Act 2: A Medium at Large
Folsom watched the students full of fear instead of spirit. After taking in the view, she turned to Fillmore, Ingrid, Ed, Renee, and Maggie.
"Well, Gilby has their goat back and Brock Mason is on hoof-clipping duty through Spring. Kids, do you see this shade of rouge extenuating my cheekbones?"
"Where's she going with this?" Maggie asked quietly.
"Wait for it." Renee whispered back.
"It's a new blush I'm trying out called 'Livid Beyond Belief'! Fillmore, what were you thinking letting a big mouth like Mason know that Lobstee is missing?"
"I'm sorry. I slipped."
"Fillmore, a slip is when a clown steps on a banana peel. What I have outside is a three-ring circus of bearded ladies and dog-faced boys?" She then turned to Renee. "And you! Bringing a Gilby student to consult on the case? What are schools good for if no one is smart?"
"Principal Folsom, I know Maggie is Gilby, but she promised she'd help us find Lobstee if we helped her find her school's mascot."
"And you bought that?" Folsom asked. "Kid, the bocce game is two days away! For all you know, she's probably gonna sabotage the investigation!"
"I wouldn't do that, ma'am. Honest." Maggie swore. "Look, I know my school and yours are rivals, but I'm a fair girl. Renee here was kind enough to help me find Tootsie, so I'll return the favor by helping you find Lobstee."
"Would your principal get upset?" Ed asked.
"He gets upset over everything." Maggie said.
Folsom narrowed her eyes before turning to Renee. "Montoya, you know her best. Can she be trusted?"
Renee looked over at Maggie who smiled at her. After a minute, she sighed and looked back at Folsom with her answer. "Yes. I do."
Like Renee, Folsom thought hard for a moment and sighed. "Oh, well. We're already consulting a psychic. What's one more crazy addition to the team?"
"Psychic?" Ingrid asked.
"That's right, kids. The school's resident psychic, Alistair Greystone, claims he can help find Lobstee. So I'm humoring him."
"You're putting a psychic on the case?" Ed asked. "Principal Folsom, psychics are nothing but frauds."
"I see where you're coming from, but right now, I have no other choice." Folsom said. "Just go meet him at the crime scene and see what you can learn."
Ed sighed despairingly. "This is going to give me a migraine. I know it."
Alistair Greystone waited at the crime scene until the officers. When they arrived, he expressed himself loudly.
"Officers, you're late! 32.6 seconds late according to the extremely precise clock on my pocket Compex-80."
"What are you, a clock king or something?" Maggie asked. Renee chuckled at that.
"Let's just get this over with." Ed groaned. "What have you got, 'Mr. Psychic'?"
"Not exactly a believer, are you, Nygma?" Alistair asked. "Wait! I'm getting a vision!"
Just as he said that, several flashes lit up the room. Everyone followed the source right back to the door where a boy with a camera was standing at.
"What's up, fake psychic?" he asked. "Are you getting fake visions again? Are they fake visions of you being a fake?"
"Sorry, guy. Crime scene's off limits to the press." Vallejo said closing the door.
"Who's that guy?" Maggie asked.
"Harrison Post. He's a reporter who's been covering Alistair's visions for a while." Renee explained. "So, back to what you were seeing, Greystone?"
"Ah right. Let's see." Alistair said caressing his head. "Uh, huh. I see… Oh, my. Oh, gazooks. Now, THAT is a vision!"
"Okay. I'll bite." Ingrid said. "What do you see?"
"I… know… who… took… Lobstee!"
Alistair headed straight to the Journalism Room with the Safety Patrol following him. He marched proudly to the far end where the editor in chief's desk was.
"Vern Natoma!" Alistair confronted the editor in chief himself.
"Look, if this is about the cafetorium's expose, we've already got enough informants to…"
"You're busted for abducting our beloved mascot, Lobstee!" Alistair interrupted. "Now, put your hands on the wall, dirtbag and spread 'em! What'cha gonna do now that we come for ya'? Huh? Huh? What'cha gonna do?"
"Officers, can you please arrest this man for public display of crazy?" Vern asked.
"We'll think about it." Fillmore said.
