Author's Notes:
A big thanks for all those reviews. I love them! Keep 'em coming. I apologize for this being late, but apparently shit happens. A big shout out to my beta Amy who is simply amazing. Some behind the scenes info: Amy went on vacation for about two weeks, and made sure that would not interfere with your weekly fix by beta-ing chapters ahead of time so I can update regularly while she was away. Then she came back, dealt with a small friend emergency, and still mananged to get this chapter done. So a very BIG thank you to Amy! 1…2…3… THANK YOU AMY!
Also a reader was kind enough to let me know that the breaks that I was putting in weren't transferring over when I uploaded the file to the site. I apologize for that and any confusion it may have caused.
PS: If anyone has any stories by Novak from svuficion could you PLEEEASE let me know? I'm looking for "Dyad" and "Family". Please if someone could help me out. Thanks!
Now. Story time!
Elliot races down the hall and spots his wife in the waiting room. "What's going on? What happened?" he asks, slightly out of breath.
"I'm not really sure. I'm not her mother, so they're not really telling me anything. Kathy Kathleen and Rick are in there with her now."
"Ok, I'm going in. Are you ok? Where's Kayla?"
"Casey came and picked her up. And I'm fine. Go, be with your daughter. She needs you. I'll be out here if you need me."
"Ok. I love you," he says and kisses her cheek.
"Love you too," she replies and watches him go.
xXx
Hours later, she still sits in the waiting room, Elliot's hand held firmly in hers. Kathleen sits on the other side of her father. Lizzie has been talking with the psychiatrist now for hours. Kathy paces the waiting room, the stress and exhaustion evident on her face.
"How're you doing?" Elliot asks.
"We're fine," Olivia answers and rubs a hand over her growing abdomen.
"It's late. Maybe you should go home and get some rest."
"No El, I want to be here for you."
He doesn't argue with her because he wants her here with him too. He glances up and watches the woman he once referred to as his wife and loved more than all else. "Kath, you ok?"
"No, Elliot! How can I be? How can you? You're sitting there all calm cool and collected while our baby," her voice cracks and then tears flow. "I'm scared."
He goes over and pulls her into his arms. "I know," he whispers and holds her tight.
The doctor emerges from Elizabeth's room and approaches the parents. "There's no need to worry, your daughter is fine. We're going to keep her here under a seventy-two hour psych watch. I suggest you all go home and get some rest and we'll talk about this some more in the morning."
"I want to stay with her," Kathy tells them.
"That's fine. I'll see you all for our family session tomorrow morning?"
"Yes, we'll be there," Elliot answers.
"Very good," she replies and heads over to the nurses station.
"Can you take Kathleen home with you?" Kathy asks Elliot.
"Mom, I can just take the car," Kathleen interjects.
"No," Kathy says. "I don't want you staying in the house by yourself."
"It's late, so I think it's best if she just spends the night with us. She can sleep in Lizzie's room," Elliot offers.
"Alright. She has school in the morning."
"We'll make sure she gets there."
"Thank you," Kathy tells him.
"You're welcome," he replies. "See you tomorrow. Let me know if you need anything."
"I will," she says and hugs him one last time.
He watches her go back into the room. "Liv, why don't you and Kathleen go bring the car around. I'll be right there."
Olivia nods, understanding everything he doesn't say, and leaves with the young woman. Once he is sure they are out of earshot, he turns back to the psychiatrist. "I know you don't do seventy-two hour holds for minor cuts like that. So what's really going on? Do you think my daughter is a danger to herself or others?
"Yes."
"Well, I have a two-year-old at home, so which is it?"
