A/N: So how will this go? Well, most of this chapter is pretty much just Padme's internal thought processes. If you see any dialogue in italics, it means that the words are not being spoken out loud. Because Obi-Wan is with her in this 'meditation', they are capable of projecting their thoughts towards one another. But only during the meditation. I'm not going so far as to give them a Force bond on that level.

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Except for Corana, Lea, and Obi-Wan's mother.

Strengthening Bonds: Chapter 4

When Obi-Wan told her to think of a place where she felt safe, Padme knew that the meaning was more complicated than the usual definition of the word. She felt safe in the palace, hidden away from those who wanted to harm her. She felt safe at her family's home, where her parents had protected her innocence and naiveté as long as they possibly could.

What Obi-Wan was talking about, she knew, was the type of safety felt among the people closest to her. The joy she felt during whispered conversations with Sabe, the love that conveyed itself through a simple touch from her mother, the sense of calm she was feeling now with Obi-Wan. Somewhere in her mind, she had to grasp a memory of a place that could bring all those feelings to the forefront.

At first, she flailed about in frustration. What sort of place could convey all those things? They were all things specific to people, not places. Obi-Wan's voice reverberated through her mind, gentle but insistent.

Relax and breathe.

At his urging, she managed to calm her thoughts a bit more. Padme let her mind drift a bit, thinking of the last time she had done anything like this, when she had found Obi-Wan meditating in the garden a little over a year ago. With that memory coming into focus, she suddenly felt her anxiety slip away and she pictured herself in a place that she hadn't been to in a very, very long time.

The air was warm, perfumed with the patches of wildflowers that grew in the meadow. There was part of the lake, a magnificent waterfall serving as a frame for its shores. It was exactly as she remembered it being, although different somehow. The sun seemed brighter, the colors more vibrant.

'It's the way of things when you picture something in the Force,' Obi-Wan spoke again. 'Places or people that you love…those feelings manifest themselves in an almost physical way. If, for example, I were to call up a memory of Siri, she would look as she does in real life, but my feelings for her would add to her physical appearance.'

'And with a place or person you did not like?' she ventured to ask.

'Sadly, it does have its disadvantages,' he agreed. 'But I rarely try to focus on negative memories when I meditate. I find it slightly counter-productive.'

Even though he wasn't even speaking out loud, Padme could hear the slight sarcasm. She recognized it as the playful banter it was, though. Obi-Wan went on.

'This place is beautiful. Where is it? If you don't mind my asking, that is.'

'Of course I don't mind,' she replied. 'This is a place near my family's home at Lake Varykino. We don't live here all year, but we used to come in the summer. I don't think I have any bad memories of this place. Nothing more than perhaps getting into a little trouble with my sister.'

'Then it's perfect,' Obi-Wan informed her, his voice carrying a note of approval.

They were silent for a while, just enjoying the serenity of the place Padme had called up from her memories. In spite of his comments, Padme had the uneasy feeling that Obi-Wan was seeing something she could not. But she said nothing, deciding that he would speak up if he felt it necessary.

After a few moments, she began to sift through her thoughts about Naboo, about her place in the government and the decisions she'd made on the day of the battle. Somehow, in this place, it seemed easy to approach all of it without becoming so terribly emotional. Wondering how long Obi-Wan was going to remain silent, Padme decided to approach the initial problem first.

The Battle of Naboo. Padme had been brought up to believe that violence was wrong. Her family, her teachers, the very culture of Naboo had all eschewed violence, citing it as a last resort. Diplomacy first in all things. Not that there wasn't violence in Naboo's history. No planet could boast a completely peaceful history.

She was babbling. In her own mind. That couldn't be good. Pulling her thoughts back into focus, Padme dissected all the events leading up to the Blockade. Could she have acted faster to put a stop to things? No. Everything had quickly spun out of control and not even the Jedi sent to speak to the Federation had been able to do anything to prevent the invasion.

