✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
Chapter 25: only to find i've come alive
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Heart thudding in his chest, Legolas watches on in horror as Adrienne's figure free-falls through the air and towards the harsh ground below, followed by the fellbeast. Unable to believe his own eyes, time seems to slow down as the distance between her and the ground closes.
The rest of the battlefield fades away as a distant but precious memory resurfaces in his mind.
In the heart of Lothlórien, he stood on a tree branch and held out his hands. "Jump, Adrienne. I promise to catch you."
The woman hesitated from her place on a separate branch, uneasy with the distance. "You promise? For real?"
"I do," he said confidently, for he meant it with all his heart.
Adrienne comically narrowed her eyes at him in speculation. "Always?"
A soft laugh escaped his lips, much to his surprise. It's been a while since he's laughed so easily, especially following Mithrandir's demise. This strange mortal only continued to endear him. "Yes, always."
"O-kay," she agreed before raising a finger in warning. "But if you ever do let me fall I'm coming back as a ghost to haunt you for the rest of your freakishly long life."
He laughed lightly again, thoroughly amused. "I would not think of it; you have my word."
Always. Although it had been said in jest, even then in the early stages of their friendship he had meant it. She placed her trust in him and he wouldn't let her down.
Only now his words hold no weight because she's quite literally falling to her death and he can do nothing but watch.
He wonders what's going through her mind, what she chooses to think about in those final moments. Is she terrified? At peace? Does he pass through her mind at all?
He wishes he didn't have to wonder. He wishes she didn't have to die like this, the way she'd feared, the way he'd feared. He wishes she didn't have to die at all.
Not his precious ithildin, strong and beautiful to the end, ever a shining light in darkness despite struggling not to be consumed by the darkness herself.
Somehow amidst his tumultuous thoughts he manages to send up a quick prayer to the Valar wishing her a quick and painless death. He doesn't want her to suffer in death, not any more than she already has in life.
He flinches violently as she hits the ground, his heart in pieces at his feet.
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The elven prince rushes to the crash site with an unnecessary urgency. The rational side of him is aware that the amount of time it takes him to reach her won't change the outcome. He was too late the second her feet first left the ground.
He knows what he'll find, but that doesn't stop his heart from dropping to his stomach when he sees Adrienne's broken body lying on the ground. She's lying in a large puddle of muddy water, now stained red with blood. A short distance away lays the fellbeast, also motionless.
Legolas slows into an apprehensive walk as he approaches her, not wishing to believe the sight before him. Kneeling down in the water, he gently pulls her into his arms. Tears cloud his vision as he looks down at the once vibrant and full-of-life girl now stone still, eyes forever closed.
"Oh, my Adrienne," he breathes, his heart breaking at saying her name only for it to fall on deaf ears. "Meleth nin. Díhen- nin. " My love. Forgive me.
He's sorry she died in the way she'd always feared she would and he's sorry he couldn't protect her. But most of all, he's sorry he never got to tell her those three words he's been dying to tell her for weeks now.
As he holds her in his lap, he desperately tries to sense for any trace of her fëa in the hopes that her spirit may still linger. He hates the idea that she would have to depart from this world all alone and without comfort. But he already knows she's gone.
Too late, too late. You're far too late.
And it physically hurts; it hurts so much he thinks he could die from it himself, and he suddenly understands what it means for an elf to fade. Yes, as he cradles the broken body of the woman he loves close to his own, knowing he shall never see her smile or hear her voice again, he understands.
A movement in his peripheral vision forces him to lift his gaze away from his dead best friend. Looking up, he sees a shaken Nazgul emerge from behind the fallen fellbeast.
Seeing red, his eyes never leave the dark figure as he gently places Adrienne back down (with a mental apology for having to do so) and stands up, glowering.
He takes out one of his blades, opting for physical combat over the use of his bows. This is far too personal, and the ringwraith is about to find out just how much.
The Nazgul sees him approaching and straightens up, wielding his own sword.
