YAY MORE OF THE SPOOF!

I have an extra long chapter (for this story) for ya.

-Marseillaise

Meanwhile, Fantine was having a tough but livable life. As in, she worked from dawn till dust at a position she wasn't very good at, in one of Monsieur le Maire's factories. Her boss, a fair but not-terribly-bright-or-kind lady, soon realized that they were going to have to lay off some workers. Well, since Fantine wasn't very good, the obvious choice was her! Duh.

Fantine now has no job.

After lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of job searching, she sells her hair. Then her two front teeth. Then she becomes a prostitute, sadly.

Monsieur le Maire felt it was Monsieur le Maire's duty to do things like waltz in on court cases. So, when Javerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt brought in Fantine for beating up this guy named Batamabois (who is like, horrid. I hate his guts.), Monsieur le Maire stepped in and offered her hospital use!

Which she took, of course, all the while pleading for her Cosette.

Monsieur le Maire promised Monsieur le Maire would bring Cosette. Monsieur le Maire did not.

Just then, Javerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt came in and scared Fantine so badly that she died! Literally! And then, he carted Monsieur le Maire off, revealing his true identity as Jean Valjean, Bread Thief at heart! But Jean Valjean wasn't a Bread Thief at heart anymore! Jean Valjean had CHANGED!

But Jean Valjean still got thrown in jail, this time as 9,430. Oh well.

But Jean Valjean escaped! And went to…dun dun duuuuuuuuuun…A CONVENT. *insert superhuge Hugo Tangent™ here*

Oh yeah. Jean Valjean got Cosette too.

And they lived in the CONVENT for lotsa' years. Wanna know about the CONVENT? You know you want to! At least, Victor Hugo thinks you do…

So, the CONVENT. The nuns there didn't brush their teeth. Because of some reason. Yeah. But, I wanna go on my OWN tangent about a convent! Because I freaking can!

Once upon a time…

Charlene was a brave young maiden who lived a long time ago. She isn't important.

There was this convent. It…uh…was a convent. A convent is a place where nuns worship and live and eat. Also they take in little girls, because they're nice. Yeah.

BUT ONE DARK AND SCARY NIGHT…

A little puppy, who was abandoned, was dropped on the front door step of the convent. One of the girls saw it, and decided to take it in, for she was nice. But, the puppy was no ordinary puppy! No, this puppy was secretly a vampire! But a good vampire. Yep. That's it for that tangent.

And so anyway, this thing happens that Jean Valjean becomes the gardener, but first Jean Valjean goes into this coffin and is buried alive. Um. For real. Yeah. Really. And lots of important things and stuff happen.

And then Cosette lives in the convent. Only unfortunate thing? They only served rice. And, on Cosette's eighteenth birthday, SHE BECAME ALLERGIC TO RICE. Precisely, she broke out in enormous green hives that oozed maple syrup. Because an evil fairy had put a curse on her!

So, Jean Valjean and Cosette left the convent. They moved to PARIS! PARIS YAY PARIS YAAAY!

BUT FIRST, THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR…WATERLOO!

So, there was this little guy named Napoleon. He ended the French Revolution and decided to start an empire. He tried to invade Russia (not a good idea, jsyk). BUT MOST MEMORABLY, WATERLOO!

But the HugoTangent™ is so booooooring. So here's my version.

There was this mushroom.

He lived peacefully in Waterloo, England.

Then there was this fight.

The mushroom tried valiantly to help! But alas, he couldn't move!

THEN, all of a sudden, this enormous person fell on the mushroom!

And the person was Marius' dad!

And then later, Thénardier stole money from the person and ended up saving his life!

And the mushroom got eaten by a horse!

And now, back to your regularly scheduled fanfiction.