Nothing she said would've convinced the Senate to come to Naboo's aid. She saw that with perfect clarity now. They might still be debating the matter even now if she had not called for a vote of no confidence. Chancellor Valorum's forced retirement niggled at her thoughts. Something seemed strange about all of it now that she looked back. She knew that Finis Valorum had been an ineffective leader and she wasn't second-guessing her decision to call for the vote of no-confidence. The feeling that she had been rather smoothly manipulated by Palpatine, though, was starting to make its presence known.

She didn't care for that thought in the slightest and didn't understand why she felt that way. Chancellor Palpatine was a strong leader and fair-minded. He didn't allow people to sway him behind the scenes, something the Senate desperately needed after years of Valorum's leadership. She trusted Palpatine.

Didn't she?

Padme sighed and decided that, while her thoughts in this direction were both surprising and disturbing, she would probably be better off not focusing on Palpatine right now. As she moved her thoughts to the day of the battle, she allowed herself a moment of wonder. Her ability to suddenly view things in such an objective light was a welcome change. Was this how Jedi were able to maintain such level heads? She resolved to ask Obi-Wan later.

Playing the events of the day over in her mind, Padme saw with a sudden clarity that if she had done anything differently, the whole thing might have been even more of a disaster. She had allied her people with the Gungans. If she hadn't sought them out, it would've spared the Gungans who died in the battle. But without the Gungans fighting against the army of droids, the mission to storm the Palace and capture the Viceroy would've failed. Even if it had been successful at first, thousands of droids would have eventually marched on Theed. Their sheer numbers would have overwhelmed her people and she would be dead right now. Her family, her handmaidens, Obi-Wan, Panaka, Anakin, Qui-Gon…they would all be dead. Or, possibly even worse, captured. What kind of power would two Jedi prisoners have given the Federation? She shuddered to think about it.

And what of the Gungans? Eventually, the Federation troops would've discovered their hiding places. They too would've been killed or captured. Maybe even sold into slavery. Padme didn't think the Federation was above such actions. The past year had taught her much about the Gungans. Beyond the odd way of speaking and somewhat awkward appearance, Boss Nass was a being with great honor and pride. Most of the Gungans seemed the same. To be slaves…they would rather die. She knew that with certainty.

She had ordered the pilots to their ships without hesitation. One of them had never even made it out of Naboo's atmosphere. Several were lost in the skies above the planet and had it not been for Anakin's accidental discovery of the weak point in the Droid Control Station, Padme had to admit that the entire fleet might have been wiped out. Suicide mission? They must've known most or all of them would die, but they went anyway.

Without the pilots and ships to distract them, though, the Trade Federation's smaller ships would've gone unchecked. There might've been an aerial assault on Theed. There was no telling how many innocent civilians would've died in such an attack. As it was, there had been a few civilians who had been killed during her absence when they tried to resist the Federation's presence. All of Theed might have been wiped out. And then they would've moved on to the other cities. And the smaller villages. Again, Padme saw total destruction in her mind.

As for the battle inside the palace, she could only be glad that none of her people had been killed. Several were wounded, but none with life-threatening injuries. If she had sent some guards along with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, though…

'That is not your burden to bear.'

She had forgotten that Obi-Wan could sense her thoughts while they were in this meditation together.

'I feel I should've protected both of you more,' she responded. A wave of affection tinged with frustration washed over her.

'It was our job to protect you. Not the other way around. What happened to Qui-Gon was not your fault. He doesn't blame you for it. I certainly don't blame you for it.'

Padme felt herself falling out of her state of meditation. She suddenly felt colder and very tired. It was only when she opened her eyes that she realized darkness was starting to creep over Naboo. Several hours must've passed, yet it seemed like only a few moments. She looked over at Obi-Wan just in time to see his eyes open as well.

"What happened with the Sith has caused me enough grief," he told her gently. "Please promise me that it will not cause you grief as well."

She nodded, giving a slight squeeze to both his hands as she did so. Obi-Wan gave her a smile and stood up, pulling her with him. They stood there for a moment as he studied her.

"How do you feel?" he finally inquired.

"That was…very different from what you showed me before. I don't know how to explain it."

