too, from what little she knew of him.
She regretted not knowing them better. This was likely the first time she had really looked at them, really analyzed their appearances. Why hadn't she looked at them before this? Why hadn't she tried to get to know the people of her clan better before this? They put their lives on the line for her, despite what her family was guilty of. They died for her, despite the fact they would never expect the same from her, even if she was sure she would die for them. So why didn't she? They did for her.
Despite it all. How did they do it?
She finally fell asleep. Out in the open. If someone wanted to kill her, they should, she figured. She deserved it, she thought.
She was awoken by an Anbu who was patting her face with a damp towel. It was one she recognized from training.
"Pagoda," she whispered upon seeing her eyes flutter open. Hanabi inhaled shakily. "Let's get you home, okay?"
"Get them home, first," she breathed, looking towards her covered clansmen. "I'll get home fine on my own."
"You look sick," another Anbu spoke authoritatively from the side, "you will be escorted."
She sighed, turning her head.
Who was she to argue at this point?
For the next two weeks, she lay in bed. Natsu checked on her. Even Tadashi checked on her.
She never responded.
They were branch members, too.
They deserved for her to grovel at their feet.
She only got out of bed once, to attend Maki and Shinjū's joint funeral.
She didn't shed a tear, and she knew her clansmen took notice. They probably assumed it was that trademark cold expression of indifference she and her father had spent years cultivating. Truly, she'd cried all the tears she had left for several days straight when she watched them die.
Kakashi visited her at the beginning of her third week.
"I think you should retire, Hanabi."
She didn't respond, turning in her bed to have her back face him.
"What you endured…I understand what it does to a person."
"Don't, Kakashi," she muttered, carelessly leaving his title off. "You'll never understand."
He was silent a moment. "You're right. And that's why I can't let you resume being in Anbu."
She shrugged half-heartedly. "Yeah, guess not."
"Because you're needed here." She raised her eyebrows at the wall in front of her. "Your clan needs you."
She felt something being set down next to her before his footsteps trailed away, her door shutting. Slowly, she turned to see a folder on her bed. Cautiously, she sat and picked it up, attempting to pull it open. When it resisted, she focused some chakra in her fingertips and watched the seal break, folding open.
She spent the next hour going through the documents.
It was Shizuka's file. Shizuka Hyūga. The eyeless woman she had delivered to for her jōnin test mission.
In it was a contract, one signed by both the Hyūga council and the Hokage's council. And just below, both her father's signature and the third Hokage himself's.
She ran her fingertips over the ink.
Hiruzen Sarutobi.
She resisted the urge to crumble the paper in her hands.
Why the hell did Kakashi do this? What in gods name was she supposed to do?
She almost stormed into her father's study to throw it on his desk and demand answers. Demand to know what exactly could justify this. But she convinced herself not to.
"Your clan needs you."
How? How?
How?
How she found herself bolting through the forest in the middle of the rain, she was fuzzy on the details.
After raking over the file for hours into the night, she couldn't take it anymore. She had to get out. Get away.
How he always found her, she'd never know. How he seemed to just know.
"Hanabi, stop!"
She skidded to a halt at that voice beckoning her name. She whipped around, veiny eyes locked on him. He clearly saw the fire in her eyes, causing him to lean away, stunned.
"What are you doing?!" he asked incredulously, and despite it, stepped towards her. Her fists clenched. "You're going to be classified as missing if you keep going!"
"That's the point," she spat, suddenly feeling incredibly angry. So very, very angry. Because he was the grandson of the man who let this happen. And she was the daughter of the man who did it.
"Why?" he asked, shocked. "What the hell happened?!"
Cynically, "I'm surprised you don't know."
"How would I know?"
"You are the honorable grandson, aren't you?"
He didn't respond, instead, his eyes went wide. She dug her fingernails into her palms, ground her teeth together. She felt like she was losing her grip on sanity, and she probably was.
"Aren't you?!"
"Where is this coming from?" His voice softened, features looking like they were overcome with sadness. "Is this about the two Hyūga that…died? Maki and Shinjū? I missioned with them when I was in Anbu…"
Her breath hitched. "Don't talk about them, Sarutobi."