With a flaming rage burning in his chest, Legolas quickly closes the distance between them and leaps through the air with a battle cry. He brings his blade down and it meets the metal of the ringwraith's sword as it blocks his attack.
As he holds the blade lock, Legolas puts all his strength into it. His eyes burn with rage and his lip curls in a hateful snarl.
The ringwraith observes his composure through the dark void of its hood. "Did I take something precious from you, Elf?" it asks, its unearthly voice scraping through the air like nails on a chalkboard.
"Silence, servant of evil!" he cries, pushing harder against his blade.
And though it has no visible face, Legolas can hear the leering grin with the deliverance of its next words. "You need not grieve; you will soon join her."
With inhuman strength, it pushes back on its hold, causing Legolas to stumble backward. Then it swiftly swings its arm out, its massive, metal hand colliding with Legolas' side and tossing him several feet away.
Legolas lands in a heap, shaken from the blow; it's not often he finds himself losing a battle. He pulls himself to his hands and knees, still facing away from the ringwraith as he tries to collect himself.
But it's hard; it's so hard when all he can think about is Adrienne's body lying a short distance away, knowing she won't come back even if he wins this fight. Is it even worth it anymore? His eyes squeeze shut in despair.
The Nazgul takes a couple of steps forward, wishing to relish this victorious moment. An elf brought to his knees before it, now this is a prize. "I'll enjoy watching you die, just as I enjoyed watching her."
Legolas' eyes snap open, his gaze fixed but unseeing on the ground before him as he seethes. His jaw clenches and his chest constricts with each breath he takes as memories of Adrienne flash through his mind.
Her teasing smile that was impossible not to return.
Still in a crouch, he conspicuously fingers the knife sheathed at his hip.
Her affectionate touch that he'd grown so dependent on.
His digits curl around the blade's hilt.
Her musical laugh that always caused his own to follow.
His grasp tightens, causing his hand to whiten.
All gone.
In a single fluid movement, he spins around and allows the hilt to slip from his grasp at precisely the right moment of the ringwraith's approach. The blade glides through the air before hitting its mark, landing directly in the void of the Nazgul's hood, where–once when it had been a living man–a face of flesh would be.
With a scream, the ringwraith convulses grotesquely, shrinking up into itself as it loses its power and all but turns to dust. The blade used to bring about its fate disintegrates until it is no more.
Legolas watches the sight with disinterest. He should feel satisfied. He should feel pleased. But he feels nothing. He's not certain he'll ever truly feel whole again.
After watching the Nazul implode, Legolas turns back to where he left Adrienne lying. He does so just in time to see her body sinking into the puddle, slipping just beneath the surface of the water.
Rushing over, he drops to his knees and immediately thrusts his hands into the puddle.
Nothing.
He frantically feels around, his hand splashing the water in haste, but all he grasps at is the mud at the bottom of the shallow puddle.
"What?" he wonders aloud, his pulse quickening. "No, no, no, no."
She was just there. And now she's not. He feels like he's…like he's…going crazy. Again. Once again, Adrienne–and water –is causing him to feel like he's losing his mind. The strangest sense of deja vu prickles at the back of his mind. Except this is worse than anything before.
He needs to see her body again, to hold it once more, to whisper all the things he never got to say when she was alive, including I forgive you. He needs to give her the proper burial she deserves.
Are the Valar so cruel as to take her from him like this? With nothing to remember her by, just as he has nothing to remember his mother?
The cold, muddy water soaks through his clothes as he continues to kneel there in defeat, but he couldn't care less.
She's gone forever.
With clenched fists, he tosses his head towards the blackened sky as an anguished cry tears from his throat.
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The first sensation Adrienne feels is wet. And not the good kind, either, much to her dismay. She's lying in a shallow pool of water, she realizes.
Opening her eyes, she sits up and takes in her surroundings. She seems to be in a cave of some sort, though noticeably different from that of Helm's Deep.
As her eyes adjust to the darkness, she notices tapestries along the walls. What they're supposed to be depicting, she can't be sure of, but they're telling a story. Clearly an important one, if someone went through the effort of making them and placing them here.
