Pain and Hope

by ItY'girl

When she first came to Konoha, Yahizui was a nobody and she was fine with it. When he first became a shinobi, Itachi was sure of his path in life. But fate is a cruel mistress and their lives were never meant to be peaceful. Legacies long buried and power struggles are just some of the things they will have to face as they walk the line between Pain and Hope. Canon divergent

48. Timeskip: Ch 48 5th Year

A/N: Oh damn, I totally forgot I did not update things here!

WARNING: This chapter contains a lemony scene. I know is stricter with how explicit such things are, so I edited lots of parts out. I could not to a fade to black, because there are plot points woven into the scene, so there are a lot of blanks in there. If you want to read the full scene, you can check Pain and Hope on Ao3.

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Ch 48

Fifth Year Part 1

-Sakura-

It was a catastrophe. It was bad, no worse than that, it was a shit bomb waiting to fucking explode! Sakura flushed at the crassness of her thoughts, while an inner part of herself kept spouting colourful expletives. She blamed her newly gained vocabulary on Naruto.

Before them stood three older genin from the Sand village and both of her teammates were about to create an international conflict if they continued to measure their… egos with the Suna foreigners. Her panic levels were reaching a new peak when she saw Sasuke reach for his weapon pouch and saw the taller Suna boy do the same toward the strange object strapped to his back.

"Guys, I think we should —"

"I would advise you all to keep your energy for the upcoming exam. We wouldn't want anything to disrupt that, would we?"

Sakura turned toward the voice, her long hair whipping her face. Behind them stood a tall jonin with electric-blue eyes and a mean scar on his left cheek. She saw both boys lower their guard and allowed herself to relax as well. A jounin would never let the situation escalate. They were safe. Before them the three Suna genin glared for a moment longer, then the smaller, red-haired boy turned and left, signaling for his teammates to do the same.

"Mah, Kaito-sensei! We had them!" said Naruto.

"Fighting outside the exam is prohibited, especially with a foreign shinobi. Did you plan on causing an international incident by attacking the Kazekage's children?" asked Kaito. "I could feel your chakra flare from the other district, so don't even think to deny it."

Kaito's gaze then turned to each of them and Sakura had the distinct impression he was measuring their worth. And judging by his expression, he was finding them lacking.

"The exam starts in one week," he said gravely, "if I were you I'd track Kakashi down and train. Hard."

"But we can't find Kakashi-sensei anywhere!" said Sakura, finally finding her courage to voice the concern she'd had for the past couple of days.

"You have a sensor on your team," said Kaito pointing to Naruto as if it was common knowledge. "Use him."

"But Naruto just started this during the… wait a minute." Sakura's thoughts were zapping through her head, tying up pieces of information and calculating probable outcomes. "Kaito-san, how do you know Naruto is a sensor? Kakashi-sensei is not one to talk, so it can only be through the person who taught Naruto."

"At least one of you has some brains," said Kaito, making Sakura flush under the praise. He paused, as if debating with himself what his next course of action would be, then sighed. "Pick a spot above the village and focus. Try to filter everything else out and spread your senses. Once you get a good grasp of how your teammate's chakra feels like, try to stretch them out. You've been with Kakashi for a while, so you'll have an instinctive idea of how his chakra feels. With your chakra reserves, you'll cover Konoha easily. IF you focus."

And herein laid the root of all problems. Naruto could not focus for longer than a heartbeat. "And if he can't?"

"Get creative."

-Yahizui-

The Shodai Forest stretched before her, Konoha's borders a few steps behind. Yahizui took a deep breath, summoned Nizu and crouched down to pat the gray rat's fur.

"Tell sensei I'll try to come back before the exams start."

Nizu looked up at her with beady, dark eyes, its whiskers twitching in worry. "Are you all right?"

No. Far from it.

"Nothing to worry about."

Yahizui released the summon and took a deep breath. What a coward she was. Not once had she dared to visit Kou, the young man she'd offered to Danzo. She'd tried, but her body froze each time she moved to enter the barracks. Her breath would come in quick pants every time she tried to approach him in the training fields, her entire being rebelling at the idea of talking to him. Guilt pressed upon her, and Danzo's newest order almost suffocated her.

