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love, w.

Your heart, I'll carry it with me …

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

CHAPTER NINE

So I hated him.

May I add, I am pretty good when it comes to grudges. I am not sure of this is something worth bragging about since forgiving is meant to bring peace to you. But then again, I do suck at most things so I will take what I can get.

I married my textbooks. I realized that despite their dreadful aura they indeed had much to offer. Pictures were usually stunning and editors really worked hard to attract my attention with colours and different types of writing. I would feel bad if I didn't appreciate their effort.

I am a diehard fighter. I will stand up for what I believe and my stubbornness won't let me give in, not even if the apocalypse happens. Yet sometimes you gotta be wise and learn something from Don Quixote's mistakes. There's no point in battling the wind mills. You will never win. all you'll get is a bill from health care and lots of bruises. They are stronger and using a match to burn them down would be cheating.

Studying is a pain in the ass but sometimes you have to play with the system in order to win. Organizing protests, screaming, running around topless would not solve anything. It would send me to jail and with criminal record I would forever be stuck in Forks. I'm not saying it is a bad place; it is an uneventful, boring, ordinary little town and I guess happiness could be found here if one was looking for it. But I wasn't this type of let's be happy person. I want more. I want to experience life; I wanna see sights I read about in magazines as a kid. I want to meet people of different race, religion, beliefs; I get bored seeing the same faces day after day. I want to experience world! Forks simply isn't enough for me!

That scholarship was my ticket out. Without it, the train to something better would leave without me, leaving me in plain misery. So If I had to miss the football games, risk my eyesight, become that chick that still wears last year's fashion, fine, let it be. In the name of the future, I'll swallow it.

When I fight, I go all in. there's no 99% for me. I decided to cut Edward out of my life completely; I was already a bitch in his eyes so what else could he call me? I asked Lauren to switch seats at Geography. I got to sit with Mike, this perfectly well-mannered and well-intentioned small town boy and she got to sit next to Edward, this incarnation of physical perfection and complete presumptuousness. To an untrained eye it might seem I was cheated, but Mike would win the contest by a mile on any given day.

I still was an elephant in china shop when it came to PE but apparently, being a cheerleader in Forks is not the main charm! I was the girl on the bleachers yet it was as if indeed I was carrying pompoms around. The more I tried to join the circle of nerds, the more popular I got.

It was nice to see someone being so enthusiastic about a school project, especially if it involved cloning, and I was happy that Tyler offered to do most of the work. Yes, I might have been using him a bit and I did get the slap to my face when one lesson he very indiscreetly asked me if he could come to my place to discuss 'the great idea he had'.

By that point I thought I had heard of every idea there can be about biology project (twice, not just once), so I'm not really sure what threw me off, this extension of Tyler's brainstorming or his self-invitation to my house.

"Well…"

"I'll bring my laptop to show you the presentation I've been working on … and that we could make posters …"

Is there a manual that gives instructions how to explain to a guy that you are not interested in making anything with him? I would hate to break his heart. And of course, end up with a new partner, especially with the kind that only drops by the school three times per year.

"I don't know why we should be working so hard on it now," I said and sounded completely unconvincing, "I think we will be working on this for a whole week during Biology…"

"Yeah but if we do most of the work now we'll be free then …"

And nothing will stop us from making out in the cleaning ladies' cabinet; he probably forgot to add,

"I'm just trying to help you, Bella …"

They all say that. It's like every man is born with this basic vocabulary; how to enchant a woman – and ensure the survival of our species! Sadly, we, the weaker sex, are much smarter than we like to pretend. In thousands of years, our great-great-great-on-god-knows-which-exponent aunts managed to decipher this mysterious language. They had to go through a lot of pain but it was all for the good of future girls. So that now I, Bella Swan, can see through this … façade and uncover their true intentions. It's a cruel world; nobody just volunteers to help and wants nothing in the return – especially if he's male. Ah, I can live just fine without them – I have Google, after all. Maybe by the time I'll be in college, I'll open up my heart to trust enough to let a real man help me with my essays.

Teenage boys are much like male pandas; they look cuddly but they've got claws and they all caught the small of the same future baby momma. And, of course, they smell each other from miles away.

I had just gotten Tyler off my back when Mike switched into higher gear.

"So, how is it working with Tyler?" he tried to sound cheerfully but in his mind he was already plotting and I doubt he planned to leave Tyler live in the end.

"Nice, I guess …"

"Cool. Listen … my cousin's husband is working in some kind of laboratory …. He would be glad to help you if…"

"Thanks, Mike," I smiled and tried to appear grateful but in reality my head was about to explode. Should I call Charlie and tell him to evacuate the school? Or should I just blow everyone and everything up, including my princes on grey horses?

It was such a tempting thought.

So, yes, things were looking up.

Lauren was still incredibly optimistic. From the tales she told at lunch, Edward was pretty much ignoring her; not even a 92$ perfume or a short t-shirt in winter didn't help. I don't think she realized how happy she should be. Although I wasn't sitting next to him anymore, his eyes still practiced gymnastic on me. But you know what? I didn't care. I was beautiful, attractive, breath taking girl. I decided to take his staring as a compliment – and delectation. I was something he had lost and would never get back. Of course, not that he had had me to start with!

Mike didn't stop at offers; no, when it came to physical activity, he was the most active of all! At PE we finally got over the stupid handball phase and it sounds way better than it actually was. We got badminton in return and quite honestly, my head and my teeth were in much graver danger once the racket found its way into my hand.

Either Mike was a terrible loser or he tried to impress me; we played in doubles and after our defeat, thanks to my input, of course, he started playing for both of us. I could clone myself but even a thousand Bellas wouldn't be as good as only the original Mike.

If I wasn't already sharing bed with textbooks, I would admire his speed, agility, his explosive strength. He was so precise! Not to mention his muscles; the sweaters he was wearing outside the gym, really didn't do his body justice. As if he wanted to unsexy himself! Should I learn from this? Would drawing pimples on my skin, not bruising my hair and wearing outdated clothes make me deliciously unwanted?

I had given myself a time off. I should be repeating one of the textbooks in my mind but was too occupied looking at Mike. God knows which sphere I was floating in. the gym was to horrible, too dysfunctional place for me to be in. I did hear people screaming my name but pretended I didn't hear them. Have you ever see anyone distracting cheerleaders when the school's star is about to score?

Certainly, when Mike dropped the racket and turned to me in plain fright, I should embrace reality. He was urging me to move but his words sounded so Chinese to me. I had no idea what on earth he was talking about!

I looked up, to ask god to give these people some common sense and that's when I saw the backboard hanging somewhat … weirdly. It was such a funny angle; I could not help myself from looking. Of course, I should move; foresee the future, me with a bad, very bad blunt trauma on my head or even my coffin. But I guess I had bgger problems than that.

Tyler was making a project for me, Mike was offering me a married man and Edward stole tests for me … why couldn't I just get someone … shy? Who would leave me roses in the lockers, write short notes with romantic lyrics and make me fall in love with him? That was the kind of boyfriend I would like. The one who wouldn't pressure me to get involved, actively or even morally. Or at least someone who would wait until graduation!

Yes, as the backboard finally broke free and started falling down, I was too caught up in my mind, still dwelling on my love problems. I wish I could say it was because of the fear but I was numb. I didn't even get the life flashing in front of my eyes moment. As my death was coming closer, I was still marvelled by the angles.

Thank god not all of us were willing to wait till grafuation to solve problems.

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.