HIYAS! I'm here a little earlier than planned…but that's because I'm off work now, and (as usual) I'll be back there tomorrow, so I'm taking this window of opportunity! And I have plans for the 4th, because 'm American, and it's my right to blow shit up. Thus, my best friend and I have plans to strap things to bottle rockets because we're weird. SO! Let's work on this update! First off, I'm so glad y'all took to the idea of SLAM DANCING! Yes, it's so much fun to do! Cars around you will have no idea what's going on. Of course, you can slam dance anywhere. All it requires is flailing around violently. Can't you guys just see Dave doing that in a car? All while screaming, "NEAR, FAR, WHEREVER YOU ARE! I BELIEVE THAT THE HEART DOES GO OOOONNNNNNNN!" Uh, or at least I do this with my friends. We serenaded the car next to us once with "Don't Stop Believin'" and it was beautiful. But anyway, whoa, I have tons of reviews this time! You're all so kind! :3 Guest, ahhhh, thank you so much! Haha, I love writing the shitty raps! And no, you repeat them all you want! If he gives you any stress, you say I said it's okay! Strider fires are MEANT to be repeated! You made me so happy with that one! luckycat222, I think everyone has to love Karkat. I mean, he's so high strung, but with a heart of gold. And it was meant to make you laugh, so thank you! Kira-Lime Orijima, Gamzee is also impossible not to love. SIGH, Stridercest. It's one of those things that like, you know it's wrong…but they're both so beautiful… I still support Dave with John and Dirk with Jake more than anything else though, hahahahaha. But that doesn't mean my cursor has never…caressed the link of some Stridercest. That doesn't mean it has either! You will never know! MUAHAHAHA. NyaddieLove, what! What part of the south are you from?! We may be close! And, yay, good to see you again! So glad you're looking forward to it! Yukinachan7, that makes me so happy, you don't even KNOW! darkestlight96, Karkat isn't scary, hehe. He's just…loud. I used to have a friend kinda like him, only more of a nerd and not as loud. We got along swimmingly, although at first he didn't like me because I was pranking him, so it was like a John/Karkat thing. Aw, I just reminded myself I miss him. I should track him down! And never fear about having nothing to say! I look forward to your reviews! :D lovemahBF, AHHH! THANK YOUUU! Making them in character is like, what I STRIVE FOR! And you totally see through Dave. It's a shame so many people can't! He and his façade. Your review made me so happy, and I love you! Rai Rai Blue, whoa there, potty mouth! You always give me flack about dragging you into new fandoms, but you know you love it! It's so much fun to see you excited about Homestuck characters when you can't even get past ACT I! I keep telling you to give the art a chance! It gets so much betterrrrrr! Haha, glad to have you on board! Now Imma chant "ONE OF US, ONE OF US" to make it creepy. So, let's get on with it, shall we?!
Confession 5: I have an unnatural obsession with the supernatural. So, uh, yeah. Let than sink in.
Loretta Young Silks
(Sneaker Pimps)
[Got answers for everyone. Endless excuses. Not habit for anyone 'cos I'm trying to break your click track heart. Seen a vision of perfect grace, airbrushed and lifeless. All contempt and aftertaste. It's like I'm waiting for the scars to heal. You sew Loretta Young Silks, fashioning your self-escape. You sew Loretta Young Silks, trading on your super waif. All style before content, using me as bait. You sew Loretta Young Silks, swapping your love for hate.]
You're Dave Strider, and you're (ironically) sprawled across John's lap. He didn't put up much of a resistance. Sure, he had made a small remark about how there was no need when his couch was more than big enough for the two of you to sit comfortably, but you had simply shushed him by squishing his face again. It seems to be a sure-fire way to shut him up. He gets all flustered and stops talking, which is aye-okay with you. So now your head is in his lap, and your shades are safely on the coffee table while you do your best not to eat your own face because of the shit-poor movie Egbert put in.
It wasn't a Cage film- you had flat out refused. John had argued a little until you threatened suicide. Anything is better than Nic Cage. Anything. You would rather pull Cal out of the piles of suitcases and John's laundry you had safely buried him under, and fucking dance with him than watch Nic Cage's eyebrows move closer and closer together. John had made an exasperated noise, and chose something else. So now you're stuck with the lesser of two evils, though by a small margin, and you're watching Matthew McConaughey work his way around vowels like it's physically strenuous for him to do so. You sigh dramatically.
