The next few days were an utter blur of despair and confusion. I spent every waking minute I was allowed at the hospital. I never left Jimmy's side, holding his hand, stroking his hair, and whispering to him.
"Don't leave me, my love. Somehow we'll find a way to be together. Don't give up, Jimmy."
Through my fog of worry, I was nonetheless aware that I must keep up the façade that I was Jimmy's cousin, and the burden of making sure I did not take my affection too far was ever present. I wished I could climb in bed beside Jimmy and warm his cold, still body, but that was impossible.
I had fallen into a routine for the past few days – I would let the contractors in to work on the house improvements, then take a cab to the hospital. I was not closely overseeing them as His Lordship had thought I would, but it was out of the question to spend all day at the house when Jimmy lay in the hospital fighting for his life.
The doctor had informed me that Jimmy was young and strong, and that although septicemia was often a death sentence for infants and the elderly, his immune system had a fighting chance of overcoming the infection. How I hoped that it were true. But the sight of Jimmy's ashen, unresponsive face sent chills of terror through me every time I looked at him.
Each night, as I lay in bed in the London house, I forced myself to prepare for the worst. I wondered if life without Jimmy were even possible. Not so long ago, I had scorned the very idea of love. My experience with Phillip had hurt so badly that I had decided loneliness and isolation, putting up an impenetrable shell, were the only ways to survive. But I had been wrong. I could see now that in my anger over the way the world treated men like me, I had rejected even the people with kind intentions. Loving Jimmy had made me a better person. If the worst happened, I decided I would try to live a better life in honor of the young man I loved far more than life itself.
But the prospect crippled me with terror.
Nearly a week after Jimmy's collapse, I entered the hospital as usual only to find a flurry of confusion around Jimmy's bed. A frenzied nurse informed me that Jimmy had had a crisis during the night. His blood pressure had dropped dangerously low, and although his condition was now stabilized, he appeared to be hallucinating.
"He's feverish," the nurse explained as we hurried to Jimmy's bedside. "It could mean the end, or it could mean that his body is finally conquering the infection."
"Stay with us, Mr. Kent," another nurse was saying as she sponged Jimmy's forehead, which glistened with perspiration. "Can you hear me?"
"I understand now," Jimmy was moaning, eyes unseeing, as he tossed and turned on the pillow. "It's so simple; why can't everyone see it? It was right there in front of me all along but I was too blinded."
It was then that I noticed Jimmy's body was packed in ice. It must have been special ordered from an ice house, which would be expensive, but I knew from my medical training that it might mean the difference between life and death.
"I believe his body has fought off the blood poisoning," the doctor was telling me. "If we can conquer this fever, he may live yet."
The nurse continued sponging Jimmy's face and he continued his muttering.
"It's there…I can see all of it…it's beautiful."
I reached out and stroked Jimmy's flushed cheek.
"Stay with me, Jimmy," I whispered, not caring that the gesture was rather an intimate one for a cousin. Let the nurse think what she liked. I couldn't be imprisoned for touching a man's face.
I lost all track of time as the day wore on, sponging Jimmy's face and assisting the nurses with adjusting the melting ice as needed. It was a relief to have something to do.
At long last, I saw the telltale signs. Jimmy's pulse was becoming increasingly strong and steady and when I took his temperature, it was much closer to normal than it had been. Moments later, he began to shiver and the nurses and I worked to remove the ice. Jimmy's fever had broken. His breathing was strong and steady. He was going to live. I closed my eyes and let out a shuddering breath of relief.
The next morning, I entered the hospital to find Jimmy wide awake and fully back to his normal self. The doctor had informed me that his recovery was nothing short of a miracle. Jimmy's youth and good health were on his side, but blood infections were very serious, and no medication existed with which to fight it.
"Thomas!" Jimmy's grin melted my heart as it always did. I sat beside his bed and gazed upon his loveliness. It was interesting to see the beginnings of a beard and unkempt hair on this young man who so prized his appearance.
