Chapter Sixteen

Hiroki lay down on the couch listening to Nowaki book a flight. His voice was very calm and warm as he talked to the person on the other end of the phone. Closing his eyes, he imagined himself and his lover on the beach with the sun and sand. It was odd, he realized, he never did enjoy romping around in salt water. The salt tended to stick in his swim trunks and dry out his skin. Sunscreen was oily and made him smell funny. But the last time he went to the beach was a few years before he met Nowaki, and he might enjoy it if he was with the other man. Nowaki probably looked great with a swimsuit on. His tan skin would glisten with water droplets as he got out of the ocean. When he felt the cool breeze against his wet body, he might get goose bumps. Yeah, Hiroki could just picture it now.

He jerked when a warm hand landed on his head.

"Hey, are you okay? It looked like you were falling asleep."

Hiroki shook his head. "Nope, I'm good. Just daydreaming I guess. I'm excited for our vacation," he admitted. "It's been awhile since I've seen the ocean."

"Hmmm…" Nowaki mused. "I can't remember the last time I've been there. I never went on any vacations previous to meeting you. The orphanage didn't have a lot of money to take us places."

"It's not all that it's cracked up to be, believe me. The sand gets everywhere and the salt gets everywhere and the wind blows your hair everywhere—" He stopped when he saw Nowaki's worried expression.

"I thought you wanted to go there, Hiro-san. We don't have to go there just cause I want to. We can find someplace else to go. I don't want to pressure you into the beach if you don't like it."

"No, no, it's good. Really." Hiroki looked away before saying, "Besides, if I'm with you then anywhere we go will be fun."

Nowaki leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Then the beach it is," Nowaki said in his sappy-in-love-voice as he rested a hand on his lover's cheek, "I'm looking forward to it, Hiro-san."

"It's not 'till a long time away. Don't get too excited."

The hotel closest to the beach was booked all through summer, so the two decided to wait until the fall semester began to leave for vacation. They had already informed Hiroki's superiors at work that he would be missing a week. Besides, Hiroki thought, it wasn't like his students would mind one class being cancelled.

"I know we're not leaving until a few months. But still, I'm very excited. I can't help it." He threw his arms up with joy, grinning wildly. "Just the thought of swimming in the ocean with you makes me so happy that I feel as if my heart will burst."

"Whoa, slow down. Deep breaths. We aren't going until a few weeks after school starts. There's plenty of time to be excited later. Now is the time for us to make dinner. I'm really hungry." He clenched his stomach. "I didn't eat lunch."

"Hiro-san!" Nowaki scolded. "You know you need to eat lunch every day no matter what. You're eating for two now; you can't continue on with your old eating habits of skipping meals."

"I know, I know," Hiroki said, waving him off. "I wasn't hungry and I didn't feel like eating. My stomach hurt."

"You shouldn't wait to feel hungry before eating."

No reply.

"Well, did you at least take the vitamins and hormone supplements the doctor gave you?"

Hiroki nodded.

"Good. No matter what, you can't forget to take the pills. Ever. The baby needs them."

"I'm not five, Nowaki. I won't forget. I don't need you to remind me."

Nowaki withdrew his hand from its resting position on Hiroki's body. "Well, it appears that I do need to remind you as you keep forgetting to eat."

"Ugggh," Hiroki groaned, exasperated, "Look, it's been several weeks since I've skipped a meal. No big deal. Stop worrying."

He immediately regretted his words when Nowaki recoiled and frowned.

"Fine then. I won't worry." The words were terse and bitter, controlled and civilized but with an angry twinge.

Nowaki stood up and left the room.

Great, Hiroki thought, just what he needed. Nowaki was angry at him. But it wasn't like his words were his fault. When he was hungry he got irritable and didn't think.

He contemplating going into the kitchen to apologize, but he had no energy to get off the couch. Damn, he really shouldn't skip meals anymore. His stomach clenched in hunger and pain and he rolled onto his side to curl up, trying to ignore the ache.

He stayed like that until he heard Nowaki getting plates down from the cabinet. Dinner was ready, and Hiroki really didn't want to face the other man. He was probably still angry.

Hiroki entered the kitchen but didn't say anything. Nowaki had his back turned as he put ice into two water glasses. He silently grabbed the bowl of noodles sitting on the counter and brought it to the table.

