A/N- this is kinda based off of the Pennington Players version too. :)

Chapter 2- The Lamest Place in The World

"Appleton, Indiana," Ross said, rolling his eyes. "No, really. My parents split up, my life falls apart, and I'm forced to move from the greatest city on earth to the place UFO's go to refuel." Just then, Laura walked up to him.

"So let me get this straight. You're mom moved to Appleton because her cousin Pam lives here?" she asked.

"At least there's SOMEONE around here I can talk to. My next door neighbour, Laura." Ross said, walking over to Laura.

"Sounds like the divorce got ugly," she said.

"Ugly?" Ross asked. "My dad totally ruined our lives, and my mom's a mess. She went around our apartment tearing his head out of all the photos."

"No!" Laura said, surprised. Ross nodded.

"With her teeth!"

"No!" Ross nodded again.

"She tells me we're leaving New York, but then she says, 'It's you're decision!' which we all know is Jewish for 'You're coming with me!' And now I have to have my bar mitzvah in... In Appleton, Indiana." Laura walked over to the swingset and sat down.

"Then just don't have it," she said. Ross went and sat down on the swing next to Laura's.

"Try telling that to my mom," he said. "For Jews, your bar mitzvah is the one day of your life where everything's supposed to be happy and perfect."

"See, Catholics don't have that day. It'd go against everything we believe in," Laura explained. She kicked her legs a little to get herself started on the swing.

"Besides, how hot your party is totally sets up how popular you're gonna be. So I need this one to be the best. The best DJ, and the best ballroom at the best hotel," Ross told her.

"Which is the Best Western," Laura said.

"Come on, there's got to be SOME place in this town," Ross sighed.

"Sorry, but your choices are like my life here: limited," Laura said.

"Limited to what?" Ross asked.

"Well, um, okay," Laura started.

Laura:

"Down the road, there's a Dairy Queen,

Up the block, there's a Walmart,

There's a place you can accessorize your pets,

A school, a tree, a couple of churches, and no matter how hard anybody searches,

That's about as thrilling as this dumbass village gets,

It's the lamest place in the world,

But it just got a little bit better

So don't disappear

It's the lamest place in the world,

But I'm pretty sure it's not as lame as it was before

Now that you're here..."

"Laura, that can't be everything. There's gotta be more to do around here," Ross complained.

"The inbreeding takes up most of our time," she explained.

"And when that's done?"

Laura:

Forty miles to the nearest river,

Sixty miles to the airport,"

Laura stood up with Ross and pointed into the distance, in the direction of where she said the airport was located.

Laura:

"When we plan our escape, that's where we're gonna have to be,

It's a shame, it's a sham, it's a terrible pity

You got dragged away from New York City,

It's a major suck for you,

But it's amazing luck for me,"

Laura smiled at Ross, and he smiled back. He knows it sucks, but he's happy he found a friend like Laura.

Laura:

"It's the lamest place in the world,

But it just got a little bit better,

I'm happy to say:

It's the lamest place in the world,

And you're completely exotic,

Intellectual, neurotic,

You would never have a shot,

Except you've found the perfect guide!

And though I don't really know you,

I can hardly wait to show you

Every fake and freak,

Every fool and clown,

Since the Chippewa settled this stupid town

Let 'em laugh, they won't keep me down

With you by my side!

It just got a little bit better!

Amazing, but true,

Yes, the lamest place in the world

Has lots of flaws,

But maybe it'll be fine, because

It brought me to you!"

"Wow, Laura," Ross said, smiling like crazy.

"Come on, I'll show you the hillside where everyone waits for the Resurrection," Laura said, smiling. Ross smiled back and sat back down on the swing.

A/N- Hope you liked it! Please review!