"For lack of a better word, you were only an observer last time. This was different. This was your thoughts creating a place specifically for you. Your thoughts, your emotions…entirely different feeling. You maintained your focus very well."

She chewed on her lower lip slightly as they began a slow walk out of the garden. He didn't speak and she was grateful for his silence. It was taking some time to adjust her perceptions and thoughts once more. What she had just experienced definitely helped her. She no longer felt as though the world was closing in around her.

"I feel…" Padme trailed off.

In a way, she felt discouraged. While her all-consuming guilt was no longer as prominent as it once was, she was still very confused as to what she was supposed to do. Her mind was telling her that nothing could've really been differently on the day of the battle. For the first time in a long time, her emotions did not drown out the logistics of the situation. But everything was still there. The guilt, the self-recrimination, the little voice whispering 'what-ifs' in her head…they were all diminished, but they still existed.

"Meditation is not a cure-all, Padme," Obi-Wan took her hand again and she was grateful for the reassuring contact. "It will take time for everything you've been feeling to fade away. And they will never be gone completely. I wanted to teach you about this because I thought it would help you keep everything from overwhelming you again. You can't make rational decisions if your emotions rule your life. That's what you were allowing your emotions to do."

"But I still don't know what to do," she modulated her voice carefully, trying not to sound like she was whining. It still sounded like whining to her, but Obi-Wan didn't seem to think anything of it.

"That's why you must continue with this. You ARE Queen Amidala. The people of Naboo have elected you to an office of great power. So I will tell you right now that your thoughts of stepping down before the next election are absolutely ridiculous."

Padme opened her mouth to refute his statement, but the look he gave her made her think better of that course of action.

"Yes, I know you never said anything about stepping down before the next election. But I was allowed just a small amount of access to your thoughts. Just enough to know the idea was there. I didn't think you'd actually act on such an idea, but I decided to say something anyway. You did say you wanted my advice earlier. That's probably the most direct advice I'll give you during my visit. To step down would do a disservice to your people and to yourself. And I think you know that."

She nodded, a little taken aback by the heat in his voice. Clearly, he had never expected her to even think of such a thing and she was very sure that he had been disappointed to discover she had been entertaining the idea. Truthfully, she was rather ashamed of that fact herself.

"I have no intention of stepping down before my term is over," she reassured him.

"Your willingness to put others before yourself is part of what makes you such a good leader. It's also part of why I admire you so much. It's a wonderful trait to have, Padme. But going back to my original point…serve out your term as queen, just as you swore to do when you accepted the throne. In the meantime, continue to meditate. Eventually, I believe you will be led to the right decision."

"How will I know it's the right decision?" Padme persisted.

He smiled over at her and shook his head.

"You'll know."

"Very helpful," she scoffed at him as they entered the palace.

"Well, I do my best," he retorted drily.

Padme laughed and was actually shocked by the sound. How long had it been since she had truly laughed? Weeks? Months? She was stunned by the fact that she couldn't remember.

"I suppose this makes me your padawan?" she asked, feeling playful all of a sudden. "Since you've taught me meditation and everything. When do I get to learn lightsaber combat?"

He smiled then. A full smile that she hadn't seen on his face since his arrival. The sight served to chase her darker thoughts even further into the back of her mind. Obi-Wan's smile was infectious, to say the least. It was difficult to feel even the slightest bit of gloom when confronted with the wide grin and twinkling blue eyes.

"Alas, Your Majesty. I fear I didn't bring a spare lightsaber to teach you with. If you wish to learn lightsaber combat, you'll have to come back to the Jedi Temple with me."

"Can I get back to you on that in a couple of years?" she continued the teasing, not wanting to return to complete reality just yet.

"Hmmm," Obi-Wan pretended to be mulling it over, stroking his chin as though he were in deep thought. "I'm not sure. Perhaps by then I will have found a different padawan."

"That would be your loss, Knight Kenobi."

