...
"Now then, I believe we have an important decision to make." Kurotsuchi Mayuri started up, an indifferent look on his face.
Oi, what'd you mean you're sending me off by myself?
Considering the fact we know so little of hell, it'd be foolhardy to simply venture into it.
...So, why'd we agree to this?
I didn't. You did. Or have you forgotten-
I blinked when I heard the sound of a cough come from the clown-ish shinigami. Turning towards Mayuri, I found an amused look on his face for some reason. "Is something funny?" I questioned, tilting my head at him.
He waved off my question, a slight smile growing on his face. "Oh, don't mind me, feel free to weigh the situation as you see fit, though I do believe we shouldn't waste too much time."
I blinked at the words, my brow furrowing as I stared at him. I knew I wasn't dealing with the actual clown scientist from the story but even then... I felt something completely off about him. As if he wasn't... I put a finger to my chin as I frowned. I wasn't sure what it was but...
Why did it feel like I was talking to a ghost? A specter? Like I was talking to a screen.
A pre-recorded screen.
"I can only keep the connection between realms stable for so long." I watched the man feign a look of exertion. "It's only so often someone decides to open a gate to hell, especially one from the very nexus of the Balance." Something flashed across the shinigami's face. "Who knows what kind of ideas it may give the denizens living there..."
"Oh." I clapped my hands together. "I get it." I nodded. "So it's a good thing then, right? The longer we take the better, right?"
"...Aizen, he's suggesting the spirits in hell might decide to attack us." Urahara deadpanned.
"...I completely forgot you were here." I deadpanned to the man, earning a twitch. "And yeah, that's what I got out of him." A beat passed. "If they attack us that means we get a live specimen right?"
I watched idly as Yamamoto hummed in thought at that. "A live specimen would certainly be invaluable for research... To know what kind of enemies we may need to prepare for would be a boon..."
I nodded, raptly at that. "See, even the old man gets it!" Which promptly earned a twitch out of said old man.
"A body from hell..." Kisuke muttered, a thoughtful look growing on his face. "...Depending on which one it is... Depending on whether the soul King's pieces had been..." The man quickly lost himself in thought for some reason. "The fact the Hogyoku still does exist suggests we may have jumped the shark in assuming-"
"I don't believe any spirit capable of breaking through my barrier would be inclined to leave a specimen behind." Mayuri quickly cut in, though the smile on his face hadn't wavered at all. "I am not sure if you realize this, or perhaps you've merely forgotten given the length of your exile, but the souls in hell aren't your-"
"If you finish that sentence with an abridged reference, I am taking you down there with me." I cut in with a twitch.
...I would've thought that to be something you'd enjoy.
Not now, playing games with the enemy!
Mayuri gave me a quizzical look at my interruptions- Which pretty much felt the exact same way Aizen seemed to be taking my response.
Enemy? A hint of wariness filled me at the word, one that had me holding in the urge to sigh at my lapse.
I don't think revealing Mayuri's current occupant was going to help me with what was coming...
You're hiding something from me. Aizen's wariness was suddenly replaced by irritation.
Let's just say it's for your own good and leave it at that.
No.
Are you saying you don't trust me?
Absolutely.
You know, I'd feel hurt by that, but honestly, if he agreed I would've taken it worse.
I don't think Aizen is capable of trusting anything right now- Hell, I doubt he trusted himself at this point!
Turning my attention back to Mayrui I found the man staring pointedly at me for some reason- "You make that sound like a threat," Mayuri remarked after a moment. "Honestly, the fact you think I'd be in any danger when I created this," He pointed a thumb towards the gateway towards literal Hell.
Frankly, I wasn't sure if he was referring to the gate or the actual Hellscape itself.
"Speaks more about your intelligence than anything else." The shinigami crossed his arms. "It is a wonder that the Captain Commander trusts you so much."
"And who are you to question my judgment?" Yamamoto remarked thinly. "Need I remind you of your previous-"
I waved a hand at the old man. "Ah, it's fine old man," I shook my head. "Honestly, he's probably right."
