Please let me know your thoughts! I had a fun time writing this.
The wind blew her hair as she turned to face towards him and waved.
"Soo-Won!" She called him gleefully, with a wonderful smile and flushed cheeks.
Surrounded by moonlight yet again, Yona looked... well, as she had during that night.
Her purple dress, and red locks flowed down her back... as her eyes flashed with softness, and a gentle look softened her features.
She could look so different when bathed in the moon... so... content.
"You're staring a lot at me these days..." Yona said.
He walked towards her, fighting a blush back.
He hadn't meant to stare. He really hadn't.
Departure
A week passed. The cherry and plums blossoms increased in number, and the weather grew warmer. Winter was truly ending...
The three friends hung out, but there was an air of something different between Soo-Won and Yona.
Every once in a while, Yona would laugh at Hak's jokes and try to pummel him, and she would catch Soo-Won staring at her with confusion and entrancement, and when she noticed, he would dart his eyes away.
Sometimes when he talked with Hak about matters to do with the kingdom, she too would stare at him, and he...
It felt like he felt her presence at all times. But he wouldn't show it. Sort of like, he wasn't any longer trying to shoo her away. He would sort of leave her there to tag along with him and Hak.
It seemed like he wanted her around as well. At least that was what she hoped.
Eventually, Soo-Won's time at the castle was close to an end. He was to return back to his home. He did not live in capital Kuuto, but a quiet place where his mother had stayed for the remainder of her life. A private mansion owned by Yu-Hon, and a place where Su-Won had done most of his plotting against King Il.
That plotting was all going to end now...
The night before he left, Soo-Won was in the library, sitting at a table. He was trying to catch up on his instructor's homework on economics.
Hak and Yona entered the room.
"Finally! There you are!" Hak whooped.
"We've been looking all over for you!" Yona shrieked. "What have you been doing?"
Soo-Won looked up, his hand on his quill loosening as they ran towards him.
"Eh... studying. Are you two here to call me for dinner?"
Soo-Won kept composure. He had learned to do it, to hide his true emotions, no matter what stood in his way.
Which is why he tried to act like everything was normal. But this particular week had been difficult. He would stutter, and other times, he would act too robotic.
"Tonight's the last night we sit around the table to talk before your departure," Hak took a seat.
"Oh...yes, I suppose so," Soo-Won said, sitting back against his chair and looking at the clock. "Ah, I see. I missed dinner, didn't I?"
"You did," pouted Yona, who stood with crossed arms. "You can go along and ask for chicken and tofu stew if you'd like. The cooks will have some to spare."
Soo-Won thought about it for a moment, then mumbled, "I'll pass." and looked down at his book again.
"Is that book so engrossing you would skip dinner for it? It looks so thick," Yona wondered.
"...Economic policymaking," Hak observed the cover. "You're taking notes from it, huh."
"It's just another part of royal education," Soo-Won closed the book. He couldn't concentrate when she was there.
"Oh, sorry, were we bothering you?"
"No matter," Soo-Won said. "Who cares about that when I have a military general prodigy right in front of me?"
Yona felt herself internally swooning when Soo-Won smiled. It was such a kind, gentle smile... and she felt jealous of Hak, because Soo-Won was showing it to him, and not her. He wasn't looking at her, either.
Even if his bond with Hak wasn't romantic, she didn't care; she wanted Soo-Won to smile at her!
"Really? Why don't we do some actual military training then? Fencing?"
Soo-Won laughed awkwardly. "Not like that… I still feel… tired."
He felt the fatigue dripping from his bones.
Yona watched him keenly. "Have you been sleeping well, Soo-Won?"
Soo-Won's smile instantly faded.
"He hasn't," answered Hak, saving Soo-Won from answering, as he'd opened his mouth too slowly. "He almost fell from his horse a couple days ago."
Yona's hands flew to her mouth. "Soo-Won!"
"Don't worry, I caught him." Hak reassured Yona. "Our king has been working hard."
Soo-Won fidgeted. King? What was Hak alluding to?
"...Sleep isn't important. I—I have to focus on the kingdom. I'm a royal family member, is all."
"So you're working too hard! Give us some of the work!"