Those damn eyes that guilted her, even when she wanted nothing more than to be furious. She wanted the rage to consume her. She didn't want him to bring her from the edge. She wanted to dive off of it. "It happened with you…? I'm sorry, I really am." He stepped towards her, "I'm trying to understand, Hanabi. I mourn them, too. What…what does this have to do with me?"
"Remember that woman? That Hyūga from our jōnin test mission?" He nodded, slowly.
No going back now.
"Remember how she was exiled by my father? Can you guess who signed off on it?"
He seemingly froze, realization dawning on him.
"It was the Third! My father and the Third!"
Hanabi probably looked like a wounded animal, backed into a corner and ready to strike.
Konohamaru's eyes, on the other hand, were wide with fear. Not of her. But for her. Fearing what she might do at this moment. Something she could never take back.
So he fell to his knees in front of her, hands falling into his lap, and eyes boring up at her. Eyes that he had undoubtedly gotten a mixture from his father and his mother, and consequentially, his grandfather. Those deep, oceanic shades of blue could never come from the Sarutobi side. But the orbital shape was none other than a copy of Moriko's and Hiruzen's. And she cursed him for making her want to give in to them.
"This village is corrupt!" she seethed, shoving her hair from her face. "My clan is corrupt, and you all just let us get away with it! Sarutobi's, Senju's! Even Kakashi!"
Still, he remained silent.
"They brand children! Exile those they deem shameful! Kill each other in the name of strength! And somehow that's okay? Why?! Tell me why, Konohamaru!"
Quietly, "I don't know…"
"Of course, you don't," she snapped, fists clenching against her sides. Her entire body shook with adrenaline. She repeated, "of course you don't! Because you choose to remain naïve! Like everything's going to be okay if we just don't pay attention!"
His gaze on her didn't waver throughout her entire tirade.
"Four wars, and for what? Branding, exiling, killing! And for what?!" Her voice went lower. "Power. Not peace."
Her chest felt like it would explode with the gasps of air she was forcing down. His eyes on her felt like lasers, painfully breaking her down. The pure look of sadness on his expression made her turn away.
"Look at me."
"Why?" she spat as she looked over her shoulder, "so you can tell me everything will be alright? So you can tell me I can change things? So you can force me to be weak at your words you've gotten so deviously good at threading together?"
"Devious…" he mumbled with grief, but his eyes remained on hers. She turned her body back to him, fists visibly trembling. She gnashed her teeth to the point they might be stuck together when he gradually raised his arms to his sides in offering.
She shook her head and began taking steps backward. As if possessed, she began mumbling under her breath, shaky words, "no…no…it's not right…it can't be—no—NO!"
"Don't go," he whispered.
He didn't move and something felt like it was pushing up against her back. In a panic, she looked behind her only to find nothing but still was compelled forward. She returned to face him, eyes like saucers as she felt hot tears pooling at the bottoms of her eyes. Her lips trembled as her body moved without her permission until she found herself standing mere centimeters away from him. Exhausted, she collapsed to her knees and against him, robes immediately becoming soaked into the earth below them. Her arms fell around his waist and his encased her shoulders, pulling her gently against him as she began full-body sobbing.
How she always ended up sobbing in his arms, she had no idea. How he always dragged her back, she truly had no idea.
"It's not fair," she sobbed against him, "it's not fair."
"It's not," he agreed quietly, pulling her closer, repeating, "it's not fair."
She woke up in her bed, covered in heavy blankets.
Her father was sitting at her vanity, leaning over it. Her eyes darted downwards to find him looking through the file.
"You're awake."
She chose not to respond. Hyūga loved drawn out silence, after all.
"You're lucky the Sarutobi brought you home. You'd have been put in the bingo book if you were gone much longer."
"Shut up."
Silence, again.
She was fed up, completely done. She couldn't take it from him anymore.
"I've sent a team to collect Shizuka."
"Call them back." Hanabi shot up, anger flooding her senses. "She doesn't want to come back."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, she's happier out there. Where she can't be controlled by us. If you bring her back, I'll—I'll—"
"You'll what, Hanabi?" He turned to her, steely gaze. "Run away again?"