"...I am?" Mayuri questioned, quizzically.
"He is?" Kisuke elected to join in.
"Probably, I wasn't actually paying attention to what he was saying, his opinions are biased as hell." I shrugged, "Pun intended." Kisuke facepalmed at that, but Yamamoto found it amusing for some reason. "Anywho, I don't really want you coming with me anyway."
"..." Mayuri looked annoyed at that one for some reason. I idly wondered if it was because I wasn't taking him seriously..? I quickly shook the thought away. Nah, he's the freakin' Soul King.
He would have seen that one coming right?
And besides, even if it wasn't the soul King in disguise, taking Mayuri's opinion was almost as bad as taking Aizens!
Why do I have the distinct feeling you just insulted me?
'Cos you're delusional? Isn't that why you need therapy?
...You've certainly grown a pair since your mishandling of the Royal Guard.
That was entirely your fault!
Oh. Yes. I do recall being the one to bash their heads in, the one to put Ichibe through a death loop-
Okay, I think I am just going to start ignoring Aizen for the moment- I had bigger problems to deal with.
I ignored the shock of reiatsu that swept through me for trying to put the man on mute.
...But I also didn't realize I could do that, to begin with- Hold up, can Aizen do that?
Oi, how many times have you muted me?
I wasn't exactly surprised that he chose not to answer that one.
"Aizen." Urahara broke me out of my musing as I turned an owlish look at him. "...You were saying?" The man questioned, worried.
I opened my mouth to respond to that, only for Mayuri to beat me to it.
"How often does he lose himself in thought?" The shinigami questioned, his gaze now narrowed as he stared at me. "Are we really going to trust the future in the hands of a man who can't seem to hold a conversation, let alone somehow figure out where in the span of three worlds, a being capable of seeing the-"
"The Soul King's not in Hell." I cut him off. "I am not going there to look for him," I snorted. "I am going there to call his bluff."
The silence was the only thing that met those words.
...You can't be serious.
Hm?
Do you mean to challenge Hell?
...Technically you're challenging Hell. I am just the middleman here right now.
A sense of sheer utter irritation filled me at that before- I blinked at the sudden change in emotion that filled me. Very well. Aizen's voice swept through. I'll allow it.
...Huh. Is there a catch or-
Not at all. You are more than welcome to challenge Hell. A beat passed. In fact, I am encouraging you to.
...Alright then, he's on board, now I just needed to convince everyone else this wasn't a suicide plan.
"His bluff?" Urahara calmly remarked. "You're going to Hell, to call the Soul King's bluff." There was a very confused look on his face at that for some reason. "On what? How far he's willing to go to uphold this mockery-" Mayuri's face visibly twitched at that. His anger for a moment almost pouring through. "- of a Balance? Or is it to prove that Hell can be dealt with? That we can survive the Balance?""
"No... Well, yes." A series of groans came out of the captains around me- Which honestly I kind of forgot about them. Like, I knew they were here, but their lack of opinions kinda made me forget they were technically participating in the meeting. " But you got one little part of that wrong..." I smiled at the man, earning a brief 'what' out of him for it.
"We're going to Hell to call his bluff."I watched the bemused look turn into an incredulous one before it settled on dread.
...Cool. He's on board!
I was admittedly hesitant, but if you can actually take him with you, that might make this even more worthwhile...
You're been really supportive right now, it's kinda weird.
Right.
I chose to ignore the sarcasm in that one.
"Now then, I just need to find Gin-"
"Is this a joke to you?" Mayuri questioned, his gaze narrowed and for the first time since he'd shown up the smile had disappeared from his face. The tension in the air had, for a split second, turned uncomfortable. "Do you not even realize the consequences of what we're doing here? What we're about to do?" Mayuri took a few steps closer to me. "The very fate of the Balance is being put at risk here, all in the hopes of finding the Soul King, and yet here you are admitting it to be a fruitless endeavor!" The man's hands had turned into fists as he narrowed his gaze at me, and everyone behind me for that matter. "Yes... this Balance isn't what you all thought it was... What you all thought it represented."