They had reached the Queen's private quarters and Padme stood in the corridor with her hand poised above the door handle. As quickly as her playful mood had come, it was gone. Doubt filled her again and she looked over at Obi-Wan, feeling hopeless. Once again, she was enveloped by that wave of warmth, followed quickly by Obi-Wan's arms. He hugged her tightly, as though doing so would transfer all his own strength into her.

"You can do this," he whispered. "It will take time, but you can get through this. And I'll be right here to help you get started."

She nodded against his shoulder, mentally thanking the Force for giving her such a dear friend. When he pulled away from her, she gave him a shaky smile. He was right about needing more time and he would be here for a few more days at least. That thought was very reassuring.

"I should get ready for dinner," she said, opening the door just a crack. "You're joining us, aren't you?"

Obi-Wan frowned just a bit and Padme noticed for the first time that he seemed more than a little tired.

"Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to go ahead and get some rest. Unless you would really like me to be there."

Yes, she would really like him to be there. But Padme had the feeling that Obi-Wan needed to do something other than rest. And there would be a few dinners after this one, of course.

"Of course I don't mind. You must be tired. Do you want me to have them bring some food to you, though?"

To her surprise, he shook his head.

"No, thank you. I really just need some rest."

It took everything in her to not ask him what was wrong. Clearly, though, he would've told her if he wanted to do so. So Padme just smiled as she opened the door a little wider.

"Alright then. Good night, Obi-Wan."

"Good night, Padme."

The door shut behind her and Padme hesitated for only a second, wanting to open it again and try to help Obi-Wan. Logic prevailed, however, and she focused on preparing for her dinner with Anakin and Qui-Gon. She was very happy to see both of them again and she was curious to hear about Ani's first year at the Jedi Temple.

Obi-Wan let out an audible moan as he sank onto the bed in his room. By the Force, why couldn't the beds in the Jedi Temple be this comfortable? He was exhausted. Helping Padme through her meditation had been more tiring than he thought it would be, which truly surprised him. She was stronger in the Force than he had initially suspected. In fact, there really wasn't a reason she couldn't have been accepted for Jedi training. As far as her connection to the Force went, she was not as strong as most Jedi, but he had no doubt that she would have been taken to the Temple.

He imagined her parents had simply refused, as was their right, and later told their daughter that she simply 'didn't have the potential to be a Jedi'. After all, what child growing up in the Republic didn't want to be a Jedi? Owen had wanted to be one very badly, something Obi-Wan didn't fully understand until he was in his teens. The two younger Kenobi siblings had something that the oldest could not attain and the rift between them grew until Owen simply refused to visit them anymore. And after their argument at Owen's wedding, Obi-Wan had been told in no uncertain terms that he was no longer welcome in Dearic. Only Lea visited their brother now and even that was at the request of their mother.

Yes, Obi-Wan knew far too well what could happen when a child couldn't be a Jedi. Owen had resented their parents and he didn't even have the ability to be a Jedi. So Obi-Wan understood why the Naberries would've told a young Padme she couldn't be a Jedi rather than risk a child's resentment over being denied such a thing. Although he didn't believe Padme would've resented their actions for long. She was far more understanding than his brother ever had been.

He was allowing his thoughts to wander because he didn't want to think about what he had felt as Padme meditated. There was a darkness that threatened everything around them, something he didn't understand. It wasn't visible of course. He might've dismissed it as being nothing more than Padme's own negative emotions making their presence known to him. But it didn't feel like that. It felt…empty. Frighteningly empty. And wholly evil.

She wasn't in any danger. Obi-Wan was sure of that. At the moment, Padme was her own worst enemy and he was confident that he had steered her away from the path of self-destruction she had been on. All she needed was a bit more guidance. What he had sensed wasn't a physical threat, either. At least not yet. Something the future held, perhaps?

Obi-Wan sighed. He was so very tired. He longed to speak to another Jedi about his experience. He thought of Qui-Gon, but the idea was dismissed almost as soon as it came. It was still difficult to speak to Qui-Gon about some things and, apparently, this was one of them.