Find more.

They tested Kou with the masks, and while he did not lose his life upon touching them, the amount of chakra they sucked was still life threatening. He had to train, expand his reserves, and only then would he be able to wield one. But Danzo wanted more. In her desperation to be set free, Yahizui had promised him an Uzumaki army, and now she had to deliver. And now she had to find another body to step on in order to reach her goal.

She spat a thoroughly chewed-out nail to the ground, sneering at the despicable state of her fingers, then pushed chakra into her limbs and took off. She'd gotten access to documents and reports about the masks under the pretext of further studying them. With the seal removed, making copies was genin play, and by now Kaito would have already made a report and filed the evidence away. It was something, but far from the definitive proof they needed. Kou was a key player in their scheme. Keeping an Uzumaki hidden, using them for their chakra and training them to become a deadly weapon without the Hokage's consent was treason. Now she just had to buy herself time and smuggle Kou and any other unfortunate soul she might find this time out of Root and into the Hokage's custody.

The gates of Tonka village came into view by the time Yahizui pulled out of her thoughts. She circled around it, planning to change into civilian clothes before entering. Like many civilian villages, the people of Tonka were weary of shinobi. It was more likely that the villagers would accept her if she were to dress in civilian clothes. She was just about to seal her weapons in a scroll when she felt Tarou's chakra approach.

"You were right," she said as he stopped behind her. "It kills me inside, but it had to be done. I have to do it. No one can bring him down but me. No one has the access but me. And if I have to sell my soul for it, I will do it."

"Martyrdom does not suit you. Also, I've been tailing you for the past half hour and you didn't once sense my presence. It's unlike you."

"And what do you know of me?" anger coloured her voice as she turned to glare at him. "What would you know of sacrifice, of fighting for the greater good and of the burden I live with?"

"More than you'd think."

The weariness in his tone made Yahizui pause. In the end, what did she know of him? Next to nothing. He was an Uchiha, that was clear, but why did he leave? What made him abandon Konoha and hold such bitterness to his old village? They were two people drawn to each other by some force she could not understand, but in the end, they were strangers. Did she want to know more? Did she want to share more of herself? Contrary feelings fought inside her whenever she gazed at Tarou's onyx gaze and Yahizui realized she was afraid to ask for more and weary of giving.
And yet the pull was there.

"I was on my way to the village for supplies," he said, changing the subject.

She then noticed his civilian clothes and satchel at his side. With a tired sigh, Yahizui took the peace offering, sealed her katana away, pulled a peasant yukata out of a scroll and tied it over her shinobi attire. She untied her hair, draping it over her back to give her a softer look. With one glance behind her, she nodded in Tarou's direction and slowly began her walk toward the village gates. No one glanced twice at them and no questions were asked as they went through the market, Yahizui keeping to herself as Tarou haggled with vendors and maneuvered them into a quiet teahouse. She kept quiet as they sipped their tea, senses stretched to the maximum to find that familiar flicker of chakra she was looking for.

"You might have more luck if you get closer to Uzushio," he said, placing his empty cup down and signaling the waitress to pay.

"I would be happier if I did not find too many survivors," Yahizui said, thinking out loud. "I need to buy time, not build an army." Those were Danzo's wishes, and while she would sacrifice one or two unfortunate souls, even she had a conscience. Yahizui balled her hands into fists, hiding the bleeding, bitten fingernails from Tarou's perceptive gaze. What if she were to find more survivors? A memory from what felt like another life came to her, a promise she'd sworn to a mentor she'd long lost. "Still, I could open the barrier, hide any Uzumaki I find on the island."

The click of Tarou's cup on the table sounded loud in her ears, but his voice was steady. "It's an island-wide barrier that remained untouched for almost a hundred years. Are you not a bit too confident in your sealing skills?"

The barrier is keyed to me. So no, she wanted to say, but kept quiet. She sipped her tea casually, gauging his reaction. Tarou regarded her with the easy interest of someone waiting for their question to be answered. "No, I'm not."

"Then allow me to help you," he said.

"Why?" Their cups were empty, the bill paid. They should stand up, leave and not attract any attention to themselves.

