22.
~ "Not used to being roused from my bed so early in the morning, Mrs." Eames said as the horse trotted through the early morning traffic.
Ariadne was a little amazed at seeing how busy the city was at this time of day. Milk men delivering their bottles of milk in wire baskets. Delivery men and farmers stocking up the shelves. Women in line to buy fresh baked goods.
As soon as they passed the bread baking, Ariadne tried to not breath in. The smell of overly sweetened bread and meats cooking in some of the shops would make her sick again.
"The child, Frankie, was happy to get a little cash I think." Eames laughed as he drove them quickly past the morning flower shops and the rainbow of plants on display. "His family needs every penny. His mother has the TB from what I hear. You could have just had him bring any cabbie, by the way."
"You said to call." she reminded him.
"I'm not complaining." Eames said happily. "Just a little too early."
"I was awake, and decided to see my mother." she said confidently.
"Ah. Tell her she'll be a grandmother?" Eames asked.
"Well, she's already a grandmother. My brother is married and has a son already. I just wanted to see her." Ariadne admitted.
"Now is the time for family." Eames said happily. "How did your husband take the news?"
Ariadne wasn't sure what to say.
"Better than I did." she admitted sadly.
~ Eames dropped her off at her mother's home. Ariadne paid him and gave him instructions to come back for her in four hours.
With her pregnancy and her marriage in such a state, she wanted to see her mother again. Wanted to be reassured by another woman who had been through all this before.
She always thought she was nothing like her mother, who had been quite to the point of being a ghost in her own home. She never spoke a word when their father was in the room, and rarely made any decisions in matters of how the children were raised.
She was exactly the kind of woman Ariadne strived not to be like.
~ "Ariadne." Patricia Rawlings said in quite, demure voice that was almost like a whisper. "How are you, dear?"
The maid had let the younger woman in as a guest only. Now that Ariadne was married and out of the house, she could no longer call this place home.
"I'm well." she said as her mother bid her to sit down on one of the sofas used only for company.
"How is Arthur?" her mother asked as the maid went to get them refreshments.
"He's very well." Ariadne said awkwardly. She wasn't sure how to tell her mother the news. It seemed something to be ashamed of. Even though she was married and others felt a baby was normal and expected, Ariadne felt it was shameful and weak.
"His work is going well?" her mother asked.
Ariadne looked at the woman who gave birth to her. All her life, this woman had been afraid of her own husband. Afraid of his wrath and mood swings. When their father was at home, or was in the room, the mood changed. It was as if he sucked all the happiness out. But when there mother was there alone with them, things were calm and her and her brother were happier.
"Mother, the doctor says I'm going to have a baby." Ariadne said with a quick rush of words.
Her mother looked a little shocked.
"Already?" she asked. Her eyes growing wide. "It was two years before I was expecting your brother.
Ariadne looked hopefully at her mother. The kind face, so afraid to say a word.
"Is Arthur pleased?" the older woman asked worriedly.
"Very pleased." Ariadne told her.
"Good." Patricia said and relaxed a little.
"Mother, how did you know you were ready to have children?" Ariadne asked.
"No one is ever ready, dear." her mother said with a little smile. "I was nineteen when your brother came along and scared out of my wits. I didn't know what to do with him. But I had nannies to come and help. You'll do fine."
"Were you... were you happy to have Bill?" Ariadne asked and shifted in her seat.
Her mother looked uncomfortable.
"I worried a lot about him." she said. "Until the day he went off to school. Your father was always so hard on him."
"So hard on Bill?" Ariadne said with repulsion. "Papa loved him."
"No, dear." Patricia sighed. "Your father was not a patient man when it came to children. He expected your brother to act like a man from day one. He had such expectations for the child that no one could live up to."
"He pushed Bill to better himself. He never even cared about my accomplishments." Ariadne argued.
"That was because you're a girl, dear." Patricia said with a smile. "What can a man expect from a girl?"
Ariadne felt offended, but kept quite.
"Now your brother, he could never do anything right by your father's standers. I was too young when I married him. I didn't know how to protect Bill from his father." her mother went on. "I thought it was for the best to stay out of it when your brother was punished."
"Punished?" Ariadne asked.
"When your brother would get bad marks in school, your father would punish him. Not with a strap or anything. He would make me draw a bath of cold water and hold him under." her mother explained.
Ariadne leaned back. Her face horrified.