"Right now, your daughter needs a small reprieve from her reality. That's all I'm willing to discuss right now without her being present. I'll see you tomorrow Mr. Stabler."
xXx
Kathy sits in the waiting room of the psychiatrist's office and waits for Elliot to arrive. She thinks over the past twenty-four hours and the exhaustion that plagues her. She didn't sleep last night. Instead she stood vigil over her youngest daughter, afraid that if she allowed her eyes to close something would happen. She would miss something critical in the young girl's life and she wouldn't be able to help her. Save her. She was the mother, it was her duty to protect her child, and she had failed. Miserably. Because her daughter had been broken, hurting, and she hadn't noticed. She had needed someone to listen, and she hadn't heard her. Someone to talk to, and she hadn't lent her ear. Someone to notice, and she hadn't paid attention. She had believed her daughter would be safe with her father. Enough so that she could focus more of her attention on her second born. Getting her into a good school. Making good of the last year she had with her baby before she left the nest, possibly for good as her first born had. She thought it was a good idea. Sending her daughter to a better school so that they could help her grow in ways that she couldn't. She hoped that they would challenge her so that she would know no limits in what she could do, and who she could become. She hoped the new school would help in getting her into a good college with some scholarships under her belt, so that she could go to the school of her choice without worry of leaving it to someone to bear the financial burden.
As the youngest girl, Lizzie had always been the one to wait. To get everything last. To get what was left. She had to get her sister's hand-me downs instead of new clothes to go back to school. The smaller piece of dessert because after her father and sisters took their share that was all that was left because they were bigger and needed more, and of course it had to be shared with her twin, as most things were. The amazing thing about Lizzie is that she never complained. Never had a bad thing to say about any situation. Never cried when she didn't get her way. She always took things in stride. That was until the divorce. The divorce changed her. Made her sadder. Made her more closed off, and she had thought nothing of it. Because the girl had never uttered a word about it. She was like her father that way. Other than the tears that were shed when she learned of the separation, the young girl had seemed invincible, and completely resilient. So she never worried about her. But she took her strength for granted and forgot that everyone has their breaking point. She never thought she wouldn't be there to see hers. To keep her from falling apart, or catch the fallen pieces before they shattered on the ground. To glue the broken pieces back together because, of course, as her mother, that was her duty. A duty she was never around to perform. She looks up when the door opens and Elliot enters, Olivia is right behind him.
"What is she doing here?" Kathy asks.
"I thought it would be a good idea if she came along."
"Well, I don't want her here."
"Kathy…" Elliot warns.
"Kathy, I'm just here for some support," Olivia tries.
"Support? Where were you when my daughter needed your support? Huh? Where were you when she was slicing up her arms and legs? You were supposed to be there for her. She was living in your home! How could you not notice?"
"She seemed fine, and how can you stand there and accuse us as if you're not as much to blame. She spends her weekends with you. You're her mother. Why didn't you notice?"
Kathy is quiet for a moment because she is right.
Why didn't she notice?
Right or not, she still refuses to back down and give her the satisfaction. "You're her stepmother. It's your job to be there for her when I can't. To do things for her that I'm not able to do, but because you still harbor resentment against her, you didn't think to care! You only care about your own family!" She gestures to Olivia's stomach.
"Lizzie is my family," Olivia counters.
"That's bullshit and you know it. You still see her as the person that almost killed your kid even though it was an accident that she apologized for a million times."
"My two-year old was on a respirator for a week and was almost taken away by social services, and Lizzie only apologized once for it, but even so, I don't treat her any differently than I would treat my own child."
"That's bullshit and you know it!"
"Whoa, Kathy, this is not Olivia's fault," Elliot interjects.
"You're right! This is your fault. You're her father. I sent her to live with and to be cared for by you. But instead, you were too busy trying to fix your marriage to her, adding to your new family," she gestures to Olivia's growing abdomen, "and working all the time to even notice. First Dickie, now her."
That hits a nerve. "Kathy, that's enough. Look, I get that you're upset, but blaming everybody is not going to help Elizabeth. Olivia and I both feel guilty about what's happened, and believe me, nothing you can say can make me feel worse than I already feel. We need to stand together and support her. That's why we are all here right now. To help support Elizabeth."
The Doctor emerges from his office. "Mr. and Ms. Stabler?" she calls.