Tarou leaned on the table, his bare forearms flexing with trained muscles. "Is it so hard for you to believe that I enjoy your company and that I want you to succeed?"

Yahizui looked away, uncomfortable under his heavy gaze. Yes, it was quite a foreign concept, something she had unlearned over the years. The skittishness in her eyes must have been visible, as Tarou sighed and conceded.

"At least allow me to bring you there. Maybe you'll find someone along the way."

It wasn't like she could be gone long. She had one week to either find someone or think of a believable excuse why her mission failed. Yahizui stood, gave a reluctant nod and exited the tea-house, sensing Tarou close behind.

They left the village before sunset, opting to make camp some half hour away as to not draw attention to themselves. Paranoid that Danzo had put a tail on her, Yahizui scanned the immediate surrounding area for shinobi signatures, but found none. It seemed she was in her master's good graces. With the fire crackling between them and the perimeter secured, Yahizui watched Tarou place two fish to roast over the fire. Even while doing such a menial job, he exuded power, each movement speaking of lifelong training.

"What did you do before… leaving the village?" she asked, suddenly wanting to know more about him.

"I mostly took outside missions. My clan was… uncomfortable around me."

"How come?"

Tarou's eyes gained a far-away look as they lowered to look into the flames. "People admire power in times of strife, but fear it once peace comes." He then looked at her and Yahizui felt pinned by his intense gaze. "I was told my personality was less than agreeable, so I stayed away."

"Didn't take you for a pushover," she said, throwing a brittle branch into the flames.

"I used to have a friend, someone with whom I shared everything. But he was everything I wasn't. I guess the comparison got to me at some point."

Yahizui scoffed, pushing dirt around with her sandals. "That seems like a lousy reason to leave your village."

"Well," said Tarou with a smirk, "I might have done one or two highly illegal things before that."

"Ah, now that is a reason! Well, I've done my fair share of things that would likely get Hokage-sama's fundoshi in knots," she said with a taunting smile, "so I might need a place to run away to once word comes out. But I guess you're right in a way. People do fear power." She suddenly thought of Tonka Village, of every civilian village she visited in her life. Weary looks, mothers pulling their children away in fear… terror in the faces of the elderly. "Especially civilians," she said with a sigh.

At Tarou's pointed look, Yahizui continued. "All they see of shinobi are their destructive power and the occasional wars they wage. Chances are they come in regular contact with missing nin, no offence, and have endured their acts or, even worse, a skirmish between them and some hunting nin party. Get your walls destroyed by enough stray jutsu and you hate those who wield them."

"Then the world is broken."

She leaned forward to grab a fish and carefully picked at it with her fingers, looking at him through her lashes. He sounded sad, angry, defeated.

"I guess it always has been," she said. "The mere concept of shinobi is brutal. Children learning how to kill and maim; it scares civilians, and they only see the surface of our world."

"Yes. A never-ending cycle of violence and death. Shinobi fighting shinobi, clan fighting clan, village fighting village. And it will continue to be so, unless something is done about it."

Yahizui glanced at the faraway look in his eyes. Something told her Tarou's thoughts were no longer in the present. "As much as I appreciate the philosophical discussion, the truth is not much can be done. You don't belong to a village now, but surely you remember a shinobi is the property of their village. We are the weapons of our leaders, and when they say kill, we put morality away and kill. Konoha might have the privilege of circumventing that, but that's only because there are people like me in Root who can't say no. Other villages don't have that luxury." She sighed, stretching her arms to the side. "Don't misunderstand me, Danzo is evil, and he needs to be stopped, but the world will not change their ways because one bastard is down. There are still assassinations to be made, still ugly missions to be taken. Either a special task-force does it, like Root or ANBU, or the regular forces have to. I don't know if the transparency of other villages is better, but I'm glad kids like Naruto don't have to do those kinds of missions."

"That's just the symptom to a greater disease," he said with a snarl in his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"What Konoha did with Root was a band-aid on a gaping wound. It still perpetuates the problem, the violence. The root of all evil is power and its ready availability."

She looked at him, studying him for a moment. There was a belief there, a slow-burning fire that seemed to wait for the opportune moment to immolate. This was the gaze of a man who wanted to change the world, but in which way? "I see where you're going," she said, pondering his words. "Shinobi have power, the villages have power and thus they clash to get more."

