Loved You First

"I'm here all alone, wondering if you feel this low, as I do without you, oh…"

Chapter 2

Hollywood Are's and Aren'ts – the blog about former students at Hollywood Arts High School

Dear readers, I'm back with more info on your favorites from Hollywood Arts. Today is your lucky day. Why? Because I, Sinjin Van Cleef, has got some insider information for you! This month, there's a BIG reunion at Hollywood Arts. And guess what? Everyone will be reunited, for the first time in five to seven years. And I'll be there, watching them – with the help of my partner in stalking, Burf. We'll be reporting on everything that happens. Oh and here's some gossip (or as I call it, Sinjossip. It'll catch on. Just wait.)

Cat Valentine was last seen performing, along her best friend Sam Puckett, as the support to British heartthrobs-who-really-aren't-that-good-looking One Direction in Miami as the original support got the flu. Meanwhile in New York, Tori Vega performed her new single on The X Factor USA and got called an amateur by Simon Cowell backstage. Guessing that hurt. (But not as much as getting run over by a car, I know that) Beck Oliver's show The Family got cancelled after 3 seasons and rumors (that may or may not be made up by me) says that his other show isn't going too well either. André Harris has been reported to be writing for "a major pop-star" right now. Last week, word got out that Jade West might get to put on a play on Broadway soon. I know I won't see it, because Jade's plays scare me. Robbie Shapiro can sometimes be seen on Comedy Central doing standup with Rex. (According to the reviews, Rex is funny and Robbie isn't.) That's it for tonight my friends, I'll be back soon. Keep commenting, keep liking and keep sending me love letters. Yours truly, Sinjin Van Cleef.

Tori Vega rolled her eyes and put down her phone. She'd just read Sinjin's latest blog post. She didn't really know why she read his blog, because it really wasn't that good. But to be honest, it was the only way she could keep up to date with what happened in her old friends lives. It was so sad, but that's how it was now. She was curled up on her couch in her apartment in New York. She'd just finished a giant tub of ice cream on her own while watching a movie. She was supposed to be at a movie premiere tonight, but she really didn't feel like it. She wasn't in the mood. Even though it was two weeks ago, she was still hurt by Simon Cowell calling her an amateur. It stung. She sighed and thought about that night. Beck had sent her a message, for the first time in three years. He'd kept it casual, writing that he hoped everything was good with her and wondered if she was going to the reunion and that he hoped they'd meet there. She had almost broken down on the phone while talking to André. She didn't know what to do with herself. André was the only one who knew how she felt for Beck, because she'd told him three years ago when she was upset about him leaving. André said he'd been suspecting it years before that though, so he wasn't surprised. Tori's phone buzzed and she looked at it. She turned it off and threw it away. She didn't want texts from the guy she'd been dating right now. She was too busy being depressed about her life. God, she had nothing to be depressed about though. She had a great, no wait, amazing career and she lived in a massive apartment in central New York and she was only 23. But something was missing, and it was love. She wanted to love someone, other than her friends and family. She'd tried going out with guys but she usually got so bored with them quickly. And she knew why, because none of them were Beck. They didn't make her feel like he did. And she hated it, because since Beck didn't want her, she'd be alone forever if she couldn't stop being hung up on him. She sighed. She needed to get a grip on herself. She was being ridiculous. There was a knock on the door and Tori was a bit stunned. Who could it possibly be? She walked over and looked into the peep hole. She smiled brightly and opened the door.

"What are you doing here?!" She exclaimed and hugged André.

"Girl, I heard how upset you were on the phone earlier so I canceled my meeting in L.A. tomorrow so I could come here and see what the hell is going on with you!"

Tori smiled. "You shouldn't have! Weren't you supposed to meet that new really hot rapper about an album tomorrow? I don't want you to miss that because of me"

André laughed. "It's fine, the deal's already been done. Signed the papers yesterday, I'm going to write 4 songs for his album that's dropping next year."

