If this one doesn't make you blush than I don't know what will ;)
"Alek?" Deryn said. "Alek? I know you can hear me, bumrag, now open the door!"
Still no response. Deryn knocked loudly on the fabricated wooden door for probably the fiftieth time.
"ALEKSANDER!"
Blisters, what was he doing in there? Waiting for a kidney stone to pass? She had been standing outside the ship latrines for a bit and was beginning to worry. Alek hadn't shown up for dinner and when she didn't find him in his bedroom, Newkirk suggested to check the toilets.
Perhaps he's sick. She told herself. Although she knew deep down that there was nothing physically wrong with Alek. She felt guilty thinking about it but Deryn Sharp was no idiot. She knew exactly what boys did when they went to the loo for way too long. After all, she had been flying about on a ship full of robust young men. It shouldn't surprise her that Alek had the same….well…urges, as the other crew members put it.
It was embarrassing enough that she was thinking such things let alone the fact that she wanted to catch him in the act.
You're being a Dumkopf. She thought. He's not going to admit he's in there. Especially since you're trying to break the door down.
At least he thought she was a boy. Alek would probably die if he knew a girl was standing outside while he was…finishing.
Blushing like a nun, Deryn finally decided to leave. Standing there like a ninny just made her feel worse. Yet as she was about to exit the large room that held the stalls for the toilets, she heard the door of Alek's stall swing open.
"Oh." He said softly when he saw her there. "Dylan, I didn't know you were here."
She had the grace to look ashamed, but not without calling him out on his lie.
"What do you mean you didn't know I was here? I was banging on the door forever!"
Alek's face was red as a beet and his eyes were filled with guilt.
"I know that. I just…thought you had left. You had stopped knocking after a while."
So he was trying to escape after he thought she was gone. If only she had left a little sooner. She was now regretting having to confront him about this.
"Right. Well, sorry to have….disturbed you. I should go." She muttered before trying to leave again. That was until she noticed that Alek was holding something.
"Hang on a squick, what's that?"
Mortified, Alek quickly hid the object behind his back.
"Nothing! It's nothing!"
Too late. Deryn had already gotten a glimpse of what it was. Some sort of book.
She quickly paced over to him with a grin on her face. Her shame was gone now, replaced by the need to tease the young prince.
"You got yer'self a naughty mag, haven't you?" She snapped. "Come now, let's have a look see!"
She reached behind him but he easily avoided her grasp.
"A what? Pardon me, but I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Oh come on, Alek! Let me see!" She reached again but with Alek's quick fencing maneuvers he quickly darted away. "I know it's a girly book, Alek, where did you get it? In Istanbul?"
"Again, I don't know what you're talking about." He barked. "There is nothing of…."
"AHAH I got it!" With glee Deryn snatched the book out of his arms and raised it above her. "Let's get a look. Awful barking heavy for a girly mag. I didn't know they made them in hard cover. So….this one is called…."
She flipped to the front page.
"The History and Ethics of Life Threads in Darwinist Theories."
…
Long pause.
"Alek, what the hell?"
"I can explain!" His face was so red his ears had begun to turn color as well "I took it from Dr. Barlow's room. She doesn't know I have it."
Deryn began to flip through the pages until she found what she was looking for, a diorama of the female reproductive organs of both a human and a chimpanzee.
"Alek, this is disgusting! I don't understand you at all, but if this is what gets you going, by all means, have at it." She tossed the book back to him and shuddered. Honestly, could this get more bizarre? The boy must be bonkers if this was the kind of stuff he fancied. "Next time get a girly mag like everyone else."
"I beg your pardon, but what exactly is a…..girly mag?"
Deryn rolled her eyes.
"Seriously? You really think I'm going to fall for that one! Even you, who lived in a palace, must know what a girly mag is."
Apparently he didn't. He just furrowed his brow in confusion. She knew he wouldn't be able to pull a lie like that one off.
"You know, like a magazine with naked ladies in it. Pornography."
His eyes bulged and he stepped back from her.
"Meine gott, do such things exist?"
"Ummmm, are you daft? Of course they do. Blisters, you really were born under a rock."
"That means…..you think…you thought I was….but. God's wounds Dylan, what kind of person do you think I am?"
"A barking normal one. It's perfectly natural to touch yourself. I suppose you clankers must not think so. I'm just disgusted that that's the sort of book you'd like to look at."
"WHAT?" He threw the book on the floor in furry. "ARE YOU MAD? Christ, Dylan, you thought I was doing that? I was merely reading up on the history of Darwinism!"
She frowned. "Yes, but in the toilet?"
Alek sighed and straightened his shirt. "It was too embarrassing to read in my room. If Volger found out, he'd probably disown me."
Deryn suddenly felt the bottom of her stomach collapse.
"You were in here because you didn't want anyone to catch you reading Darwinist literature?"
"Yes!" He shouted. "And you had to come along and twist it into something dirty and perverted."
"Oh."
Well, she had definitely gotten herself into a pickle. Alek would probably never look at her the same again.
"Oh." She said again. "Sorry 'bout that. I'll go now." She began to turn away.
"Wait!" Alek shouted after her.
She turned around and saw him picking up the book from the floor. He wasn't looking at her when he spoke again.
"Were you telling the truth about those…..er…..magazines."
She grinned. Barking boys were all the same, even the clanker ones.
"Aye, I was."
"Oh…..um…..well, you don't have any, of course."
She snorted. "If you're trying to figure out how to get one, Alek, I may be able to help you."
Perhaps this wasn't such a barking mess after all.