Passenger 3-B
Author's Note: I want to thank everyone for reading and/or reviewing this story, (or adding it to your favorites). I have been busy with moving from Charlotte, NC to Las Vegas, NV; attending the Supernatural Vegas Con; vacationing in Hollywood and now trying to find employment.
I'm having a lot of fun with this story and I hope to continue with it by posting chapters more regularly. As always, I love hearing from people, (whether it is about my stories; interests; Vegas Con experience or just to say hi), so feel free to PM me anytime. Thanks!
Chapter Twenty-Three
Dean was incredibly tense on the first day of his group therapy with loved ones. Dr. Lowell stated many times before that the people who loved him would be there; all willing to help. However, the night before this dreaded day, Dean started to believe that no one would come, especially knowing how stupid he was to let Luke con him.
A nurse led him into the private conference room and Dean instantly saw all eyes on him. Dr. Lowell stood and pointed to the chair next to him, "Welcome, Dean, have a seat and we will begin.
The patient slowly sat on the right of the psychiatrist and gradually gazed around the large glass conference room table. Seated next to him was Castiel, whose bright blue eyes stared at him with love. A big smile broke out on the angel's face making Dean to acknowledge him with a slight nod.
Next to Castiel was Sam. Oh Sam, how I desperately want you...need you. I miss your touch and everything from head to toe. Sam's eyes were filled with love, fear and concern. Their eyes briefly met, immediately causing both to look away.
Adam sat in between Sam and John. Dad! What's my dad doing here? Is he gonna try to commit me again? Dean's eyes fixed upon his dad... John's hair was messy; he hadn't shaved; and there were deep bags under his red, glossy eyes. It appeared to Dean that his parent obviously hadn't slept in days and that alone was cause for concern since John wouldn't be that upset for his gay son, who was dumb enough to get kidnapped by a crazed ex-lover of his new boyfriend.
Lucille gave a friendly wave, jolting Dean out of his negative thoughts. Next to her was Bill, and he too, appeared to be sleep deprived as well.
Next to Bill was Michael, his only true friend from many years gone by. Dean then noticed something unusual about his friend's current appearance. Did he dye his hair bleach blonde? A smirk appeared on the patient's face. His wife must've have made him do that. But why? I'm gonna hafta tease him about that later.
And rounding off the seats was Karen, obviously only there for her son. Dean could tell that the family of three really close and would do anything for each other. Something he never really had with his own family. Where's my mom? My grandparents? I knew they always hated me…always ashamed of me.
"Dean, the first thing we want to know is what are your feelings at this precise moment? Are you happy, sad, angry, or embarrassed?" The psychiatrist asked, "Just tell and that's how we will begin."
"I don't have anything to say."
"Yes, you do," Dr. Lowell firmly replied.
Dean shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno."
"Dean, we've been through this in therapy."
"Why then?"
"Why what?" The doctor inquired.
The patient asked, "Why is everyone here?"
"Because…we love you." Castiel remarked, gently taking a hold of his hand. "We want you to know that you are loved and you won't find the need to starve yourself."
Pulling his hand away, Dean snickered, "I wasn't starving myself…I was on a diet."
"But Dean, you didn't need to be one," Sam replied. "That was all Luke…not me."
"Whatever."
"No, don't!" Sam exclaimed. "I need you to know that I love you just the way you were. You didn't need to be a diet!"
Dean sat up straight, "Yeah, I did. I got fat in Hawaii, so I needed to lose it. I don't understand why this is a fucking big deal. Yeah, I lost a few pounds, but don't worry coz I gained some of it back in this fucking place, okay?"
"No, it's not okay!" Sam yelled, startling everyone. "I think once you are out of here, you're gonna start that shit again. It was Luke…understand? That fucking psycho kidnapped and starved you! You're the victim and you need help!"
"Victim? Help?" Dean sneered, "Yeah, right. I'm the stupid asshole who let that psycho do this. Not only am I fat, but the dumbest person on the planet!"
"No, son…you're not!" John shouted. "Sam told me earlier that all this started because of me." John set his hands on the table, staring at them. "If I wasn't such a horrible father and did all those things to you; especially not being there for you, then none of this wouldn't have happened. Dean, I love you and I'm very sorry. And I never meant to imply that you were fat. I was stating the fact about how fit you looked. These past couple of years, you looked pale and fragile, but after Hawaii, you finally look healthy and extremely happy."
Dean sat there in a stunned and confused state, his throat dry and palms sweaty. He really wanted to cry but the tears never formed. Why was his dad saying this? And did he mean it?
With intense silence looming over the room, Dr. Lowell decided to begin the long session, "I have spoken with each person in this room for one-on-one therapy and the main conclusion is that everyone wants to Dean to be safe and healthy, therefore, Dean has stated to me that all he wants in return is honesty."
Dean loudly sighed, "Yeah, like that's gonna happen."
"Yes, it's going to happen…now." The doctor replied, shuffling notes. "Adam had volunteered to start off."
"Well, I'm not keeping secrets or anything…it's just that I uh, am worried about Sam." Adam paused, "He's been through a lot these past couple of years and I just want him to be happy. And if he's happy with you, then that's all I want. I love him and I know he loves you as well."
"Thank you, Adam for being honest with your thoughts." Dr, Lowell said, motioning for Lucille to speak next.
"I think of you as the child I never had…the son I always dreamed of having. The day that I became your executive assistant was one of the happiest days of my life." Lucille remarked with a sincere smile. "I was truly happy the way Jo and you welcomed me into your family, especially making me godmother to Brianna. But when she and Jo died…you slightly died too. Then when you were in Hawaii, you sent me emails and texts about what a good time you were having and that made me extremely happy."
"Lucille, may I speak now?" Bill asked her as she nodded.
"Dean, the first thing that I need you to know is that I love and respect you…you're more than a former son-in-law, you are the only family I have left. You're a good friend and, I too, am glad that you met Sam in Hawaii, because I have met someone too."
Bill reached for Lucille's hand, "We bonded over losing our loved ones and trying to be there for you. I lost three of the people I loved the most and Lucille was there to support me…and we fell in love. We didn't want to tell you, thinking that it would make you even sadder. I'm going to sell The Roadhouse and we'll retire to Florida when you're ready."
"When I'm ready…what the hell does that mean?" Dean stated. "Why do you care what I think?"
"Dean, we love and care for you," the older woman replied. "I will be your assistant as long as you need me, because we're family."
"I don't need you and I don't wanna hold you back…just go to Florida." Dean snapped.
"Yeah, you do need us, so we aren't going any where until you are well." Bill snapped back.
"Why stay because all you have done was lie to me…keeping your relationship a stupid secret since you obviously think that I'm fragile little bitch."
"We don't think that."
"Yeah, Luci, apparently you do and I don't need that shit," he huffed.
"Dean, would you have honestly been thrilled to have your friends fall in love and move away?" The doctor questioned as the patient shrugged his shoulders.
"Dean, you repeated over and over in our sessions that the number one concern you had with your loved ones was the fact that you hated being lied to." Dr. Lowell said. "That is why we are all here…to get all the secrets out in the open. Castiel, it's your turn."
The blue-eyed man sat up straight, "I went to see you the next day after we broke up in college to say I was wrong, but I saw you with Cassie in the park. Both of you were hand-in-hand and sharing an ice cream cone. I felt that is what you wanted…needed…was to be normal, so I applied for an international transfer. You were my first love and I let you go to be happy, something I thought was the right thing to do at the time."
"Cas, you should've told me right then and there coz I was fucking miserable."
"I couldn't…I had to let you live your so-called normal life." He said, adding a small smile. "We were different back then, but I do regret the times that I came back to see you."
"Came back…you never came back."
With his head hanging low, Castiel admitted the truth, "I came back to town two other times to see you. The first time being, when you got a promotion, but I didn't speak with you because I found out you were soon dating Jo. The second time is when that newspaper accidentally stated that you had killed yourself."
Dean sat dumbfounded, staring into those beautiful blue eyes while Cas began telling the story of when he and Gabriel met Jo. The patient listened and a small smile appeared thinking of his wife, especially how awesome she was about his past.
Dr. Lowell interrupted Dean's thoughts, "How do you feel about Castiel's confession?"
"Fine."
"Dean, we want to know what you are feeling."
"It's all freaking fine." Dean said, somewhat glaring at the nosy doctor. "I mean…sure, I would've loved to see Cas back then, but what's done is done. And before you pressure me to add more sappy shit…yeah, just seeing Cas back then would've taken a load off my mind since I always thought he hated me and that's why he took off and never came back."