Wariness started filling the air at his words.
"But it is the only one we have..." His eyes narrowed further. "To break it, without so much as a plan in the hopes of finding a solution for it is... Is downright foolish!" He almost yelled the last part out. "This will only lead to a faster end! Only lead to disaster!" He promptly slapped the gateway behind him. "I made this for the explicit purpose of finding the Soul King, if only to perhaps broker a peace... And yet... Yet..." Mayuri's gaze zeroed in on me. "Here you are telling me that all you intend to do is seek out a war instead?"
Given the level of... Well, the clown had at least stopped treating this like the joke it was. Was finally acting somewhat- Oh right, he's offended.
Huh.
Why'd that offend him? Out of everything so far, that was the straw he couldn't ignore.
He had to realize how suspicious that made him look right..?
Thinking it over for a moment, I... Elected to snort at him.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I deadpanned. "The fate of the balance? We're in danger?" I mock-gasped at him. "It's only a danger if Hell is a threat, right?" I shrugged. "My plan is to make Hell a non-threat." I crossed my arms. "You want to negotiate?" I snorted again, earning a twitch. "The Soul King doesn't negotiate." I waved a hand. "I thought you..." I paused for a moment. "You'd have been able to have figured that out on account of his ability to see the literal future."
"...And you think you can overpower it?" He sneered at me. "You think all it takes is someone of a different timeline? Do you think you can solve this simply by beating Hell at its own game? A realm that has governed the likes of beings not seen since-" Mayuri stopped whatever he'd been about to say, his eyes for a moment swiveling around between the rest of the shinigami in the room, before settling back to me. "...Very well." The clown muttered, clearly annoyed at me for some reason. "If you wish to die a needless death, then, by all means, do so." The man sighed. "But I will not be participating in this foolishness."
"Not like you were invited." I chuckled in response.
Mayuri just gave me a pointed stare for that one, before he turned towards Kisuke. "I'd find it rather odd if I was in your position, Inviting you is one thing- Perhaps your expertise would provide some aid, but Gin? You and Ichimaru Gin? Well." Mayuri chuckled. "...As they say, fool me once... I can't help but notice the fact that he's Invited the two shinigami who hold a vendetta against him. On a suicidal trip to hell?" The clown started chuckling at that. "I dare say that's awfully in line with what the Aizen that lives in your head would do"
I held in the urge to straight-up laugh at that one! He had no idea how right he was- Wait no he's technically the Soul King so... I guess he does?
...What?
Oh. Whoops. You weren't supposed to hear that-
What did you just- What do you mean he's the Soul King!?
...You're still okay with the whole going to hell thing right?
Explain yourself! This in-
Dude, he can literally read minds, you need to calm down-
Now you decide to tell me!? Now? Of all the blasted things you've done since I was saddled with you-
Okay, you're going back on mute.
Don't you dare-
Alright, now where was I?
Oh, right, I need to anti-gaslight the gaslighting clown trying to gaslight one of the biggest gaslighters in Bleach.
"I mean, on the one hand, he's probably right." I deadpanned. "On the other, I've had plenty of chances to kill you." I pointed out. "I mean for god's sake I could've just left you in Huaco-"
My eyes widened as a smile rapidly cut across my face.
That time, I couldn't help but start laughing like an idiot, which in hindsight did a much better job of relieving Urahara than my words had.
I just got a really, really good idea.
It might actually be the best idea in the freakin' world!
...Though I am angry at you for withholding such a damning secret, I am far too invested in my survival to hold it against you.
Hm?
What's your plan?
Oh, right, do you remember how we made Josh Groban's victory impossible?
...I do.
Do you remember when I ate Josh Groban's core?
That's not how I would describe it but yes, what about it?
Well... Technically, the Soul King can't see what doesn't exist right?
Hm, what stupid- Oh... Oh.
Oh yeah.
Huh... That's... And you did that out of... Neither of us even knew... Huh. The words quickly disappeared asf as a chuckle started in my head, one that quickly escalated.
I couldn't help but join in Aizen's sudden own laughter.
...
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