"Maybe you'll have an Uchiha situation on your hands."
Why she said it, she had no justification. She knew it was too far, but it spilled out. He let stillness sit for a hair longer. "Do you want to reconsider what you have just said?"
She gritted her teeth, a frustrated sigh. "Of course. I'd…never…but how can you possibly believe our clan can remain like this? You already have branch members taking revenge!"
"When was the last time a Hyūga was sealed?"
She paused. She blinked up at him, furrowing her eyebrows. She actually had no idea.
"It was before the fourth war."
Her breath hitched.
"I've been actively denying the requests."
"So what? You're some sort of hero because a few Hyūga get to go without the curse mark for a little longer?"
"I am no hero."
She glared at him. What was he getting at?
"No, it will be you, Hanabi." She leaned back. "I had hoped it would be Neji…but, alas, I now must entrust my daughter with the task."
"What task?"
"Dissolving the main and branch families."
Her eyes blew wide. "Me? Why me?!"
"My daughter is not stupid."
"Stop playing games!" she exclaimed, shooting off of the bed to her full height. "Why are you doing this to me?! I've been a good daughter! I've always followed your orders! No matter what, no matter when!" He looked at her, and his lips actually dropped. He looked…sad. "I've been begging for your approval for so long! All I've ever wanted was for you to be proud of me." It spilled out of her without permission, but it was already too late. Might as well commit. "—And now you're telling me I have to change the clan? I have to do it? If you actually care, which I really doubt—then why not you?!"
"Because…" he sighed, eyes casting away, "they will not listen to me."
"Hiashi Hyūga?" she spat, disbelieving.
"The council are my elders, Hanabi." He looked back up at her. "These things are incredibly hard to change." He paused as she sucked in deep breaths. "You won't do it alone, that much is certain. But it seems—"
"Do not say anything about destiny," she snapped threateningly. "Do not."
"Very well."
"Get out of my room."
Her breathing stopped as the words left her. She was in completely new territory. Slowly, Hiashi rose and…nodded.
Then he left.
She collapsed to the ground.
24 crept up on her, and she chose to spend it with her sister, in her bed, like when they were little.
She never told Hinata.
She wanted to but knew it was her burden to suffer.
Hinata fought in the war.
Hanabi had her own battle to fight, now, it seemed.
"You've been so depressed, dear sister," Hinata whispered against her hair as she cradled her against her chest. "Since Maki and Shinjū…"
"I miss them…"
"I understand that. But they wouldn't want to see you like this." Hanabi didn't respond. "Is that why you withdrew from Anbu?"
"You know I can't tell you that, elder sister…"
"Hmm…" Silence draped over them as Hanabi closed her eyes once more, letting her sister stroke her hair. She wished so much she could pretend this was her life. Go back to her five-year-old body and be carefree. The only time she was carefree was before she was named successor to her father. When Hinata lost to her. She thought she would have never put up the fight she had if she could see into her future. But she realized now that she would, to save her sister from having this future.
Hinata asked, gently, "would you like me to invite Eiji and Jun over?"
"No…" Hanabi shook her head.
"Konohamaru?"
"I'm not in the mood to be teased."
"I'm not teasing you."
"The answer is still no. Please."
"Alright."
Hanabi heaved a sigh, dragging from her sister's arms. "I can tell you're tired of me."
"No, Hanabi." Hinata shook her head, pulling her back. "I could never tire of you. I'm just worried like a big sister should."
Hanabi hummed as she let herself be pulled down. "Sorry."
"It's okay," Hinata comforted, "how about you stay here while I bring you sliced bananas and milk?"
Hanabi snorted, rolling her eyes under her eyelids.
"And chocolate."
"Yeah, fine." Hanabi relented, rolling over. Hinata smiled at her, sitting up and tucking her hair behind her ears as if she was still that little girl, that little girl that looked up in admiration of her sister. Strong, powerful, impossibly level-headed, and kind. Her light, for as long as she had known. Quietly, Hinata exited the room and went downstairs and Hanabi groaned, dragging her hands over her face. "Gods."
