Chapter Four – Cold Shoulder

I'm sitting on the couch the next morning, eating breakfast and doing some reading. I still haven't run into Magnus and it's freaking me out. I'm just waiting for him to waltz in.

Chairman Meow is sitting on one of the chairs across from me. When I look at him, he growls and hisses. I concentrate on not incurring the cat's wrath and bury my nose in my book.

The next time I look up, Magnus is sitting across from me, Chairman Meow sitting in his lap. I freeze, gripping my book tightly in my hands. I can feel my palms sweating. I want to look away, but I'm not sure that would be less awkward.

I want to run away.

I hope he doesn't bring up the bed thing.

"I have a question," Magnus says slowly. He scritches behind the cat's ear. I think it's the first time I've seen it purr.

I wait for him to continue. I wonder if I've blinked in the minute or so we've been staring at one another. I don't think I have. He must think I'm such a freak.

"Did I do anything the other night?"

I blink finally.

He grins, "I didn't do anything inappropriate, right? I was kind of drunk... I don't remember much."

I'm pretty relieved to hear that. He didn't see me embarrass myself, he doesn't remember grabbing my shirt, and he doesn't remember me talking. And part of me is a little upset that he doesn't remember any of it. But I can't let myself think like that.

"Oh god, what did I do?" Magnus has an expression on his face that's a mixture of mortified and amused. He looks like he's trying not to smile.

I blush, and shake my head. I want to tell him that he didn't do anything. I shake my head again. I give him a reassuring smile, or as close as I can manage.

He laughs, sounding a little relieved. "Good. I wouldn't want you uncomfortable or anything."

And once again, I can't tell if he's making fun of me or not. I want to assume that he isn't, but it's hard.

"Sorry for taking your bed anyways," he says, "I hope I didn't strand you on the couch."

I shrug and make a nonchalant noise. I wonder how he'd react if he found out I'd holed myself up in the bathroom all night.

He grins. "If I ever do that again, you're free to take my bed, you know."

I shrug, my face hot. I don't think I'd ever take his bed. It would be too weird. I would probably spend the night worried he'd walk in the next morning and be upset that I was taking his room.

Magnus eyes me carefully.

"Is it weird for me to ask about the no talking thing?" he says. "It's not due to some horrible tragedy in your past, right?"

I blink, a bit thrown off. I shake my head, confused. Nothing really horrible has happened to me in my life. I'm not on great terms with my parents, I guess, but who is? I just... it's hard to talk to people when there's an expectation of saying the right thing. I can't really convey this to him, so I just shake my head again.

"Can you talk?"

He definitely doesn't remember anything from the other night. I think out my answer, and then nod. I might as well not lie.

"When do you?"

I don't know how to tell him without writing it down or doing some goofy hand gestures, so I shrug. I get a gross feeling in my stomach, and I just want to crawl behind the couch to hide.

He gives a little sigh, and I can tell he's frustrated. He pets Chairman Meow a little too hard, and the cat gets off his lap. I feel bad. And then I realize with a bit of giddiness, that despite the terrible way this conversation seems to be ending, I was momentarily comfortable around him. I don't exactly know what it means. Maybe I was just caught off guard.

He eyes me wearily. I fidget with my book. I shrug again.

I wish I had some way to talk to him.

"Whatever," he says. He runs a hand through his hair. "I won't keep bothering you about it."

He gets up, and walks off to make his own breakfast. He seems a lot more cold. His shoulders are stiff, and he looks... mad. Or hurt.

I slump in my seat. Great job, Alec. I think that's your all time record in scaring someone off.

I look over and Chairman Meow's reclaimed his place on the chair. He hisses at me. I grab my book and finish getting ready for work. Magnus ignores me.

It takes a day or two of working up the courage. I nearly talk myself out of it several times. Finally, I sit down in front of my computer and get started.

I'm going to write him a letter.

It's going to explain everything. It'll be an apology for not talking, and it will explain why I don't talk. It'll explain that I'm a nervous wreck around everyone, not just him, and that I want us to get along while we're living together. It will be perfect and it will make all my problems go away.

I stare at the screen and my hands are shaking.

I can't do it.

I know it's stupid. I'm putting too much expectation on this. But it's hard not to. I'm tired of Magnus giving me the cold shoulder, and I'm tired of being so anxious all the time. All I have to do is write a stupid letter and I can fix all of it.

But I'm too much of a coward.

I sigh and move away from my desk.

I hear the door open and close from the main room. I wait and listen for the usual sounds of Magnus coming home from work. Instead, I hear a girl giggle.

Is it Isabelle?

I peek out of my room.

It's not Isabelle. Two girls walk over to the island counter, looking around. Magnus follows, some plastic grocery bags in his hands.

"Wow, your place is so nice," says the girl with brown hair. She's got a very old fashioned kind of pretty to her. She seems sweet. The other girl is a bombshell blond with an elegant flare.

"Thanks," says Magnus. "I was lucky to get it. My roommate is pretty anti-social."

"Is he home?" the brunette asks.

Magnus shrugs. "I have no idea when he's home or not. He's so quiet."

"I'm sure he's just shy," the brunette says.

"It's a little bit beyond shy," Magnus says. He walks to the other side of the counter and starts pulling out groceries. "If he shows up, I'll introduce you, Tessa. You'll see."

Tessa shrugs, "I'm sure he'll come around."

"Who wouldn't come around to you?" the blond says, voice sultry, and she has a French accent.

I realize I should stop eavesdropping and go back to trying to write my stupid letter, but I'm curious about what else they have to say about me. I'm feeling a bit hurt. But this isn't the worst I've heard. Looks like Magnus is taking it pretty personally.

Magnus smiles at the blond, "This would be the first time, Camille."

They grin at each other and I realize there's probably something between them. Maybe they're dating. Or they've at least had a fling. I'm not sure.

I don't really want to think about it. My face burns, thinking about it, and I'm not sure it's because I'm embarrassed.

I decide that it's time to stop listening. I step away from my door and flop back in my desk chair. I sigh. At least they didn't notice me eavesdropping. That would have been bad. Magnus would just have more evidence for how much of a freak I am.

I don't know what to do. I don't want Magnus to hate me. If I could waltz out there and start talking to him, I would. But I can't. It's so frustrating, my head spins.

I place my fingers down on my keyboard. It takes a few deep breaths, but then I start typing away.

When I look up from writing, it's three hours later. I've written ten pages.

Author Note: Sorry for taking a while to update. Thanks for all the follows and favs, holy wow. And thanks for reading. It's great to hear from you guys. (: