Chapter Seventeen
Author's Note: Castiel has a flashback about Gabriel with an odd encounter with a woman.
Feeling his stomach turn, Dean ran to the bathroom to puke up his latest meal. About thirty minutes later, the doorbell unexpectedly rang as Dean was lying next to the toilet, "Dammit…it's probably Seth again!" he loudly commented as he strode down to the front door and was stunned to see first love standing there. Cas was dressed in black jeans and a blue shirt that matched his eyes. "Cas!"
"Hello Dean."
Both stood there for a few awkward seconds until the host motioned to enter. "Umm…you showed."
"Of course, I would," he stated. "Are you up to having a visitor?"
"Yeah, yeah...please sit." Dean excitingly said, pointing to the couch. "Want something to drink?"
"No, thank you."
"I'm glad to see you." Dean honestly remarked, sitting next to him on the sofa. "I often thought of you."
I often thought of you throughout the years too." Cas stated while Dean looked shocked.
"Me…really?"
"Dean, you need to have more confidence about what a terrific guy and friend you are."
"Thanks," he mumbled.
"Dean, I must say how sorry I am for just showing up…If I'd had mentioned to Sam about you in the past, none of this would've happened and you guys would be happy." Cas paused, closely watching his first love and not wanting him to get sick again. "And I need to apologize for leaving you in college without saying goodbye. I was afraid that you would talk me out of it and that made me scared because I probably would have."
"Really?" Dean questioned. "You still cared back then?"
"Of course, you were my first love and best friend." Castiel fondly admitted. "Did you really think I didn't?"
Dean shrugged, "I dunno."
"Its true."
"Anna was very mad…I guess you told her everything about what happened, right?" Dean quietly asked, ashamed how he treated his first love and that Cas was hurt enough to express it all to a sibling.
"Yes, I told her." Cas admitted, searching for the right words, not wanting to hurt his fragile ex-love. "I explained how even though we were still in love, it was best to part since I could not keep living the lie about being a proud gay man. I always articulated the fact that I wanted an open and honest relationship with you, but needed you to be upfront with your family."
Dean sat there staring at the floor, "I know and now wished I would have done that. Because you would've never been hurt…I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to apologize for," the blue eyed angel remarked. "I just need to express that I was wrong and you need to really believe that…you are a good person with a caring heart and I am glad to be able to say this to your face."
"Thanks it's really good to see you too." Dean stated, becoming less tense. "I'm glad you're not mad, so what have you been doing all of these years?"
"Well, after I left the university, I studied and graduated in Paris, then traveled around Europe and Asia. I finally decided to open an art gallery in Paris to assist other struggling artists, as my heart wasn't into anymore. I took up poetry and ended up as a professional photographer. It was very rewarding, especially when I traveled with humanitarian groups to assist with medical aid and education in Africa." Cas paused, noticing Dean was hanging on his every word.
"It was there where I met a doctor, Jean-Pierre Beaumont, and we became inseparable. We soon devoted our entire lives to those villagers and I became very happy for the first time since I was with you. Then I got word about Gabriel's death and came back for his funeral. It put everything into perspective and I asked Jean-Pierre to be my mate for life and we were married a civil ceremony days after Gabe's passing. Jean-Pierre became sick with Hepatitis A, therefore we've been in Paris for the last year as he recovers. He's better now, but not for traveling."
"I'm glad everything has worked out." Dean honestly said, looking his former lover in the eye.
"Sam told me about your wife…I'm sorry."
"Thanks," Dean mumbled again while his head fell.
"Sam is a very sincere person and I love him dearly. He's very sorry about the omission of his real name and hopes you can forgive him someday soon."
Yeah, I forgive him but he hates me because I'm worthless and fat.
Castiel cleared his throat to get Dean to look up, "I am very glad to see you again and to know how well you're doing, especially telling your parents the truth since I know how much that must have hurt."
"I'm fine."
"Would you like to have lunch tomorrow?" Cas asked. "I know this great bistro downtown."
"No thanks…I would just rather stay in and relax."
"Oh, of course. Cas said. "Maybe next week then; I'll be leaving in a couple weeks for Paris and I hope to see you again soon."
"I would like that." Dean sincerely replied. "Cas, I have something of yours that I've been carrying around for awhile now."
Cas watched him as he jogged up the stairs and soon returned with a sketch pad, "You left this in my dorm room."
The blue-eyed man scanned through it, bringing back many fond memories. "I often wondered what happened to this. Thanks for keeping it…but, why?"
"I dunno know…thought maybe I see you someday again or at least, I hoped too." Dean divulged.
"Dean," Cas sighed, "Are you happy…I mean, really happy?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I am worried you would start cutting yourself again." Cas replied, voice breaking with concern. "You have been through an incredible amount of stress the last few weeks and want you to be saying safe."
"I'm fine, so don't worry."
They sat there in a few awkward moments until Cas stood up, "I better be going since we're having a board game night and Anna will come down here if I'm not back in time. Would you like to join us…Sam would be very relieved?"
"Nah, I'm turning early anyways since it's been a long day." Dean replied with a weak smile.
"Well, if you ever want to talk or anything, here are my phone numbers and e-mail." Cas remarked, handing him a memo sheet. "I am available anytime, okay?"
"Sure…thanks."
"Dean, I still care and love you."
"I know…me too."
Dean walked his first true love to the door, who then lightly kissed him on the cheek, "Have a good night."
"You too, Cas."
Dean turned off all the lights, thinking about the past and future. I just can't embarrass Sam or Cas anymore…they deserve much better than me."
Flashback
"I can't go in!" Cas said, running to a small table at an outside crowded food court.
