Elliot stops in front of the door to his home and stares. The door doesn't match. Probably because it had to be replaced after the paramedics kicked it in. The white of the door is a bit too bright. The gold lock and doorknob, too shiny. It's all too new. He sighs and uses the new keys they gave him and it sticks instead of going in smoothly. He wiggles it a bit and eventually the door opens. He takes off his shoes and heads into the living room and can tell immediately that Casey had been there.

It's too quiet.

The TV isn't blaring with some Disney channel TV show. Lizzie's music isn't booming from the basement. Rick and Toby aren't smack talking each other as they play the latest version of Madden.

It's too clean.

His daughter's toys aren't strewn about on the living room floor. She and Mary aren't playing with her dolls and stuffed animals. Sparkly crayons aren't around for him to trip over and break his neck.

It's too perfect.

Every couch cushion has been perfectly placed. There are no indents from teenage behinds. The area rug doesn't have any rolls. The end tables and coffee table have been polished. The hard wood floors waxed. The phone sits perfectly in its holder.

The one she used to call for help because he wasn't there.

He heads up the stairs and stops when he reaches the beginning of the hallway. It's quiet and cold. All doors have been closed. All doors, except for his. He heads into the bedroom and stops in the doorway. Their bed hasn't been made. The sheets still form an indent of the place where she last slept. He walks over and sits on her side of the bed. He picks up her pillow and inhales deeply.

It still smells like her.

Like Herbal Essences shampoo and conditioner.

Like Precious-bloom Caress.

The sob he's been holding in escapes him, and he lets another follow. And another, and another. Tears flow down his face and all he can feel is grief.

Sadness.

Hopelessness.

Despair.

Not long after he had signed the papers Mark had come back to tell him that their last ditch effort had been too late. She had lost too much blood and there was nothing more that they could do. They couldn't even keep her alive long enough to give him a chance to say goodbye.

Long enough for him to tell her he loved her.

Long enough for him to tell her he was sorry.

Long enough for him to beg her to stay.

He doesn't know how to live without her. He doesn't want to, but he knows he has to. He must go on for their children. Children he doesn't know how to raise without her. He now regrets ever making her doubt her parenting skills because at this point he doesn't know how to be a parent without her. He can't get Kayla to sleep when she's sick, and he doesn't know how to explain to his sons that the reason they are alive is the reason she isn't.

He lays down in her spot, and he can swear he can feel the warmth of her body even though he knows it's long gone, and he can swear he can hear her calling him.

Elliot…

Elliot..

Elliot.

He snaps awake and her sleepy eyes stare back at him.

"Liv!" he says excitedly and quickly hugs and kisses her, careful of her still swollen abdomen. "How're you feeling?"

"Water," she whispers hoarsely.

He fills a cup with the pitcher a nurse left earlier. He puts a straw in the cup and holds it up to her lips. She drinks hungrily for a minute and he refills her cup. Halfway through the third she pushes his hand away.

"You ok?"

"Yea… just… tired," she sighs. "And my head hurts."

"I guess that's to be expected after everything, Knocked your head pretty hard. Four stitches and a concussion." he pauses for a moment as she touches the bandage above her right eye. "Liv…what happened?"

Her eyes immediately fill. "I...I…fell. I woke up. I was thirsty. I must have been dehydrated or something because I remember being dizzy. I went to get something to drink, and-and I missed a step and…I fell," her voice cracks. "I'm sorry," she cries.

"Hey," he croons and kisses her lips. "Don't be sorry. This wasn't your fault."

"You tell me all the time to be careful on the steps, and I… I don't know what happened."

"It was an accident. You did nothing wrong."

She nods as he swipes away her tears. "How's our boys? You haven't mentioned them at all."

He sighs. "Not so good." She stares at him confused. "Julian," he starts and she smiles at the name. "He's on this C-pap machine to help him breathe. Lights, for the jaundice. Some other medications. Doctors say he's doing ok for now, but he's still not out of the woods yet."