She was fighting the urge to run away.
No, she didn't want to change the clan.
Did she want the clan to change? Yes. She just didn't want to be the one to do it.
It was selfish, she knew.
But perhaps with her father backing her, she might have a chance. So she had to at least consider it.
Birthdays were never what they should have been.
Konohamaru crouched in front of a case displaying kunai in Tenten's store. He was impressed with the collection. Suddenly, she accosted him, "hey Konohamaru! Looking to buy? I'll give you a good deal!"
"Ah, hey Tenten," he said sheepishly, standing back to his full height over her. She beamed up at him, gesturing towards the kunai. "Yeah, I'm looking to buy. Actually, was wondering if you had any pairs of kunai?"
"Huh." She cupped her chin, leaning on one foot as she looked up at him. "Weird. Hinata's little sister asks about sets of kunai, too. She stops in occasionally, always looking for pairs."
He felt his cheeks involuntarily redden. "She does, huh?"
"Eh." Tenten shrugged, waving him over to her counter. "Made me think I should showcase them separately."
She yanked open a drawer displaying several sets. He chose not to respond as he dragged his eyes over them. "Any interesting stories about them?"
"Weird!" Tenten exclaimed, setting her hands on her hips as she leaned toward him suspiciously. "She asks about that, too! Jeeze, you guys should really hang out. You're pretty alike!"
Konohamaru's stomach did somersaults, but he couldn't hold back a chuckle.
At least there was one person out there they weren't obvious to. Even though this was one of those most obvious things that she could be privy to.
"Weeellll." Tenten drew out the word as she ran her finger over a few of them. "Ooh, Gai-sensei brought me these from the Land of Hot Water!" She pulled up a box, putting it in his hands. "I mean, they don't have an interesting story, but it was when him and Kakashi-sensei vacationed there before he became Hokage. That's kind of interesting, isn't it?"
"Heh." Konohamaru chuckled, peering at the title. Mori Kunai. Fitting, they were wooden. Seemed to be decorative. They were a deep brown, he recognized it as mahogany. Wooden kunai were usually for little kids pretending to be shinobi, or practice. But these were clearly meant to be showcased. Not every pair could have some deep meaning behind it, and Kakashi and Gai vacationing together would always be humorous to him. Why not? "That is funny."
"I asked him why he would give me wooden kunai of all people!" She sighed dramatically. "But hey, if I can make a bit of money off it, then it was worth it, huh?"
"Yeah, I'll take them off you." He nodded, setting it down to pull out his coin pouch.
"Great! Maybe you and that little sister of Hinata's will keep me in business." He smirked as he laid out currency while she wrapped the kunai box. "Come again soon!"
"Thanks, Tenten." He nodded to her as he left the shop. He stopped to fish a pen out of a satchel, then pressed the box to his knee to scribble Happy Birthday. He shrugged at the messiness of it, deciding not to sign off on it. She'd know.
Now to muster the courage to go into that damn compound.
Tadashi was at the gate.
Ah, destiny. Like Neji seemed to talk so much about.
"Hey, Tadashi." He waved, stopping in front of the gates.
"Honorable Grandson." He bowed, and Konohamaru wondered if he'd ever just call him by his name. Probably not. He pointed at the box.
"Was just hoping to drop this off to Hanabi…" He hoped he sounded assured.
"She's not here."
"Oh." Konohamaru sighed, hands dropping to his sides. "I'll come back later, I guess."
"Go ahead and leave it at her door." He looked up in surprise. Tadashi never looked directly at him. "You do remember where it is, I assume?"
"Oh, yeah." Konohamaru nodded readily. "Really? Nobodies gonna…y'know, close all my chakra points?"
He was surprised to see the old man chuckle, finally casting his gaze at him. "No. No one will close your chakra points. Might be a bad look, Lord Third's grandson."
Unfortunately, that title stung a fair bit more now, after all that had transpired. He saluted the man. "Well, thanks Tadashi! I won't linger."
"See to it you do not."