This grabbed his attention. He hadn't been sleeping well ever since that night, but he didn't ask for her advice.
Still, she knew about his illness. Soo-Won and Yona made eye contact, unconsciously a little too long. Hak looked between the two of them, and his lips curled into a wry smile.
"Well, do you know how to collect taxes?" Soo-Won asked her. "Distribute food, how to keep subjects in court safe, how to create a proper army…?"
"Ah-um…" Yona said, suddenly flustered. Her eyes fell. "N-no…"
"Are you going to learn?"
"W-well…"
"Yeah, Princess, can't you act like a better bride for Lord Soo-Won than this?" Hak teased.
"Hak!" squealed Yona.
The room around Soo-Won went hot.
"Wha—" He protested, "Hak, I never meant it like that—"
"Yeah, very funny, Hak!" Yona yelled, embarrassed beyond measure.
Stupid Hak! You basically ridiculed me, and then made him reject me too! I bet you're getting a real kick out of this!
Hak laughed. "Then, if you ever want to get married to anyone, you do need to be more knowledgeable than this, otherwise the man will get bored."
"Marriage is besides the point, you imbecile!"
"Oh, by the way, King Il is calling you, Lord Soo-Won. I also came to tell you that."
Yona looked at Soo-Won uncertainly.
Soo-Won felt her gaze, and quietly proceeded ahead. The back of his neck red, he did not—could not give Yona the reassurance she was undoubtedly looking for.
He followed Hak.
"Why did he call me?"
"He just wants to have a nice chat with his nephew before he leaves, doesn't he?"
Hak and Soo-Won walked through the castle corridors
"...I wonder."
Hak was puzzled. "You think otherwise."
"It's late night, is all…"
"Hm, true, perhaps it's something more urgent. Actually, do you remember our conversation earlier? Now would be a perfect opportunity for you to tell King Il about your plans to be king."
"...Huh?"
"Lord Soo-Won, I knew things were like this. You and the Princess had a great mood back there."
Soo-Won blushed.
"S-stop teasing me, will you, Hak? It's getting uncomfortable!"
"Uncomfortable?"
"Yes! Imagine someone kept pressuring you to marry someone, and you weren't into doing it!"
"I see…" Hak put his hand on his chin. "So you don't want to marry the Princess?"
"I-I told you, it's difficult! And it really may not be the right marriage for her anyhow—"
"Right marriage?"
The two men walked without speaking for a couple of good seconds.
Hak broke the silence, "Lord Soo-Won, I can assure that it is the right marriage for the Princess. And I don't just mean politically. I mean... romantically."
"Huh?"
Hak paused. "No, forget it."
Soo-Won wondered if Hak knew about Yona's feelings after all. Maybe Hak didn't want to tell him without Yona's consent.
Who knew. He didn't have it in him to ask.
Hak spoke again.
"...But yeah, guess I get what you mean. I was forced into an engagement with Ayame."
"Ayame?"
"A girl from my tribe. She likes someone else though, so we're just friends. The engagement's bogus."
"I see…"
Hak stopped walking.
Soo-Won turned back. "What's the matter?"
"...Do you feel like I'm forcing you into it?" Hak asked him, now looking ashamed. "I get it now. Sorry… I'm never thinking about your feelings, my lord. I was… only concerned about the Princess' future. But maybe the Princess is someone you don't see that way. Could it be that you love another woman? I may be getting between that... I'm sorry."
Soo-Won hesitated.
"...Hak, actually, I've never loved any woman."
"...Oh. Well, I see," Hak nodded. "Don't you want to marry at all?"
"I..."
"No, I'll stop. I'm just being like Gramps. Rushing you into something you might not want…"
"...I know you meant no harm," Soo-Won said. "And it's not like I haven't been thinking about what you said, either… about me being the next king."
Hak noted the green eyes of Soo-Won's… were containing a depth of something… something he couldn't decipher. But it was something deep.
"Lord Soo-Won…"
He trusted his lord. Implicitly. To the end.
Was this… his lord's way of telling him that his eyes were in fact on the throne?
"Nothing has changed in my mind about us 3. No matter how it all ends, a world where the three of us look at the same sky forever, even in thought… is all I really need, my dear friend."
Soo-Won gave his dear friend a comforting smile.
