Author's Notes:
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Much love to you all for the continuous support. I want to give a big thank you and shout out to SVUjunkie2011 for helping me out and creating a banner for this story. Copy and paste the link into your browser, just be sure to delete the spaces or it won't work. Please let me know if anyone has a problem accessing the photo once the spaces have been removed.
Now on with the show!
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He doesn't like their new arrangement, but he doesn't seem to have a choice in the matter. That had been made clear when he refused to help her move out, but Peter had come to her rescue and grinned at him as he packed her boxes into the back of the rented pick-up. She's no longer staying with Peter, which is something he's happy about, but he still doesn't like the fact that she no longer shares a home or bed with him, though it has done wonders for their relationship. He guesses absence does make the heart grow fonder, because their arguments and the constant tension between them has decreased considerably. But he still hates that when he goes to her apartment, Peter is often there. Laughing with her. Joking with her. Making the wedge between him and his wife larger and larger with each passing day.
She still comes over most days and helps him with his kids. Making dinner, checking homework, laundry, and the works. He likes it when she's there, but every night when she leaves and takes their daughter with her he feels his heart break into a million pieces. He wishes he could at least spend nights with her at her place, but someone must stay at the house with Liz and Rick.
As she settles over him and begins to move, he realizes that their relationship is more like they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Not husband and wife, and he doesn't like it. Moreover, he doesn't like the relationship she has with Peter. He sees it grow stronger as the days go by, and in response theirs grows weaker.
Her eyes lock with his and her pace quickens. There is no depth to their relationship. They don't discuss anything as husband and wife. What she should make for dinner. Is there anything he wants her to get at the store. Who will drop Kayla off at daycare. They don't discuss their feelings or anything substantial, and he doesn't see how they can fix their problems if they never discuss them.
One hand massages her breast while the other brushes over her clit causing her to moan above him, and he feels a tightening in his ball sack. She's been insatiable lately, and he tries not to, but he often finds his mind wondering into dangerous territory when it comes to this. Her hormones are out of whack, he knows this, the mood swings have made that very clear. But he wonders if she thinks about him when she makes love to him. If she closes her eyes to see his face better. He wonders if she is using him to satisfy her needs without the guilt. It's not wrong if you fuck your own husband right? Even if you wish he was someone else.
Her head tilts back and he can feel her tightening around him. Her hips move even faster and she braces herself on his chest. She comes hard around him, and he follows suit behind her. She collapses onto his chest for a moment then rolls onto her back, pulling the sheet up around her.
They lay in silence for awhile as they wait for their breaths to even out. She glances at the clock and moves to get up, but he stops her with an arm around her waist. "Why don't you just spend the night?"
"I can't. None of my clothes here fit me. All my stretchy pants are at home."
He rolls on top of her and kisses her neck. "This is your home."
She moans softly. "Can you drop Kayla off for me in the morning? It's late and I don't want to wake her."
"Will you stay if I say yes?" he mumbles against her heated skin.
"El, I can't." She tries to push him back, but he doesn't budge.
"Stay," he says and slides two fingers inside of her. "I can make it worth your while," he says and covers her lips with his own. She kisses him back with equal fervor and her arms wrap around his neck.
"Elliot," she moans, and spreads her legs further apart.
He settles inside of her without any issue. He starts to move and her eyes flutter closed. He kisses each eyelid. "Stay with me."
"I am," she moans.
"Open your eyes."
She smiles. "Why?"
"I want to see your eyes."
She opens them and eyes him skeptically. "Stop," she tells him with a hand against his chest.
He stops immediately. "What? Am I hurting you? Did I do something wrong?" he asks panicked.
"What are you thinking?"
He forgot she could read him like a book.
He sighs. "I don't want you thinking about him when we're making love."
She shoves him hard making fall over on the other side of her. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."
"Olivia, wait-"
But she's off the bed and scooping her clothes off the floor. "No! No. I can't believe you. Here I have this great guy who is in love with me. In love with me. Wants to be with me, and I can't be with him. Because I had to fall in love with and then marry the cheating bastard that thinks I'm some lying deceptive whore. I mean. Who the hell do you think I am? Is that the me you think you married? If so why did you even marry me? Why are we even doing this!?"