"Not just that, it is uncontrollable. Whether one is a good person, one could have power. With enough power, one might become Hokage. Who is to say that the person leading an entire village of powerful shinobi has noble intentions or not?"

"The people?"

"Don't fool yourself," sneered Tarou, mouth twisting into an angry grimace. "Human perception is skewed. Your hero might be another person's villain. You think Konoha shinobi would object if the Hokage would tell them to start a war with another nation?"

"Some might," she said, thinking of Kaito.

"What if clear evidence shows that this country has done horrible damage to Konoha? What if they were presented as the villain? People's perceptions can be manipulated. It's what all talented politicians do."

She thought of Danzo, of how he continued to use the limited influence he had and justify a hidden force underneath the nose of every Konoha citizen. Would heget his deserved punishment if things were to come out into the open, or would he talk his way out of it? And even if, who is to say, another wouldn't take his place?

"Okay, yes, true," Yahizui conceded. "Even so, you and me are powerless to change the entire world. It's difficult enough to change a small part of it."

Tarou's eyes flashed. "Ah, my dear, you think too small. There are many things you can do," he said, a note of enthusiasm creeping in his voice. "We are talking hypothetically, of course."

"Then, hypothetically, what would you do? What would you change about the world?" Her hands had stilled, laying the half eaten fish away now as she leaned forward to better grasp his words.

"I would start with the balance of power. If those who wish to destroy no longer have the power to do so, peace will slowly follow. Remove chakra from the equation and shinobi are just well-trained civilians. Add one source of power to keep everything in check and those who aim to start a war will fall back in fear. No more large-scale destruction, no more bloodshed. All will thrive, whether out of desire to do so, or fear of power."

"It sounds like a frighteningly effective plan, but it has one big problem… it's impossible."

"Why do you think so?"

"Obviously, since one cannot separate a shinobi from their chakra. It's possible to seal a person's chakra, but that would mean that every shinobi in the world would need to be sealed; not to mention every new baby that is born." Yahizui relaxed her posture, one hand waving to dismiss his idea. "It wouldn't work, would create paranoia in the person controlling everything and it would be logistically impossible to do. Plus, there is one thing you forget. Yes, civilians have less destructive power, but people can wage wars even with stones and bare hands if one has the inclination to do so."

That spark in his eyes shone brighter now, and Yahizui was sure it was no longer a trick of the flames. His entire face was alight with fervor, the intense excitement one had when presenting a long and well-thought plan.

"But I never said all will be equal," he murmured, but in her ears is sounded like a victory boom. Yahizui's eyes widened and Tarou took that as his cue to continue. "What do you know of the origins of chakra?" he asked, surprising her with the new tangent he opened.

"I'm sensing you know more here than I do."

"Chakra is the Gods' gift to humanity."

"I never pegged you for the religious type," she said with a scoff.

"Ah, ignorance is bliss. But no, I am far from it. I am, however, an avid historian, and have come upon the legend of the origin of chakra in my travels. "

She turned toward him, interest sparking in her eyes.

Tarou smirked, his sculpted lips twitching into what could almost be a smile if he were anything other than an Uchiha. "Interested?"

"There's nothing else to do, and I like a good story," she said.

"Many years ago, longer than anyone can remember, and long before the world as we know it came to be, gods came to this world often."

"Gods… you mean immortal celestial beings that grant you wishes if you pray to them hard enough… those gods?"

"The belief in such beings nowadays has waned, but yes, I mean such gods. They used to come down from their heavenly seats and spend time with humans. The Gods took a liking to the humans and decided to impart some of their powers with those they deemed worthy."

Yahizui gasped. "You can't mean…"

"Tsk. If you would let me finish, I will anwer your questions," he said with a click of the tongue.

Yahizui smiled sheepishly up at him, her faced flushed in embarrassment.

"The Gods used to impart their powers freely," Tarou continued, "likely amused by what humans could do with them, and definitely enjoying the adoration that came after that. Every chakra wielder in the ninja world is a descendant of those first humans who received their powers from the Gods. Even those born in civilian families have a connection to the originals somewhere down the line."