Hak bowed to him. "My Lord."
Soo-Won walked into the king's room.
"You're late," King Il told Soo-Won coolly. He was looking outside his window sill, standing in the back of the room.
His back was unarmed, his hands held behind him. If Soo-Won wished, he could easily grab the nearest sword and stab him right then and there. Il had slower reflexes.
"It's late," Soo-Won replied, just as aloof.
Though they both shared a mutual hatred, it wasn't good to put all that out in the open. At least for not while others were within earshot. So, they both waited until Hak's footsteps faded around the corner to remove their masks of… goodwill.
It was always Il who started the conversation and ended it.
Il. It had been that way since birth. He never liked seeing him around Yona… with Hak, it was less… direct, but clearly, Il didn't approve of their friendship as much either. And every time Soo-Won visited, Il wanted to "talk" to him… more like a grubby info-gatherer.
Il asked, "how have you been spending your time at the castle?"
The atmosphere was tense. Portraits of past rulers were hung in King Il's room, as well as religious artifacts like dragons, and incense. As well as the color red.
Il eyed him warily.
"I was just at the library."
Why would you care?
"Hmph."
"Is… there a... problem?" Soo-Won asked, eerily calm. In the past, he'd struggled to not lose his temper right there and accidentally throw himself into Il every time he saw him.
It was difficult, controlling himself. But during early childhood, thanks to his father's advice, he had learned how to deal with troubling emotions like despair and sadness and think towards the greater good.
It was an ability that King Il fundamentally lacked. To separate personal desires into boxes, only to be used at the correct moment.
"...No. Yona is always happy beyond measure when you stop by," Il at last turned around, his hands still held behind his back. "But... for some reason, she seems even more unusually happy. It's strange."
"..."
Soo-Won couldn't speak. His cheeks were hot, his lips opened slightly; his entire body began to tremble.
"Could you have something to do with it, by chance?" Il's eyebrows raised.
Yona's nails scratched painfully into his back… her melodious moans...
"What do you mean?"
Throb. Throb.
Right now, he was facing the father of the girl he'd... the father who knew nothing about their...
"What do I mean? Soo-Won, nothing. Just... don't try to convince Yona of anything dangerous," Il said.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He kept as much emotion out of his voice as possible.
"You don't? Well, then, keep it as it is. I know she's not as important to you as you are to her."
Soo-Won's eyes flickered with new anger. "Excuse... me...?"
This wretched King... the ruler of this country, stayed blissfully ignorant about the conditions of those outside these castle walls. How many starving citizens, kidnapped children, and criminals stayed around the capital itself, let alone throughout the other tribes?
This king had the gall to chastise him for not prioritizing Yona over that?
Of course he would. He'd never allowed him to enter Hiryuu temple.
But these were awkward, forbidden lines. Forbidden words.
"...Says the uncle that commits fratricide."
Il's face turned purple, and his eyes bulged. His mustache bristled.
"There's no way to prove that, Soo-Won."
But King Il's answer cemented it. Instead of saying, "no, how could you accuse me of such a thing?" he'd gone ahead to say, "you have no proof".
He looked at his uncle with cold, dead eyes, his head tall.
"Why don't you finally come out and admit it? Admit it to the whole family? Yona could benefit from knowing the truth about you."
Il's expression looked taken aback. Soo-Won didn't care if he was guilty or not. He really had had enough of this man, controlling whatever he could and couldn't do.
"I'm not sure what you're talking about."
Soo-Won left.
Walking outside the room, Soo-Won let out another sigh. Hak, his solace, was nowhere to be found.
Stepping carefully on the floor, he continued to walk out of the building. It was cold. Extremely cold of a night. Spring had not come properly after all...
Adrenaline coursed through his veins. He glanced back at the building, where he knew King Il was watching his every move.
And... carefully, once he knew the window did not allow for sight in the direction he turned, making sure he was out of King Il's eyeshot..
Soo-Won bolted.
Through the grassy fields, fields of trees, flowers, rivers... as far as his weak feet and low stamina would take him.
He stumbled over ant hills and prairie... he just had to get out, as fast as possible...
Wind blew loudly, moaning and howling. He could no longer tell if he was screaming with them.