Tori screamed and hugged him again. "Oh my god that's amazing!"

"Yeah yeah, I know! Now, tell me what's up. And why there's a giant empty tub of ice cream on the table and why your phone is on the floor?" André looked at Tori and she sighed. "Beck didn't message you again, did he?"

Tori shook her head and said, "No, he hasn't been in touch since I replied."

"Man, that guy is weird" André sat down on Tori's couch and Tori said,

"Hey, by the way, how's everything with Jade? Is she really getting a play on Broadway?"

André smiled. "You read Sinjin's blog?"

Tori nodded and André rolled his eyes. "Well most of the stuff he's writing is just lies, but that's actually true. She asked me to write some music for it so hopefully it'll go okay! But yeah, things are great with Jade. I've never been happier."

"Aw, I'm so happy for you dude" Tori smiled.

"Thanks Tori. Anyway, what happened tonight? Didn't you have a premiere to go to?"

Tori sighed and started to tell him why she wasn't really in a party mood.

"In case you didn't know, since you left I've been miserable. Why did you have to go?"

Beck Oliver sat up in his bed and panted. Another nightmare, it was the third one in a week. They'd all been the same. He'd gone to the reunion, told Tori how he'd felt and everything had gone so badly after that. In one dream, she'd died and in another one, he'd died! In the most recent one, Jade tried to kill him. Jesus Christ he was messed up. He got up from bed and walked out from his bedroom, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat down on his couch. He turned on the TV to see what lousy shows they were showing at 3.45 in the morning. He changed the channel to ITV 1+ and froze.

"And now, performing her latest single 'Learn from Mistakes', it's the fantastic Tori Vega!"

He couldn't take his eyes off the TV. There she was, on X Factor USA singing a song about love and how mistakes made you stronger and you always learned something from them. He closed his eyes and listened to her voice. It was still just as amazing as he remembered. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She looked so beautiful. His nightmares should've been an indication to not tell her how he felt, but he didn't care. He needed to tell her. His emotions were a mess. Seeing her now, he knew he had to act on it. There was no chance in hell she'd be single for long. Because yeah, he knew she was single. He wasn't proud of it, but he'd done some research on internet. Weirdly enough, he'd ended up on a blog run by this weird guy Sinjin from his old school. All he knew is that Tori had been spotted having dinner with a, according to Sinjin, "tall and muscular guy". That wasn't really good news to Beck, who wasn't exactly that muscular. His six-pack wasn't that visible anymore and it annoyed him. It was just that he didn't have time to work out anymore. Or well, maybe he did. He didn't use to have time, but since one of his shows got cancelled he'd have plenty of time to spend at the gym. He'd definitely get in touch with one of the guys who'd guest starred in The Family last week. He had a fitness company based in Newcastle and from what Beck had heard they were good at getting people in shape. He looked down on his body and sighed. Then he looked at the TV again where Tori was getting interviewed. Just hearing her voice was doing things to him. His heart starting to beat faster and he couldn't help but smile. She was perfect. And he was going to get her. Not that stupid tall and muscular guy.

Exactly three years ago at a party in Los Angeles

Tori looked around and sighed. She didn't know one single person here. She was supposed to have Cat here, but Cat had missed her flight as she thought it left at 8pm and not 8am. How that girl managed to get through a week, Tori didn't know. God, Tori should've just let Trina come with her instead. Trina had begged Tori for days to come to this party, which was hosted by Kenan Thompson. It was at the exact same house that André had a party at about two and a half years earlier. The place looked a lot different now though. It felt more like a home. It was a really cool house and the party was great, Tori just wasn't in the mood for partying. It'd been so much better if she knew someone here. The only reason she'd gone was because her label said that it'd be great if she was spotted at Kenan's party. She went to grab another drink and thought about what she was going to do the rest of the night. She could stay there and feel miserable because she didn't know anyone, or she could start talking to people and try to get to know some people. Or maybe, she could just go home and eat ice cream and watch a stupid reality show about tanned people. She sighed. She should really just go home. She didn't belong here. She turned to walk towards the door and gasped. Beck Oliver had just walked through the door. He looked at her and smiled. She didn't know what to do. She hadn't seen him since graduation and that was 2 years ago! She smiled back at him and he started to walk over. She felt her knees go weak and when he stopped right in front of her, she looked down at her drink.