"He's in love with you?"
She yanks her shirt over her head. "Yea. He's in love with me."
"He told you this?"
"Yes, he did."
"And what did you say?" he's off the bed and pulling on his boxers.
"Nothing."
"What do you mean nothing? Did you sleep with him?"
"No. I did not."
She stands before him, primed and ready to fight and defend her honor, but her eyes betray her. "But you wanted to," he sighs and sits back on the bed with his head in hands.
"I did. But not for the reasons you think. I wanted sex. I wanted to make love with you, but when I came onto you that night you accused me of trying to pass of his baby as yours."
"So what happened?"
"We talked. We kissed. I stopped it before it went any further."
"And you wonder why I have a problem with you hanging out with him."
"I guess that's just something you're going to have to deal with." She turns to leave, but pauses in the doorway. "Don't forget you're dropping your daughter off in the morning," and with that she's gone.
xXx
He watches her all the time. He watches her smile fade a little bit each day. He watches her abdomen grow with their children. He watches her interact with their other children. He watches her helping Rick with his math or reading over Lizzie's papers. He watches her color with Kayla. She's quiet these days, only saying what needs to be said and nothing more. Though she spends more time at their home, but he can still feel her pulling away from him, and the distance is killing him. They have not discussed their latest fight, and it is just another elephant in the room that is their marriage. They haven't made love since that night, and she's shunned all his other advances to get close to her. She's made it clear she doesn't want him to touch her. He wishes he could find a way to fix this, but it's not something he can fix on his own. He reaching out for her, but he needs her to reach back. What scares him most is that he does not see any end in sight for their current predicament. She's making plans to bring the babies back to her apartment when they are born, and it's not something he planned on. Its not something that he wants. He wants her here. In their home. Helping him raise their family, but he can't push the issue because she will only push back and it will be one more issue for them to overcome. What also scares him is that he's starting to grow accustomed to her absence. He no longer wakes up in the middle of the night when he discovers her side of the bed is empty. He no longer makes an effort to put his dirty clothes in the basket and he doesn't care when his wet towel is left on the bed. He likes washing dishes. It gives him time to clear his mind, and according to his kids, his cooking is getting better. He's not sure if this is a good thing, but he no longer needs the sound of her breathing to lull him to sleep.
Tonight he watches her spoon apple sauce onto a vanilla wafer and grimaces when she sticks the whole thing into her mouth.
"That's disgusting."
She chuckles and mumbles "Shut up," with a mouth full of cookie.
They're watching the local news and he doesn't know what causes him to do it, but he lays his head in her lap and is surprised that she doesn't push him away. After awhile her fingers thread through his hair and he relaxes as she massages his scalp. He feels crumbs fall over his face as she prepares yet another applesauced cookie. Along with hormones, have come the cravings, and basically she'll eat anything covered in honey mustard. Two large bottles of Ken's Honey Mustard sit unopened in the cupboard. Another half-used bottle that they just bought the week before sits in the fridge. He rolls over and faces her growing stomach. "Hi guys," he says to them. He pauses and looks up at her. "Are you really planning on staying in your apartment after the babies are born?"
She sighs, "Elliot. Let's not do this. Not tonight. We were just having a good time. I don't want to fight right now."
He sits up and looks her in the eye. "I don't want to fight either, but I also don't want you raising our children in some tiny little apartment when we have this house here. I mean isn't that why we bought it? So we would have some place to raise our family?"
She sighs. "Where would we put them? There's no room here."
"Yes there is."
"Where?"
"The basement."
She merely glares at him.
"Look I've been thinking and I've been working with one of my buddies on some blue prints." He pulls out a blank piece of paper, a pen and starts drawing. "We sell most of the junk down there and build a small storage room with ceiling shelves and everything and we store stuff down there. We corner off the washer, dryer, and make a small wash room, and then corner off the furnace and water heater. The rest of the room we turn into a small bedroom and we give it to Lizzie."