He was hyperventilating... uncontrollably panicking inside. He cried out in a panic, knowing that no one would hear.
Throb. Throb. Throb.
Eventually, after several minutes of walking through the lonely hallways and courtyards of the castle, moonlight started to shine upon him, and he could no longer breathe.
He stopped, falling to the grass, panting, catching breath. Clutching at his throbbing chest, feeling the headaches searing at his brain.
Throb. Throb. Throb.
Sweat poured through his clothes as he gasped for air. He shivered in the cold... perhaps his body heat would protect him a little... but even so, his body was thinning and worn out... he would lose hair...
Water gently swished down in the stream not far ahead. Water.
Oh, how he wanted to grab a sip to drink, but surely that water was not clean.
He stood up, his heart still fluttering as he gazed upon the garden.
This time, they were in open moonlight. A large field of grass. The garden again...
Him, Yona and Hak had spent their childhood playing here, loads of times.
He stopped in his tracks.
Yona was there. No mistake, that figure afar was her.
She appeared to be studying and smelling the lilies, roses, and fountains of this particular garden...
The wind blew her hair as she turned to face towards him and waved.
"Soo-Won!" She called him gleefully, with a wonderful smile and flushed cheeks.
Surrounded by moonlight yet again, Yona looked... well, as she had during that night.
Her purple dress, and red locks flowed down her back... as her eyes flashed with softness, and a gentle look softened her features.
She could look so different when bathed in the moon... so... content.
"You're staring a lot at me these days..." Yona said.
He walked towards her, fighting a blush back.
He hadn't meant to stare. He really hadn't.
Without warning, Yona's shoulder was grabbed, as Soo-Won dragged her further down to duck into the grass, behind a grove of trees and bushes.
"Soo-Won?"
"Quiet, King Il and his guards will see us," he hissed.
"Eh?"
He shivered in the cool air... sweat slicked his head. Bugs and snakes could be crawling around here... if only Hak were here to guide them back... this would be so much easier.
Throb. Throb.
"Where's Hak...?" Soo-Won touched his head.
"He's gone to rest," Yona answered. "He said he was too tired. I don't believe it though. He probably wanted to leave us alone in the garden. More importantly... how's your head?"
Soo-Won stopped in midair. He removed his hand from his head.
"Fine. More importantly, we can't be caught together! You need to get to bed!"
"Easier than done, you know. Ever since that day, it's like you have a headache every time I see you-"
"Stop prattling, it'll get worse!" He snapped.
No crying, Soo-Won silently begged. He felt guilty, but he wasn't sure he had it in himself to comfort her yet another time.
No, that wasn't it. She was stronger than he'd expected her to be.
She... had been comforting him back then. Pursued him this far, when he hadn't deserved it.
Yona was actually so much more unpredictable than he'd thought she was capable of.
Either she could break into tears, but she could also die laughing, or cry in anger... or have a shouting match at him, or end up kissing him... or even worse.
None of which he had the energy to deal with right now.
If King Il saw them, he would call this a scandal... no, he could even order Soo-Won's execution instantly.
"...Sorry," Yona replied with a straight face.
"...It's no matter, we need to get to our rooms immediately."
"...Does it hurt everyday?" Yona asked.
"...Well." He breathed in sharply, and let it out with a grim smile. "Exactly, yes. Please-please don't pay it attention, Yona-"
"Do you want to stay in my room tonight...?" She asked him out of the blue.
Soo-Won's face burned in chagrin. "No, that won't work at all! Don't ask these questions publicly, someone will hear!"
Darn it, she was unpredictable! His fisted hand clenched as he struggled to get the words out. For God's sake, why was she reminding him over and over of that cursed night! He didn't want to think about it anymore! He wanted to get it out of his head once and for all-
"What did you and Father talk about earlier?"
Soo-Won shook his head, panting. He had told her his secrets, and regretted it time and after again... out of desperation... half-baked, not sure if it was truly the right decision, and forcing himself to go through with it.
"Is this..." Yona was stunned. "...About taking advantage of me again?"
"N-No, don't mention that," he denied hastily, and his jaw set hard. "This has to do with our disagreement regarding how Kouka Kingdom should be ruled."
"Huh?"