"John. Johnny-Boy. Eggman, I'm fucking dying."
"Shut up, Dave. I'm trying to watch the movie."
"You're not being very host-like to your guest. In my neck of the woods, I woulda offered you some sweet tea, let you pick the movie, and saved your ass from Bro by now. You've done none of these things for me. Be gettin' a single tear from my eye here, man."
"How am I supposed to save you from your brother? That makes no sense. But I did offer my clothes to help bury Cal in since you wouldn't stop casting your suitcase glances like it was about to explode, so I saved you kind of," John says with his eyes still glued to the screen. You can barely make them out for the glare on his glasses, and it reminds you that you aren't wearing yours.
There wasn't any dramatic reveal. There was no moment of silent contemplation before you'd taken them off. John had known your eyes were red. He had known for years. You'd told him online, and even then, all he'd said was, 'red? whoa, like, naturally? that's so awesome!' You'd known then that he wasn't like everyone else. He was someone you could be yourself with, be comfortable with, so there was no hesitation at all to remove your shades. He hadn't stared, hadn't even tossed you a second glance. He had simply smiled when you sat up to place them on the table, and then patted his thigh with a derpy look on his face, signaling he was okay with you (still ironically) lounging on him.
Now though, you're envious that you can't see his eyes as well as he can see yours. It seems you're both going to be forced to look at each other through a glass barrier forever. You're not even sure if he can see without his glasses, or if he's just far-sighted or something. You'll have to ask him later when he's not drooling over McCluster-Fuck. Which he is clearly doing.
"Could you stare anymore longingly at that dickweed?" you ask, reaching up to poke his face. John swats your hand away.
"You're just jealous that someone else is holding my attention! Now shush!"
"Oh, hell no, I am not jealous of that weird accented douche. I'm simply amazed at your ability to stare at him like he's made of fucking Gushers or something. Dude's got a face like a crack addict walrus."
"He is totally good-looking, Dave. I don't know what you think is handsome in a guy if you can't see that."
You stare at him for a moment, wondering how he can constantly claim heterosexuality when he says things like that. Then, you allow your eyes to trail over his face, scanning the porcelain skin there. He's not nearly as pale as you, but he's not tan either. You'd suppose living in a place like Washington where it's always raining would do that to a person. In your case, you just avoid the sun because you're nocturnal as fuck, but that's another story. Your eyes travel down to his neck, then his collarbones, which are very prominent. The rest of your view is obstructed by his clothing, and you suddenly wish there weren't so many layers between you. John is short, but he's intimidating to you in a way. He's pale, but he's bright. He's thin, and his hands are small, and his feet are big, but he's adorable in a way that you and your irony can't even begin to define- which is ironic in itself. He's everything you thought he would be, but he's more, and suddenly you're afraid of this- of this closeness. He's like a goddamn gravity pit, pulling you in, lulling you into security. And you're oddly okay with that even if it's scary. He blinks down at you.
"Are you spacing out down there?" he laughs. "I know it's not your thing, but you could at least watch the movie and give it a chance." His fingers brush your hair away from your forehead, and keep pulling in a gentle motion. He's petting you, and you're letting him. Inhaling sharply, you tear your eyes away from his face.
"McConaughey ain't got shit on you," you say quietly.
"Eh? What'd you say?"
"I said my brainwaves are shit now, and I think my host should make me popcorn."
After a few movies, all shittier than the last because John Egbert seems incapable of liking anything remotely good, he's nodding off above you. His hand has long since ceased petting you, and the movie is back on the title screen, replaying over and over again because you're not stopping it. John's leaned over you, his arms crossed over your abdomen with his face hidden in them. You can feel his breaths through your shirt, but still, you're not moving. This time, it's your hand in his hair, and you're marveling at how soft it is despite the fact that it's sticking straight up.
"Mmm…feels good, Dave," he mumbles, halfway awake, but slipping fast, and you bite your lip because of this ridiculous situation.
"John? C'mon, bro. You need to get in your bed," you say gently.
"No. 'M gonna take the couch… You're the guest, so you can sleep in my bed," he slurs.