She stands up and cranes her neck in search of, well, she's not exactly sure what she's looking for. Eru himself? She wishes she'd been properly educated on the Middle Earth afterlife. Or maybe she had been but she just hadn't paid attention.
"Hello?" she calls out, testing her voice (she still has a voice? That's a relief). "Is there anyone here?"
She's met with no response other than her own words echoing back from against the cavernous walls.
"Isn't there supposed to be a light that leads me to heaven?" she mutters to herself before her eyes go wide in alarm. "Unless I'm in…hell. Oh, shit."
I knew I should've said yes to all those 'would you like to round up your total to help children in need?' questions during transactions.
"Do you really believe that is your fate?" a melodic voice says behind her.
She spins around to see the figure who just appeared out of thin air. An insanely tall man stands before her–using the term 'man' loosely, as he is clearly an ethereal being above even that of an elf, the likes of which she assumes aren't limited by gender. Her eyes travel up his long robes and past his long silky hair until they reach his face. It's soft and graceful, but the sheer angelicness is overwhelming. In comparison, she feels...small. In more ways than one.
Daunted, she steps back and turns around only to sense another presence. There's another unearthly being standing there suddenly, this one feminine. She has hair dark as night with some hues of blue shining visible at certain angles, and all throughout are twinkling, glittering lights. It's a gorgeous sea of stars, a sight she would appreciate if she currently didn't feel quite so intimidated.
Adrienne turns from her as well just in time to see someone else appear out of thin air. More masculine than the first, this one has a full beard, as well as a rippling chest on display. His expression is pensive, which only adds to her apprehension.
Breath quickening, Adrienne heads toward the only direction that isn't blocked but doesn't get far when another figure fills in the empty space. This one is another female, with sad but comforting eyes and platinum blonde hair.
Adrienne yelps in surprise and backs up. Looking around, she realizes she's surrounded.
So this is how my eternity begins. Wonderful.
"What do you want with me?" she asks, forcing herself to speak. She tries to sound brave, but her voice comes out shaky. "I'm already dead so, what? Are you gonna torture my spirit until the end of time?"
Then a low, smooth voice speaks up. "We merely wish to converse with you, child."
All the other beings turn in the direction of the voice, and Adrienne watches as the final person reveals themself. Stepping out of the shadows stands another one of these ethereal beings; this one has prominent cheekbones and long dark hair. Large, loose sleeves hang around his hands, his robe swallowing his thin frame.
His face is not an unkind face, though it is intimidating. His dark eyes carry a sense of judgment with them that makes Adrienne feel like he can see into the very depths of her soul.
Swallowing hard, her eyes are glued to him as he continues to slowly walk closer. He stops in front of her and peers down from his tall stature. "Welcome to my realm, Adrienne Woods."
The sound of her name being spoken on this being's tongue raises goosebumps along her arms and sends a chill down her spine, not out of fear necessarily but more so awe and grandeur. She trails her eyes around the room, moving from each being to the next, carefully observing. They all have an edge glow to them and their eyes are lit up as if from an internal light source. All at once it hits her: she's in the presence of gods.
"You're the Valar, aren't you?" she asks once she's managed to find her voice. They don't answer, but she takes their silence as confirmation. She turns her attention back to the one directly in front of her, the one who'd welcomed her to his realm. "And you must be the god of death, then, I'm guessing?"
"Of sorts. I am Námo."
She casts another quick glance around. "And the others?"
He gestures to the first one she'd met and continues in the order they'd appeared in. "Irmo, Master of Visions and Dreams; Varda, Queen of the Stars; Ulmo, Lord of Waters; and Nienna, the Lady of Tears."
It's a wholeass welcoming party.
"It's an honor to meet you all but um, why are you here?" she cringes inwardly at her less-than-eloquent phrasing, but the question remains. She's fairly certain most people don't have to face more than one judger when they die, not to mention the fact that she knows for sure there are more Valar than just these. That means these five in particular specifically chose to be present. For her.