How was he to put it in a way that she could understand? She was so innocent, so ignorant of what was happening here-
"In other words... King Il is afraid that I am manipulating you to rule Kouka in my own way. Come," he impatiently grabbed her hand, lifting her to her feet. "Count to 3 and we run to the residence rooms."
Yona looked crestfallen. "But you aren't manipulating me! I have faith in you! You're not so evil!"
"Yona, we don't have time! Act more mature, will you? There are girls your age that understand things at the drop of a quill!" Soo-Won couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yona's face tinged pink. "Fine!" She shouted. "Then I'll say it... 3... 2... 1... go!"
The two bolted, hand in hand.
Thoughts flooded like a landslide through Soo-Won's mind... as they flitted through muds, jumped over rivers, climbed over bridges, and headed towards the residence rooms.
Guilt... he was such a selfish bastard... wind whooshed through their ears... he really... had for some time, been willing to manipulate them all.
Even though, he still felt sympathetic towards her. King Il had never raised her as an heir. Never taught her anything about the world. She was so behind on everything.
He... found himself clutching onto her sleeve, as they finally stopped at another nearby tree, far enough from the residences building to talk without being seen or heard, but near enough now.
"I'm sorry..." He whispered, trying to sound gentler. "I was ruder than I intended to be back there. In a way, King Il is wrong about me manipulating... but he is also right. More than I would like to admit."
"...Eh...?" Yona looked at him, like he was a foreign person.
Soo-Won didn't know what to think of it. "Mentally, King Il doesn't see you as mature enough, which is true. You're not ready to rule Kouka Kingdom. You never have been."
Yona's features were marred with unbridled rage.
"I can do it," Her nose flared. "I can rule by your side; you just need to teach me."
"But to King Il, that would be brainwashing you," Soo-Won answered. "I'd be teaching you to rule in a way that wasn't your own."
"How else am I going to do it?"
"The castle has a plethora of books. You should be able to find hundreds of written records that are relevant to politics and the society of today..."
"And if I have any questions, who do I ask?"
Soo-Won didn't know how to answer.
Yona's waves of red hair swayed.
"...You have to figure out that for yourself, Yona. You have power and money. Hire a governor. Some advisors."
Perhaps she would be angry to hear it. But he felt like he had to be honest about this...
"Hire a governor? Soo-Won, I don't even know how to do that."
"Ask King Il. Do it sometime after my departure. You have 5 months before your birthday party. By then you can become a better fit for Queen."
"Give me time to grow without giving me trouble!" She insisted.
Soo-Won was no teacher. He was used to learning. It seemed already like a chore for him.
"King Il will never allow us to spend enough time together. I can't hope to teach you in the way a governor would."
"You asked him...?"
"I wouldn't dare." Soo-Won shook his head. "But I'm sure he won't budge even if you want it."
"Then why go along with it?"
"What other choice do I have?" He countered. "There is a reason I ended up telling you the truth."
He hated it. He hated being himself. He knew she would just act like this. This is why he never intended to tell her.
"...Why is it me that you must marry?" Soo-Won asked with a hefty sigh, looking around. They could afford to talk for a couple more minutes. "Surely your father had someone else in mind?"
"...Didn't I answer this before?"
"Yes, but when it comes down to it politically, Hak seems much more of an ally to King Il..."
Thinking of their marriage politically... getting to the crux of what marriage would entail regarding rule... that was much easier than thinking of anything else regarding a relationship with her.
"Hak? Why him?"
Soo-Won shrugged. "King Il has always liked him more than me."
"Even if he thinks that, Father never told me," Yona replied. "I never had any engagement proposals."
"I hope you realize that you are next in line to inherit Kouka's throne if King Il ever abdicates or passes of old age," Soo-Won said. "You have no husband or fiancé. It is only you. If you don't intend to marry, you do have the rights to rule the nation yourself."
"Huh? No..." Yona hesitated. "Father always told me something like this: women can raise rulers as mothers, watch them grow as grandmothers, or marry a man who will become king. But women cannot rule without a husband."
"...What nonsense."
Soo-Won's true thoughts had bubbled up to the surface before he could control himself.
"Nonsense?" Yona looked horrified.