"No way, man. Y'know I was kidding about that hospitality shit, right? I sprung this trip on you, so I'm not taking your bed too. I'll take the couch."
He lifts his head, and his glasses are hanging down almost past his nose. His wide eyes are looking straight into yours without any glass barriers in the way, and it takes your breath away from the sincerity in his gaze. You're not used to this, to seeing people without your safety net, but you could get used to it in this case. You scramble to remove yourself from his way so he can make it to bed. He stands, wobbling a little on his feet, and then stumbles towards his bed. His apartment is a studio, so it's all one large room, the bed in the far corner. You watch as he falls unceremoniously into the sheets, still fully-dressed. Sighing, you make your way over to him, and poke his face again.
"Aren't you gonna get comfy or something? C'mon, you're even wearing your glasses to bed? Do you wanna break them in your sleep and lose an eye or something? 'Cause I swear if I wake up in the middle of the night and you're missing an eye, lids will be flipped, John. Scenes will be caused. I'll scream your name so loud and emotional, Shatner will roll up in here demanding I scream 'Kahn' for him."
"You're such a dweeb," John giggles sleepily, removing his glasses and kicking off his pants, and you definitely aren't looking, nope. When he's safely under the covers, you're making your way back to the couch, only to be hit with something when it makes contact with the back of your head. You hear John laughing from the corner. He threw a pillow at you.
"There's some spare blankets in the bathroom closet," he tells you helpfully. "In case you get cold."
You stifle the urge to throw the pillow back at him in retaliation, and flop on the couch. "I don't need a blanket. Striders run hot, yo. This hot bod is all heated and warm like a furnace."
"I know," John says, "my legs are sweating where you were on me."
"See man? Space heater, here."
"Maybe you just sucked up all the heat from Texas and brought it here?"
"Could be. Now get some Z's, Eg-bear. Can't have your crazy shaving cream wielding father hunting me down, saying I kept you from sleeping and stunted your growth even more."
"I'm twenty-two, Dave. I don't think that's going to happen."
"You never know. My bro is almost thirty, and if he thinks I'm losing sleep, he shoves a Smuppet down my pants."
John laughs loudly, and you can hear his legs hitting the bed as he flails them around in his laughter fit.
"Oh my god, Dave. Dave, what a childhood you must've had! This is great."
"Fuck you, man. It's impossible to be cool and calm when you're facing a puppet with an ass bigger than yours. I'll have you know I was brave as hell to stay up late and talk to your geek self while dodging sexual dolls left and right. Shit's traumatizing as hell."
John is still laughing, but then it gets quiet in the small space, so you know he's succumbing to sleep again. In all honesty, you should be exhausted from the plane ride, but you're pretty wired right now. You reach for your phone to check your pesters, and hear a quiet snore from the corner.
"Goodnight, Egbert," you smirk.
You wake up to see John's face mere inches from yours. Stifling an unmanly noise, you jump back, and he's laughing at you while you grope for your shades, suddenly more aware than ever that you're not wearing them.
"Oh, man, I wasn't trying to scare you!" he laughs. "Just thought I'd let you know I'm leaving for work now."
"Wha…? Thought you weren't going in till five?" you say, rubbing your eyes behind your specs.
"It's almost five, silly. Maybe you should sleep some more? You must be super tired, Dave. Plane rides do that. Anyway, I'll see you later!" He gives you another wide grin before turning to grab his keys from the counter, and stumbling when he tries to spin around to face you again. You can't help but smile at his lack of coordination, but he's out of the apartment before you can comment on it. You think he might be right about the sleep thing, because you're still tired as hell, so you pull the cover up to your chin and curl around it, before thinking idly that you never actually grabbed a blanket.
The next time you wake, it's because of an irritating noise. Groaning, you emerge from your blanket cocoon and reach blindly for your phone, remembering your shitty ringtone. It's a series of pesters, and the light from your screen is blinding for a moment as you try and read them.
-tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:17-
TT: Are you enjoying your stay with John thus far?
TT: I've asked him, of course, but he's working and can only message me so quickly. He tells me he's really enjoying having you there.
TT: I can only assume you're sleeping, which isn't too surprising since it's almost time for you to crash like you normally do from lack of sleep. Your sleep pattern rivals that of a vampire bat, Dave.