Konohamaru willed himself forward through the gates. It was incredibly eerie to be here without anyone escorting him. He glanced around, trying to remember where her room was. His eyes landed on a particularly large door that he remembered led to the main family's quarters. He went through it, ignoring the questioning gazes of the Hyūga around him. He found himself in front of her door and he ghosted his hand over it. He crouched down and laid the box up against the door. In a silly move, he patted it, then got up.
He turned to become face-to-face with a person he really did not want to see. Hiashi bowed. "Honorable Grandson."
"That's…that's me." He bowed back shortly, unsure of himself. After everything Hanabi confessed to him, he felt fairly angered by the man. But to be fair, he felt annoyed by all of the elders of the village right now for putting them in such a bad spot. "Just wanted to give your daughter a gift. 24, big year, right?" It wasn't, but he had no idea what to say.
Hiashi sighed and Konohamaru leaned away from the similarly tall man. Was he showing exasperation? "Unfortunately, she's been absent quite a bit, lately." Konohamaru offered no response, unsure of why he was telling him this. "I never expressed my gratitude to you, for bringing her back."
"Oh…" Konohamaru twisted his hands behind his back awkwardly. "Yeah, of course. She just needed some help, is all."
"You always seem to be there to help her, don't you?"
He balled up his fists slightly. "Well, yes." Konohamaru dared further, eyebrows lowering at the man. "Someone has to."
Hiashi raised his eyes at him and he felt like a little boy all over again. That little boy who could feel so small under those icy eyes. But he stood tall, shoulders back. At least he could say he was taller than the elder, now.
Confidence.
"Yes, I suppose." He ended the tension. "So I thank you for it."
Konohamaru tapped his foot impatiently, folding his arms as he responded curtly, "yep."
"I'll have someone let her know a package awaits her."
"Ah, don't do that." He shook his head, and the man looked at him questioningly. "She's probably with Hinata or something. I don't wanna spoil her fun. She'll see it at some point."
The old Hyūga blinked at him slowly before bowing. "Be well, Konohamaru Sarutobi."
Konohamaru bowed awkwardly. "You, too, Lord Hiashi."
He took off with quickness, avoiding all the leering stares. He stopped to say goodbye to Tadashi, then immediately went to his mother's house.
He needed some answers. She was the only one he could get them from.
Hanabi grumbled thanks as her clansmen offered her well wishes for her birthday. She tripped over the box in front of her door, falling on her knees.
"Damnit!" she cursed, turning to rest on her bottom to look at the obstacle. She eyed it warily, leaning over it to inspect it before she picked it up.
Konohamaru's sloppy handwriting.
She sighed as she grabbed it, sliding the door closed as she scooted away. Without opening it, she pushed it aside and fell to her back, staring at her ceiling.
It wasn't his fault.
But she couldn't help but feel angry.
At him. At herself.
When she heard a knock on the glass of her balcony, she slapped her palm over her forehead.
Eiji.
She rolled over and picked herself up, dragging her feet as she approached the door. She pulled the curtains open to look at her little teammate with tired eyes. Eiji glared at her while gesturing at the lock. As if it was a horribly daunting task, she slowly tugged the lock open and let Eiji throw the door open.
"So what the hell?" she immediately launched into a whisper.
"You realize this isn't sneaky?" Hanabi asked loftily, turning away from the angry Inuzuka to walk to her bed. "If they really wanted to, they could see into my room."
"Who cares? Where have you been? This is the only way I can get to you." Hanabi groaned as she fell back onto her bed, shielding herself with her forearms as Eiji jumped on top of her. The small Inuzuka wrestled her arms down to her head, and Hanabi had no energy to fight it. Eiji's eyebrows raised and her jaw fell. "You're not even fighting back! What is going on?!"
Hanabi rolled her eyes, dropping her head to the side to avoid her judgmental glare. "You're just so strong, Eiji."
"Oh fuck off," she huffed, shoving her wrists into the cushion of the bed before releasing them. "You damn brat. Give it up!" She grabbed her cheeks to force her eyes on her. Hanabi glowered at her, scrunching her nose. "Let me in! We're worried sick about you! Jun won't stop going on about how worried he is about you, and frankly, so am I. You look ill."
"I am ill," she mumbled pouty, folding her arms over her stomach. "Ill in the head. Completely messed up."