"You can rule alone," he informed her matter-of-factly. "This shouldn't even be a point of contention. There have been several Queens in Kouka who ruled without husbands."
"Eh?"
"You would know this if he taught you," Bitterness ripped from Soo-Won. "King Il doesn't think you're ready, but if you think you are, you can learn to rule yourself. You can do anything you want, Yona. You shouldn't be controlled by the shackles of your father, or me."
Yona laughed. "Don't joke around, Soo-Won. I don't know anything about ruling a kingdom!"
"Not yet. We should get to the hall now-" Soo-Won's eyes darted around; how much time had passed?
Yona's cheeks became pouty as she grew more agitated. "I've only dreamed of ruling with you! If you're not there, there's no point!"
Darkness clouded her face. He couldn't clearly see her anymore. Was his vision fading?
Throb. Throb. Throb.
Soo-Won sighed, shaking his head.
"...I can assure you that you will be taken care of if we do marry. But you cannot rule with my views or King Il's. He is too soft. Self-centered. With unrealistic ideals. Most of the advisors and tribe leaders here think so. Even you know it, you always scolded him."
Yona felt like her heart was being torn apart listening to this.
"No-" She started. Soo-Won's eyes suddenly seemed cold and emotionless. Logical. None of the kindness was left on his face. Just... a man with pure logic.
Unforgiving, harsh reason. Not out of malice, she noted, but still sharp.
This wasn't how she imagined it would go between them at all. Ruling, she'd expected it to be more like them living as she had under King Il. It would be Hak and Su-Won, as well as her father, who handled kingdom matters... and she would idly spend her time dilly-dallying... and happily enjoying life with Su-Won.
The man with that passion that night... was nowhere to be seen.
"You're the one who promised me, weren't you?" He questioned her, trying to appeal to her idea of ruling 'with him'. "You told me that you would help out. Not just Hak."
"I would! But not-not alone-"
"But then you won't be fit to rule," Soo-Won said. "I could easily dismiss your potential achievements. Let you do as you have always done. Leave you without any ambition. Let you live in a world of self-centered solitude, not seeing past a delusion of-"
"SOO-WON!" Yona shouted, a fire of anger sparked inside of her, and Soo-Won stopped talking, cringing internally. He knew that he had gone too far.
"...Sorry," he whispered.
"I... am ignorant of what lies beyond, but I can see past 'a delusion of self-centered solitude'," Yona shook. "I don't need you to dismiss me, I just need some support, all right?"
"What kind of support will work?"
"Correspondence through letters!" She exclaimed. "Keep in contact with me after you leave. Once a month at least. Whatever questions I have of what I've learned, you need to answer them!"
Soo-Won paused. That wasn't a bad idea.
"Of course I'm willing... but if King Il catches you..."
"I don't think he cares about letters!" Yona was impatient. "Also..." Her eyebrows crunched, and her voice became struck with too much emotion. She glared at him. "I know you have your qualms about my father, but do not underestimate him. I'm sure he too realizes his mishaps."
Soo-Won stiffened.
"I don't, Yona. I don't. I have waited several years for him to take action, and he never did. He was waiting for you to do something according to his whims... and he believes that I want the same. But I don't."
Yona's eyes narrowed.
"I... I don't know if I have even enough time," Soo-Won faltered. "This country cannot afford to wait any longer as it is on the verge of perishing. The Kai Empire, Xing, Sei, even our fellow tribes are closing in to take over the Sky Tribe..."
"I told you, let us rule together!" Yona didn't understand all that he was saying, but he wasn't getting the point. "You're like a parrot!"
"Am I?" Soo-Won wasn't so sure about that. He was just being straightforward.
"You are! I don't think you realize! You tell me to act for myself, think for myself, but that is all what you want, where is my say in this?" Yona looked annoyed, exasperated at him now. "Just shut up for a minute, will you?" She scoffed. "It's not funny, okay? I want to rule with you by my side!"
Soo-Won's mood darkened. Suddenly, he'd understood everything she had been trying to say. Why was he so oblivious?
This wasn't just about politics, the reason she had kept saying that she wanted to rule with him was not simply because she felt she was incapable... it was because she cared for him.
He had agreed to marry her, but it wasn't simply because she want him to spend his life with her. But he knew that telling her that would hurt her.