"Hey, David Patrick Young, give it a rest." Ed told the psychic. "This guy's got no means, motive, nor opportunity."
"But we do have evidence." Alistair said. "Natoma, open up your top-left desk drawer."
"Fine, if it'll get you to leave me alone." Vern said opening the drawer. However, surprisingly, instead of it being empty, everyone was shocked to find a can of lobster food in it. High End Milli's Lobster Treats, Lobstee's favorite.
"Yes, Vern Natoma is being held as the prime suspect in Lobstee's kidnapping." Principal Folsom told the press. "In the meantime, he will be taking a leave of absence from his job in editor in chief of the Examiner."
Listening in from inside the headquarters, Ed and the others gathered up when Fillmore and Ingrid returned.
"Did he say anything?" Renee asked.
"He keeps claiming he had no idea how the lobster treats got in his desk." Ingrid said. "I don't know. It just doesn't track. He just decides to go bad in a big way?"
"And the way he just opened that drawer with the treats?" Fillmore added. "Why would he do it?"
"And his tone too." Ed said. "He sounded like he actually thought the drawer would be empty. Other than the lobster treats being in there, there's no link between Natoma and the crime."
"Well, if it's not him, then maybe Alistair's keeping a secret." Maggie said.
"What do you mean?" Renee asked.
"I've seen set-ups like this all the time back at Gilby. First, a criminal says someone else did the crime. Then, they plant the evidence where they're frequently at."
"It does make sense." Ed said. "I mean, didn't Parnassus try to do that to me when I first came here?"
"What? You're saying that Alistair framed Natoma?" Fillmore asked. "Why would he do that?"
"Riddle me this." Ed said. "When I have it, everyone knows me. When I don't, no one does. What am I?"
"Does he ask riddles a lot?" Maggie asked.
"You have no idea." Renee said.
"Is the answer… fame?" Fillmore asked.
"Correct. I mean, a crazy psychic finds a prime suspect, and he gets asked for interviews and autographs. Too coincidental if you ask me."
"I get it." Fillmore said. "So who would you say is our expert in Alistair Greystone?"
The answer was Harrison Post, the reporter. The officers went straight to him and asked about Alistair.
"Yeah. Mr. Crackpot's been predicting for about a year now." Harrison said. "And I've been stuck writing about the shyster for just as long. I've had such horrible stories to cover. Missing retainers. Corned beef and cabbage day. Pure fluff. Ever since first grade, I've dreamed about being a top reporter, of covering real news, of changing people's lives. Instead, I'm stuck writing about a pseudo-psychic who spits when he speaks."
"He does spit, doesn't he?" Ingrid asked.
"Sounds like something you should work out with Mr. Strange, pal." Ed said.
"Oh, I have. He's really been helping me cope these past few weeks." Harrison said. "So if dealing with a spitting fraud helps me with my career, I'm fine with that. 'Cause I'm going places. I worked too hard not to. Alistair on the other hand isn't going anywhere. The guy's a dim bulb with a gimmick. Trust me, officers, there's no way our friend Alistair's got the smarts to pull off a high-profile lobster-napping."
"Well, there's only one way to find out." Fillmore said.
After school, the officers split into two teams to track down Alistair's movements. They split up so they wouldn't seem like a crowd following him. Eventually, they managed to follow him at Vern Natoma's house. Alistair was carrying a brown paper bag which he held close to his chest while trying to open the gate to the house's backyard.
"ALISTAIR, FREEZE!" Fillmore yelled.
The psychic shook in panic and ran into the backyard. Everyone dropped their disguises and went after him. Alistair grabbed a water sprinkler and aimed it at the officers.
"I'm sorry, guys! I just can't get caught right now!"
Alistair turned on the water sprinkler, but he was actually holding it the wrong way and got shot at with water himself. He picked himself up and went around the garden full of animal-shaped topiary bushes. He then tried to enter a giant, wooden boat, but he couldn't get in and continued running with the Safety Patrol after him.
During the chase, Ed stopped to look at the wooden boat. "Hey, why does Natoma have an ark in his backyard? Does that even make sense?"
Finally, Fillmore managed to tackle Alistair making him drop his paper bag. And what slipped out shocked and horrified the safety patrol.
It was a dead lobster.