"Tori?"

She looked up and said, "Wow, Beck, hi!"

He hugged her, which surprised her and he laughed. "Wow, it's been so long!"

"Yeah, it really has… So what are you doing here?" She had to almost scream, because the music was so loud. Beck smiled weakly and said,
"Hey, um, do you want to go outside and talk? I can barely hear my thoughts in here"

Tori nodded and they walked out to the balcony. The balcony was decorated with four armchairs, a giant table and lots of little lamps. Tori sat down in a chair and put her glass on the table. She looked at Beck and it felt like it had only been a day since she last saw him. He was still gorgeous.

Beck laughed and said, "No, you're not serious!"

"I am, I promise! Trina actually tried to get him to sign a marriage certificate!"

"Man, I can't believe Trina would try to get a guy from One Direction to sign that at a signing"

"Yeah, she pretended it was just a normal paper", Tori laughed and Beck looked at her. She was so pretty; he'd forgotten how good she looked. It felt really nice to be around Tori, it was as if no days at all had passed since they said goodbye at Hollywood Arts. In reality, it had been 516 days since he'd seen her. And he regretted not seeing her earlier. His phone buzzed and he looked at it. It was yet another text from Jade; she was probably getting angrier with every text he didn't reply to. She'd sent about 10 messages already and he couldn't be bothered to answer. There was just a part of him who didn't even want to think about Jade when he was with Tori. Tori was still talking about Trina and how she tried to marry a guy from a boyband. Beck smiled and when he felt his phone buzz for the 11th time, he quickly turned it off. Then he looked at Tori again and she smiled. He didn't ever want to leave her, he knew that right there. He wanted to be with her forever. He'd never stopped liking her, not even when she rejected him because of her loyalty to Jade. He wasn't even hurt by it anymore; he just wanted to prove to her that he was the right one for her. But the problem was obviously the fact that he was still seeing Jade. He had thought about breaking up with her for a while now, but he hadn't found a good enough reason. But now he had one: Tori Vega.

"Beck, am I boring you?" Beck's thoughts were disturbed by Tori and he looked at her.

"Oh god, no sorry, I just kind of drifted away!"

Tori laughed. "It's fine, I've just been going on about myself for ages. Tell me about you Beck! What are you doing now? Still acting?"

Beck nodded and said, "Yeah, but it's tough. I've been to a lot of auditions lately so hopefully I'll get a recurring role soon. According to my agent, I'm close to getting a part in a crime show; it's apparently between me and one other guy."

"Wow, well, I hope you get it!"

"Yeah, no I do too. If I do get it, I may have to move though, so yeah."

Tori tilted her head and looked at him. "What do you mean? Like to another city?"

"Maybe even country, but it's not decided yet…" He smiled weakly at Tori and she said,

"Well, hopefully you'll get the part! It's always fun to see new places, right?"

Beck nodded and looked down on his drink. He had to leave the party soon or Jade would come looking for him. He'd been sat talking to Tori for three hours already and time had really flown by. He looked at her again and smiled.

"Hey, I really need to get going"

Tori looked disappointed and said, "Oh, okay"

"Do you want to share a cab or are you going to stay for a while?"

"Um, I think I'll stay for a bit. I'm going to see if I can find Kenan and say thanks and stuff"

"Okay, cool. Anyways, it's been really good to catch up with you. We should do it again, soon!"

Tori smiled. "Yeah it's been fun, and we definitely should"

"Cool, I'll message you tomorrow."

He got up from his chair and picked up his phone from the table. Tori was already standing up when he turned around and he smiled at her. He hugged her tightly and whispered, "I've really missed you Tori, just so you know."

