17.
~ Eames seemed to remember where she lived without any help from Ariadne. He guided the handsome mare down the street as she tried to keep her nose pointed in the direction of good clean air and not the smells of cooking that was coming out of people's homes.
Normally these smells never bothered her before, but suddenly, the heavy spices and fragrances of meat cooking made her frightfully sick. Her stomach clenched and she wanted to throw up again as they passed by the neighbors who liked to cook a ham every Sunday. The odor of the pig cooking was too much.
"We're almost there." Eames was saying as she buried her face in his shoulder and tried to ignore the way the cabbie lurched them around on the streets.
Mr. Eames' jacket smelled like a horse stable and washing powder. It was a clean and natural smell that didn't make her sick when the cold hair hit her face.
She leaned her head against his shoulder as her face felt flushed from whatever illness had taken her.
"Stay there." Eames whispered as he climbed down the carriage.
Ariadne felt dizzy as Eames left her to knock on her own front door.
She had no idea what was wrong with her. Most likely she ate something that didn't agree with her. She had barely touched food in the past few days; her appetite gone most of the time. She hadn't wanted any of the stew Mrs. Marsh prepared for them after her arrest. Or the tea and soda crackers Mary had passed out at the meeting. She also only had the toast her husband had brought her and a few chocolates. Why was she ill now?
She wasn't hungry at all. In fact, she was sure she never wanted to eat again. She was just weak and tired and wanted to lay down in the drivers seat of the cab now.
"Ariadne!" Arthur was saying.
His agile body had climbed up to the drivers seat and he was leaning over her. His eyes large as she tried to smooth out her hair and look presentable.
"What happened?" he barked at poor Mr. Eames.
"I was driving her to a friends house, sir." Eames said apologetically. "She just went a little green is all."
"Don't yell at him." Ariadne moaned to Arthur.
"Ariadne, what's wrong? You're white as a sheet." Arthur fumed as he carefully pulled her to a sitting position.
'Had I been laying down?' she thought and she was dizzy at the smell of Arthur's aftershave again.
"I want to lie down." she told him as the two men cam from either side of her and lifted her to the ground.
"Mrs. Marsh is home early." Arthur was saying as with easy grace, he lifted her in his arms and carried her inside. Her skirts causing no bother for him as she rested her head gratefully on his shoulder.
She wanted to say good bye to Mr. Eames. To thank him for taking her home and for talking to her. But she was too tired. To ready to fall asleep or be sick again, she wasn't sure.
~ Mrs. Marsh's cure for everything was a cup of tea with generous cinnamon added to it. Ariadne felt a little better as the older woman helped her undress and tucked her into bed.
"All this running about. It's no wonder you've fallen ill." the old woman was saying as Arthur stood in the doorway. A part of him afraid to enter his wife's bedroom as Ariadne tried to fight off another wave of sickness.
"Could it be the influenza?" he asked worriedly.
"No fever." Mrs. Marsh said and Ariadne could feel the old woman's hands on her forehead.
"Should I get the doctor?" he asked. "That cab driver said she was sick. He even had to stop the horse and everything."
"Mr. Brandon, I'm sure she just needs a good rest. Now, off with you." Mrs. Marsh said calmly.
Ariadne was barely awake when she felt the older woman come back and sit beside her on the bed.
"You're alright child." she whispered and Ariadne felt her face being cleaned by a damp cloth.
"I think I ate something bad." Ariadne wanted to cry. She wanted to throw up again, but lacked enough food in her body to do it.
"When was the last time you bled?" Mrs. Marsh asked.
Ariadne closed her eyes tightly.
"What?" she asked.
"The monthly. How long has it been?"
"Last month?" she said. She remembered preparing her own menstrual belt herself. Of staying in her room and resting for almost three days.
"No, wait." she said. The leaves were still green when she done that. It was shortly after the wedding.
"Two months." she said at last. "No, more than two months."
"You and Mr. Brandon have been having relations? He's been laying with you most nights?" Mrs. Marsh asked.
"What?" Ariadne asked. Her eyes growing wide.
"You're not sick, child. It's sickness of baby and nothing more."
"No." Ariadne shook her head.
"Well have to call the midwife to be sure, but you've got all the symptoms." Mrs. Marsh said.
"No, I can't be." Ariadne gasped as she wanted more clean air.
"Of course you can be." Mrs. Marsh laughed.
"No, I don't want to be!" Ariadne wanted to cry.
"Now, now." Mrs. Marsh was saying. "All this worrying you do needs to end right now. Or else you'll bare a child who is nothing but nerves."
Ariadne curled into a tight ball.
"No." she whispered as she started to fall asleep. "No, don't tell Arthur."