"He never hurt him badly. Never came close to drowning. But he would hold him under the water for a little while. I thought it was better than to have him hurt the boy." Patricia said.
"Mother." Ariadne gasped.
"That evening when your father slapped you for talking about voting, I knew I had to get you away from this house." Patricia whispered and took her daughter's hand. "When Arthur came to dinner and your father told me he wanted you to marry him, I agreed. Arthur was such a nice young man and didn't have temper."
Ariadne felt the tears brim her eyes. She remembered Bill coming out of the bathroom, soaking wet with his clothes still on, many times when they were little. Their father telling him the child was a disappointment and a mistake. Bill trying hard not to cry.
It was normal. Wasn't it? She had never thought about it much except to think Bill must have deserved it, or else he wouldn't have been punished. Just like she thought she deserved to be ignored by her father and even slapped by him. Better to be ignored than to have him angry you all the time.
"Does Arthur treat you well, dear?" Patricia asked nervously. "He never hurts you, does he?"
"He never hurts me." Ariadne said numbly. She didn't ask why her mother allowed a man to brutalized her children like she did. Why her home was allowed to fester with unpleasant fear. Wouldn't it have been easier to just take the two young ones and leave?
But her mother came from a different generation. She had married far too young to a man with money and a temper. She didn't have to ask why the woman, so afraid of her husband already, would allow her children to be abused.
"Mother, what if you had a choice not to have married Papa? What if you could decide not to have children with him, and just left him?" Ariadne asked as she wiped away a stray tear.
"Oh, dear. That's not a choice. Women get married and have babies. That won't change." Patricia said soothingly. "I'm just glad you have a nice husband who treats you with kindness. That's all I've ever wanted for you. That's the best I can expect from you."
~ Ariadne was watching the people as Eames drove her back home. She hadn't said much as the horse trotted down the crowded streets. Immigrants teaming all around them in their strange accents and languages.
"Did you have a nice visit? You're awfully quite." Eames noticed.
"Just thinking." she told him as she looked out at children in the street. A girl was dressed in a thin sweater was standing by the street corner. Her face too pale with some kind of illness that was always breeding in these slums.
"Was your mother happy at the news?" Eames asked delicately.
"I don't know what she is, Mr. Eames." Ariadne sighed. "I know that I've never wanted to be like her. I've known my whole life I didn't want to be the kind of woman she was. I don't understand her."
She felt ready to cry again.
"And no one understands me." she sighed.
"It's going to be alright." Eames said.
"No it won't." Ariadne sait pitifully. "What if I become like her? What if, becasue I'm too scared to say anything, I'll allow my own children to be hurt? What if I keep my mouth shut and act like a good girl and raise another generation of girls who never accomplish anything but get married and raise another generation to do the same? Alwasy victims with no right to speak up."
"I think you're being a little over dramatic." Eames said after a while. "Does your mister hit you?"
She thought about the spanking Arthur had given her just last night. Her face going red.
"No, he's never hurt me." she said as her bottom tingled with the memory.
"Then why would you think he would hurt your children?" Eames asked.
Ariadne shook her head. Deep down, she didn't think Arthur would hurt any child. Let alone his own. He was a man of calm, cold words when he was upset. Her spankings, were always the exception.
She didn't want to talk about it anymore to Eames. He was too logical, too reasonable. He would listen to every word and try to make her feel better. She didn't want to feel better. She wanted to be free.
"I don't want this baby." she said outloud before she could stop herself. The instant the words left her lips, she knew she couldn't have this child. She wanted it out. She wanted to forget about it and go back to being herself. Not feel this burden weighing her down as if her whole was over before it had begun.
"Is that what you really want?" Eames asked calmly.
"Yes." she sniffed. "I just want to... I don't know, go back to being me."
"You need to be sure." Eames said.
"I am sure. I don't want a baby and I don't think I would make a good mother." she said soberly. A cool rush of power tickling her skin as she made her choice.
"I know a gentleman." Eames sighed. "He takes care of the some of the women around here. Too many mouths to feed, and they can't afford another one. So, they go to him. He takes care of it."
"What are you talking about?" Ariadne whispered. She didn't understand 'take care of it'.
"He's a doctor. When a lady doesn't want to have a baby, but is already in a family way, they go to him." Eames explained.
"What does he do?" Ariadne asked.
"I can't say, I only know about him. It's a woman's place. Men don't understand these things." Eames said uncomfortably.
"Take me there." Ariadne demanded.