They move to enter the room, "I want her to stay here," Kathy growls.
"Kath-"
"It's ok, El. I'll be waiting out here if you need me."
"Actually, Mrs. Stabler, I think it would be best if you joined us."
"But I'm her mother," Kathy interjects.
"I understand, but your daughter does live with Mr. Stabler and his wife, so I think it's best if she's a part of this. It's in the best interest of your daughter."
Kathy concedes defeat and they all enter the woman's office and are surprised to see Lizzie sitting in a chair in the corner. For the first time since Olivia first laid eyes on her, the young girl looks fragile and small. The three adults shuffle in and take a seat on the matching couch.
"Ok, so Elizabeth and I have been talking and we've managed to delve into this behavior. First I want to reassure you that Elizabeth was not trying commit suicide, she accidentally cut too deep this time without realizing. Though the thoughts have been there before, this was not a suicide attempt. Still, we do recognize this as a serious issue, which is why we are all here for and what we want to address. Now, Elizabeth has some things to say to you all, and I promised that I would stay and help her through this. Elizabeth."
Elizabeth looks up at them with a solemn face and scared eyes and suddenly Elliot is reminded of when she was just a little girl. When her biggest issue in life was how to get out of naptime or to get her twin back for some prank he pulled on her. She opens her mouth and a small, timid voice comes out. "I just want to say I'm sorry. For scaring you all like that. I didn't mean to."
"It's ok, Sweetheart, just us why you've been hurting yourself like this so we can help you," Kathy requests.
"It's just…It's been really hard the past few years. You and dad got divorced, and then Dad got remarried, and I felt…I felt like it was my fault because everything was ok before when Maureen was around, but then after she went to school Dad wasn't around a lot, and I thought it was because I wasn't enough to make him stay. And I tried. I tried so hard to make him stay. I thought that if I was good in school, and good at cheerleading and gymnastics and stuff you would come back, but you didn't. Then Dickie started getting into trouble and I thought it was my fault because he's my twin and I wasn't looking out for him the way I should have. Then I had to change schools and I lost all my friends, and they don't want me on their cheerleading team or their gymnastics team, because they say I'm 'not quite there yet.'" She air quotes. "And then the thing happened with Kayla, and I thought that was my fault too because if I had watched her like I was supposed to she wouldn't have gotten hurt and Dickie never would have gotten sent away. And school is so hard now. There's so much work and its so hard, and no matter how hard I try or how much I study I still feel like I'm failing! And I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! And now because I'm not enough you're going to have more kids and have a new family that doesn't include us!" By the time she finishes the girl is a blubbering mess. Elliot can't stay seated any longer and stands to help his daughter. He takes her in his arms and holds her close like she is three years old again.
"That's not true," Elliot counters.
"Then why do I have to give up my room and move into the basement?"
"You told her what?!" Kathy asks, floored.
"I thought-I thought you would like it. I didn't know…"
"Elliot how could you think-"
"Ms. Stabler, please," the psychiatrist interjects.
"I'm sorry Daddy," she cries into his chest. "I'm so sorry. I had no control so I started cutting and I'm so sorry."
He pulls away from her away and looks her deep in the eyes. "Look at me," he tells her. "None of that is your fault. What happened between your mom and I. What happened with Dickie. What happened to Kayla was an accident. None of that is your fault. Olivia and I having more kids has nothing to do with you. If you don't want to move into the basement all you have to do is tell me. We love you. We all love you and want you here with us. We are all proud of you and everything you've accomplished. You're an amazing kid. And if you're having a hard time, all you have to do is talk to us, Liz. Ask us for help. We're here for you. Never forget that."
xXx
They all step out of the doctor's office and say their goodbyes as they watch the doctor walk Lizzie back to her room. She wants to work with her some more and Lizzie will be released in the morning.
"Can I talk to you in private?" Kathy asks him.
"Sure," he says. He looks to Olivia and she nods her head without question and steps away to allow the two parents some privacy.