"And clans?"

"Clans, especially those that can date their existence at least a few hundred years back, could easily trace their lineage to the original favorites of the Gods. Those who possess a kekkei genkai are a prime example. The stronger the clan's bloodline limit, the closer the connection."

A sardonic laugh burst forth from Yahizui's lips. "Ah, and here we reach the moral of the story," she said in a singsong voice, "Since the Uchiha has one of the strongest kekkei genkai, you were likely birthed from the Gods themselves! Is this not a bit too much patting yourself on the shoulder?"

"You are not too far from the truth, and no, it has nothing to do with pride," said Tarou and Yahizui was sure he was trying not to sigh in impatience. "In fact, there are four clans that have a direct connection to the heavens. The Uchiha, the Senju, the Hyuuga and the Uzumaki."

"What? Hold on, how can you possibly know these things?"

He paused for a moment, but there was no change in his expression. "I told you, I am an avid historian, and, as surprising as it may sound, a good listener. My sources were verified, even though I no longer have access to them."

Could there be something hidden in the Uchiha compound regarding this?

"So, what makes us so special?"

"At the height of human- God intermingling, a goddess named Kichijōten fell in love with a human and bore him two sons. The records show she broke a great taboo and was for it forever banished from the Heavens, cursed to renounce her name and spend her immortality in the human realm. Her two sons took human wives of their own. One sired a daughter who came to be the first head of the Hyuuga clan. The other sired two sons with one wife, and a daughter with his second wife. The daughter became the first head of the Uzumaki clan."

"And the two sons founded the Senju and Uchiha."

"Exactly."

"I don't know whether to be fascinated, or slightly disgusted that we're in a way related."

"What for?"

Another flush of shame coloured her cheeks, and her green eyes averted. What for indeed. Will he mock her for her prior piss-poor attempt at seduction? He was an Uchiha, so he might. Or, even worse, did he disregard it completely as the unstable emotions of a young girl? Was that all she was in his eyes, some young girl who got overwhelmed by gratitude and wanted to throw herself at her savior? Now that was something she could not stand.

"Anyway," she said, praying to all the apparently real Gods up there that he could not see her flushed cheeks, "so chakra was given to us. Which might suggest that there is a way to take it back." The true implications of her words materialized as she said them, and suddenly the entire discussion was less hypothetical than before. "That's what you plan on doing, isn't it?"

Suddenly, that icicle of fear she had previously felt around him pierced her soul again. She jumped to her feet, grabbing her weapon as she took a step back. Every piece that did not fit in the puzzle she had dubbed Tarou was glowing inside her mind, filling her with unease.
"Who are you, and what do you want with me?"

Tarou did not move from his position, but the fire in his eyes was burning too hot, almost bleeding into the deadly gaze of the Sharingan. She looked away, though was sure it would not help much. "You make me sound like I wish you harm. I don't."

"Who are you?" The question, remaining unanswered in her head even after he'd told her his story, pressed forth.

"I told you," he casually said.

"You told me something, but not the truth."

"Does it matter?" Tarou asked, frustration igniting his words. "I was here for you. I freed you. Is it not enough that I want to protect you, to help you?" He stood now as well, circling around the fire and stepping toward her.

Yahizui stepped back, biting the inside of her cheek to prevent her fear from taking over. Running away would be a mistake. His gaze was predatory now as he prowled toward her and she'd be damned if she gave him the thrill of a chase. How did this turn from casual conversation into fight or flight? The smooth bark of a tree touched her back and suddenly there was nowhere left to run as she stood there, pinned by his scorching gaze. This could not be it. She refused to die like this!

"I just want to know you," she said with as little tremor in her voice as she could muster. "The real you." She looked to the side, terrified at how little it took to make her sound meek. "Your ideas frightened me."

His hand burned as he loosely grasped her chin, angling her head upwards to look into his crimson Sharingan eyes."Do I frighten you?" He asked,lips pulling down in a frown.