"How are you, Jimmy?" I asked.
"In desperate need of a bath," Jimmy grimaced. "I'm a fright."
"You look devastatingly handsome to me," I dared to murmur and was pleasantly surprised when Jimmy's cheeks turned pink from the compliment, but he did not protest.
"Truth be told, I'm desperate for a wank too, but I can't get any privacy around here," Jimmy admitted, and I burst out laughing. Then his expression abruptly turned serious.
"Thomas, I had a life-altering experience while I was delirious," Jimmy began. "It changed everything."
I froze, unsure where this was going.
"Don't tell me you went through a tunnel of light and saw God," I grinned, attempting to lighten the mood.
"Not God exactly," Jimmy answered thoughtfully. "But a force, an understanding beyond anything I can explain. The word "God" doesn't come close to describing it. I could see the whole world, all the wars and hatred and sorrow, and how love was the only thing stronger, the only thing that matters. I saw that it doesn't matter who loves each other, only THAT they love each other. And I saw that love is always worth it, no matter what."
This was too much to take in. Had the very delirium caused by the infection that nearly took Jimmy's life also been my salvation? This was what I'd always believed, what I had hoped Jimmy would believe, even when it seemed hopeless. I remembered my prayer and wondered if there really was a higher power.
It didn't matter. Maybe it was simply Jimmy's addled brain trying to tell him what he'd known in his subconscious all along. The point was that Jimmy was talking as though he wanted to be with me.
"Do you mean…" I began and Jimmy took my hand.
"I mean that I love you, Thomas Barrow, with every fiber of my being," Jimmy said and I felt a lump in my throat. "And I'm never letting you go."
How I wished we were alone, but we were in the middle of a bustling hospital. I stood up and pulled the privacy curtain around Jimmy's bed. Then I leaned down and placed my lips against Jimmy's. It was risky and I knew I couldn't linger – a nurse could pull the curtain back at any moment. Jimmy quietly moaned his enjoyment of the kiss.
"It's been too long since I've felt your touch," he whispered and a devilish grin crossed my face. I'd had an idea. Stepping over to the nurse's station, I explained that my young cousin was in need of a sponge bath.
"It's just that he's quite shy about the prospect of a woman bathing him," I explained to the nurse, fighting down a chuckle at my preposterous lie. "Especially one as pretty as you are." The young woman flushed at the compliment and I congratulated myself inwardly on my successful flirting.
"And seeing as how I'm his cousin and like a brother to him, and that I have medical training, he wondered whether I might be allowed to bathe him," I finished.
"Well, I don't see why not," the nurse responded. "We're quite short-staffed today so it would be a help. You know where the supplies are."
I gathered a basin of warm water, soap, and some cloths and towels, and returned to Jimmy's bedside, once again drawing the privacy curtain around the bed.
"I'm here to bathe you, Mr. Kent," I announced in a mock businesslike tone. Jimmy's eyes widened with the implications.
"Now?" he responded in disbelief. "Here?"
I removed his hospital gown with a flourish and gently moved a warm cloth across his chest. Jimmy gasped at the touch and I knew we were both thinking back to the chest liniment incident. But the memory no longer made me cringe, thank goodness. I circled the cloth over Jimmy's stomach and saw that he was rapidly becoming aroused. I continued my mock professional demeanor and moved the cloth elsewhere, washing Jimmy's neck and arms. I then moved to his upper thighs, allowing the cloth to move tantalizingly close to his groin.
By now, Jimmy's breathing had quickened and his penis was fully engorged. I couldn't help but smile wickedly again. I took my time washing Jimmy's entire body, teasing him by bringing my hands ever closer to his now throbbing cock, but never touching it.
"You're a bastard, Thomas," Jimmy said in a hoarse whisper, but he was smiling too. "You're loving this, aren't you?"
"Oh, and you're not?" I smirked, indicating the obvious evidence between his legs.