"Jeez, what's wrong now?" Gabriel sighed, sitting next to his brother.
"You know why!" he exclaimed. "Sorry that I am yelling, but Dean maybe mad at me for showing up unannounced."
"Dude, I'm sure he's getting a lot of people calling and showing up unannounced." Gabe chuckled, "After all, he was dead."
"Stop that!" Cas bellowed. "It's not funny and I shouldn't be here. Once I found out that Dean was alive and it was all a mistake, I should have got back on the plane and headed home."
"Excuse me, but are you talking about Dean Winchester?" A young blonde woman inquired, sitting at the next table drinking an iced-tea.
"Yeah, why you wanna know?" Gabe replied, almost growling at the gal.
"Well ummm…I'm his wife, Jo Winchester and this is our daughter." She said, pointing to her belly. "Maybe I can help."
"Oh boy, this is awkwwwwward." Gabe quietly mocked.
"Uh…uh…uh…"
"Wow Cas, you got a way with words." His brother joked, adding his charming smile to the confused woman.
"Wait…are you Cas, as in Castiel Novak?" Jo questioned.
"Uh…uh…uh…"
"C'mon, already!" Gabe jokingly shouted then extended his hand, "Yeah, that's him…the one and only and I'm his extremely handsome brother Gabriel."
"It's nice to finally meet you…both." She said, shaking the brother's hand. "Wait until Dean sees you."
"I uh, don't want to speak with him, since this was a huge mistake to come here," Cas mumbled.
"Don't be silly," Jo replied. "I'm sure that Dean would like to see you."
"You don't understand."
"Yeah, I completely understand." Jo turned to face the confused man, "I understand that you were in love and I understand that you rushed here to see him when the newspaper reported that he was dead. I understand what your first love means to you as I would do the same with Jeff, my first love."
"See, if she thinks it's a good idea, then go see the guy." Gabe remarked.
"Actually Dean is on his way down here any minute, so now you don't have an excuse."
"There, now all you hafta do is wait." Gabe said as Jo nodded in agreement.
Cas uncomfortably looked around and that's when he spotted his first love walking toward them. "I'm sorry but I can't! Please don't tell him!" Castiel took off running through the crowd as Dean approached them.
"Hey."
"Oh hey, Dean." Jo said as her husband bent down to give her a long kiss, which she broke off. "Umm, this is…"
Gabriel stood up, "Hi, I'm James."
Dean shook his hand then both men sat down at the small table, prompting Jo to speak, "James is Jeff's cousin."
"Jeff?" Dean questioned.
"Jeff…my boyfriend from college."
"Oh, that Jeff." Dean replied.
"Well, we uh, ran into each other here and I was telling him the story of how that stupid newspaper reported that you were dead and we've been chatting ever since."
Dean chuckled, "Obviously I'm not dead, but glad it made a good conversation piece."
"I should probably get going since I need to meet up with my brother." Gabe said, standing and turning to Dean, "it was really nice to finally meet you."
Dean shook his hand again, "you too."
Jo opened her purse, "Here's my number again since you lost it and I really want you and your brother to keep in touch, okay."
"Yeah, sure we will." Gabe responded, taking the piece of paper and walking away, knowing his brother was watching and waiting.
"Babe, are you okay?"
"I sure am." Jo replied, looking into his sincere eyes, "I just wished you could've met his brother though."
"Well since I'm no longer dead, maybe we could get together one night and show off our new daughter." Dean said.
Jo laughed, "I would like that…I love you very much."
"And I love you very much too." Dean said, engulfing his wife into a deep kiss.
Gabe caught up with his hyperventilating sibling, "C'mon, you're gonna make yourself sick."
"I know."
"He's really nice and loves his wife."
"I know."
"You should've spoken with him since he seems like an understanding guy."
"I know."
Gabe shook his head, "What you wanna do now…stay or leave."
"Definitely leave since this was a huge mistake to come."
End of Flashback
The next morning Luke rang the doorbell with a smirk waiting for the whore to answer the door. "Good morning, Mr. Winchester."
"Hey, Seth." Dean replied as the food was being set up in its usual place.
"May I assist you with anything else?" Luke asked as Dean negatively nodded and then left to sneak back inside.
Dean's stomach growled hungrily, especially after an early morning fierce workout. However, he was stunned to see only one hardboiled egg and a half of a grapefruit. "I guess this is all I really need anyways," he muttered.
Lunch was even less- four celery stalks and two carrot sticks. Dinner was very appetizing with 2 ounces of salmon, small garden salad surrounded by cucumbers and two cherry tomatoes with no dressing.
For the next seven days, the meals were getting less and less as his exercising increased. He was disappointed to only see a 13 pound weight loss on scale. "That's all I lost," he sighed. "I better increase my routine more."
Luke watched from the attic, "Yeah whore, you're gonna exercise yourself to death." The psychopath eerily laughed, eating a bagel and cream cheese.
Dean would run six hours each day while fiercely working out for another six and continued to eat the small portions of food 'Seth' provided.
Meanwhile back at the main house, Sam threw himself into work as the merger took up most of his time. He would spend spare minutes waiting for Dean to reappear in their bedroom or masturbate, thinking of him. Why hasn't Dean called? Will he ever forgive me? How can I make it up to him?
Sam made several attempts to call or text, but nothing ever happened. If he hadn't promised Dean, Sam would've been knocking on the bungalow's door the next day after Dean left. But since he already 'lied' about many things, Sam stayed out of his boyfriend's way.
The best part of this whole rotten experience was Castiel's reassurance that Dean was coping and just needed extra time to sort out all the misunderstandings of late. Dean, please don't hate me and come back soon...I love and miss you.
TBC…