An awkward silence filled the air as neither man spoke. They sat in their chairs and spooned food onto their plates, but they didn't make eye contact or begin eating. They just sat there, completely unmoving.

Hiroki could feel his hunger and the urge to dig into the noodles, but he didn't want to be the one to break the silence. They sat there for a few long seconds before Hiroki gave in and began to eat ravenously.

He gave a peek at Nowaki in-between mouthfuls. The other man was watching him, so he quickly looked back down to his food.

His stomach didn't feel any better now that he had eaten a little. If anything, he felt worse. He pushed away his plate and rested his head on his hand.

"What? Done already?"

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Hiro-san," Nowaki said, his voice softening with the use of his lover's nickname. "Please eat more."

"I don't feel good, Nowaki. I don't want to eat now." He folded his arms on the table and lay his head down. The food he had eaten just made his stomach worse. Nausea made him feel like he was going to throw up and he didn't want to get sick in front of Nowaki.

He heard Nowaki get up from his seat and walk around the table. A hand began to rub his back.

"What hurts?"

"My stomach," he mumbled into the table.

The hand moved up to tangle in his hair.

"Do you want me to carry you to bed to lie down?"

His gut reaction was to say no, but he decided that it would feel better to lie down. "Yeah."

Nowaki put one arm under Hiroki's legs and his other arm supported his back and he lifted the man up. Hiroki's hadn't started showing his baby bump yet and he was still pretty small comparatively; Nowaki could carry him easily.

The ride from the kitchen to their bedroom jostled Hiroki with every step. It stirred up his stomach until he felt the sour squeezing in his chest familiar to throwing up.

"Nowaki!" he screeched as he swatted that the other man. "Put me down!" As soon as his feet touched the floor, Hiroki scrambled into the bathroom.

Nowaki ran after him and found him kneeling in front of the toilet. Vomit poured into the bowl as Hiroki wretched.

Knowing that Hiroki wouldn't want him to watch, Nowaki turned away to get a wet washcloth. He waited until the older man was finished to reach out and rub his back.

"Hiro-san, you all right?"

He moaned in reply.

"Here, you can wipe your face with this," he cooed, handing him the washcloth.

His hand didn't take the offering.

"Come on, Hiro-san, I'll help you get cleaned up and then I'll get you to bed."

"It's red."

"What's red?"

"That!" Hiroki groaned, signaling the toilet. "The water! I didn't eat anything red today." His voice rose as he panicked. "Why is it red, Nowaki?"

He peered over to look and tried to remain calm for Hiroki's sake.

"It's not red, Hiro-san. It's pink. The red diluted in the water"

"Red, pink, what's the difference? It's blood! People don't just barf blood up for no reason! I don't want to die, Nowaki!" His terror caused him to grip the other man's pants as he continued to sob, "I don't want to die!"

"No, don't say that," Nowaki said softly, taking Hiroki into his arms. "We were told that something like this might happen. Your body is not meant to carry a baby. Your intestines and stomach is moving around to adjust to the changes." Nowaki rubbed his lover's head. If he was throwing up blood only a couple months after conception, then Hiroki was going to get much sicker as the baby grew.

"I'm not meant to have a baby. Is this God's punishment to me for going against nature?"

"Hiro-san, we were told to expect something like this. Don't be afraid. After I get you in bed I'll call the doctor and tell him what happened. Don't worry."

Hiroki felt numb as he allowed Nowaki to clean him up and tuck him in.

Once again, he listened as Nowaki's voice as he talked to someone on the phone.

Um, sorry that this was dramatic. I couldn't help it.

Purplegurl156: I know I said that I would write Hiroki on top, and I will, but I just need to figure out where the appropriate place is. I don't know when it will be, but it will happen eventually. P.S., Your review made me giggle. :)

So I'm really sad because something is going wrong with my double majoring. I've been allowed to do it because all my classes get little credit hours for the actually amount of time I'm in class (One class I'm taking gets 3 credit hours and I'm in class for 10 hours a week!) and then I don't even get credit for some of my music classes. Because my majors are completely unrelated, there's a LOT of classes that I have to take. They extended the number of credit hours you can take for me already cause the councilors allowed me to, but now there is a "complication" and I have to go in and talk with them on Monday! Wish me luck, I don't want to choose between pre-med and music!