"Yea, she's going to love that," she scoffs.
"It's her own room with her own space. Why wouldn't she like it?"
"She's your daughter, Elliot," she mocks. "All I know is you're going to be the one to break it to her."
"That's fine." He watches her load another cookie with applesauce. "So um. How've you been. How," he clears his throat, "How was your day?"
"It was fine," she answers then she's quiet again.
"That's it. Just fine. Nothing at all happened?"
"Elliot, I don't really feel like talking about work ok?"
"Ok," he nods. "Is there something else you would like to talk about?"
"Not really."
"Are you ever going to talk to me, Olivia?" At her silence he continues. "Liv, you gotta talk to me sometime."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
She shrugs. "I just…I don't know how to talk to you anymore."
"But you know how to talk to him."
"This is why! This is why I can't talk to you!"
"You can't talk to me because what I say is the truth? You can't talk to me because you go to him with our issues. With things you should be talking to me about."
"I go to him because I can't come to you. Because I can't say anything to you without it being thrown back in my face or or or you reading something into it that is completely out of context and not even what I meant!"
"I acknowledge that this is a problem that both of us have, but how are we supposed to fix it if you don't talk to me. We have to work through this together."
Once again she's quiet. She finishes her bowl of applesauce and places it on her nightstand beside the box of cookies and stares unblinking at the television screen in front of them. He takes the remote and turns it off, but she continues to stare as though it's still on. He moves around to her side of the bed in an effort to get her to look at him. "Olivia, I need you to try and work this out with me or…or I need you to let me go."
That gets her attention, "Are you giving me an ultimatum? Because-"
"No," he says softly and takes her hand in his, kisses her knuckles then lets it go. "Olivia, I see you growing closer and closer to him every day."
"Elliot, we're just-"
"Can you tell me that I have nothing to worry about?" She moves to answer him. "No, really, think before you answer. Can you tell me that I have absolutely nothing to worry about. That you have absolutely no feelings for him. That you aren't falling in love with him. Because if you can then I'll let this go. You can be friends with him and hang out all you want and I won't say a thing."
Her eyes well with tears. "Elliot," she reaches for his hand but he shuns her advances.
"I need you to let me go. Let's end this now because loving you-" his voice hitches. "Watching you fall for another man is killing me, and I can't do it anymore. I can't. So please. Just let me know now so I can go my way and you can go yours." He stands and heads for the door.
"Elliot."
"It's getting late. You should get going. I'll get Kayla ready for you."
xXx
"So wait, you end up pregnant with more babies than you expected and I lose my room?"
"Your new room is going to be great. Your brother and I are going to build it ourselves."
"This is so unfair! I shouldn't have to give up my room just because you couldn't-"
He can see the flare in his daughter's nostrils and the fire blaze in her blue eyes, and he knows the ending to her sentence. "I think you may want to think before you finish that sentence," he warns cutting her off.
"This is just unfair."
He wraps his arm around his daughter's shoulders. "It'll be fine I promise. You'll like it."
Elizabeth stares at her father with worry in her eyes.
xXx
Olivia finishes slicing up some tomatoes and places them on top of the bowl of lettuce. Lizzie bounces down the stairs and heads towards the kitchen almost tripping over and then ruffling Kayla's hair as she passes by. The little girl lays in the middle of the kitchen floor using her pink sparkle crayon to color in Aurora's dress and then her face.
"Why's she in the middle of the floor?"
Olivia looks down and rolls her eyes. "Because every time I move her to a table she winds up back over here and I'm too fat and lazy to keep moving her back." Elizabeth chuckles to herself and opens the freezer. "No Olivia, you're not fat. You're beautiful. You haven't gained a pound." Lizzie stares at her as if she's finally lost it. "Don't you know you're supposed to tell pregnant women that."
Lizzie giggles. " Liv, you haven't gained a pound," Liz says mockingly. Unable to keep a straight face.