"And Jordan?" she asks knowingly.

"Jordan…Jordan's not doing so good. He umm. He had to have surgery. There was a hole in his heart. So they went in to repair it. They say the surgery went well, but…he's touch and go right now, but he's a fighter. Just like his mom. "

"I want to see him."

"Olivia, you just had major surgery. The doctor already told me-"

"I don't give a damn about what some doctor says."

"Well, you need to, because a few hours ago you were knocking on death's door."

"Well I'm not any more. I'm going, with or without your help," she throws off her bed sheets, but the sharp pain that shoots through her abdomen causes her to double over, lose her balance, and fall into a crumpled heap on the floor.

"Liv!" Elliot calls and rushes over to the other side of the bed to help her up. She isn't moving. "Olivia?"

She takes a few deep breaths then looks up at him with tear filled eyes. "I have to see him before… The first time I see him can't be when he's dead. Please."

He sighs. "Let's get you back in bed."

"Elliot."

He puts her arm around his neck and lifts her carefully as she groans in his ear. He lays her back in bed and sees her gown is tinged with blood. "I gotta call your doctor. Looks like you popped a stitch or something."

"Elliot."

"I get what you're saying, but I just can't risk your health."

"I need to see him, and if I have to load up on morphine and crawl on my hands and knees-"

"WILL YOU GIVE IT A REST!" his voice booms. "Do you know what the past twenty-four hours have been like for me?! Back and forth between your room and the NICU. Praying to God to spare all three of your lives. There was a point where I was trying to figure out how I was going to explain to our daughter that her mother wasn't coming home. I'm not doing anything that's going to put your life at risk. Now I'm going to get your doctor to have him stitch you back up. You can take up your cause with him, because my answer is 'No!'"

xXx

Elliot shakes his head as he pushes Olivia's wheel chair down the hall nearly an hour later. He should have known that she wouldn't give up that easily. After endless pestering and reasoning her doctor finally agreed to allow her to see their children as long as she took it easy, and was back in bed within the hour.

They stop at the entrance to the NICU and after they are buzzed in he helps her wash up and put on a yellow gown. He puts one on himself before heading over to where their babies lay. The baby sleeps on a small table under bright florescent lights. His eyes are covered and tubes and wires cover his tiny body. "This is Julian," he tells her.

She uses a shaky finger and gently touches his downy head. "Hi Julian," she whispers.

He wheels her over to the next bed, the baby there is just as hooked up as the first one. He looks exactly the same except there is a bandage going down the center of his chest. "And this, is Jordan."

She places her finger in his tiny palm and he squeezes. "They look just like you. Figures," she sighs.

"Really? I can't even tell yet. They're so small."

"I can," she replies dreamily. How much did they weigh?"

"Not much. Julian's three pounds,two ounces. Fourteen inches. Jordan's two pounds, fourteen ounces. Twelve inches."

"I wish I could see their eyes. Do you know what color they are?"

"Blue."

"Typical Stablers."

"That dark hair is all Benson."

"That's true, because they definitely didn't get it from you," she teases and smiles when he nudges her. She gazes lovingly at their son. "They're beautiful."

xXx

Elliot wheels her back into her room and helps Olivia back into bed with the aid of a nurse. "You hungry, we saved your lunch for you," she says as wheels over her tray.

"No, I'm fine. I'm actually kind of tired."

"Ok. Well, it's here when you want it. You guys feel free to page me if you need anything."

"Actually, can I get something for the pain?"

"Sure how bad is it on a scale of 1-10?"

"About a 6?"

Elliot sighs. "She really means an 8," he interjects knowing that her pain must be far worse for her to even mention it.

"I'll talk to your doctor about giving you something extra or upping your morphine."

"Thanks," Olivia replies.

The nurse leaves the room and Elliot takes his seat beside her bed. "You should really eat something, Liv. You haven't eaten in over a day."