"Really?" Eiji questioned genuinely, moving off of her to lie by her side. "Like something happened in Anbu? Now you're crazy?"
Hanabi had to chuckle, sarcastically. "Something like that."
"Konohamaru's been looking all sad sack-like, too." Hanabi gritted her teeth, turning her head again to face away from Eiji. "You have something to do with that, too?"
"You're hanging out with Konohamaru, now?" she mumbled irritably.
"Jealous?"
"No."
"I'm not. Jun told me." Eiji grabbed Hanabi by the cheeks, forcing her head to hers. Hanabi still didn't fight back. "See's him around the village looking all mopey. Hasn't been going to the training grounds or been to Ichiraku's in a hot second."
"It sounds like he's being stalked," Hanabi rolled her eyes.
"No, Jun can just sense him, idiot. He checks in on his friends. And so do I."
Hanabi heaved a sigh, finally letting her words touch her a bit closer to the heart. She couldn't deny the love her team clearly had for her. She'd be doing the same thing if this was happening with Eiji or Jun. "It's just…clan stuff. You know about that."
"Not really," Eiji raised an eyebrow. "My clan isn't insane."
"Hmmm…." Hanabi hummed.
"But that makes sense. Go on."
"I hate them."
Eiji paused, blinking at her. Hanabi's expression was dead serious. "Well…I mean, I can understand that, I guess?"
"No, you can't, but thanks for trying," she sighed, closing her eyes. "I just want it to be different. I don't want to be clan head."
Eiji sighed now, wedging her arm under Hanabi's neck to bring her into a hug. "That does suck."
"Tell me about it."
"Moping around won't help, though."
"Maybe it will. Maybe I'll wither away and die."
"Hanabi!" Eiji scolded, smacking the top of her head, causing her to recoil. "I'm dating a damn medic, you think I won't haul you off to him? Please tell me you're not serious."
"No…I'm not," she sighed, throwing an arm over Eiji to placate her. "I'm just dumb. I know it."
"Ugh," Eiji groaned, rubbing against the spot she hit Hanabi on the head. "I wish I could agree, but I don't. C'mon, Hanabi. You're better than this. So much better."
Again, she simply hummed in response, pulling her teammate in tighter. "Just stay, okay? I'm needy."
"Clearly," Eiji scoffed, reaching down to grab the sheet at the end of the bed and pull over them. "But fine. It is your birthday, after all."
"Sorry, there was no party," Hanabi whispered sadly.
She hadn't had a birthday party in ages. She liked it better that way. She felt guilty for intruding on Boruto's birthday to seek her sister's comfort. She was just glad Naruto so readily took the kids out for ice cream so she could wallow in her self-pity with Hinata. He even brought her back a chocolate-dipped banana. She felt even worse when she dropped it in the trash and hid it with a few napkins.
"S'alright," Eiji mumbled back, patting her head. "You look like you haven't slept in days."
"I haven't."
"Goddamn, Hanabi."
"I'm sorry."
"Shh."
Konohamaru lay sprawled out on his mother's couch. He'd burst in without knocking and threw himself on it. She simply looked at him with raised eyebrows behind her glasses before returning to the crossword she had been working on, with no level of acknowledgment. That was fairly normal as Konohamaru proceeded down his twenties. He often came here just to disconnect from reality. Feel like a kid again in his mother's home.
But today was different. That's not why he came here—he came here to question her. But he was finding it hard to even begin.
How do you start off asking a person why their father would allow atrocious acts? How their father could stand by and let people be hurt, killed, exiled?
How…
"Mom."
"Hmm."
He clenched his jaw, rubbing his forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Grandpa…" He hesitated.
"Go on."
"He was a good man, wasn't he?"
"Yes, of course."
"Then…then…" His chest tightened.
He loved that damn old man. He'd never seen him as anything other than a hero. A symbol of strength and greatness.
"Why would he…let people get away with horrible things?" It hurt so much more than he realized it would to say those words aloud, into the still air, letting them hang.