"Thanks. You're so convincing," Olivia deadpans.
"Hey, I tried. Ooo! Ice cream!" she squeals and reaches for the carton.
"Nope. Dinner's almost ready. Your father requested meatloaf, which neither you nor your sister seem to like so I also made some baked macaroni and cheese as well. That ok with you?"
"Yea that's fine. Can I at least have a fruit bar, I'm starving and Dad's not even home yet."
"It's just us tonight. Your father already called and said that he's going to be working late. And no. I just finished the salad so we're going to be sitting down in a minute. Can you call your brother and set the table?"
"Sure. Dickie!" she bellows. "Olivia said to come down and set the table!" Olivia glares at her. "What? Ever since he came back from boot camp he's been on this helpful obedience trip. Might as well put it to good use right?" Olivia places a hand on her hip and continues to stare. Lizzie rolls her eyes. "Fine. I'll get the plates. So are you spending the night again tonight? I saw your bag in the living room."
"Yea that's the plan."
"Why don't you just move back here? You sleep here almost every night now."
"I don't think your father and I are ready for that."
Lizzie stares at her confusedly. "Aren't you guys married? With a kid? And two more on the way?"
"Lizzie, it's not that simple."
"You sound just like Dad. Is this about that Peter guy?"
Olivia's eyes widen. "How do you know about Peter?"
"Thin walls. You may want to do something about that. Especially if you don't want to scar your children for life. I mean, Dickie and I already heard the birds and the bees talk from Mom, but still there are something you just shouldn't know about your parents." Olivia can't hide the blush that climbs up her neck as she stares at the young girl in abject horror, unable to hide her shock or the blush climbing her neck. "So, are you sleeping with him?"
Olivia blinks back to reality with the question. "No! Lizzie! Where did you get that from?"
"I just don't get why Dad would be so up in arms about him otherwise."
"We're friends. That's all."
"And there's nothing else going on between you two?"
Olivia can't help but smile at how much the young girl looks like her father in interrogation mode. "No. Did your father ask you to interrogate me?"
"No. I decided to do that on my own. So what's going on with you two? You and Dad were doing fine until he came into the picture."
"Liz…Your dad…Your dad can be a bit overprotective and territorial. He doesn't like Peter because he feels that he's taking something that belongs to him."
"What?"
"Me. Your Dad thinks he's losing me."
"Is he?"
Olivia sighs. "Not because of Peter. Now get out of the fridge. You're burning current."
"Well, if you ask me this is all stupid. You guys belong together, so it would be great for all of us if you two would just get it together."
"We're working on it, ok?" Olivia finishes decorating her salad then heads towards the fridge to put the ingredients away. As she bends down to put the lettuce in the crisper she notices something odd. "Hey Liz, did you step on something?"
"No, why?" Lizzie answers absently as she counts the number of plates in her hand.
"Because there's blood on the floor."
Lizzie shrugs. "My foot's fine. Although I did step on a Lego when I was coming down the stairs. For a few seconds there I thought I was going to die."
"You're so dramatic."
"That's how Dad described it the last time he stepped on one. I thought Dickie had to keep those in his room."
"He does, but sometimes he lets your sister play with them."
"Aren't those for kids ages three and up."
"She knows not to put Legos in her mouth. Let me see your foot." Elizabeth shows Olivia her socked feet. Both are still white and show no signs of injury, but as Olivia stares she notices another drop of blood by the girl's feet and then another falls close by. Elizabeth also notices it too and quickly draws her sleeve down over her arm. Olivia straightens and stares into fearful, tear-filled eyes. "Sweetie, let me see your arm."
"It was an accident I must have hit it on something or or or-"
Olivia carefully takes the girl's arm. She rolls up the girl's drenched sleeve and despite all the blood she can see the perfectly lined horizontal slits made in the girl's upper arm. "It's ok," she reassures the frightened girl. "It's going to be ok."
Thanks for reading!
Side note: If anyone has the story Atlantis by Lyricara saved on their computer would you let me know? PM me pleeeeeease!