"I know. I'm not hungry. Can I see the photos?"

He hands her two Polaroids and she grins as she stares at them. "They're amazing."

He pauses for a moment figuring this time was as good as any to tell her. "Liv…There's something that I need to tell you."

"What?"

"After they delivered the babies…you took a turn for the worst. You were bleeding. A lot. Nothing they were doing was working. Sooo they asked me…"

"What did you do?"

"You have to understand they said you would die without it."

"What did you do?"

"I gave them permission to perform a hysterectomy."

She takes the news in silence. Her face registers shock and she blinks furiously to rid herself of her tears. "I guess we're going to save a bunch on birth control from now on huh?"

"Liv…"

"You didn't want more did you? I mean it's not like we're trying to start our own basketball team or something. Seven's enough right?"

"Yea, seven is enough. Liv-"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Olivia, this doesn't mean I love you any less," he links his hand with hers. "I'm just glad that you're still here with me."

xXx

The next day Elliot helps Olivia back into bed after another visit to the NICU. "Are you going to eat today?"

She eyes the waiting tray with disgust. "I can't eat that. That isn't food."

He laughs. "What would you call it then?"

"I don't know, but I wouldn't feed that crap to my dog."

"Olivia, you have to eat something, and the doctor wants you to stay off processed food. So you need to eat that."

"I'll just throw it up like I did last night."

"That was from the anesthesia and pain meds."

"That's what they want you to believe. I'm sorry, but I won't eat that."

He sighs. "Must you always be so stubborn?"

"You love it."

"Lucky for you I saw this coming and spoke to your doctor about what you can and cannot eat while you were sleeping last night. I'm going to head down to the cafeteria and see if they have anything on that list."

"See. I knew I married you for a reason."

"I'll be right back," he kisses the top of her head then heads out the door. He returns with some chicken noodle soup, crackers, and a bottle of apple juice. He's surprised by the person he sees waiting outside the elevator doors. "Kathy. What are you doing here?"

"I came to see how things were. If there was anything I could do to help."

"No. You taking the kids is helping enough."

"You sure? What about Kayla? You need any help with her?"

"Kayla's all set. She's staying with her Godmother."

"How's Olivia? The boys? Congratulations, by the way."

"Thanks, and they're all doing fine. Getting stronger everyday."

"How are you doing?"

"Me? Oh, I'm fine."

"Elliot, c'mon. It's me. You don't have to pretend."

"Really, Kathy I'm ok. I gotta get this to Liv, she's really needs to eat something."

"Elliot," she places a gentle hand on his upper arm then pulls him in for hug. He stands there for a full minute before his resolve finally breaks and he cries. The emotions he's been holding in for the past two days bubble up to the top and he holds her close.

Olivia looks up when her nurse bustles into the room. "Afternoon, Olivia. How are you feeling?"

"Hey, Maggie. I'm feeling ok." she says, and holds out her arm so that the nurse can take her blood pressure. "A little hungry, but my husband went down to the cafeteria to get me something better than that," Olivia says nodding towards the tray of hospital food.

"I know, it's pretty bad. Just about everybody complains about the food here. Lucky for you the cafeteria food is a little better," she says as she jots down Olivia's vitals. "I just need to check your sutures."

Olivia lays back and exposes her abdomen. "He's actually been gone for awhile. Have you seen my husband?"

"Oh, he's right outside talking to some blond lady. Sutures look good. How's the pain? The Ibuprofen helping?"

"Yea. I feel great. How long has he been out there?"

"Not long. Want me to send him in?"

"No, that's ok. I'm sure he'll be in, in a moment."

"Alright. Page me if you need anything."

Olivia waits until the nurse is gone before getting up out of bed. She ignores the pain in her gut, and takes her time shuffling towards the door. Her heart drops when she looks through the small window in her door and sees him in her arms. She feels her legs weaken and walks shakily back to bed. Moments later Elliot comes into the room. "Hey, Liv. They had chicken noodle. Hope that's ok," he says as he removes the hospital issued food and replaces it with the proffered goods.