You observe Rose's messages before you check the others, the bright green text taking a minute to get used to. Sometimes you think Jade might use that color just to bother you, because she knows it's hard as hell to read.
-gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:20-
GG: dave! youre there with john?
GG: thats so cuuuute!
GG: since you never made the effort to visit me or rose im guessing you must REALLY like him?
GG: :D
TG: jade
TG: do you have any idea what time it is here
GG: uh… isnt it like 9?
TG: yes
TG: its too early for your neon shit
GG: :/
GG: GRUMPY!
GG: have you confessed your love to john yet? :)
TG: what is it with you and rose
TG: no
TG: girls in general
TG: why do you all think every bromance has to be non platonic
TG: its like two men look at each other in a show and suddenly its ship city theyre obviously in love
TG: and then god forbid they be in a scene with dialog together they must be getting married
GG: so you havent told him?
TG: no
GG: thats okay! you will!
TG: later jade
-turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 21:25-
Sighing, you scroll back up to answer Rose.
-turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 21:25-
TG: so i just woke up
TG: and already im getting bombarded with estrogen from you and harley
TG: did i do something to deserve this as my life
TT: Oh, there you are.
TT: I was beginning to think you were going to sleep through the entire visit with John. But I suppose he would wake you up eventually.
TG: i deserve some r&r
TT: Yes, because you do so much.
TG: ill have you know it takes days to mix these sick fires for gigs
TT: And five entire minutes to create one of your comics?
TG: give me credit okay
TG: its like 4
TT: Oh, my apologies. By the way, you've not answered any of my previous questions. How are things with John?
TG: oh my god
TG: were getting married
TG: i gave him a fuckin ring pop smacked that shit right on his finger looked at him and said
TG: lets do this shit man
TG: and he was like hot damn and now were getting married
TT: So things are going good? I was proud to hear you were on the couch. I half expected you to slip into his bed during the night.
TG: no thats happening tonight
TG: but no funny stuff till the wedding
TG: which youre not invited to
TT: I'll learn to move past it.
TG: good
TT: I just thought I'd check in, but I have to get going now. Kanaya and I have plans. Do reconsider inviting me to the wedding though.
TG: no promises
TT: Oh well. John will invite me.
-tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:34-
You roll over on the cushions, and realize you're entirely in the dark. It's pitch black in the apartment, save for the soft light coming from John's big ass computer. Placing your feet on the floor, you slowly stand up, and use your phone as a flashlight to make it to a light switch. You have a few hours until John gets home from work, and you just realized you're starving.
His cabinets are full of junk food. You grin triumphantly when you come across a can of Chef Boyardee, because c'mon, dude is the shit, and then you rustle through the lower cabinets until you find a pot to cook it in. You're making your way back to the couch to watch TV, bowl of ravioli in hand, when you hear your phone jingle again. Picking it up with one hand, you examine the new pester.
-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 22:01-
EB: where is this alleged ring pop?
EB: i feel i should receive said ring pop if we're getting married!
TG: whoa man
TG: egbert is messaging me at work
TG: breaking rules and shit
EB: shut up! you owe me a ring.
TG: you can rest your pretty head
TG: knowing that this hunk of strider man meat will have a ring pop for you in the future
EB: a blue one.
TG: a fucking blue one
EB: :B
EB: i'll only say yes if it's blue!
TG: youd say yes if i proposed with a goddamn volleyball
EB: probably.
TG: so you talked to rose
EB: briefly! she had plans with kanaya. we're not doing much business tonight, but I didn't want to wake you up, so i was messaging her for a bit.
TG: im surprised karkat is letting you
EB: uh…
EB: he's not. i'm sneaking!
TG: holy shit
TG: this is a downward spiral young man
EB: shut the hell up!
EB: have you eaten?
TG: found some chef boyardee in the cabinets its like christmas up in here
EB: oh good. i realized i was working late way after i left, haha. i wanted to make sure there was food there! can't have my future husband starve!
TG: dont get me wrong
TG: it would be nice having my wife cook for me but hes at work
EB: HUSBAND!
TG: no way man you got wife written all over you
EB: hdkdoeednddoewnsdpMJJOKLOowelwmdedepsm
TG: whoa man it was a joke
TG: no need to go all parkinsons
EB: Is ThIs DAvE?