~ She woke up and it was dark outside.
She still felt weak, but less sick.
She relaxed at being in her own bed and was glad the air was so cold in here. She was alone and relaxed as she stretched out and rolled over.
She wasn't ready to see Arthur sleeping in her high back chair next to her bed. Feminine flowers covered the fabric of the chair as his too large body looked uncomfortable in furniture meant only for females.
"Arthur?" she whispered as she rolled over and shook his leg.
She was feeling much better after her rest. She suddenly found him sleeping there very touching, where as before, she would have felt it was an intrusion.
He was snoring lightly as she shook his leg awake.
"Arthur? she said again and with a deep breath, he woke up. His neat clothing not even wrinkled as he looked over at her.
"How are you feeling?" he asked. His long body leaning over to her.
She nodded slightly and gave him a weary smile.
"Better." she told him. "I think Mrs. Marsh's tea helped."
"She says you're to eat something as soon as you can keep it down." Arthur told her. "Are you ready to try?"
She was starving, but was too afraid to even try.
"I can get you some bread." Arthur said. Mrs. Marsh went to the shop and got you some crackers to eat."
He looked more exhausted than her just now. His face lined with worry over her as she settled back in her covers.
"I'm a spoiled brat." she told him.
"I agree." he laughed.
"I haven't been fair to you at all." she sighed.
Arthur shook his head.
"Let's put it behind us." he said. "You gave me a scare. I'll have to make sure Mrs. Marsh doesn't buy any more discounted meat. I can't believe I didn't get sick to."
Ariadne shook her head.
Deep in her heart, she knew it was true. Knew that there was a baby now and she couldn't deny it or hide it from Arthur. She had wronged him in so many ways it seemed. He didn't asked to be wedded to such an unhappy woman.
"It's not Mrs. Marsh's fault." she sighed as her husband stood to get her something to eat.
He looked back at her. His face in the scowl she knew meant her was curious or thinking too much.
She let out a long sigh, summoned her courage and looked apologetically up at him.
"It's your fault." she said at last.
~ Arthur had pulled the plush, too feminine arm chair up to her bed.
She wanted to move away from him, it seemed like he was crowding her, but lacked the strength.
He was holding her hands and gazing up at her adoringly.
"We have to be sure. I'll have Doctor Winslet over as soon as possible." he whispered.
She nodded as he smoothed out the blankets of her bed.
"In the meantime, you should rest. We have to be careful with your condition." he said in a pleased voice that illuminated happiness.
"It's hardly a condition." she laughed. "I've just had the sickness and Mrs. Marsh may have jumped to conclusions."
"But there is no reason to think you're not in a delicate state." he said hopefully.
She rolled her eyes in mock loathing.
"When did it happen..." he caught himself. "I mean, how far along do you think you are?"
She shook her head.
"It's indelicate to talk about such things." she told him. Men didn't need to know about cycles and being indisposed for so many days out of a month. She hated even talking about these things with her own mother when the time came. It was a subject never spoken about in well brought up homes.
"The past few days. The spankings." Arthur said. His voice taught with fear. "I could have hurt the baby."
"We don't know if there is a baby yet, dear." she said taking his hand in hers.
Arthur seemed comforted.
"Still, you could miscarry because of it." he said and kissed her hands.
"I doubt it." she whispered. "I think I would have known if I miscarried."
Arthur still looked worried.
"I'm so sorry for... well for the past few nights." he said. "I was violent to you, and it was wrong."
She shook her head.
"No, Arthur." she said with a smile blooming on her face. "It wasn't wrong at all."
He kissed her lightly on the forehead and stood.
"I should get you something to eat." he said quickly. "Some toast and tea." he said hopefully.
She wanted to laugh at seeing him in such a giddy, confused state. Poor Arthur was always so composed. Now, he was almost bungling in his attempts to remain cool and passive.
She smiled as he left her. Happy that he was happy.
As soon as she heard his feet on the stairs, she frowned.
She wasn't sure if she even wanted this to happen. Arthur seemed pleased, but men only thought about babies when it was convenient to them. They didn't think about the dippers or the feedings. They only cared about their own vanity. When it was boy who could be like him and carry on his name. If it was a girl, the male mind had no use for the child.
Ariadne knew her father didn't care as much for her as he did her brother. She was sure Arthur wouldn't be interested in anything but a boy.
If she had a girl, her job would be to see that she grew up pretty and silly and married off to a nice man. If it were a boy, her job would be to watch him grow into his father and she would somehow always been on the outside of their world. Her rank would be even lower than it was now. Her son would take over as head of the house, the way her brother was destined to make decisions for their mother when their father passed.
Ariadne would always be a helpless, brainless little girl. Even to her own child.