The moon shone above them. They stood up.
"...I'm sorry," he said for the third time. "I wasn't thinking. I was... too anxious."
When King Il had told him to not bring Yona to his side, he'd thought back to that night, and he'd felt the same chilling fear gripping him. Making him think he was manipulating Yona.
He didn't want to feel like that. He wanted her to think for herself... but that was more out of self-hatred and desperation.
"I can see that! You don't need to apologize so much, Soo-Won!"
For a couple of seconds, the two stood in sudden, startling silence.
"But Yona... if that is the case with us... you may have to live without me, one day..."
With the sound of fluttering sleeves, he grasped at her hand. For real, this time.
"Yona..." He murmured.
Yona desperately fought to contain her tears. She had to be strong. For him. For the kingdom. She had to fight.
He held her hand, quietly. He found his hand gripping hers tighter... somehow, he was trying to give her support, the same way he had as children.
Though even then, he felt incompetent. Guilt ripped at his insides. He wasn't the right person for her. He'd always known that. He'd wanted to kill King Il. Or... thought he'd wanted to.
Even if he didn't truly, he'd still thought of it. That wasn't forgivable.
"...Are you... really going to die one day, Soo-Won...?"
He shifted his head to peer at her seriously.
"Everyone dies. I'm just one man."
"But you're my man..." Yona whispered.
Soo-Won felt his cheeks heat up.
The man who wanted to rule but wouldn't, and the woman who never wanted to rule but would. Their worlds collided as somberly, Yona stood on her tiptoes and pecked him lightly on the lips. Another kiss hidden in the night, and yet in the middle of moonlight.
Soo-Won's body froze, but he allowed her to have her way... this time.
Funny. His pulse skipped whenever she did this, his stomach curled in weird directions, and his palms went clammy.
Memories of their night... kissing her... stop. stop Stop. No, this wasn't a good idea at all.
His hand left hers, and gripped her shoulders, pushing her back from his lips as he caught breath.
"You don't want to, do you..." Yona sulked, though she was blushing slightly.
"That's not-it's-y-you-surprised-," he stammered timidly. "N-not here-I just... can't..." He cleared his throat twice, standing taller. "I-If you're not coming to the library right now, I suggest we both head to our own bedrooms. I'll escort you."
"I can go back to bed myself!" Yona huffed. "I'm not so childish that I need you to act as my babysitter!"
"Guards escort me all the time. It's only safe to have someone like that at night, especially for women," Soo-Won attempted to argue and paused.
She had a longing gaze on her face when he had said "women". Starry expression. Too lovestruck.
Throb. Throb.
He needed her to understand; whatever had happened that night... it was too late to take back, and he hoped that she wasn't pregnant. And if the happy chance she wasn't, whatever had happened then... couldn't be pursued right now.
That night would have to remain a secret between them.
And in the future... it probably couldn't be pursued either.
The Crimson Illness... they could not have children together at all. Perhaps, this marriage would just be a means to an end for both of them. They didn't need to take it too seriously.
...Yet his heart sank seeing her lovestruck expression. He averted his gaze.
Soo-Won sat on his bed in his bedroom, reading through some scrolls.
He had ordered tea. Sitting, drinking, setting the cup on the table. It kept him awake, and helped with the headaches, he thought.
It wasn't that the night he and Yona had shared made him too tense. He wasn't going to let that happen. If he thought about it too much, eventually the information would slip into Il's mind.
He needed to let Yona know that if they were to correspond using letters, it couldn't contain any such sensitive information. It could definitely leak through gossip.
There was to be a 5 tribe meeting in 2 months... and Yona's birthday was in 5. During that time, he had to explain the situation to his allies. His supporters. Kye-Sook and General Judo would be in utter shock and disapproval. Or maybe they would be glad to hear he was finally "interested in someone" to propose marriage to them... even if that were Princess Yona.
And at the birthday party, he intended for King Il to publicly acknowledge an engagement between them. He would have to be forced into it, cornered.
Kye-Sook and the others would surely ask what brought this on. He would have to create white lies that they would find palpable.
And... he would need to get the tribe generals' support. Hak... had to be told eventually. That way he could go to Mundok and already, the Wind Tribe would cheer in support.