He kissed her cheek and walk into the house. He looked back over his shoulder and Tori waved and smiled. He smiled back at her, before leaving the house. There was a cab waiting outside so he got into it and when the door closed, he closed his eyes. He had no idea what to do with himself. He couldn't be with Jade, but could he really be with Tori? He wanted to, but seriously? What if he got the part in that show and he had to move to Miami or something? He turned on his phone only to find over 20 new messages. He sighed. To his surprise, only 19 were from Jade. One was from his agent, telling him to check his voicemail and then call him in the morning. Beck shrugged and called his voicemail.

"Beck, buddy! It's Lucas and have I got news for you! I just got a call from Charlotte at BLK MANAGEMENT and you got a part! You remember the crime show you auditioned for? Not the one here in the US with the small part, no no, the police offer part, you know the recurring role! You got it and the contract is for at least 2 seasons with 13 episodes on each season! Oh but there's just one little catch – it's set in London so you have to move to England… But that's cool, right? Anyway dude, call me tomorrow! You're gonna be a star!"

Beck ended the call and stared out the window. He felt the phone buzzing in his hand but he couldn't care less. He knew that it was Jade. He had more important things on his mind right now. He got a part, a really big part. In a really good show and he really wanted the part. There was only one problem though. He had to move to England. It was another continent. He couldn't possibly do that, right? No. Or what did he really have to stay in the US for? Jade, yes. But he had wanted to end things for a while. This was the perfect time to do that. But then again, what about Tori? He hadn't felt as good as he did with her in months. He had loved seeing her. But who was he kidding? She didn't feel the same way he did. So he would probably just waste his time. He had to choose, either he stayed and told Tori how he felt. Or he could move to England and fulfill his dream of becoming an actor. He closed his eyes. He knew what he had to do. He had to go after his dream.

Tori looked out over New York and sighed. André had passed out on her couch and she was now sat on her balcony, looking at the beautiful city that New York truly was. It was exactly three years ago since that night today. The night she fell for Beck Oliver, for real. When she realized that he was the one who had captured her heart. And he still had it. She felt a tear falling down her cheek and blinked quickly, which only generated more tears. She put her feet up in the chair on her balcony and pulled the blanket tighter around her. It was a bit chilly for being a June night. But then again it was 3 am. She should really get some sleep, but she really couldn't relax. She kept thinking about Beck and how she couldn't seem to forget about him. No matter what she did, he was on her mind.

Beck looked at his phone and at the message she'd sent him two weeks ago, which he still hadn't replied to. He really should have. He just didn't know what to write. It was just so awkward. He sighed. He checked the time, 9am. Which meant it was 3am in the US. It wasn't the same day anymore. He wondered if she'd thought about him at all. Because he hadn't been able to think about anything else all day yesterday, he'd even messed up lines at work because he was so distracted. He was so filled with regret about what choices he'd made. He should have stayed. He looked down on his phone and sighed. He was useless.

Tori dried away a tear and looked down at her feet. She really needed to get a grip. It was 3am and she was sat crying because of a guy who used to be her friend? Who had moved to England without telling her? A guy who barely remembered her anymore? What the hell was she doing? She was being so ridiculous. But she couldn't get him out of her mind. She could still hear his voice when he told her he'd missed her when he hugged her goodbye. Had it all been a lie? Was he just pretending to miss her? She had no idea anymore. She sighed. Her phone buzzed and she looked at it, expecting it to be another message from Cat explaining how sorry she was with the help of emoticons. But instead, she found something else. Something that was both strange and unexpected, and sweet. She smiled and read the message again, before realizing that she was crying. She looked down at the screen and stared at the ten words that both broke her heart and made her heart skip about a thousand beats in a second.

"I have really missed you Tori, just so you know."

"Don't even know if you care that I'm waiting right here, unable to make one move. Still waiting for you to call, banging my head against the wall. I'm so hopeless without you"