"I wish we were properly alone," Jimmy whispered, gasping as I finally touched him with feather-light hands before teasingly moving away again.
"This is just a warmup," I said. "A way to make sure everything's still working all right downstairs. I want to make love to you properly, but this will have to do for today."
I marveled at the beauty of Jimmy's body, his muscled arms and beautiful chest. I leaned over him again and kissed him tenderly, wishing with everything in me that I could climb in bed beside him and ravish his body with abandon. But I could not. Instead, I put Jimmy out of his misery by grasping his rock hard erection and expertly beginning to stroke it.
Jimmy moaned and I hissed at him, "Keep it down!" Jimmy obeyed, covering his mouth with one of the clean cloths and bucking and writhing as I expertly teased his cock. Kneeling down, I took him into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the sensitive head and making Jimmy groan into the cloth he held over his mouth.
I brought him to the edge and back several times before allowing him to come, and he arched his back and spurted his release into my waiting mouth.
"I needed that," Jimmy grinned when he had recovered. "And you can be sure that your turn is coming."
Wryly, I glanced down at my own bulge. I was more than a little turned on by our little adventure, and I would need a minute to compose myself before I opened the curtain and disposed of the bathing materials.
"What will we do now, Thomas?" Jimmy asked me suddenly, serious once again. I knew he was talking about our future.
"Stay on at Downton, I suppose," I answered. "Would you be willing to take the risk?"
"I'd do anything to be with you, Thomas," Jimmy murmured and my heart overflowed with happiness. I had truly never dreamed this day would come, but I couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead for us. Life had not been kind to me and it was hard to avoid the worry that happiness of this magnitude could not last.
Moments later, I disposed of the bathing materials and spoke briefly to the doctor, who was optimistic that Jimmy would be well enough to travel to Downton in several days' time. I returned to Jimmy's bedside to find his eyelids drooping.
"You've done nothing but sleep for a week and now you're nodding off again?" I teased. But Jimmy's body had been through an ordeal and I understood. Ensuring that the privacy curtain was still in place, I leaned down and brushed my lips against Jimmy's now cool forehead.
"Sleep well, my love," I whispered.
Back at the London house, I retrieved the post from the front hall and flipped through it quickly, surprised to see an envelope addressed to Mr. Thomas Barrow, with a return address from Miss S. O'Brien. What on earth?
The letter inside was brief: "Dear Thomas, I must talk to you before I leave. I hope and trust that young James will soon be well enough to return to Downton, but if not, please write to me and I will arrange to meet you at the London house before I leave for my new post. I do not expect this to be a welcome letter after all we have been through, but I really must speak with you. My greatest fear is that I will not be able to see you before I leave in a week's time. Please write or send a telegram telling me when you expect to arrive at Downton as soon as possible.
Yours Sincerely,
Sarah O'Brien"
Puzzled, I folded the letter and placed it in my pocket. The very last person I wished to hear from had written me a mysterious letter. For the life of me, I couldn't imagine what was so important, but I would send the telegram, in part because I knew His Lordship and everyone else at Downton was anxious for news on Jimmy.
My happiness dampened only slightly by the unexpected letter, I headed out the door and toward the telegraph office with a spring in my step. My love was well again.
A/N: First of all, I'm so sorry this has taken so long! Thank you to anyone left who's still reading this after such a long break.
I did do some medical research that indicated recovery from blood infection was possible, especially if someone was young and otherwise healthy. Penicillin hadn't been invented yet so it was definitely deadly a lot of the time, and maybe it's not even likely that Jimmy would have survived, but in the end this is just a work of fiction so my apologies to anyone in the medical field who may take issue with how I described Jimmy's recovery.
Finally, what's going on with O'Brien? And will Thomas and Jimmy be able to keep their relationship a secret at Downton? All will be revealed in the final chapter (or two, I'm not sure yet), hopefully completed before the beginning of season 4 on September 22! Thank you all again!