The Wind Tribe was the one tribe that Kye-Sook was wary about having as an ally, but surely, this would quell the waters of war and keep them at bay.
The Fire... Earth... Water tribes... those could be much more easily dealt with. Soo-Jin was preparing for a coup, and he definitely underestimated Soo-Won as a greenhorn and a tool for his plans, but a united front with the three of them would definitely deter them from attacking. General Geun-tae would be impressed. Joon-Gi... he was a man Soo-Won found rather... relaxed. He waited and listened. Observed, before he took action.
The tribes would be watching their every move. And they needed to unite.
"Gulfan..." Soo-Won preened his bird's feathers, as he had propped up onto the bed. "Hak is... going to be on my side... can you believe it?"
It felt like a dream come true. The two of them, battling enemies side by side... Hak with the strength, Soo-Won with strategy... surely, they were unstoppable. If only King Il didn't kill his father...
Father...
If Soo-Won did not pursue revenge, then what was his father's death even for? Even now, he felt extremely depressed thinking of it. King Il would still live... and his father dead. Was it really fair? What proof was there that Queen Kashi had died by his hand?
"Discard your enemies. Even if they are your friends."
Still, there was one thing Soo-Won could never fathom. Yu-Hon had never raised a sword against his own brother, even when he had died by his hand.
His love towards him was too much...
"One thing you need to remember is that you are not your father. You don't have to replace him." Yona's suggestion, her hands on his.
Soo-Won... just... he just wanted proof. To absolve his father. He supposed that Yona was right in a way... she couldn't end up like King Il herself... they would continue correspondence. Never stepping outside the castle walls outside one time was insane, in a way. The next time they visited, she needed to explore... if that was possible.
"So you're working too hard! Give us some of the work!"
She was worried that he wasn't sleeping. She had a point. But to rely on her wasn't something he could fully allow himself to do. That was the unfortunate truth.
The pain throbbed at his head, but he wasn't going to give up yet.
Father... at the very least, I am still going to find a way to become king. And I promise you, even with Yona and Hak still by my side, I will lead this country in a way that makes you proud.
In her room, Yona found herself crying. Stifling her sobs, she covered her mouth, sinking to the floor in agony.
Soo-Won... had told her that he was going to die of that cursed illness that afflicted his sharp. Told her to rule for herself.
And... the truth about her father being the murderer of... Uncle Yu-Hon seemed to be true... at least in his eyes.
She wanted to find out the truth about her father. But she knew she couldn't confront him... if she did, it was possible that he would never allow her to marry Soo-Won even more... because of all those accusations...
Hak always said that Soo-Won would be a great king. That he commanded people in ways that could make everyone want to do everything for him...
Perhaps, she too had been just like that. Swayed by him the way others had been... and not in a special way.
Was he just... humoring her? Was that night just humoring her? Making her happy? Did he not have any feelings towards her at all? He might have easily just thought her another piece in his chess game... she wasn't... special...
She knew it was wrong to think that. She had never earned his love. Even though she was the Princess of Kouka, what had she done? She knew nothing about matters related to the king... perhaps she had no right to wish she was special to him.
He said "women" needed guards at night... at the same time, he'd not kissed her back. He'd... only let her kiss him.
There was a huge difference between "loving" someone and "not hating" someone. And it hurt that he only didn't hate her. She wanted him to stop these mixed signals!
Maybe he was right; maybe she was taking this too fast. Maybe this was all her fault. She felt so offended... did he think she was a child living in her own fantasy, throwing a tantrum?
"Exactly, yes." She imagined him nodding at her with that grim smile that drove her crazy.
Because he was a dying man... that was what he'd said... those darn headaches, everyday... and the way he'd been frantic about ruling... it seemed like he was a man with a mission... that he didn't have time.
She felt so behind... so, so behind... he was walking away from her... and she wanted to catch up. She wanted him to notice her.
Not just as a woman... a woman to use for the throne... she wanted to be more to him than that...
Wiping her tears, she stood up to walk towards her bed.
One day, she would become the Queen of Kouka Kingdom. And do more for the kingdom than anyone had ever expected. Perhaps then, Soo-Won would look at her.