"Sounds good. Took you awhile, was the line long?"

"Yea. I guess I got there right in the middle of the lunch time rush."

She nods. "How are the kids doing?"

"Casey has Kayla. Says she's doing fine. She can bring her by later today if you want."

"Yea, I'd like that," she takes a bite of her soup. "The twins doing ok?"

"Which set?" he jokes.

"You know which set."

"They're ok. They want to come see you and the boys."

"We should probably hold off on that until they're doing a little better. I don't want the first time they see them to be when they're hooked up to a bunch of machines."

"I agree."

"When did you talk to them?"

"Last night when you were sleeping."

"Kathy ok keeping them or is she having trouble getting to and from school?"

"It's hard with her work hours, but she's been dropping them off at the house and picking them up there after work."

Olivia nods. "So were you planning on telling me that you met with Kathy or are you just going to keep lying to me?"

"What?"

She sighs and then pushes away her tray. "I saw you hugging Kathy."

"Olivia, its not what you think."

"I don't care. I don't care anymore. You know I'm so tired of this!"

"Olivia-"

"When is this going to stop?! Seriously Elliot. When is this going to stop?"

"She just came by to see how things were going. She gave me a hug to offer me some comfort. That's all. It didn't mean anything."

"If it didn't mean anything then why did you lie?"

"I never-"

"I just asked you why you took so long with the food. You said the lines were long because of the lunchtime rush. It's three o'clock."

"Olivia…"

"You know I've done everything. Everything I possibly could to make this marriage work, but it's clear where your heart belongs."

"Olivia."

"I went to counseling. Did my best to open myself up to you and talk to you again even though it scared the shit out of me. I gave you children. I gave up my best friend-"

"I-"

"I know you didn't ask me to, but you didn't have to. Because I knew that was what you wanted. I knew you would never trust me or look at me the same if you knew I was still friends with him. And yet I have to be ok with you still continuing a relationship with a woman you not only have history with, but cheated on me with not once, but twice. The fact that you have children with her doesn't make it any easier. I love you Elliot, but I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of always wondering if you're cheating on me with her. Of forgiving you over and over again. I can't live this way. Not anymore."

"Olivia, you're angry and upset. Your hormones-"

"Don't try to blame this on my fucking hormones! You know what? Just go."

"No. We need to talk about this."

"I have nothing left to say."

"Olivia-"

"Elliot, right now I can't even look at you, and I seriously don't know why I married a cheating bastard like you in first place. At this point there's nothing you can say or do to make this better. So just go before I page security to escort you out."

"I'm not leaving."

She pushes the button to page her nurse and she turns up after a few moments. "Everything ok?"

"No, can you page security to escort Mr. Stabler here out."

The young nurse turns to Elliot. "Please Mr. Stabler, just go. Don't let me page security."

"I'm not. Going."

She pulls him by the arm outside. "Look, Mr. Stabler, from what I saw between you and that other woman-"

"Nothing happened between me and that other woman."

"When I went to check on her she asked me about you. I told her you were talking to her, which was what you were doing when I went in. When I came out, it was something different, and I'm guessing from what I overheard she saw that, too."

"It was just a hug. It didn't meant anything!" he says exasperatedly.

"Your wife's been through a lot, Mr. Stabler."

"So have I."

"But you didn't just lose your uterus. Right now she's feeling like less than a woman and she just found you in the arms of another woman. Add in her hormones…" he sighs. "Give her some time. Go home. Eat. Shower. Get a good night's sleep. You've been here for forty-eight hours straight. I'll make sure you get in to see her tomorrow. By then she will have calmed down and will be thinking more clearly."

Elliot's shoulders fall in resignation. He knows she is right. With one final glance at his wife's door, he trudges to the elevator and home to his empty house