Yes, you should probably be frightened. In which we delve into Marius' obsession with a certain military general turned Emperor.
-Marseillaise
And now, the Chronicles of Nar…Marius!
Marius was a little boy who lived with his grandfather and thought his father sucked.
Then he decided his father didn't suck (too late, like, five minutes after his father died), decided his grandfather sucked, and decided to become a poor Napoleon fanboy.
SERIOUSLY. He had this enormous poster of Napoleon above his bed and he gazed at it every night before he went to sleep. Then, he dreamed about Napoleon. He wrote Mr. Marius Pontmercy-Bonaparte on all his notebooks. (this caused for some awkward conversations when he was dating Cosette, but he eventually convinced her to *spoiler*) In fact, Marius had a tattoo that went I [HEART] NAPOLEON on his lower back. At all times, he carried cards that said, "Le Baron Marius Pontmercy (UNDER NAPOLEON OMG OMG NAPOLEON OMG OMG I LOVE HIM)".
We had Marius, recently departed from his grandfather, fill out this survey.
What is your favorite color?
Black. So I can always be in mourning L
Do you support the current political system?
NO WAY! WANNA KNOW WHY NOT? BECAUSE IT ISN'T NAPOLEON!
Do you have many friends?
Is my Napoleon bust a friend? I sing to it and my other Napoleon articles sometimes. MY FRIENDSSSS…
How would you rate your present housing?
Well, I wish to become enslaved to the guy next door, but he seems evil. And there's this creepy chick who randomly follows me. And I don't have a fireplace. So, like, a 2. Because I could have giant spiders living in my house I guess!
If you could, what would you have done differently in your childhood?
I would have realized my love and adoration for Napoleon earlier.
Who has had the most significant impact on your life?
Napoleon. And then my father. And then the creepy guy next door.
Do you like girls?
What the heck? Um, the only girl I know is the creepy stalker chick, and I don't want to base all my decisions off her. I suppose if I found a pretty girl in a garden I would stalk her and marry her, but not at the present. But I like Napoleon!
Are you related to the Duke of Wellington?
Last time I checked, I was French.
If you could meet one person who is dead, who would it be?
Napole-wait. Oh, man this is hard! My dad, I guess…
Has this survey been insightful for you?
Woah! Long word!
So, as you can see, Marius was enamored by Napoleon, possibly Goth, and sucked marrow for fun. What a lovely person!
Only problem? His grandfather did NOT like Napoleon. Like, one day over dinner Marius mentioned how dreamy Napoleon was and how ingenious he was and Marius' grandfather said, "Napoleon failed!"
Well, that ended that relationship real quick. Marius started sobbing, claiming that his grandfather sucked. And then he moved out. (this was after his dad died.)
He was rather wimpy, but he did go around calling himself THE RED BARON. Um. (just kidding. He called himself Le Baron Marius Pontmercy, duh).
He was extremely socially awkward. Like, later he informs Courfeyrac "I have come to sleep with you", when he means crashing on said Courfeyrac's couch. Yeah.
He only wore black. He was possibly Goth but we will never know for sure.
He sucked on chicken bones. No, really. On the first day, he ate the meat, then on the second day he ate the fat, and on the third day he sucked the marrow. This guy needed a T-shirt that said "Marrow sucker".
He also ate eggs, depending on weather they were cheap or not. If they were cheap, he saw it as a sure sign that they were rotten. That's how he ended up wasting ten francs on an egg that he dropped when he saw someone that looked like Napoleon. It was actually a gamin, and the gamin said some rude things at Marius that made Marius yell "SWEAR JAR!" really loudly.
Marius had some weird next-door neighbors called the Jondrettes.
Marius was also obsessed with Thénardier. He needed to get more info on that guy, I tell you.
Marius wanted to be a lawyer, sooo…
He went to law school and his name almost got….BLOTTED OUT, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
But then, he got saved by L'aigle de Meux, aka Bossuet.
And then he met Courfeyrac and went to sleep with him. Like, crash on the couch in Courfeyrac's flat while Courfeyrac slept in his actual bed. Just to make that clear. And that's the end of the Chronicles of Marius.