"I truly am sorry as I thought I was doing the right thing at the time." Cas stated.
"Is said, its fine…aren't y'all even listening?"
"Dean, your friend just apologized and you need to acknowledge it as a way to move past your hurt feelings." The psychiatrist professionally suggested.
The patient nodded, shifting in his seat, "I really do understand, but why to we need to beat this shit to death."
"Castiel, would you like to add anything else?"
"Yes, doctor, I need to tell my friend how much he still means to me," Cas said, eyes peered on Dean. "When I saw you at Sam's house the night of the party, I just wanted to apologize immediately, hoping all was forgiven. But we were rudely interrupted by my sister and then when I saw you at the bungalow, things seemed to work its self out. However, I get the feeling that you want to punch me or something…you being safe and healthy are very important to me, but if you want me to leave, then I will."
"I uh, don't want that…I uh, just want the truth." Dean paused, looking deep into his former lover's eyes, "I don't want you to leave…I want us to have a real friendship again. I missed you and I don't ever wanna lose you again."
"I would like that very much."
The doctor flipped opened his notebook, "Thank you, Castiel, that was very productive." He then turned to his patient, "Dean, your father has stated that he wants to speak next or would you like to take a break and finish later?"
Dean quickly responded, "I wanna hear what he has to say." Is he going to try to commit me again or what?
John felt all eyes on him and quietly began speaking, "As a father, I royally fucked up and can never change the past. I have a terrific son, but always treated him like he had the plague. I hope to earn the chance of being your friend and maybe, just maybe, I could be the father you always wanted."
John gazed up to meet those beautiful eyes, the same green eyes he first laid upon when he would rock his son to sleep every night when he was a baby. "I know that I hafta earn your love and respect, and I'm damn well going to do everything in my power to do so, but I need you to know how much I love and need you…you're my whole world."
"You know what, John…you're not my dad anymore coz I'm the fucking freak who ruined your life…I'm Dean Nobody, so stop pretending that we're going to have a Hallmark family reunion!" Dean exclaimed, not really knowing why his father was there. Sure, everyone else being in this therapy made sense, but why the man who hated him the most was there.
"I love you, son."
"Stop fucking saying that!" Dean yelled. "You always hate me, so why are you saying this?"
"Because I mean it…I love you," John soulfully remarked. "You are my son and I love you very much."
"Yeah, right." Dean sneered, getting angrier by the second. "Are you saying that you love me, knowing that I enjoy giving blow jobs? Are you saying that you love me, knowing that I enjoy swallowing cum? Are you saying that you love me, knowing that I enjoy getting fucked in the ass? Are you saying…"
"Dean!" Everyone, including Dr. Lowell, hollered.
"Dean, stop saying that!" John screamed.
"What? I thought you wanted the fucking truth!"
"No, Son, not like that!"
"I enjoy having Sam pound his big cock all the way to my prostate…over an over…having him cum inside me, knowing how much that makes you sick." Dean took a drink of water, then threw the glass across the room. "John, hearing this shit makes you wanna commit me again, huh? Your faggy, insane son, getting hard every time he's around cocks…makes you squirm, right? Does it bother you to know that I used to get paid to have guys hammer me in the ass over and over?"
"Son, why are you saying this?"
"Hey, we're here to tell the fucking truth, right?" Dean turned towards the doctor, who nodded. "Well then, let me tell you the truth about the Nobody you claim to still want as a son. This Nobody fucked hundreds of men, got paid for it, and caused his family to hate him. Then because he was super selfish, fell in love with an amazing gal and began a family with her. But, because he was horribly selfish, he let them get killed. He worked so much, that he was tense, and the only way he could release himself, was with a whore."
Lucille gasped, as everyone else intensely listened.
"Yeah, Luci, I was with a whore the night before I had my family killed." Dean admitted, tears falling. "I was tired from my adventure in the Red-light District that Jo let me sleep in and that's why she took Brianna to the mall…to let me rest. How fucking egotistical was that?"
"Dean, this was not your fault, but we need to explore this…"
"Shut up, Doc!" The patient screamed. "Yeah, it was and I need to pay for it!"
TBC…