"Sometimes," she said with a gasp as he took another step forward. Their bodies were nearly touching now and that pull, that spark of neediness and desire, warred inside her with the fear, the terror. It made her dizzy, the spike of adrenaline more potent than any soldier pill she'd taken. A part of her mind screamed at her to look away, to wretch her gaze from his, but he hypnotized her, pulled in like a stupid, defenceless deer in the gaze of a fearsome predator. She was acutely aware of the frailty of her body compared to his, could feel the true nature of his chakra enveloping her, suffocating her. Like dense, dark tendrils, it licked at her senses, scorching whatever it touched. Yahizui flinched and instinctively sent her own energy forth to push him back.

The hand on her chin tensed. A second one joined it, threading through her hair to grasp the back of her head. "And other times?"

"What do you want from me?" she asked instead, marveling at her own courage. Or stupidity, she wasn't sure yet. It was suicide surely, but sometime between the adrenaline overload and the feel of his knee between her legs, Yahizui had decided she would at least die with some of her dignity intact. She was no deer. She would not blindly submit, no matter how big the predator was.

His knee pushed higher, hitting the juncture between her legs and making her gasp.
"I want everything," Tarou hissed, grinding his leg upward and tightening his grasp at the back of her head. "Everything you want to give, and everything you want to keep for yourself." His eyes drank in every gasp that came out of her lips, flashing a deeper crimson as tears of frustration filled her eyes. He growled when a strangled moan left her lips, pushing his body flush with her own as her hands grasped the front of his hakama. He lowered his head, lips brushing the flushed tip of her earlobe, voice gruff with constraint. "I want your body, your mind, your skills and your devotion. I want you to give in, but fight me, challenge me."

With a last tendril of rationality, Yahizui realized she was not the only one feeling the pull. That this frighteningly powerful man before her was just as bewitched, likely just as bewildered by his feelings as she was. He'd kept her at a distance out of self preservation and not lack of interest or need. He wanted her, yet hated how that bound him to her. It was he who sought her out, he who was around her every time she was outside Konoha's borders. And with that thought, the power imbalance evened out.

Yahizui took a deep breath, cycling chakra through her body to calm herself and took a moment to feel him. His body was flush with hers, the hard planes of his chest pushing against her, his muscled thigh grinding slightly between her legs. Her body moved, confidence loosening stiff muscles as she balanced on one leg and raised the other around his hips, pulling him even more toward her. Her insides jumped in excitement at the growl in her ear.

"And what will you give me?" she asked, empowered by his response.

He lifted his head to look at her and Yahizui gasped once more, that insidious fear gripping her heart like a vise. His eyes were different, the three tomoe of the Sharingan morphed into something different, deadly. His chakra was heavier, the undercurrent of fire overlapping with something darker.

"I will give you the world," he said with fervor, the circular pattern of his eyes turning. "I will make you rule as a goddess by my side when we finally achieve peace."

I don't want that; she wanted to say, but the look in his eyes and the feel of his chakra told her that would be the wrong answer to give. Yahizui did not trust her mouth to say the right thing, if there was any right answer to such a declaration, so she sunk into the feelings her body gave her, bravely holding his gaze as she pulled him forward. The hand holding her chin in place moved lower, tracing the curves of her body with surprising gentleness until it reached the band of her trousers. She pushed her hips forward, an unconscious move that betrayed her own need to be touched.

"Tell me," she whispered, "Tell me who you are." It was getting hard to form thoughts with the wet responses her body gave, "I want to know everything."

.

.

.

.

"Patience," he rasped, lifting her hips off the thin bedroll. "No need to rush."

"You still didn't tell me," she pushed on, latching on her frustration to demand an answer.

"Why spoil the evening?" he parried, a familiar teasing current in his tone.

She clicked her tongue at his cheekiness and tried to push him away with her legs, but stilled as his larger hand pinned her thighs down. He was strong, stronger than her, with chakra pushing through his muscles.

"You're not getting away now," he said, and Yahizui had the distinct impression he was not just talking about sex.

"You're mine," he growled, fist tightening in her hair until the pull made her eyes water.

"I am no one's," she said, "I belong to me."

.

.

.

.

"You wanted to know who I am," he said, beads of sweat rolling down his forehead.

.

.

In the lull of post orgasmic bliss, Tarou whispered in her ear.

"I am Uchiha Madara."