"I think it would be best if Lizzie moved back in with me."
"Why would you think that?"
"C'mon El. You have your hands full enough as it is with the new babies coming and all. She needs her mother and I want to be there for her."
"She doesn't need to move for that."
"Elliot, Lizzie needs someone who can be there for her. Who can focus on her."
"And you're saying I can't?!"
"Elliot-"
"No! I'm not going to abandon my daughter when she needs me the most. You heard her in there. How do you think she's going to feel when she has to move?"
"Elliot ever since our kids moved in with you things have gone from bad to worse. First Dickie, then Kayla, now this! I sent them there because I thought you would be able to provide some stability, not chaos. I just think it would be for the best. She needs to be in a stable environment right now."
"She is in a stable environment."
"If that's true, then why is our daughter cutting herself?"
"Kathy, she's having a rough time. She had a rough summer, and she just started high school at a new school without any of her friends. Friends she's had since kindergarten. She's going through a hard time and I'm going to make sure I'm there to help her through it. I've already made arrangements to talk with the people at her school. Olivia and I are headed there now."
"Olivia and you? Olivia isn't her mother."
"Yea, but she's there everyday."
"Didn't she move out? Maybe if she was less selfish and focused more on caring for her family we wouldn't be here."
"Kathy, she makes dinner for them every day, sometimes making multiple dishes so everyone will have something they like. She helps Dickie with his homework everyday. She reads Lizzie's papers for her. Takes them shopping for whatever they might need. Makes sure they both have clean clothes. Despite any problems we may be having, she has never let it affect the care of our children. She's there, you're not."
"So you're saying that just because Lizzie doesn't live with me, all of a sudden I'm a bad mother? Where were you the past 14 years when I was the only one helping with homework, going to parent teacher conferences, school plays, and cheerleading competitions? In addition to working, cleaning, doing their laundry, plus yours and mine, and having dinner on the table every day by five," she ticks of each chore on each of her fingers.
"Kathy, I'm not trying to say you're a bad mom. Lizzie lives with us, and it's going to stay that way. She's coming home to our home and Olivia is a part of that, and will be helping me with this. That's all. She's still my wife. Whether she lives with me or not. She is my wife. Now, you're welcome to make your own arrangements to talk with the people at her school. Nobody is stopping you from doing that. But Olivia and I will be talking with them today, and tomorrow morning I will be picking Lizzie up and bringing her home to my house where she is going to stay."
"I'm not going to let you replace me," she says with tear filled eyes.
"No one's trying to replace you Kathy. I'm just trying to be the father my daughter needs me to be. Now I have a meeting to go to."
He steps around her and heads down the hall. He sees Olivia sitting in the waiting room, and goes to stand beside her. "Ready to go?" he asks.
"Yea, but I want to talk about something first."
He sits down. "Sure, what is it?"
"You and I we have to fix this, El. We have to fix this," she stresses, and blinks away tears. "Because I don't want that to be our daughter one day," she says pointing to the room they just vacated. "Whatever it is that's breaking us, we need to fix it."
"Then you have to talk to me Liv, otherwise nothing is ever going to get fixed. I know it's hard for you to talk to me, but you have to try." She nods in agreement. "And you have to move back in. We can't fix what we're going through if you're living somewhere else."
She sighs. "Do you really think we're ready for that?"
"We're married. How could we not be?"
"There was a reason I moved out Elliot. I just…I don't want to move back and have it make things more worse than they already are."
"I don't think things can get much worse."
"You want me to stop talking to Peter, don't you?"
"Honestly Liv. I'm going to leave that one up to you. If you feel you need to stop talking to him then stop talking to him. If you don't, then that's ok as well. Now we have a meeting over at Lizzie's school." He stands and reaches out his hand for to take. She looks at him for a moment, confused as to who this calm rational man might be, because surely it is not her husband. Still, she takes his hand and links her fingers through his. Maybe there is hope for them yet.
Thanks for reading!