Silence. He expected it. He heard the rustling of her newspaper as it was pushed off to the side, the scraping of the dining room chair as she got out of it, and her footsteps approaching. He kept his eyes closed as she nudged his body up. He sat up enough to let her sit and immediately deposited his head in her lap, heaving a deep sigh. He knew what this meant. She was going to tell him things he didn't want to hear. Things he really didn't want to hear.
"Being Hokage isn't simple, sweetie."
"I know that…"
"Sometimes hard decisions have to be made."
"I know that."
He leaned against her fingertips as they began petting his hair.
25 years old and he was still seeking his mother's comfort. He wondered what people would think, what Hanabi would think. Would she think he was pathetic?
"But…it seems simple to me, at least, not to exile someone."
More silence now. Her voice wavered. "Exile?"
"Hyūga."
"Mmm…"
Finally, he peeled his eyes open to get a look at her, finding her staring off in the distance, out the window. Her lips were downturned into a frown, an uncommon sight for him that always made his stomach twist in knots.
"Konoha's relationship with Hyūga has always been…complicated." He heard her choosing the words carefully. "Just like with the Uchiha. After everything that happened…" She didn't have to say it explicitly. "Your grandfather was desperate to maintain peace."
He considered her words before shaking his head. "But how can there be peace if innocent people are sent away? How can there be peace if…if children are…"
"It's so much harder than you can even imagine, Konohamaru."
His full name from her lips felt like punishment. "But that's why he was Hokage, wasn't it? He could handle that, couldn't he?"
"He could…" Her voice hitched in her throat. "…and that's why he made the decisions he did."
He glared up at her, the unfamiliar feeling of resentment in his chest. "There had to be other ways."
"Yes. Yes, there were. There always is."
His head felt horribly full. He squeezed his eyes shut once more. "What about Lady Tsunade? Lord Kakashi?"
He shifted at her silence once more.
Respond. Say something!
"I never once in my life wanted to be Hokage," she finally said, "never."
His stomach turned. "Well, yeah, you were the daughter of the Hokage…that…that makes sense…"
Her hand resumed stroking his hair, the other hand enveloping his cheek. "It wasn't that. It was the pain that comes with it. Your grandfather…is a great man. Was a great man. Underneath his strength, there was pain. Indescribable pain."
He swallowed the lump in his throat as he opened his eyes to meet her dead serious expression. "I don't accept that as a good enough reason. I…I can't."
"And that is why, my sweet boy, every time you say you'll be Hokage, my heart breaks. A little more, every time."
He inhaled a sharp breath as she leaned down to lay a kiss on his forehead.
He nuzzled against her hand, eyes closing as she sat back upright. "I'm sorry, mama…"
"Just like your father…" she whispered, thumb rubbing side to side against his forehead.
As silence fell once more, he felt that same pain in his heart as the day he sobbed into his mother's arms after finding out his grandfather was killed.
With his mother, he could be vulnerable. So as the tears threatened to fall, he let them. He let her wipe them away while shushing him.
He let himself be that little brat he once was.
The next morning, Hanabi reached for Eiji and whined when she wasn't there.
"Don't worry, still here."
She yawned as she forced her eyes open. It was the best sleep she'd had since that day. She got up to thank Eiji, but froze when she saw her sitting on the floor, the box in her lap.
"Nice gift." She gestured at it, raising an eyebrow. "How many have you guys collected?"
She fell back on the bed. "That's…that's really invasive."
"You knew what you were getting into," she teased, crawling over to her to shove the box in her hands. "These are cute. You could put 'em over there, next to that pretty pressed flower."
Hanabi cast her gaze to her dresser, where a beautiful Ajisai was displayed. Her sister had pressed it and given it to her to say sorry for her 15th birthday being interrupted. It meant apologies and gratitude. She looked back down at the kunai for the first time and gently pulled one out. It was very heavy.
Mori Kunai.
She wondered where he got it. He gave her both…meaning he wanted her to seek him out to give him the other one. She bit her lip, laying it back down. She laughed as tears began pricking her eyes.
She was always crying now.
"Cry laughing? You are ill."
"Yes." She pulled her sleeve up to rub her leaking nose. "Yes I am."
I am ill.
A fool in love.