For a moment, he thought about trying to contact Siri or Corana…possibly even Mace. Again, his idea was dismissed. Firstly because he knew it was still very early in the morning on Coruscant. Too early even for the Jedi to be awake yet. And secondly because all his things were in a bag across the room. He would either have to bring it to him using the Force or get up and walk over to it. Neither idea seemed all that spectacular to Obi-Wan. So he continued to lay across the bed, his feet dangling off one side, telling himself that he would stay awake long enough to be sure he wouldn't wake anyone he contacted on Coruscant. In the meantime, he would just rest his eyes…

************
A woman stood on the balcony of an apartment in Coruscant, the white cloak she wore contrasting starkly with the night sky. She seemed very small in comparison to the tall man who stood in front of her, holding her hand in his own. The features of both were blurred, as though they were running past Obi-Wan…although they were standing perfectly still. The voices were slightly distorted, but Obi-Wan thought something about the woman's voice sounded familiar.

'The Force is very powerful,' the man was saying. 'Powerful enough to even prevent death. I could learn how to do this. I will learn how to do this. I can't lose you like I lost my mother. I will save you.'

Obi-Wan could feel the fear radiating off the woman in waves. She was clearly terrified of the man's words, but she did not move away from him.

'You can't be serious! Using the Force to…to cheat death? That's not how the Force works! It's unnatural!'

They stood there for a second longer before the man suddenly closed the distance between the two of them, pulling the woman to him in a frenzied kiss that was clearly not something she was interested in. Obi-Wan tried to move towards them, to say something, but found he was incapable of doing either.

He knew what was happening to the woman and was powerless to stop it. She clung desperately to the cloak she wore with one hand while trying to push the man away with the other. But she was hopelessly outclassed physically. She said something that clearly enraged the man and all pretense of romance was quickly abandoned. The cloak she wore was ripped off her and thrown completely off the balcony into the night, eliciting an anguished cry from her lips.

'Don't you dare speak his name!' the man shouted. 'This is me now! I'm the one who truly loves you! I'm the one who would do anything to protect you! Say you love me!'

The woman was openly weeping now, still turned to the spot where her cloak had disappeared over the balcony's edge. He grabbed her and forcibly turned her back towards him.

'Say it!'

Everything seemed deathly silent all of a sudden. The woman stood in a defiant pose and the loss of her cloak revealed to Obi-Wan that she was clearly expecting a child.

'I love Obi-Wan.'

The man clenched his fists in a rage.

'WHO do you love?' he asked in a quiet tone that was far more menacing than the yelling he had done earlier.

'Obi-Wan.'

The woman began to choke as the man brought his hand up. He was Force choking her! Was he a Sith? Obi-Wan renewed his efforts to move and speak, but had no more success than the last time. The man released her and the woman gasped for breath.

'Who do you love?' he was yelling once again.

'OBI-WAN!' she summoned the strength to yell. 'Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan!'

"Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan bolted upright on his bed, his clothes practically drenched with sweat. Another knock sounded on his door. Gathering his wits quickly, he jumped up and almost ran to open it.

Sabe stood on the other side.

"Obi-Wan, I'm sorry to disturb you. Padme was getting worried. You've been asleep for nearly fourteen hours."

Fourteen hours?

"I…I'm so sorry. I must have been more tired than I thought. Please tell her I'm fine and that I'll, um, I'll be out soon."

Sabe gave him a curious look, but nodded her agreement and then repeated her statements from the day before.

"I'm glad you came, Obi-Wan. It's good to see you again."

She smiled and Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile back in spite of his state of confusion.

"It's good to see you too, Sabe."

The handmaiden left then and Obi-Wan shook himself trying to let his brain catch up to the rest of him. He must've had a bad dream. Something about a balcony and a cloak… He closed his eyes and relaxed, allowing the Force to flow through him in the hopes that he would be able to recall more of the dream. But beyond a balcony in Coruscant and a white cloak, the dream eluded him. After a moment, he sighed and opened his eyes again. He began to get cleaned up, reflecting that if it had been all that important, he would surely be able to remember more of the details.

TBC