Seeming to read her thoughts, Námo answers. "Present are those of us that took a special interest in your life, as well as played some sort of particular role in it."
Dreams. The stars. Water. Grief.
They've all been a running theme.
"Ah," she says, lowering her eyes. "I see."
"We have been carefully watching your progress during your time in Middle Earth," Námo goes on to say. "It has been difficult and flawed."
At that, Adrienne gets over her demureness and raises her eyes again. "Can you blame me for stumbling a bit? I've faced things I didn't even know existed–monsters and magic just to name a few."
He raises his forehead at her affronted attitude. "With my words, I meant no offense to your character. I was merely making an observation. We are aware of the great challenges you've undergone, as well as the fact that mortals are prone to mistakes due to their very nature."
Ha, yeah. About that…
"I may have…made some not-great choices," she admits, swallowing thickly. Most of said choices followed her discovery of her Music, which she's still plagued by the knowledge of. She needs to know the truth, needs to have it spoken aloud. Though admittedly, she fears it.
Varda tilts her head, wisely reading Adrienne's expression. "You have questions?"
Turning her attention to the beautiful goddess, she nods. "Yes, there's something I need to know. My music…does it really contain some of the Music of the Ainur?"
There's a long silence. Too long.
She looks from one Valar to the next as the silence drags on, each of them staring at her carefully.
In the end, Ulmo is the one to answer. "Yes."
Adrienne nods and looks down, her eyes squeezing shut. She already knew the answer in her heart, but it still hurts to hear the confirmation. It hurts more than it should, really.
"It is but a single note," Nienna starts, attempting to offer some sort of comfort, "indecipherable to the human ear–"
"But it's enough," Adrienne says because that's all that matters-the fact that it was able to do some damage.
The goddess nods sadly. "It's enough," she confirms.
A soft, bitter laugh escapes her lips. "That's cool. That's great. That's–" she falters, all sarcasm leaving as she blinks rapidly and her voice cracks, "that's not fair."
"Your inheriting the Music and enchanted singing that way and that strong was unexpected," Ulmo informs, his voice deep. "That along with your traveling to Middle Earth may have resulted in some…unfortunate circumstances, as you discovered."
She purses her lips. "Yeah. Yeah, it's unfortunate alright."
"Nevertheless," Námo says, "as a whole your coming to Middle Earth seemed to yield positive results. Your character has healed and expanded for the better, just as we'd hoped."
Her brows furrow. "What do you mean?"
"You've been transformed, my dear," Varda states. "Whether you realize it or not."
Adrienne stills. Has she really? She doesn't feel much different-and yet, when she thinks back to the Before she knows she's not the same person she was then and she never will be again. The things she's seen, the trials she's endured, and the people she's met have undoubtedly impacted her exponentially.
Námo sets her with a stare as he studies her. "You fell in love with the world of Middle Earth, with the people you met there, and with your role there. You loved it all to the point that your heart never wished to leave it."
"Yes."
"And yet you did. You willingly ended your life there."
Her jaw drops in disbelief at the audacity of such a statement. "To save it!" she cries in indignation. "I did it to save Middle Earth!"
"We know."
She blinks. "Oh. Then…then what's the issue?"
"There is none."
"Well...that's a relief."
"The Maiar were sent to protect Middle Earth, which is precisely what you did. You have the heart of a true, full-blooded Maia, and now we shall grant you the lifespan of one too."
She stills. "What? You're–you're sending me back?"
They nod. "In light of your sacrifice, Manwë has given permission to allow it."
With her voice not unlike the sound of summer rain, Nienna speaks up, smiling softly. "Sacrificial love is the greatest of all loves."
Agape. Yet another belief she's found here rooted in Catholicism.
"But why? I-I didn't even have a purpose there."
"You gave yourself one."
She blinks. "Huh?"
"You chose to make use of your presence in Middle Earth, striving to better the lives of its inhabitants. You offered the Fellowship loyalty and companionship, the Rohan children comfort, and the Gondor lovers hope. Do you not consider such things significant?"
"I guess I just didn't put much thought into it. I was just trying to help out where I could, in even the slightest way."