TG: uh
TG: yes
EB: hOw'S iT hAnGiNg MoThErFuCkEr?
TG: gamzee
EB: HoNk.
TG: so youve just taken johns phone huh
TG: claimed it for yourself
TG: made it down with the clown
EB: He HaD a CuStOmEr. MoThErFuCkEr LeFt HiS pHoNe.
TG: oh okay
TG: so karkat isnt around to boss yall around right now
EB: He'S iN hIs OfFiCe.
TG: sweet
EB: :O)
TG: so uh
TG: hows the whole juggalo life treating you
EB: PrEtTy GoOd MoThErFuCkEr.
EB: LiFe GeTs AlL oVeRwHeLmInG aNd YoU jUsT…sLaM a FaYgO.
TG: sounds enlightening
EB: mIrAcLeS mY bRoThEr.
TG: nice
EB: HoNk. ;O)
EB: shjesiswnddsoesdndsodsaaadddio
TG: oh man
EB: oh my god i'm so sorry. gamzee knows the pattern to unlock my phone somehow.
TG: its cool he was just telling me all about slamming faygos
EB: oh nice.
TG: so customer huh
EB: yeah! this guy wanted a classic x men comic.
EB: didn't even know any characters besides wolverine. it was almost a tragedy to sell it to him.
TG: there are more x men than wolverine?
EB: BLUH.
EB: oh man karkat is coming. see you at home!
TG: this makes me like an illicit mistress waiting for her lovers husband to leave
TG: im like just sitting here while you smooth things over with karkitty
TG: all bored and shit
EB: MY NAME IS NOT KARKITTY YOU MENTALLY RETARDED FUCK.
EB: YOU AND YOUR STUPID LITTLE FUCK BUDDY SHOULD KNOW WHEN ONE OF YOU HAS WORK. JUST BECAUSE HE'S OFF TOMORROW DOESN'T MEAN HE CAN TALK TO YOU WHENEVER.
EB: SOME OF US WORK FOR A LIVING.
TG: its work to sell comic books to dweebs in their forties?
EB: HA HA HA.
EB: THAT WAS FAKE BY THE WAY.
EB: YOU'RE ABOUT AS FUNNY AS LIGHTING MY NUTS ON FIRE. JUST LIGHTING THEM UP FOR FUN AND ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS OVER THEM.
TG: oh my god
EB: YOU WILL SEE HIM LATER. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. NEITHER OF YOU ARE INTERESTING ENOUGH FOR CONSTANT CONTACT. WHAT DO YOU EVEN TALK ABOUT? HOW MUCH YOU BOTH SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF THE UNIVERSE WITH YOUR MOUTH BREATHING?
TG: come on now karkitty
TG: im starting to think you might not love me as much as i hoped
EB: EAT SHIT AND DIE YOU RUPTURED PUS FILLED SORE.
TG: you win the prize for grossness
-ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 22:35-
You toss your phone on the cushion and place your now empty bowl on the coffee table. You finally turn on the TV to pass the few hours until John will be home. You get him all to yourself tomorrow, but you're trying not to get too riled up about that.
so you havent told him? Jade had asked. You must be obvious as fuck to everyone except John, and oddly enough, yourself. No, you hadn't told him. Until meeting him, you didn't think there was anything to tell. But now…
Yeah. Now.
[Soft-focus for full appeal, pictured as flawless. No context for self-esteem, I'd be pushed to give you love on that. As far as the eye can see, too much perfection. Pure substance for wannabes keeps you beating to a click track heart. You sew Loretta Young Silks, fashioning your self-escape. You sew Loretta Young Silks, trading on your super waif. All style before content, using me as bait. You sew Loretta Young Silks, swapping your love for hate. You sew Loretta Young Silks, fashioning your self-escape. You sew Loretta Young Silks, trading on your super waif. All style before content, using me as bait. You sew Loretta Young Silks, swapping your love for hate.]
Sachi: Hehehe, we're making these chapters longer and longer, aren't we?! Not that any of you will be complaining! Review for love! I'd love to hear from some new people! Of course, my regulars are my besties, so if they get all my love, that's more than fine! ;3
Gamzee: HoNk. :O)