"Which is precisely why we deem you worthy of returning."
Returning. She'll get to go back! But something very important comes to mind, something that simply must be addressed first.
"There's just one thing I have to ask of you." She looks at them somberly. "Could you–would you please take my Music from me?"
The five Valar look surprised-and emotion she didn't expect to see on their faces.
"You would dare return such a gift from the One?" Ulmo asks. "You do realize that you would lose your entire musical ability. Despite the Song only being present in a note, it is on that note that your ability is encompassed and dependent on."
Nienna's eyes shine with sadness. "You would give up the special ability you shared with your mother?"
It would be painful to part with her music, she is fully aware. It grounds her, in more ways than one. For as long as she can remember, it's been a constant in her life, an outlet, a comfort. And yes, with it countless fond memories of her mother are entwined.
But there are some things–some people–worth giving everything for.
She looks at each of them and takes a deep breath. "I understand, and I mean no offense, but to me it's a kind of curse. I don't want to 'influence' anybody with magic...especially Legolas."
"The elf who you love."
"Yes. It's cruel and unfair to him. So…I'm asking you to remove the Song from me, along with the effects it's had on him, and anyone else." She lifts her chin in resolve. "I won't go back until you do."
There's a raise of a perfectly crafted brow. "You do not have the authority to control under which conditions you are sent back to Middle Earth," Námo informs her.
Adrienne swallows hard but doesn't back down.
Their demeanor softens then, and they exchange looks with one another as if having communicated telepathically.
"But nevertheless," Námo continues, "we shall grant you your request, as your selfless and noble intentions impress us."
She releases a breath of surprise. "Really?"
They nod. Nienna in particular appears to be rather touched.
"Thank you." She grins fully. I'm going home. And on my own terms. "Thank you so much!"
Varda raises a hand, signaling for Adrienne to compose herself. "But know that in doing so, we cannot guarantee that your elven prince will ever come to love you in the way that you wish."
I would be given up that as well.
Adrienne's gaze falters, but only for a moment. "I know. And…and I'm okay with that. I want to go back anyway, because even if he doesn't love me," she swallows thickly, "like that, he does care for me. They all do. And that's all I've ever really wanted. It's enough."
True friends. Family. Belonging.
Yes, it's enough for her.
"You continue to amaze us, Adrienne Woods," Námo says. "The same cannot be said for many humans."
Ulmo then steps forward and places his hands on her upper chest, near her collarbones. A blue glow encompasses his large hands, and he closes his eyes.
A strange feeling settles over Adrienne, as if there's something being physically pulled from her. Taken from her.
It's overwhelming to the point that in those moments, all she knows is that feeling.
After a moment, the blue light fades from Ulmo's hands and he opens his eyes, stepping away.
He gives Adrienne a nod, letting her know it's done.
A single tear escapes her eye.
Námo addresses her, a strange expression crossing his features-perhaps one of pride. "I shall look forward to seeing you again in Valinor."
She looks around, setting each of them with a meaningful look. "Thank you. For, you know, watching over me."
"Are you ready?" Irmo asks softly. "To go home?"
Home.
"Yes." She smiles softly at them. "Yes, I'm ready."
Námo gives a slight bow of his head in farewell, and then, with a flick of his wrist and a gentle motion of his hand, he sends out an invisible force wave that sends Adrienne reeling.
Almost as if she'd been punched in the gut by the Hulk, she flies backward through the air in slow motion. Her eyes close shut in the force of the shock wave, and her limbs sprawl out in front of her.
And then, before she can even register what's happening, she splashes into deep waters. Instinctively, she immediately starts swimming toward the surface.
She's been here before, she realizes, in this same situation. But this time she's not panicked or uncertain; no, this time there's an eager, building pressure in her chest ready to burst. She's been given yet another chance at a new life, and she can't wait for this one to start.
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Legolas now stands, watching the final moments of the war. Sauron's reign of terror is over–for good. It's a notion that has yet to fully set in. They've fought this thing for so long and so hard, and now it's done. The Fellowship has fulfilled its purpose.
It all leaves a feeling in his chest that he could not find the words for even if he tried. So he won't. He'll leave it to simmer there until he can later contemplate it.
A sound nearby catches the attention of his sensitive ears and he turns back to the puddle Adrienne's body disappeared into, an inquisitive frown pulling at his lips.
His eyes widen as he sees two hands shoot up from the water, giving him the strangest case of deja vu once more. Without a second thought, he hurries over and pulls, revealing none other than the very woman he saw dead just a short while ago.
Somehow amidst his shock, he manages to help her to sit up.
He can't believe his eyes as the woman before him gasps in gulps of fresh air. She's breathing. She's alive.
He squeezes her shoulder as if to convince himself she's here in the flesh.
"Adrienne?" he asks in disbelief, desperate for her eyes to meet his own. He's never wanted anything more than he does at that moment.
With droplets of water dripping down her face, she turns to face him like he longs for.
"We have got to stop meeting like this," she jokes, giving a weak smile.
He lets out a watery laugh and pulls her into a tight embrace, burying his face into her shoulder.
"I thought I lost you," he says against her skin. "I did lose you."
She swallows hard at the raw tone of his voice. "I'm sorry for scaring you. But I'm here now. I'm back where I belong."
With you. In whatever form that is.
They pull back to look one another in the eye for a long moment, and Adrienne is startled at what she sees.
"You're crying," she observes, her gaze fixed on the tears trailing down his cheeks.
"Only because I'm so filled with joy you've been returned to me. I thought…" he shakes his head and sets her with an imploring look. "I am so sorry I couldn't–"
"Shh, don't," she interrupts his apology, placing a finger on his lips. "It's not your fault. No way is it your fault."
"I feel guilty nonetheless."
She smiles sadly and brings her hands up to wipe his tears with her thumbs. "Well then, if it helps, I forgive you."
His eyes stare deep into hers. "I forgive you too," he says, and they both know what for.
A huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. "Thank you," she whispers, feeling whole again. Suddenly, she seems to remember they're on a battlefield and she frantically looks around. "Wait, what–"
He laughs. "It's over. The war is won."
"What? Are you serious? We won?"
He nods, turning his head and she follows his gaze to see Sauron's tower no longer standing and Mount Doom exploding. Around them, the enemy's army is no more, and there is a large chasm in its place.
She lets out a relieved breath and slumps against Legolas. "I knew Frodo and Sam could do it," she says, pride for her two Hobbit friends swelling in her chest.
Aragorn was right to never doubt them; they're small but mighty. Two little guys had the fate of the world placed on their shoulders and they faced horrors in order to save it. She only continues to be inspired by all her friends.
She's beyond relieved to know that Middle Earth is now safe and has a bright future ahead of it. A future she can't wait to witness herself and take part in. My home.
She doesn't think she'll ever tire of calling it that.
Adrienne slowly turns her head to face Legolas again and finds him staring at her with an indecipherable look in his eyes. "What?" she asks, tilting her head at him.
He shakes himself out of his daze. "Nothing. It's just that," he shrugs, "something…feels different. Changed, somehow."
Swallowing thickly, she averts her gaze. Of course he feels differently towards her now, he's not magically inclined to be in love with her. His endearment for her remains, but is surely entirely changed. The sensation must be confusing, and she resolves to explain it to him–to explain it all. Once they're not standing in the physical aftermath of a war.
"But that sounds rather silly, doesn't it?" Legolas answers for her. "Everything is changed now, and so is everyone."
"Ha, yeah."
He eyes her, emanating warmth. "I think you've had enough excitement for one day." He gestures to where the others are gathered. "Shall we?"
She smiles. "Let's."
And as she allows him to help her stand, supporting her weight on him as they start to walk toward the others, her heart aches slightly at the thought that he doesn't love her the way she longs for him to. But the warmth and joy of being reunited with him, as well as the reassurance that he still has some fondness for her, outweighs all negativity.
With his arm around her, her heart is still full, and she knows it's enough.